Link is standing in Hyrule Field with a tv set next to him. "Ahem. Hello everybody. Now we all know that drugs are very bad, and I have some examples to show you."
Tv turns on and shows Ganondorf on it.
"We all know Ganondorf, main evi villian of the Legend of Zelda series. What you didn't know is that he is hyped on the Triforce of Power, but we were able to convince him to go to rehab," Link explained. "But some weren't so lucky."
Tv shows Zelda.
"Now Zelda says she disguised herself as a man, aka Shiek, to hide from Ganondorf. But we found out it was because she was drinking heavily and continues to dress like a man," Link said grimly.
Tv shows Navi.
"Now we come to Navi, my fairy partner. We finally figured out why she was always yelling at me! She was a drugs, I sadly found out that when she left me after I beat Ganondorf that she went back home to party," Link said.
Tv shows skullkid.
"Now we come to the Skullkid, says he was 'possessed' by a mask that made him evil. But he was really drinking alot," Link said. "It also explains why he attacked me as an adult!!"
Tv shows cuccos.
"Now we come to the cuccos and the pigs of the Zelda games. Whenever I foolishly attacked them they would try and kill me. They did a few times too!" Link exclaimed angrily. "They were being fed a strange type of drug scientists have yet to find out what kind of drug it is."
Tv shows Malon.
"We also found out that Malon is addicted to vodka, is explains why she wouldn't stop humming in OoT!" Link said happily. "She is now in rehab, thank the Goddesses!"
Tv shows Midna in Imp form.
"Midna was on drugs, it really explained her creepy evil smile!" Links said, shivering.
Tv shows Tingle.
"And now we come to the worst of the worst. The so called 'fairy guy'. Everyone is afraid of him, and yes, he is still drinking and on drugs. We try to get him into rehab but we have failed for the fifteenth time. Ever since he started shoving beer down little kdis throats, we had no choice but to put the little man down," Link said gravely.
Tv turns off.
"Please don't drink or do drugs. You really don't wanna end up like Tingle!" Link said.