"Beep beep" said R2D2 as Jon Snow caressed his actuators. "Your metal legs are so firm", said Jon, son of Starks, "let me give you a refreshing oil bath". "Mreeeoop", beeped the droid, his viewport blushing a deep red. He opened his utility flap and out came his dextrous manipulator. Jon moaned as Artoo twiddled his bits. "You've clearly been programmed with many forms of human pleasure", said the strong-chinned, flowing-haired Night's-Watchman. Snow slid his hand over and began rubbing Artoo's holographic projector,
gently at first... but as their passion grew, so grew the roughness of his well-muscled arms. "Bee-doooo", moaned the astromech droid, thinking back to those heady and passionate years he spent with his droid partner C3PO. Those metallic-ally sinewy golden arms, with well-oiled and smooth hydraulics. How they had made sweet robot love while on the run from the Empire. The pain of Threepio's loss at the hands of Dick-Troopers made Artoo wince momentarily, and he banished the thought of his former mechanical lover from his positronic brain. There was real pleasure to focus on at the moment. His sex-o-metric logic unit's fan whined as it ramped up to handle the excess pleasure produced by the furious calculations resulting from Jon Snow's rough and manly touch. The little droid could feel his circuits coming to a head - threads deadlocking, basic logic calculations blocking on pleasure, and an inevitable kernel panic as his RAM overloaded and his admittedly rather advanced processors gave themselves in an internal orgy of electronic joy. "Meep mreeeeoooo", whimpered the trusty robot as Snow's probing hands headed towards his primary exhaust port. The implication was clear - how could Westeros' bravest and hunkiest hunk of man-meat reach for such a forbidden zone! Artoo felt his hydraulics shuddder as the inevitable NP-complete convergence came to a head.
Jon Snow started with pain and pleasure as electricity and plasma arced across his robo-lover's metallic carapace, jolting through his arms all the way to his erect member. Together, the noble man of the watch and the Jedi droid reached completion, joining together in an ecstasy that transcends time, space, and the boundaries of stories. "You're definitely my only hope, Artoo", said Jon, gasping for breath after their mutual explosion, "I love you". "Beep doooooo", responded the droid contentedly, playing his laser scanner up and down Snow's chiseled form. Truly, these two had ushered in a new era in human-cyborg relations. Just what Threepio would have wanted, thought Artoo, just before he fell into a deep sleep.