Disclaimer: Batman and related characters are the properties of DC COMICS. This is an original fan fiction story, not written for profit, and not intended to infringe on their copyright.
Dedication- for Robin cause she wanted some Mother Goose stuff LOL
Lian Harper: WIT
(Woman in Training)
By: Shannyn Grayson Ivy
HOW did I get into this? She played me, that's how. She may be young but she's got all the tricky moves of a full grown woman. The sweet pout, the pretend tears, she has the entire package. I find that particularly disturbing since she is growing up without her mother playing a large role in her life. So where DOES she get it from then? No doubt watching her daddy's female friends and mimicking their behavior. If I were raising her there would be none of this nonsense…
I guess if it isn't taken too seriously, her antics could be considered amusing or even cute. However she has only been in my charge for an hour and she has already manipulated my emotions and succeeded in making me feel quite guilty for having work to do, work that is considerably more important than 'Mother Goose story time'.
I sigh as she hands me a mismatched stack of books. Apparently, if I truly care about her happiness and development as a child I will face up to my responsibilities and read each and every one. Fine. If I can't work then I will make sure her daddy puts in extra hours to make up for the lost time. I make a mental note to fill Harper's life with difficulty over the next few weeks.
I read until I'm hoarse and exhausted from 'acting out' the parts. Who knew she would expect a different voice for each character? Talk about a demanding little diva…
An hour past her normal bedtime and Harper still hasn't checked in. I've put her to bed three times but amazingly she keeps returning to the kitchen for water. Finally I ask her in a serious tone if she intends to pay the water bill for Wayne Manor. With huge eyes she nodes her head vigorously. I catch myself smiling at her, although, I know that was her plan all along. This kid is good.
I place her back in bed determined that this will be the last time tonight. She puts her arm around my neck and says we can watch the movies tomorrow. I'm not sure what she is talking about until she lets the other shoe drop.
"You know, Uncle Bruce! The nanny cam that Uncle Dick put up so he could see you read Mother Goose to me!"
Aww. So that was it. That's why Harper hadn't checked in. No need to. He and my prankster son were probably munching on popcorn and laughing their behinds off.
I turn and look at the camera. I may be in Bruce Wayne's clothes but the glare I give is all BAT. In a matter of moments Dick and Harper are coming in the front door grinning.
No surprise that Lian jumps out of bed again. She darts to her daddy giving him a hug and then jumps into Dick's arms.
"Uncle Dick, guess what?" She says excitedly.
"What darling?" Dick asks with a smile.
"Uncle Bruce read me ALL the Mother Goose stories! And then we went to Disney stories! Uncle Bruce does the bestest Princess Jasmine EVER!"
I know my face is getting red. I can actually FEEL it. I open my mouth to say something…anything… but I'm at a total loss to defend myself.
To his credit, or maybe it was just a strong will to survive, Dick keeps a mostly straight face. Harper however is howling with laugher. I wonder if he realizes how many different ways I know to torture him without leaving a mark?
Lian squirms and gets down from Dick's arms and runs over to me. She has a huge smile that could brighten anyone's day. She's using it to full capacity here as she lures me in.
"I had so much fun, Uncle Bruce! Can you read to me again tomorrow?" She asks sweetly.
Inwardly I groan for I KNOW that I've been had. Yet when I look at her I can't bring myself to say no.
"Of course, Lian. If that's what you want." I answer and avoid eye contact with Dick. He's never ever going to let me live this down. I have to find that tape he made and destroy it before copies are shared with the entire Justice League roster.
"Tomorrow I'll bring my tiara and you can wear it when you read princess Jasmine's part!"
"Ti..a..ra…?" I hear my voice crack. Dick loses it. I don't think I've ever seen him laugh that hard in his life. He's doubled over, face red as can be.
"Oh, Bruce, by the way… the nanny cam is still on…" Harper announces with glee.
Before I can rip the damned thing out and ring their necks, Dick reaches into his pocket and hands Lian a brand new MP3 player.
"Here you go, baby doll. Payment in full." He laughs.
"Payment? For what, exactly?" I demand to know.
Lian pulls me down to her level and kisses my cheek sweetly. "Don't be mad Uncle Bruce. But a girl has to do what she has to do to get an IPod. You understand, right?" She smiles as if it should somehow all make sense.
"So, the Mother Goose story time was a set up?" I glare at her but I know she can see the amusement in my eyes.
"Yep!" She declares, her big round eyes dancing with happiness.
"I see." I say quietly, pretending to pout. She doesn't buy it though. You can't kid a kidder, or in this case, out play a player.
"But it was fun Uncle Bruce! And you do the best voices of anybody!" She proclaimed and then hopped, very unexpectedly onto my back. Demanding that I give a piggy back ride to the computer so she can put some songs on her new toy. Dick and Harper are giving each other high fives. They think that that got one over on me and maybe to a certain extent they did. But hey, I knew all along-
This kid is good…