Kara thinks nothing could be harder than teaching.
Even with superpowers she's exhausted by the end of her first day, her students still full of energy from their summer breaks. And when she looks more like one of their classmates than the teacher, it's hard to gain their respect. Especially when she still half feels she should be in a desk beside them anyway.
"The first day is always a little overwhelming, don't worry about it," a familiar voice comes from the doorway, and Kara is embarrassed to realize someone had seen her looking so defeated. And not just anyone, but her personal mentor on all things educational, Cat Grant. The veteran teacher was a legend even outside the school walls, winning awards every year for her teaching skills, a fact she wasn't shy about sharing. If not for her obvious passion and dedication to her students it could easily have made her unbearable, but Kara couldn't dislike her. For someone who had accomplished so much, a little bragging was well earned.
"They just don't stop moving," Kara laughs, pushing her doubts away by sheer force of will. She won't let this woman see the worst of her. "And it still seems so strange to be up here instead of out with them, I'm barely older than they are."
"You can't think that way," Cat says instantly, stepping into the classroom to keep their conversation quiet from any students who might be lingering around. "You may be young, but you've earned your position here, and you have to believe that. If you believe anything less, they'll tear you apart before you can see it coming. You're a teacher, Miss Danvers, and at a very successful school. Take your confidence from those facts if you can't find it in yourself." Kara can hear the understanding in the words, and takes heart from it. She might be new at this, but she's made it this far. Maybe it's time she takes a little credit for that fact.
"Well when you put it that way, it does seem a little silly," Kara laughs, rising from behind her desk to straighten the room before leaving. "I'll just have to borrow some of your confidence, see if that helps."
"Darling, you couldn't handle my confidence. I've worked hard for every bit of it, and it's all very much my own. You have to find your own confidence. You've done more than enough to earn some; have plenty to be proud of. You just have to figure out what success best brings it to the surface." Kara almost wants to take offense to her mentor's first words, but by the end even the brief flash of irritation she'd managed had completely faded.
"Thank you," she says instead of anything more, smiling widely and feeling her stomach settle.
"Of course," Cat says with a wave of her hand, as if she hadn't single handedly eased most of Kara's fears for the moment. "Now, I did stop by for a reason. I know it's only the first week, but I want to start our weekly meetings right away so you build your schedule around them rather than them into your schedule. We have the same free hour tomorrow, if that works for you?"
"Of course," Kara answers quickly, even though it was only barely a question. She doesn't mind anyway, she's too new to have plans with other coworkers for her free period, and it's too early in the year to need time to catch up on grading or other work. "Do I need to bring anything specific?" she asks, hoping to make a good impression.
"Your lesson plans for the next week, as well as your teaching model. I know we've spoken in passing, but I need to be familiar with your style and goals if I'm going to help you. Those two things should be enough for now." Cat says as she looks at her phone, expression softening slightly as she reads whatever is on the screen. "Now, my son will be home from his first day soon, so I need to be going. I'll meet you here tomorrow, third period." And with that she turns and walks away, leaving Kara to gape after her at the abrupt departure.
X
Despite the difference in their subjects (Kara's science to Cat's English and Journalism) and teaching styles, Cat quickly becomes highly effective at tailoring her mentoring to what Kara needs from her. Though Cat has never run a classroom in the relaxed way Kara prefers, she always manages to give the right advice to help Kara find a balance between relaxed and chaotic. Despite knowing little to nothing about the sciences Kara is teaching, she helps balance the workload to keep student and teacher alike from being overwhelmed. She seems to have a gift for saying the right thing, and Kara quickly grows to depend on that.
Their friendship blooms slowly in comparison, at first Cat refuses any overture that seems less than completely professional. They're mentor and mentee after all, and she takes that responsibility very seriously. She needs objectivity should the need to offer constructive criticism arise. Even though the mentorship program is largely informal, holding no sway over their job reviews, it's a responsibility Cat takes very seriously.
But no one can stand stoic in the face of Kara's smiles, and eventually the cool professionalism thaws, just the slightest bit. Kara asks about Cat's son and whether he'll be passing through her classes at some point, and rather than insisting her personal life had nothing to do with their work, Cat had answered. She'd more than answered; she'd explained that Carter attended a different school to avoid the struggles of his mother teaching in the same building. She'd talked about his love of science and how much he would love what Kara was teaching her students, despite being years younger. They talk about that until the bell rings signaling the end of their free hour, shocking them out of the moment.
From there, they move forward. Questions about Carter become questions about Cat's past. Discussions of Kara's teaching style usually involve discussions of how Cat had developed her own, how she manages to capture the attention of her students despite her well known reputation for accepting no excuses and demanding the best. And slowly, so very slowly, Kara dares to ask entirely personal questions.
She doesn't pry or ask anything invasive, but she's begun to consider Cat a friend, and wants to learn more about her. The woman is endlessly fascinating, wildly accomplished, and Kara feels honored to be in her life. She wants Cat to consider her a friend as well and the more they talk the more she thinks that might end up being the case.
Eventually Cat realizes how little actual mentoring they've been accomplishing during their weekly meetings, and insists they regain their lost focus. "These meetings are about making you the best teacher you can be, Kara, not about the secret to good lasagna. We should get back to your lesson plan; you're overloading your students next Thursday."
"The number of pages for the reading is high because three of them are full page diagrams, and the activity isn't as complicated as it looks. Steps three through ten take about two minutes if you're focused, and you've taught me how to give a good lecture on focusing in the lab. And there's nothing wrong with discussing recipes every once in a while Cat. It's good to talk about something other than work all the time." Kara knows it's probably a lost cause, but she doesn't want to lose the closeness that's developed over the last month or so just because Cat insists on no personal conversations at work.
"You're still overloading them. They'll need time to understand the reading before attempting to demonstrate it, if you switch this part of Friday's lesson to Thursday and shorten the lecture slightly, you can explain the rest of it Friday before taking them to the lab. Don't overwhelm them; if they try to master too much at once it won't stick." Cat seems determined, and Kara sighs in defeat. She does make good points, and her advice is always invaluable. Kara should be happy she gets that in her life, anything more was hoping for too much.
"That makes sense, and Friday's lecture would give some context. I was hoping they'd figure it out themselves by doing the experiment, but explaining it might be better in the long run." It's still hard for Kara to pace herself and her expectations for her students; she knows how to explain things so they'll understand easily enough, but she's still learning how long it takes them to grasp a concept before she can move on. She'd helped teach the youngest students basic chemistry on Krypton and had learned how to break each fact and theory down into its smallest components, but she's used to children who had been raised with such knowledge around them from birth. Still, she loves it beyond words, loves the connection to her lost years on Krypton. It's the reason she'd gone into teaching once the Danvers' convinced her that the world didn't need another Superman.
"Some of them might have, but not all of them. This will give all of your students an equal chance to understand. It's the pacing problem again; you've been trying to push them too quickly all year. You're doing fine, you've already covered more than half the year's expected coursework and it's not even winter break." Cat shuffles some papers around as she speaks, finally pulling out the guidelines Kara had been given before starting work and pointing out how far down the list she's gotten. "You can take your time with things, relax a little, and still be fine."
"Unless we're talking about lasagna," Kara says before she can stop herself, and immediately wants to flee the room. She hadn't meant to sound so disappointed or make a big deal out of their earlier conversations and how much she wants more of them.
Cat stares at her for a long moment with an unreadable expression, and Kara feels her flush deepen. "Talking about recipes accomplishes nothing anyway, and we really should use this time to discuss your work. But if you really want to learn about my culinary secrets, you can come over Friday night and we'll make a pan together."
"Carter won't mind?" Kara asks immediately, because she's heard enough about the boy to know he doesn't warm up to people quickly, and she would never want to intrude on his home.
"He's asked a few times if I had plans to invite you over, I'll discuss it with him tonight to make sure but I doubt he'll have a problem," Cat says, expression softening at the mention of her son. "You're very good with children, you enjoy science as much as he does, and I've mentioned you often enough that he won't feel completely blindsided by your presence. As long as he agrees, you can stop by around 6 if you like."
"Of course, I'd love to come," Kara agrees, forcing herself not to rush over the words and sound too excited. It's just dinner between friends, nothing more.
X
That dinner turns into another, and before Kara knows it she's over at the Grant's every Friday night. Cat had been right, Carter takes to her immediately, and Kara loves spending hours discussing science with him. He understand more than anyone since Alex, and soon Kara is teaching him things she hadn't been taught on Earth until college.
Cat usually sits off to the side as they talk, smiling indulgently at them over a glass of wine. She and Kara talk after Carter goes to bed, taking advantage of the weekend to stay up later than they otherwise would. Their conversations gradually deepen beyond surface pleasantries and facts, and they tell each other almost anything that comes to mind. The only thing Kara holds back is her identity, too used to hiding after so many years. She hates lying, or at least not mentioning it, but she's too scared of the consequences to do otherwise.
Sometimes Kara wants to push the friendship between them a little further, but she can't ever bring herself to take that step. She's almost certain Cat feels the same, but the older woman doesn't act either. They both seem content with the friendship between them, unwilling to risk the closeness that's developed.
The school has a 'no staff relationships' policy that Kara doesn't understand, and while it's mostly just a rule in a book, neither woman feels comfortable breaking it. They can each name several coworkers who don't seem to share their caution, but they each have their reasons to avoid doing the same.
Kara already hides enough of her life; she won't hide something so important to her as well. It's easier to avoid completely, saving her the added burden of yet another secret. And Cat, with all her awards, is under too much scrutiny to risk anything the slightest against school regulations. Their friendship is safe enough for both of them, and fills a spot in their lives and hearts well enough, even if not perfectly.
X
"No, Carter, for this kind of problem you want to solve for this here. It's all about finding the praokh, and then you can find the rest of what you need." Kara doesn't even realize when she slips into using Kryptonian words and phrases with Carter; he's intuitive enough about the subject to follow what she's saying without hearing the English term.
"So I find the mass, and that gives me the information to find the composition based on the earlier bonds?" he asks to clarify, smiling widely when Kara nods in agreement. "Thanks Kara, that makes so much more sense than the way the book explained it. It had me trying to find the composition by working backwards from the bonds themselves."
"You can do it that way, but it's a lot harder unless you know how each of the bonds react in the different chemical compounds. My guess is the book you're studying is meant for someone who's had an entire course on just that, but it's not necessary to do it that way. You're pretty good at managing it without all that." Kara really is proud of him, he's ridiculously talented when it comes to all things science, and she loves to see his passion for learning more every day.
"Only because you explain it so well," he says with another smile before noticing the time. "Oh wow, it's already after eleven and Dad's picking me up in the morning for our visit."
"Yes he is, and you should have plenty of sleep before then," Cat interjects, obviously trying to look mildly disapproving but failing miserably. She'd be more convincing if she hadn't let them talk for almost an hour after the time she usually sent Carter to bed, but both science nerds are smart enough to avoid mentioning that, and Carter heads to bed with the usual 'goodnight' to each of them.
"I'm sorry I kept him up so late," Kara apologizes, even knowing Cat isn't upset with her. "I don't have too many people I can talk science with, and I love to see how much he's learned each week."
"He'll be fine, his father usually bores him to sleep by midday anyway," Cat says with a small laugh, and Kara can't help smiling in return. "I do have to ask though, you've started slipping in words that don't sound English, and as an English teacher I know quite a few of those. You've never mentioned speaking another language."
Kara freezes, smile fading from her face as she thinks back and realizes Cat is right. She's gotten so comfortable here with the two of them that she hasn't been paying attention. She's slipped up, and she doesn't know how to fix it. "It wasn't worth mentioning?" she tries, hating the lie even as she speaks it. It's worth everything, the very memory of what she's lost enough to steal the breath from her chest if she dwells on it too long, but she can't say that. Not now, maybe not ever.
"You're a much better teacher than you are liar, darling, but I won't push. It's a beautiful language, whatever it is." Kara knows she's still curious, but can tell she means what she says about not pushing. And they could leave it there, Cat accepting that Kara isn't comfortable telling her, and Kara continuing to keep the secret she's protected for over ten years.
"It's Kryptonian" she says instead, meeting Cat's eyes as she waits for the reaction. Everyone knows her cousin is from Krypton, and Cat is too smart to miss the obvious connection. And as shocked eyes widen and a speechless mouth drops open, Kara finally continues. "I grew up on Krypton until I was 13. It's where I learned my love of science, and of teaching. And then I was sent here, but I arrived too late. My cousin, the little baby I'd held the first time only days before, was all grown up and didn't need me to protect him. So I learned to protect myself, and that meant hiding who I was. I became Kara Danvers, and my love of science and teaching were all I could claim from Krypton. I went to college and became a teacher, now here I am."
"That one, I did not see coming," Cat admits when she finally processes everything she's just heard, earning a wry smile and shrug from Kara. "Why don't you use your powers now, the way your cousin does? Now that you've grown up as well, you could do great things."
"I've spent too long hiding who I am," Kara says softly, having wrestled with that very thing so many times before. "I'm happy being a teacher, sharing my love of science with young minds. I love it the way you love teaching English. And being a hero isn't a part time job any more than being a teacher is. On Krypton I never wanted to be a hero. I wanted to be a scientist, I wanted to write the latest scientific theories and spend years proving or disproving them. I can't do that here on Earth, but I can share what I know." It's selfish, Kara knows that. She could help so many people if she followed in her cousin's footsteps. But she can't imagine turning her back on doing what she loves.
"You've obviously put a great deal of thought into the situation, and you know better than I what you can and cannot handle. And sometimes you have to say damn the right thing and do what's best for you," Cat says rather than arguing, and Kara smiles weakly in thanks, watching as the older woman rises and crosses the room to sit next to her. "And I want to thank you for telling me, for trusting me. And to promise that your secret is safe."
"I knew it would be," Kara says simply, leaning slightly into Cat's side to nudge her playfully. "And you deserved to know."
"I haven't done anything to earn that much trust," Cat tries to deny, and Kara just shakes her head adamantly.
"You've been there for me through everything at school, helped me understand how to keep my students involved so that they wanted to learn what I was trying to teach them. You've opened your home to me, offered me your friendship freely. That's more than enough," Kara explains softly, pulling Cat in for a soft hug, needing to reinforce what she's saying with physical contact.
Cat allows it for a long moment, despite the fact that she's never been one for touching other than with Carter. And when she pulls back it's only a few inches, just enough that her eyes can meet Kara's, emotions flickering across her face in quick flashes before she slowly leans forward as if to press their lips together.
And Kara wants to let her, wants to let herself just feel, at least for one night. Now that she knows Cat wants this as much as she does, it's almost impossible to do anything other than give in. But she can't do that, they can't. Kara might not be hiding from Cat any longer, but she's still hiding from the world, and can't bear adding another secret. They both deserve more than that.
"We can't," Kara says with a sigh, raising her hand to stop Cat, but not pulling away. "The rules. It's against the rules."
"What happened to 'damn the right thing' we agreed on earlier?" Cat says, also not moving away.
"I can't hide anything else in my life," Kara explains with a sigh, finally leaning back because she knows if she doesn't she won't be strong enough much longer. "I won't sneak around like I'm ashamed of this."
"Damn that rule," Cat says, but she leans back as well, running a hand through her hair in frustration. "I'm sorry I pushed you," she says after a moment, and Kara hurries to reassure her.
"You didn't. Please don't think it was one sided at all, because it wasn't. And I wish we could forget that rule, but I can't." Kara can tell Cat understands, even if the older woman doesn't like it. And she can understand that, she doesn't much like it either.
"You don't have to keep visiting if things get awkward," she says instead of arguing, and Kara shakes her head.
"It won't. Nothing has changed, right? We're still friends, we'll still have things to talk about, and even if we're both attracted we still aren't acting on it. There's nothing to make it awkward. If you ever don't want me here let me know, but other than that, I'm not going anywhere." Kara hopes that's the truth, because she can't lose Cat because of this. So no matter how awkward things actually end up being, she'll deal with it.
"You'll always be welcome," Cat says softly, and that's the end of that.
X
"Kara, what's wrong?" Cat asks worriedly as she walks into Kara's classroom for their weekly meeting. "Has something happened, is Alex okay?"
"Alex is fine," Kara says quickly, wiping the tears from her face as if she can pretend they never fell.
"Then what's upset you?" Cat asks, pulling a chair closer to Kara's side than is entirely appropriate for their school setting.
"The budget came in, and they have to cut a science position next year," Kara manages to get out, looking down at the email in front of her, the one she'd opened as the last of her students filed out last hour. "I'm the most recent hire, and the one without tenure, so they've decided that position is mine."
"You're the best damn teacher in the school, and they're letting you go?" Cat asks dangerously, and even through Kara's misery she can't let that one slide.
"You're their best teacher, Cat. I'm just the new girl. And this isn't a science school, it never has been." She can understand their reasoning, the school is known for their English department more than anything else, in large part due to the woman next to her. Students don't attend to study chemistry, they attend to learn journalism in preparation for college, which makes the science department the easiest place to cut a position.
"Shut up and take the compliment, you know I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true," Cat says without bite, and Kara can't help the smile that crosses her face at that. "Have you decided what you want to do? I'll fight the school board on this if you ask, my awards and I have a decent amount of pull."
"No, you don't have to do that," Kara says immediately, though she's touched that Cat had even offered. "I'll look for another position somewhere else, maybe. Or I've been thinking since we talked, and I might reach out to my cousin, see if he wants some help. Maybe this is a sign that I'm not supposed to be a teacher after all. Maybe I'm supposed to be out there with him."
"You shouldn't be forced into that decision," Cat says softly, studying her face carefully. "You love teaching, and it gives you a connection to your home and your childhood that shouldn't be torn from you. If you make that decision, it should be something you want, not something you're expected to do."
"I don't know if I can keep being selfish," Kara admits, because as much as she loves this, she's always struggled with knowing she could save so many if she'd just allow herself to be who she is. "I wish there was a way to have both."
"Let me make some calls, and I'll see what I can do," Cat says with a distant look on her face, determination clear in her voice, and Kara can only wonder what it is she's planning.
She finds out the next week, as the end of the school year looms closer. "Kara, I have some news for you," Cat says as she walks into the older woman's house, having been given a key and an unlimited invitation a few months before. "I talked to Carter's school, you know they focus far more on science, it's why I chose it for him. They don't have a position open for a teacher, but I told them your credentials and qualifications and they think they have a solution. Any time you're willing to drop in, their science classes will allow you to give special presentations to any student who wants to attend, so long as the presentations are topical to what's being covered at the time. It wouldn't be a full salary, but it would give you the flexibility you need should you decide to work with your cousin, and a day job to maintain your cover."
Kara is floored by just how much effort Cat has obviously put into figuring out options for her, and for a long moment isn't sure what to say. It sounds like the perfect balance of what she wants and what she believes she should do, and that means more than she could ever say.
"Cat, that sounds perfect," she says once her brain starts working again, and Cat smiles smugly as if she'd known Kara would think so. And as well as they know each other by now, she probably had. "I don't think I could afford my apartment on anything less than a full salary though," she says after a moment, thinking aloud as she works through the potential effects the decision would have.
"I have a guest bedroom," Cat offers softly, almost hesitantly, and Kara's head shoots up in shock, both at the offer and the tone. Cat has never been hesitant before. "Our conversation from a few months back, where we agreed nothing could happen because of the rules, that reason doesn't apply any longer. School ends in two weeks, and then we will no longer be coworkers. It's presumptuous of me to ask, I know, but even just as a friend, you know you're always welcome here."
"What about Carter?" Kara asks, because he deserves a vote as well. "Would he want me here, would he be okay if we got together?"
"I've had to explain to him why we aren't already together several times now," Cat says with a sigh, and Kara has to laugh at that. "He didn't understand why a 'stupid rule' should stop us. Obviously he's entering his rebellious teenage years, which I shudder to contemplate. And we can ask him together about you moving in, if you decide that's what you want."
"It sounds perfect," Kara says before Cat can doubt herself too much. "I would love to move in, if Carter says it's okay. And I would love to see how we work together, without working together." Cat laughs at that, and Kara smiles at managing to get a reaction with her word play. "But I think that the guest room will be the best place for me, at least at first. I don't want to rush into this."
"That's fine with me," Cat says, smiling wider than Kara has seen before. And Kara thinks that maybe, just maybe, this will be exactly what she needs.
She can't cling to Krypton forever, but maybe she won't have to. Maybe she'll find a balance, and maybe she won't find it alone.