It hurt.
It really hurt when you were made fun of. It hurt when other kids your age sneered and laughed at you, hurt when they called you a monster just because of what you were born as.
You never asked for it. You never asked for any of this. You really don't know what you did wrong or what you did to deserve this.
It hurt when you saw the other kids who were bullied like you were talking to a friend or two of theirs when you had none to call your own. Was being a youkai really that much of a crime to where you were alone constantly?
Things were stolen from you, taken and broken right in front of you…You were sure there wasn't anything that someone could do to you that no one has done before.
You were wrong.
The bullying had escalated from verbal threats to being dragged behind the school, tied, and beaten.
It hurt. It wouldn't stop. This happened everyday now along with the verbal threats.
Would you cry? Of course. You didn't want to show any sort of weakness around your tormentors or anyone, but you did. You couldn't help it.
You were covered in so many bruises from day to day, that you forgot that your skin was actually pale.
You remembered vaguely that someone said that it was a test when you tried to think of anything you did wrong to deserve the beatings. What kind of test was this? It was terrible. You wished you were dead already.
Something happened one day, though.
You can't recall what exactly happened. All you knew was that everyone around you that tormented you were lying on the floor dead and…Another kid from your school who everyone looked up to was leaning in front of you.
He was talking to you.
His voice was soft and he smiled to you as he spoke.
He said you were strong and he wanted you to join him as he too was a youkai and had many strong ones under him.
You were happy.
So very, very happy.
And even now where you sit, behind that man…Tamazuki…You have your arms slung around his neck, nuzzling the crook of his neck affectionately, and he smiles and leans into your touch.
He cared for you. He made you happy. He made you feel like you belonged somewhere for once in your life. You would gladly die for him.
You kept telling yourself that even when Tamazuki would lock you in the basement or even hit you.
He did it out of love. He hit you out of love. That's how love worked, right?
You knew he did everything he did to you out of love. And yet, hurt masked your face when he called you 'trash'.
You failed him.
You failed the only person who ever gave a shit about you.
It hurt so much to know that you had failed him.
Despite knowing it was useless, you cried. You begged him for a second chance but to no avail.
If you could've, you would go through all that pain again just to be with Tamazuki again, just to have him still think highly and proudly of you. That's what you thought before everything had disappeared.
You loved him.
He didn't love you now, though. Because you messed it up, apparently.