Main characters: Harry and Draco

Warning: Mild swearing

Genre: pure crackfic

Disclaimer: Don't own any part of Harry Potter or Charlie the Unicorn, just the crack plot bunny that brought this about.

Part 1

Harry was walking the grounds, on his way to visit Hagrid, when he heard some weird noises coming from the Forbidden Forest. It sounded like his name was being called so he decided to get closer to be able to hear the sounds better. As he got closer, he was able to make out the words.

"Harry"

"Come into the forest Harry."

"Full of excitement and adventure Harry."

What the hell? Harry was confused and a bit apprehensive. He wasn't sure if he should do as the voices asked or if he should go to Hagrid's and see what Hagrid thought about what was going on in the Forest.

"Come on Harry."

"We're waiting for you Harry."

Against his better judgment, his body felt as if it was being drawn in towards the Forest and the voices emanating from within. As he entered the Forest, two colorful unicorns approached him, one was lavender and the other was rose. What the? I thought they were all supposed to be white. Harry was so confused.

"Hey Harry"

"We found a map Harry."

"A map to Candy Mountain Harry."

Harry rubbed his temples. How in the world can they be talking? He was starting to get a headache.

"Come on Harry, come with us to Candy Mountain."

"Yea, come with us Harry."

"Yea, uh huh sure. I'm just going to leave now and go see Madame Pomfrey. I think I must have hit my head during the last Quidditch Game because you guys shouldn't be talking."

Harry turned to leave, but the unicorns were faster and were in front of him once more.

"You didn't question it when you talked to snakes Harry."

"Yea Harry. We've always been able to talk to special people like you Harry."

Great, another wonderful 'gift', just what I needed. Harry tried once more to get around the unicorns to leave and go back to Hogwarts, but was stopped yet again.

"You have to come with us to Candy Mountain Harry."

"It's a land of sweets, and joy, and joyness."

"Fine, fine. If it'll get you to leave me alone, I'll go with you to Candy Mountain. Which way?"

"This way Harry."

Harry followed the unicorns through the Forest wondering how he kept managing to get himself in situations like this. The unicorns sang as they walked, annoying Harry further.

"Here's our first stop Harry."

"It's the magical Manticore, Harry."

"Uh, guys, I don't think we should go near that. Just look at the tail."

"But it'll show us the way Harry."

"Yea, the way to Candy Mountain."

"You do know there aren't any mountains in the Forest right?"

"Shun the nonbeliever."

"Ssshunnnn."

"Sssssshuunnnnnnnnah."

"You guys feeling okay? Have you eaten anything new recently? Something that might make you feel high?"

Suddenly, the Manticore spoke, speaking in a language that Harry didn't recognize.

"It has spoken."

"It has shown us the way."

"But it didn't speak English. How in the world could you guys understand it?"

"Come on Harry, let's keep going."

"It's just over this bridge Harry. The magical bridge of hope and wonder."

"Umm, you guys do realize that this bridge shouldn't be here right? What is the bridge crossing anyway? Besides, I'm getting covered in splinters. I don't think we should be on this bridge guys."

"Harry. Harrry. Harrrrrryyyyy."

"I'm right here. What do you want now?"

"We're on a bridge Harry."

"Yes, I see that."

They finally finished crossing the bridge and getting to the other side of the Forest. Harry had never been this far before and was starting to worry about being able to get back to Hogwarts when all this was over.

"We're heeeeeere!"

Harry looked around and did in fact see a mountain made of candy standing in front of them.

"Well, what do you know, there actually is a Candy Mountain."

"Candy Mountain. Candy Mountain. You fill me with sweet sugary goodness."

"Go inside the Candy Mountain Cave Harry"

"Yea, Harry, go inside the cave! Magical wonders that will behold when you enter."

"I don't think so. I think I'll stay out here. I don't know how stable a mountain of candy can really be. You guys go ahead. I'll wait out here."

"But you have to go into the Candy Mountain Cave Harry."

All of a sudden, a bunch of chocolate frogs popped out from the mountain and started singing.

"Oh, when you're down and looking for some cheering up

Then just head right on up to the Candy Mountain Cave

When you get inside you'll find yourself a cheery land

Such a happy and joy filled and perky merry land

They've got lollypops and gummy drops and candy things

Oh so many things that will brighten up your day

It's impossible to wear a frown in candy town

It's the mecca of love the candy cave

They've got jellybeans and coconuts with little hats

Candy rats, chocolate bats, it's a wonderland of sweets

Ride the candy train to town and hear the candy band

Candy bells, it's a treat as they march across the land

Cherry ribbons stream across the sky into the ground

Turn around, it astounds, it's a dancing candy tree

In the candy cave imagination runs so free

So now Harry, please will you go into the cave"

Then just as quickly as they appeared, the candy frogs disappeared with a bang. Harry rubbed his temples again. Definitely going to have to go in for a check up when I'm done here. Now I'm seeing candy singing.

"Fine, fine. I'll go into the freaking Candy Cave. This had better be good."

Harry slowly and apprehensively walked into the cave.

"Goodbye Harry."

"Yea, goodbye Harry."

"Goodbye? What? I need you to help me get back."

Harry tried to hurry back to the opening of the cave to leave, but some sort of doors closed quickly, leaving him in the dark, wondering what was going on. Luckily, he had his wand with him.

"Lumos" Harry said, giving him at least a little bit of light. He started walking farther into the cave, hoping that there might be another way out of the place. He didn't get far before he was startled yet again.

Towards the back of the cave he saw Malfoy.

"Malfoy, what the fuck are you doing here?" Harry had his wand at the ready to cast a spell should Malfoy try anything.

It was when Malfoy didn't answer that Harry finally noticed that Malfoy was chained and gagged in the cave. What the fuck? Harry started to move closer to Malfoy when his foot his a rock and he tripped and started falling. However, before Harry could fall completely, he felt himself jar awake.