Disclaimer: well if you think the graceful goddess of literature that is tamora pierce would dribble out such useless crud?, In other words I do not own the characters because I'm not tamora pierce so you cant sue me cause I didn't claim itJ
Kel- my life is such a huge drag so I'm going to drink it all away at the local cesspit (pub full of losers) farewell cruel world!
Neal-NOOOOOOO
Kel- oh Nealypoo I knew you cared!!
Neal- I don't I was just screaming about how Revlon only has express finish in light pink with sparkles not hot pink with sparkles it sooo sucks!!
Kel- I always knew you were gay
Neal- I know its weird after I had crushes on almost every girl except maybe you!! Oh and when you die can I have the pink kimono with the pretty rainbows and butterflies??
Kel- * going red * how did you know about that?
Neal- Cleon got drunk on peppermint schnapps and told me all about that hidden chest full of pink & fluffy stuff
Kel- oh well I'll be dead soon so all the world can know about my love of pink fluffy stuff!!!!!!!!!!
Neal- * goes to the top of balors needle and magnifies his voice with the gift and tells the whole world about kel *
Kel- you bitch!! Oh and by the way everyone Neal loves falon and wyldon
Neal- but that's no secret kel!
Meanwhile cleon is sitting in the back of a grimy pub with a whole harem of barmaids on his lap.
Cleon: anyway I fell in "love" with this ugly hulking thing called Kel, but I wasn't really I was just faking it so she'd teach me how to use a glave!
Barmaid 1- oh Cleon you're so cute!!!
Barmaid 2- *giggles which sets of all the other barmaids in to uncontrollable fits of giggling *
Cleon- yeah I am! * he laughs along *
Kel and her plastic surgeon enter brandishing before and after photos, she is now very beautiful
Cleon- and you are?
Kel: Keladry of mindelan, you….you…you stinky poo!!!!
Cleon- * stands up sending his harem crashing to the floor * Kel my love!
Barmaid 3- but you said you didn't really love her! Muffin!
Kel- Cleon you ASSHOLE!!! I hate you
Cleon- but your all pretty now!!!
Kel- you think so???!! lets get married! Here now!!!!
Cleon- uhhhh ooookkkkk
A priest and a bunch of wedding guests emerge from the pouring rain outside
A really bad wedding singer and his even worse band start playing the entire theme track from beaches.
They take their vows and the lot is over.
Kel- yep well you know hun ive gotta go!! Cya! *stalks off surrounded by a throng of body builders *
Cleon: oh darn SOMONE ORDER ME A WHOLE CRATE OF PEPPERMINT SCHNAPPS SO I CAN DRINK AWAY MY PISSY LITTLE WORRIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Neal: come and join the club!!!!!
A/N: well that was needless to say very odd but I had fun writing it and it's a load of crap but I wanted to put something up here I may write future chapters but I wouldn't recommend holding your breath! J