HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR RANDOM!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
In honor of your birthday and the fact that I ship Jandom so hard I have created this little one-shot for you in hopes it makes your birthday one full of laughter and joy, so without further adu, I shall let you read the fanfic I wrote when I was clearly high off of soda and cake.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot (if there even is a plot)
I always found it funny how such beautiful shades of blue could compliment the amazing view I was blessed with. It was almost like I deserved to be there, to be part of the community. The colors sucked me in, drawing me closer to my obsession and promising an inescapable world that I could throw all my emotions into. I could laugh with all my friends, cry with them, make promises, sing songs with them, and wish a happy birthday to all who celebrated the moment it turned midnight. There was no need to wait for time in this amazing land, no need to count the seconds longingly and wait for the world to awaken.
It was already awake. It never slept. Just like me. I never truly slept. Not with this majestic world just an arms length away, sitting on my nightstand. Not with Tumblr's blue color whispering to me, drawing me in until I was lost in its beautifully cracked world.
"Fang Ride! If you don't get out of your room right now and come eat dinner I'm breaking the door down!" My mom's voice called as I warily blinked away my high from Tumblr to listen to her deep, ragged breaths. Each one slightly angrier than the last. She was like the fire breathing dragon I had just seen a gif about. A snarling beast who was kind to its loved ones, and also treated them with the most hatred.
"Mom!" I whined, pulling the Doctor Who blanket tighter around me, "let me be a brooding teenager in my room alone! I don't do drugs, and I don't go outside and get myself killed, just be happy with me!"
"You don't go outside at all, Fang! I'm getting worried about you. You're too pale, why not get some sunlight?" Mom suggested as she turned the knob of my door.
"No, mom! Just get me starbursts and leave me to cry over the death of my babies!" I pouted, looking back down at my dashboard to notice a Supernatural post. I felt like I had seen every episode even though I hadn't even heard of it before I joined the world known as Tumblr.
"Fang, you can't have babies if you don't go outside and meet a girl. What about Max? She's nice. Go on a date with her," my mom walked into my room and headed over to my window. I had been too engulfed in the post I was reading to notice her much though. All I really knew was that the door had creaked open and her clicking heels had walked right past me.
"Max likes outdoor activities though," I pointed out, crinkling my nose in disgust. Sure she was gorgeous, but the fact that she liked to run around a track for countless minutes on end was a huge turn off. Who needs girls anyways when you can have Tumblr?
"Exactly," Mom said, and just as she spoke it an obnoxious rustling noise invaded my ears as a sharp light reached for my skin, barely scraping the surface before I screamed and dived off of my bed, taking the Doctor Who blanket with me as I curled up away from the window where my mother had pulled back the curtains.
As I glanced under my bed in annoyance as she chuckled at my behavior, I noticed what looked like a half-eaten pizza slice, and an old Tardis key chain that was covered in something that looked vaguely like an orange drink that had solidified on one of the surfaces of the 3D rubber structure.
I went to reach for it, but then my mother's booming laughter erupted into my ears, echoing off the walls as she shook her head at me, at least I figured that's what she'd be doing. I didn't want to risk peeking over my bed at the sunlight-engulfed room to find out. "Laugh all you want but you could have killed me," I muttered in irritation.
"What are you, a vampire?"
"Don't you dare compare me to those fowl creatures that Twilight completely and utterly ruined," I sneered viciously.
"Fine, fine. I'm leaving, and I'm not closing your curtains, so you'll just have to tough out the sunlight," Mom added.
"No! Mom wait! I'm sorry! Don't leave me! Close the… curtains," My shouts faded to a whisper as my mom left the room, closing the door behind her and trapping me in a sunlight-filled death trap. Groaning, I looked around the side of my room I was currently stuck in until I found out a way to close the curtains. I thought maybe if I could reach the Gandalf staff in the corner of my room I could push them closed, but my arms and face would be exposed to the sunlight for far too long. I had no choice but to charge into battle, ambush the curtains, and hope for the best. I need to stop reading so many action books, I thought as I pushed myself up onto my hands and knees and pulled the blanket over my head so it would block most of the sunlight.
"For Narnia!" I yelled as I jumped onto my bed and used the momentum to fly off of it, the blanket falling off of my head as I soared through the air, reaching out for one black velvet curtain as I shrieked from the sunlight piercing my eyes.
By the time I landed in a heap on the floor I had managed to yank one of the curtains off of its pole and cause a gigantic crashing sound that most likely reverberated through the whole house. "What was that?" I heard my little brother, Ari, yell frantically as I struggled to untangle myself from the curtain. It weighed me down though, tying itself around my legs in a silent evil laugh as the sun began to lather itself into my skin.
"It's just Fang. I opened the curtains in his room," my mom hollered from somewhere downstairs. It still amazed me how fast that woman could move in heels. Especially the four inch monsters she wore.
"Oh nevermind then," Ari said, and I could faintly hear his feet padding against the carpet as he passed by my room while I cursed under my breath and kicked myself free of the curtain. Finally free from the devil's grip I pushed myself to my feet and made a meek attempt at pulling the other curtain all the way to the middle to block off as much sunlight as possible. Thankfully it covered the whole window, and although it didn't prevent light from peeking its hungry eyes inside of my room completely like the pervert it was, it blocked the majority of the view. Sighing with relief I walked back over to where my iPhone sat unharmed on my bed, the Sherlock case still locked on tight even though I had thrown it a good two feet in the air in my panic.
"Oh Ella! Take these up to your brother," I heard my mother call to my little sister. Even in this large house I still managed to hear everything. It was unbelievable how thin the walls were, well, either that or my mom was an undeniably loud person. Either way it was a lose-lose situation. I had heard more conversation than I wished to hear, especially between my fourteen year old sister and her boyfriend.
"Which one?" She asked, maybe she had inherited mom's loud voice.
"Which one do you think?" She asked, and I could picture her swinging whatever it was she wanted to give either Ari or me in Ella's face.
"Ah, that one." Ella commented, and moments later I heard her light footsteps poking up the stairs before my door creaked open and a large yellow bag was thrown at me. It promptly smacked me in the face, and I yelped as I scowled at my little sister.
"God will punish you." I scowled at her.
"He already did." She growled, eying me as if I was the devil himself, which couldn't have been true since the curtains I owned were the devil… and John Green.
"Leave now, Peasant, before I order you to be hung," I warned, and she just rolled her eyes at me.
"You know what Fang? I resent you with a passion."
"Yeah? Well you're adopted," I snapped back, and watched as a look of horror crossed over her face.
"Mom!" She called before sprinting back down the stairs, leaving my door open. Wide open. I sighed, mumbling to myself about gullible, stupid sisters as I forced myself to stand up and walk over to my door, closing it before turning to walk back over to my bed. Just as I sat down and grabbed for the yellow bag that contained every flavor of starbursts there was, the door flew open once more. I groaned and leaned my head back against the headboard in annoyance as my best friend, Iggy Griffiths walked into my room. Forgetting to shut the door behind him.
"Iggy," I growled out, narrowing my eyes at him.
"What?" He asked, his icy blue eyes lighting up with confusion before something like comprehension dawned on his face. "Oh! The door!" He exclaimed and turned to push it once before walking over to me and sitting on the bed across from me. The door creaked towards its closing point, but about an inch from finally closing it stopped.
My eye twitched with hatred for the devil door.
"Fang? You should probably get that twitch fixed." Iggy told me before grabbing the starburst bag out of my hand and ripping it open, pulling a pink starburst out of it and unwrapping it before popping it into his mouth. He chewed with a happy smile on his face before pulling his phone out of his back pocket and hitting the lock button so the lockscreen lit up.
"Check this out, Fangarang," he said, tilting his phone so I could see the home screen, a picture of a guy in a unicorn's mask laying on his stomach, his legs bent at the knees and his elbows resting on the grass, his hands holding up his unicorn head.
"Is that you?" I asked, amused by the picture.
"Nope, it's my future husband," Iggy told me, and I rolled my eyes at how serious he sounded as he spoke those words. My mom already thought he was gay, and saying things like that did not help the situation in any way.
"Oh, I see. What if he's ugly?" I asked, raising an eyebrow as I popped a yellow starburst into my mouth. I had meant to grab a pink one since they were my favorite but a yellow one would do for now since there were so many pink ones to choose from in the bag.
"He's wearing a unicorn mask Fang, he can't be ugly. It's physically impossible for a guy who loves unicorns to be ugly." Iggy explained to me as if it was obvious.
"Have you looked in a mirror lately, Igster?" I asked, and he scoffed, tossing a hand over his heart in mock-hurt.
"I am the most beautiful creature you have ever met and you should take that back before I rip out your tongue and beat you with it,"
"Sounds fun," I joked and he shoved me playfully before taking yet another pink starburst out of the bag. "Hey, don't eat too many of those. There are only so many," I muttered, and Iggy shook his head at me before snatching the bag away from where it sat perched on my bed, and sprinted into my closet.
"Hey!" I yelled frantically, chasing after him, but it was too late. He had already slammed the door shut, and judging by the uselessness of me pushing on it, I guessed he was leaning against it heavily.
"Igford, you come out of there right now!" I snarled, grabbing the doorknob and pushing with all my might. The door moved about an inch forward then slammed shut once more.
"Ooooh look, more pink ones!" Iggy answered brightly and I scowled to myself, looking around the room for something I could use to break the door open with. I would not let him eat all of my pink starbursts. They were mine. And only mine. Anyone who dared to eat more than two would be slaughtered on the spot.
As I looked around my room I realized there seemed to be nothing worth breaking the door down with. However, I still managed to get an idea of how to get my starbursts back when I noticed one of Iggy's Marvel comics resting on the end of my bed. Smiling deviously, I walked over to it and opened it. "What do we have here?" I asked, and could hear the silencing of rustling wrappers as my smirk grew.
"Is this… a brand new Amazing Spiderman comic? Hm, I wonder if my paper shredder could get rid of this all in one go," I thought out loud purposefully.
"You wouldn't." Iggy spoke up, his voice as hard as freshly dried cement. He was obviously angered just at the prospect of me ruining one of his precious comic books.
"Oh, but Iggy-Dearest, I would," I got to my feet and made a big deal of opening the door that wasn't quite closed in the first place so he could hear the creaking noises indicating I was leaving the room.
"Wait!" Iggy exploded out of the closet, a mess of pink starbursts wrappers following after him as he scrambled to reach me and his comic before I destroyed it forever. "There's only one left!" He spoke quickly, holding up the one pink starburst that he hadn't managed to devour before I began my little strategy.
"You ate them all already?" I asked, my eyes wide with disbelief. There had to be at least twenty pink starbursts in the bag. For him to eat them all in about sixty seconds was astonishing in both an amazing and horrifying way.
"Well I think so, here," Iggy picked up the bag and tossed it to me, causing me to drop the comic.
"No!" Iggy screamed, diving to the ground and sliding a good two feet on his stomach as he reached his arms out to catch his beloved Marvel comic. It still hit the floor, but he managed to pick it up before even two seconds went by and clutched it to his chest as it was his own child. Normally I would have laughed at him for making such a fuss over a stapled-together illustration, but I was too busy searching desperately for a pink starburst
"I can't believe after the fifteen years we've known each other you would betray me like this," I accused, a forlorn mood crawling into me as I realized Iggy did, in fact, have the last starburst that was my favorite flavor; pink.
"I can't believe after the fifteen years we've known each other you would betray me like this," Iggy emphasized, shoving the crumpled up pages in my face with a fury in his eyes I had never seen before. I had damaged his precious comic book. An unforgivable sin.
"Oh, put an orange starburst in it," I snapped, causing him to gasp with offense.
"How dare you!" Iggy growled out right before I threw an unwrapped orange starburst at him that smacked into his nose. He yelped a the attack from his least favorite starburst and tackled me in a heap of not-quite-real anger. A sound I wasn't quite familiar with fell out of my throat as I struggled to push Iggy off of me.
"Iggy get off!" I groaned, and he just smirked, holding me down as he unwrapped the pink starburst very slowly. "Iggy… don't. You. Dare." I sneered, my hands reaching out to grab the final pink starburst. Iggy easily swatted my hands away and shoved each arm under one of his knees to hold them down, and I scowled as I squirmed under him, hoping to reach the pink starburst, but it was too late, he had a triumphant grin on his face as he held it in between his teeth, showing off to me that he had gotten it.
"Thats mine! Iggy no!" I yelled, and he just shook his head at me.
"You want it? Come and get it," he spoke up, his words slightly slurred from the starburst that kept him from opening his mouth all the way.
"You have pinned my arms down to my sides, how can I get it without my hands?" I asked pointedly hoping he'd set me free so I could break his jaw and get my starburst back.
"I guess you'll just have to get creative," if he could have smirked any wider without dropping the starburst from between his teeth he would have. I sighed, realizing what he was implying.
"Oh my God," I muttered. "My mom was actually right about something," It was the last pink starburst which meant it had much value to it, and I knew I wouldn't get another bag for at least two weeks so I was left with a choice. Commit a borderline gay act, or tough it out and watch my friend eat the last pink starburst as I slowly melt away into a puddle of pain, sorrow, and regret.
"Eh," Iggy shrugged as if to say Your point? and I looked around my room once, delaying what I had to do. I knew it probably was stupid to most people to get so worked up over one starburst, but they didn't understand. Pink starbursts weren't just a candy, they were created by the gods and sent down to earth to murder people's taste buds with their deliciousness. I could not pass up a pink starburst. Not for anything. I would rather eat a feast of pink starbursts than get paid a million dollars a day. They were that special; that important. And so I wasn't going to let Iggy Griffiths, my best friend, stand in the way of me and my pink starburst if I wouldn't even let a million dollars do it.
Sighing in defeat, I squirmed one arm free, grabbed his shirt collar, and yanked his face down to mine so our teeth smacked together clumsily. Iggy, completely caught off guard by this, had no time to react before I bit off my half of the pink starburst and pushed him back, chewing with a grin on my face. Now I was the triumphant one. "No homo," I added as an after thought as Iggy chewed his piece of the starburst up in a daze and swallowed it.
"Too late," he mumbled, before grabbing my shoulders and kissing me. I was completely thrown out of whack by his pink-starburst flavored lips smashing against mine in a savage desperation. Maybe had I had any sense of sanity left I would have pushed him away, but last time I checked, Tumblr had taken that away from me right after I got addicted to it. So instead I did something insane; I kissed him back.
"Hey Fang?" He asked in between hot, wild kisses.
"Mmhm?" I answered weakly, still pinned to the floor, one hand locked in his mess of strawberry blonde tangles to hold his face close to mine and the other resting on his waist.
"Do you think you can wear the unicorn mask at our wedding?" He asked, and I kissed him once more before answering.
"Whatever you want, Iggy, whatever you want,"
In other news; I ship Jandom so hard that this happened; a Figgy fanfic based off of it XD
I hope you liked your present, Random, because I spent a painfully long ten minutes forcing myself to write that Figgy kiss.
Soar on,
VR