Disclaimer: I don't own Metalocalypse, or any of its characters... I've only expanded on what I've been given. Lori Baldwin is the only character I own.
Hell Hath No Fury
Chapter I: Good News, Bad News
Rejected.
That's what the application had said.
Lori Baldwin looked down, putting it on her desk. Her stomach sank as she realized that this was going to add to more of the stress that she already had on her plate. With the economy on the edge of a knife, she realized that it was going to be another long night of paperwork, but she'd be all right with it. After all, companies needed to make money and people weren't paying their property taxes. She'd have to find appraisers and hire repo companies to confiscate homes, apartment complexes, and other forms of real estate. It was hard work being a property tax attorney. Nevertheless, she'd have the whole next month off to rest.
A small smile graced her lips as she thought about it, but the emotion quickly changed as the denied application called mockingly to her through her peripheral vision.
Sure, Ladyklok was only a hobby of hers, but it meant a lot to her niece... and that's what mattered.
Their application to be an official tribute band was rejected by Dethklok themselves. Her stomach sank slightly at the thought.
All the girls would be so disappointed, she knew... especially Sandra, the youngest, who had been practicing for hours, trying to learn Toki Wartooth's riffs.
It was hard work trying to play like the best musicians in the business.
Her head turned as there was a hesitant knock on her door.
"Um, Ms. Baldwin, are you in there?"
She straightened herself up; adjusting the collar of the suit she wore, putting the application into her desk drawer.
"Yes, how can I help you?" she asked, her tone steady.
"A young girl is here to see you. She says that it's urgent. I tried to keep her from coming in, but she insisted and-"
Lori's eyes narrowed, but she nodded.
"Let her in."
Her imagination already had an idea of who was here to see her.
Running footsteps approached her and before she knew it, she had arms around her torso and a sobbing brunette clinging to her.
Lori looked down, stroking the girl's hair gently, trying to comfort her.
"Sandy... what's the matter?" she asked, slowly lowering the girl into a chair, easing the girl's grip off her waist.
"K-karera wa sore o kyohi! Shōnin sa reta yuiitsu no toribyūtobando ga... Thunderhorse' to yoba reru ikutsu ka no bando arimasu!" Sandy cried, the girl's breaths coming out in gasps.
Lori gave a sigh,
"Sandy... honey... You know I can't understand you, when you're speaking Japanese..." she said, trying not to show her amusement, as she handed the girl a tissue, "Just calm down... and speak slower... in English."
The girl nodded, taking a tissue that Lori offered to her, and slowly, the girl's sobs turned into soft sniffles.
"Th-they rejected it! There's only wuh-one tribute band that was approved...S-some band called 'Thunderhorse'!" she sniffled.
Lori glanced backwards at the drawer where she had stored the application.
I didn't think news would spread that fast...
The girl collapsed into more sobs, clinging to Lori once again, and the lawyer felt her blouse dampen further from the girl's tears.
"Come on, Sandy... it's not the end of the world." Lori comforted tenderly, "Come on... have a seat."
Sandy nodded, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.
"I-it isn't?" she sniffled, her nose dripping slightly.
Lori gave a gentle smile.
It always amused her that, for a twenty-one year old, Sandy always reminded her of a thirteen year old girl. She just never seemed to emotionally age.
"No... it's not." She said, handing the girl a tissue.
Sandy gave a nod, wiping her nose and trying to force a smile.
"Okay." She said, "I-if you say so."
Lori smiled,
"Well, if everything is all right... why don't you go find the others?" she asked.
Sandy grinned, as if all her problems had been forgotten.
"Okay!" she said, enthusiastically, "Thanks Lori!"
As the girl ran out of the room, and out the building, the honking of a car was heard from outside.
"HEY LORI! THANKS FER CHEERING HER UP!" a familiar voice called.
Lori reached through the blinds of her window, and peered out. A girl with short brown hair sat in the driver's seat, with a red-head, beer bottle in hand, hanging out the window, waving clumsily. As Lori watched Sandy climb in the back seat, she could make out the blonde, in her hands, was a guitar.
The attorney only shook her head as they drove off.
Again... she had work to do... but she added a specific phone call to her to-do list.
~O~O~O~O~O~
((Later that Night))
When she got back to her house, she had half-expected the girls to of broken into her home, as they usually do... either to get drunk or bother her... but today, she came back to an empty house. Something about it was relaxing, but she had to admit, that having the girls around always added zest to the atmosphere.
She went to the phone, digging through the roll-a-deck to find the number she was looking for. Once she found the desired card, she glanced at it, wondering why she had even bothered to reach for it in the first place.
I know his number... she thought, practically scolding herself.
She reached for her phone, the pig's tail cord hanging from the receiver. The girls had often told her to get a new one... but it was considered so old-fashioned, that it just added a kind of charm.
Her fingers glided over buttons, muscle memory taking the place of regular memory, and as the tone buzzed on the other side, she waited.
It didn't take long for the phone to pick up.
"Hello? Who is this?"
The man on the other side of the line brought a smile to her face. It had been an eternity since she had heard him speak, and truth be told, she missed it.
"I'm glad you're up." She responded, smirking.
A sigh was heard on the other side.
"Lori... I thought I never told you to use this line..." the voice responded, "It's dangerous."
She leaned back in the chair.
"I wouldn't have called you if it wasn't important." Lori responded.
There was a moment of silence for a second, then he answered.
"Is, uh, everything all right?" he inquired.
There was a slight hint of concealed worry in his voice... a kind of raise in the pitch, though barely noticeable... and the speed in which he spoke came much quicker... a cute quirk, if Lori ever knew one.
"I wanted to speak to you about some...business matters." She responded, "But first... just a bit of small talk."
The man on the other line gave a sigh, though not one of annoyance, but of sheer amusement.
"Of course..." he said, "Our conversations are always the most engaging."
"That's the only reason you proposed to me, isn't it?" Lori questioned, "Our conversations? It surely wasn't my company you enjoyed."
"That's not true." Her companion replied, "I enjoy your company."
Lori nodded,
"Of course." She said, "Well, I hope things are going well with you. I know that you're always busy...how are the boys?"
"As well as they can be." He chuckled, "Things have been a bit, uh, slow around here, believe it or not."
Lori gave a surprised 'hmm',
"Slow? I don't even know how that could be possible, with your crowd." She said, "But anyway... I know it's late, but I should get down to why I called you."
"Understandable." The man said, his attention obviously peaked, "What needs to be discussed?"
"It's about my niece's tribute band." Lori said.
"Ah... Gina... a good girl..." her companion replied, "What about it?"
Lori gave a sigh, running a hand through her hair.
"Well, as you probably know... their application was denied as a tribute band... and I was wondering if there's anything you can do about it. It means a lot to her and the other girls, and I really don't want them to be disappointed." She explained.
Quiet pondering sounded on the other end, and shuffling was heard.
"There's not much I can do about it. You'd really have to talk to the band themselves about it..." he said, "I could arrange that, if you wanted."
Lori really hadn't expected that answer.
"You'd really do that?" she asked, rather startled.
A chance for the girls to actually meet Dethklok... for some of them, it would be a dream come true.
"Yeah... their next tour date isn't until a month. They have a rest period until their next concert." He said, "They just finished their tour."
Lori leaned forward.
"So... when should I make the appointment and bring the girls?" she asked.
"As soon as you want." He replied.
Lori reached into her purse and grabbed her schedule book and flipped to the bookmarked page.
Starting next week, she'd have a month off. That was her vacation time... but she wouldn't mind using it to visit, and bring the girls to see their favorite band.
"How about next week?" she suggested.
"Sounds fine to me." The man replied casually, "So, we'll make it for... noon, next week?"
Lori nodded,
"I'll write it down." She said, "Thank you."
She smiled.
"No problem, Lori." He replied, "Have a good night... I'll see you soon."
"Yes Charles... I'll see you soon."
"Of course, Lori... I look forward to it."
~O~O~O~O~O~
((The next morning...A Saturday))
"Lori! Open up!"
Lori woke with a start as a loud knocking on her bedroom door broke her sleep.
Stifling a yawn, she pulled the blankets from over her legs, and, knowing full well what she was getting into, she didn't even bother putting in her contacts and opened the door anyway.
Taking a blurry glance around, she was able to make out the familiar shapes of the girls.
Refusing to acknowledge them fully until she had her contacts in, she blindly made her way to the bathroom to put them in and make herself as decent as she could manage.
Leaving the bathroom, Lori took a deep breath and glanced around; the girl's forms much clearer than before. Adena Pavati... the band's lead singer, was lounging on the couch; her legs crossed as she held her laptop against her knees. Her black hair was frazzled and her eyes, though wide-open, cloudy with an all-too familiar tiredness as her glasses threatened to slip down her nose and her persistent typing filled the room.
At her feet was Demeter Lowe... the lead guitarist, usually just called 'Demi'. She sat on the couch, one of her legs resting on the footrest, and in her lap, was her Gibson Explorer. Soft notes were heard, as her fingers danced over the frets, doing her daily finger exercises. Arpeggios, minor chords, and small snippets of songs were all in her daily, mindless repertoire. She stared up at the ceiling, then back down at her fingers once she'd hit a wrong note. She would wince slightly, make the proper adjustments, and then continue. It wasn't common whenever she'd make a mistake, but it was obvious when she did.
"Good morning." Adena said, her focus obviously on her laptop.
"Gut morning." Demi added, her German accent heavier then ever.
She knew that Gina, their bassist, was working in the record store today, but that only made Lori more curious as to the location of the other two girls.
Girlish giggling was heard from behind the couch, and a smirk crossed Lori's face.
"Ze're behind ze couch." Demi muttered, cuing groans of disappointment from the other girls.
"Awww... why'd you have to go and tell her?"
Sandy popped up from behind the couch, leaning against it.
"It's no fair... you always ruin our fun!" she mumbled.
Demi rolled her eyes,
"Sandy... you're twenty-vone years old... shouldn't you start acting like it?" she pointed out snootily, "Besides, can't you see zat Lori isn't in any mood to play your stupid, baby games?"
Sandy's face fell, and she leaned her cheek on the couch.
"I'm not a baby..." she muttered irritably, "You're just grumpy all the time..."
Demi's hands paused and she turned around to fully face the younger guitarist.
"I am not grumpy all ze time... You're just being an idiot." She grumbled.
The guitarists were nose to nose, when their foreheads painfully collided with each other.
"Ow!"
"Don't be so stupid!"
Monica, their red-haired drummer leaned from the back of the couch, in between them.
She grinned like the fox that she was.
"So, you girls have a good day so far?" Lori asked, breaking up the tension.
Sandy instantly lit up.
"We sure did!" she said happily, "I even made you breakfast!"
The brunette glanced back at the kitchen as the smell of smoke began to permeate the room.
"Uh-oh..."
Lori's eyes widened as she gave a gasp and bolted into the kitchen. Instantly, she turned the oven off, and upon opening the door, she saw several...very dead... strips of bacon... or rather, strips of carbon that could no longer be called food.
Reaching for a towel, she grabbed the hot tray and put it on the top of the stove, letting it get out into the air. She then opened a window, putting the vent fan on.
As she glanced up, she saw Sandy peeking her head from around the corner, looking apologetic as ever. The girl's young face was tinged a bright pink.
"I-I'm sorry, Lori... I didn't mean to almost light your oven on fire..." she mumbled, clasping her hands together.
The attorney gave a sigh, unable to hide a smile.
"It's all right, Sandy... nothing got ruined except breakfast." She said, "I'm just glad no one got hurt."
The young adult just nodded,
"You sure you're not angry?" she asked.
Lori went over and gave the girl a hug.
"No... I'm not angry." She said, "I appreciate the thought. If it hadn't been burned, I'm sure it would've been delicious."
Sandy looked significantly happier once they broke out of the embrace.
"Well, I guess it's good that I didn't make oatmeal. Monica told me it'd be a bad idea." She said.
The red-head smirked,
"That's because it would have, Little Sandy." She said, pulling the younger girl into a head-lock laughing.
Sandy laughed too, as she tried to pull out of the tight hold.
"Hey! Let go!" the young girl giggled, "You're messing up my hair!"
Adena gave a loud sigh.
"Cut it out, you two!" she said, "I can't hear myself think!"
The two band members stopped, but looked at each other, grinning.
Gina, once the commotion had stopped, turned around to face the other girls.
"Oh, did you guys hear about Dethklok's new album?" she asked, eagerly looking around.
Lori looked startled for a moment, wondering why she hadn't realized that her niece arrived.
Sandy lit up.
"Of course!" She explained, instantly running to Gina's side, "It's only going to be their greatest album ever!"
"You say that about all zeir albums." Demi muttered.
Sandy turned around,
"Yeah, but this one is really gonna be the greatest!" she exclaimed, "I can already tell! I only wish the lines at the record store weren't so long..."
The girl's face fell to a pout as she stared down at her sneakers.
Gina smirked,
"Actually, I have a surprise for all of you... Think of it as an early Christmas present." She said.
Sandy instantly lit up.
"What is it?" she asked, her eyes wide as she leaned forward.
Reaching into her bag, the bassist pulled out four new copies of the new Dethklok album.
The youngest member of their band nearly fainted as Gina handed her the disk.
"I-I can't believe it!" she said, staring at the shiny crimson cover, "It's as beautiful as I imagined it."
She sniffled slightly.
Demi raised an eyebrow at the younger guitarist.
"Are you...crying?" she asked, incredulously.
Sandy wiped her eyes.
"I'm just so happy!" she exclaimed, "They're just so amazing! I mean, sure, we've played their music... but hearing them play... Hearing Toki's riffs and Skwisgaar's solo they way they were meant to be played... it really does make dreams come true..."
She gave a dreamy sigh, bringing her hands together as though she were praying to some god of Metal, in between her hands was the new Dethklok album.
Adena, her black hair falling in her face, gave a snort.
"O-kay, Disney princess..." she muttered, earning giggles from the other girls in the room, "You keep thinking that... maybe you'll actually meet them one day."
Sandra gave another sigh, her eyes sparkling.
"That would be awesome!" she sighed, "I think I'd die!"
Demi rolled her eyes, holding her guitar in her lap; her nimble fingers paused along the frets.
"Vhy vould you vant to meet zos sheltered assholes?" she asked, her accent thicker than ever, "I mean, vhat's so special about zem anyvay? I mean, look at zeir lead guitarist... Ze only reason I'm playing zat...zat douchebag in das band is because of ze music he makes... and ze fact that you forced me into it..."
Monica laughed, leaning over the couch flirtily.
"Well, it's not our fault you're so damn ticklish!" she laughed, reaching for the guitarist's sides.
The German gave a shriek, shooting from the couch, Gibson Explorer still in hand.
She shot Monica a glare, who just laughed, grinning good-naturedly.
Lori smirked, disappearing into her room for a few moments to get dressed, then she emerged, glancing around at the girls.
"Well, Demi, while you're still up, why don't I take you girls to the diner to get something to eat? I have good news to tell you."
At the mention of food, all of them seemed to perk up with interest.
"That sounds like a fantastic idea." Adena said, finally looking up from her laptop, "I really could use some more coffee."
Lori emerged from her room, dressed, as she put her hands on her hips.
"You really could use some sleep." She pointed out, "You look exhausted..."
Adena shook her head,
"No... I can't afford to get any sleep until Friday... I have two lab reports to do and a PowerPoint presentation...even then, I'd be putting off my applied statistics research project."
Demi stood up, turning her guitar so it was slung over her back.
"Vell, I could go for something to eat... vhen are ve leaving?" the guitarist inquired impatiently.
"We can go now, if everyone's ready." Lori said.
Adena packed up her laptop as the other girls headed out the door.
"I call shotgun!" Sandy's voice called from outside.
The vocalist sighed, as she stuffed her things in her bag.
"This is going to be an interesting day..."
~O~O~O~O~O~
((Moments later))
"Yay! Food's here!" Sandy cheered, as she happily looked down at the big Belgian waffle with the whipped cream smile that had been laid in front of her, "What you get, Demi?"
She peered over to the other side of the table.
Demi looked at the fruit cup.
"Can't you see vhat I ordered?" she asked, "Do you really need to ask?"
She held her guitar in front of her, fingering the frets as she spoke.
"I'm not that hungry."
Sandy shrugged,
"I was just wondering." She answered, "What about you, Gina?"
The young guitarist went around the whole table.
Adena was drinking her third cup of coffee, her laptop placed in front of her as she typed.
"You know, 'Dena... you type as much as Demi plays her guitar... it's like you're twins, or something." Monica pointed out with a giggle, "Just goes to show ya."
Demi glanced at the busy vocalist and raised an eyebrow.
"So? She has vork to do, and I can't let my fingers deteriorate... I don't see ze similarities here." She pointed out.
Monica moved a strand of red hair behind her ear,
"Don't worry your pretty little head about it, Demi... I was only pointing it out." She said.
The drummer then turned her attention to Lori.
"So, you said that you had good news for us... I'm curious... what is it?" she asked.
Sandy glanced over with an eager nod of agreement.
"Yeah, what's so important, Aunt Lori?" Gina added.
Lori smiled,
"Well, I know how upset you were that your application was denied..." she said, watching their faces fall at the mention of it.
"Don't remind us..." Gina mumbled, "I don't even know why..."
"I know vhy..." Demi muttered, "It's because they're fucking pricks... Zat's vhy."
Sandy shook her head,
"Don't say that about them! All that charity work they do! They can't be bad!" The rhythm guitarist exclaimed.
Demi gave a sigh.
"Don't you vatch the news? They do it for the tax reductions zey get from it..." She answered, "And-"
Monica raised a hand to cut off the lead guitarist.
"Let Lori finish, please! She has important news!"
Lori nodded,
"Thanks, Monica."
Monica gave a smirk.
"No problemo!"
"As I was saying... I know how disappointed you were... but I have good news." She said, "I made a call and for next week..."
The band leaned forward, listening to what was said, and once the news was out, they could only look shocked.
"You'll be going up to Mordhaus and...
Meeting Dethklok."
((A/N: So... what do you guys think? Please read and review! ))