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"Mm," said Jane, leaning in for another kiss, crashing her lips against Maura's. "I would say 'come home with me.'" She punctuated her remark with another kiss, and when they broke apart, she continued, "But my mom's staying with me tonight." She kissed Maura again. "So you might want to ask me to come home with you instead."
Maura looked perplexed when Jane finally pulled away. "Then why didn't you just ask to come home with me?"
Jane sighed. "Come on. I'll meet you at your place in ten."
"With the way I drive, it'll be more like fifteen," commented Maura.
Jane rolled her eyes. "Fine. I'll meet you at your place in fifteen."
Maura allowed herself a smile as she got into her car and started for her house, driving a bit more quickly than she usually would. Jane Rizzoli was a very good incentive to arrive home fast.
Jane was waiting on her doorstep when she arrived, her arms crossed petulantly over her chest. Maura smiled at the image.
"What?" asked Jane.
Maura shook her head. "Nothing." She unlocked the door and let them inside.
Jane, of course, headed straight for the bedroom. She wasn't really one for preamble or niceties; she knew what she wanted and there was no point in prolonging it. She was not a very patient person.
And then she noticed it.
It was a snake – or at least, it looked like a snake. And Jane was absolutely terrified of snakes.
"Maura!" she screamed, and when Maura came running, she demanded, "What the hell is that thing and what is it doing in your bedroom?"
"It's a heterodon platirhinos," Maura said seriously.
Jane threw up her hands in exasperation. "I don't know what that is!"
"Commonly known as the Eastern Hognose snake, the heterodon platirhinos is a colubrid species found in North America ," Maura explained.
"What is a snake doing in your bedroom?" shrieked Jane.
Maura shrugged. "She's harmless. Her name's Magdalena ."
Jane looked absolutely dumfounded. "Why the hell would you name your snake Magdalena ?"
"What would you rather me call her?"
"I don't know. Dead would be a start."
Maura smiled patiently. "Are you afraid of her?"
"Yes!" exclaimed Jane. "You hadn't figured that out by now?"
"The abnormal fear of snakes is called ophidiophobia," Maura informed Jane.
"That's nice. Get that thing out of your house!"
Maura looked hurt. "She's my pet."
"Maura! Where would you even get one of those things?"
"I bought her," explained Maura.
"Well, either she goes or I do."
Maura stuck out her lower lip. Why did Jane always ask her to make such difficult decisions? "Jane," she whined. "What am I supposed to do with her?"
"Release her. Murder her. Put her in a box and send her to Switzerland . I don't care! Just get rid of her."
Maura looked confused. "Why would I put her in a box and send her to Switzerland ."
Jane sighed. Sometimes explaining sarcasm to the utterly honest Maura was an endeavour she did not care to undertake. "I meant, put her in your backyard. She'll survive for a few hours by herself."
"A few hours? Jane, no!"
Jane considered. "Well, I guess I can finish you off much quicker, but it isn't quite so fun when we rush."
Maura blushed and hurried to put her snake in the backyard.
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