Never Had (And Then Suddenly Gained), a star wars fanfic

A/N: Hey! I hope you enjoy this story! I have had to change a few lyrics in the song Never Had to fit the fandom, but it still sounds awesome!

Never Had (And Then Suddenly Gained)

10 Years Ago...

The bus stop was quiet. No cars drove past. No people sat with them. No birds tweeted in the tree behind them. The only sound was the beautiful humming from one of the two occupants on the bench. Finn sat on the bench next to his best friend Poe, the former of which wore a smart shirt and tie, and latter of which was clad in his Air Cadet blues, beret and all. Their bags sat by their feet; Finn's a small suitcase and backpack, Poe's a duffel bag. They were waiting for separate buses. Finn's bus would take him eastwards from D'Qar Highschool to where his apprenticeship at Falcon Enterprise awaited him, whereas Poe's bus would take him westward from their former Alma Mater to the Resistance Air Force base where he would be training to become a pilot. They would be miles apart. They had never been that far apart before.

The wind blew, causing Finn to shiver slightly. His blazer was neatly folded at the bottom of his suitcase so getting it out would be a pain, but before he even had the chance to move something warm and slightly heavy was draped over his shoulders. He gripped it, pulling it tightly around him to block out the cold, but when he actually looked at the item, he found it to be-

"Your jacket," Finn stated. He loved that jacket. Poe would let him wear it all the time, and it led a lot of people to believe that they were dating when they were just best friends. Finn would never admit that he always had a crush on Poe - how could someone not have a crush on him? - but Poe was really Finn's only friend ever since Finn had transferred from a school with a really bad reputation. Poe had been the only person to give him a chance at first.

"You looked cold," Poe replied, smiling his usual smile and biting his lip at the same time. "Don't want you cold before your long bus ride." The silence they had shared before came back again if only momentarily before Poe looked around and spoke up. "I'm really gonna miss this place,"

"Me too," Finn said. That wasn't a lie; Finn really had liked D'Qar High. Though it was the people he was going to miss more. Poe, his classmates, his teachers. He doubted he would see any of them again.

"But you know what I'm gonna miss most?" Poe asked him. Finn looked at his best friend, his head tilted slightly and his brows burrowed in questioning. Poe gave a smile, not his usual smirk, but a shy smile as he looked to Finn. "You."

Down the other end of the long road, a bus' headlights flashed lightly as it went over a speed bump. Poe turned and spotted it, getting to his feet as he did so. Finn did the same, going to pull Poe's jacket off and give it back to him before Poe stopped him.

"Keep it," he said, biting his lip and smiling again, "it suits you." Though a little surprised, as this jacket had always been Poe's favourite, Finn pulled it back on, this time putting his arms in the sleeves. The bus was drawing closer now. Poe let out a sigh, and after a brief pause he turned fully to Finn and he was pulled into a hug. The hug lasted a little longer than you would expect a hug between two guys to last, but neither wanted to pull away. The inevitable had to some, though, as very soon the bus was in plain sight. Finn went to pull away, but before he got the chance to a whisper entered his ear.

"Good luck, buddy," Poe whispered, and after a moment's hesitation, the future pilot placed a short sweet kiss to Finn's cheek.

Poe bent down and picked up his duffel bag, slinging it over his shoulder as he and Finn shared one last smile. Finn would never admit to the tears forming in his eyes, and neither would Poe. Eventually, Poe stepped away and Finn sat back down, watching as Poe waved the bus down and climbed on board. The future pilot took a window seat and waved to Finn as the bus drove away.

Now...

Finn was awoken by his phone ringing. He wasn't sure what time he had gotten home from the hospital last night, or what time he had passed out in his room, but he knew that it was far too early to be getting up. He had just gotten out of the hospital after his incident, shouldn't he be allowed a lie-in? Checking the caller id, he found it to be his roommate and best friend Rey. He answered immediately.

"What's up, Rey?" He asked groggily.

"Morning to you too, sleepyhead," came Rey's reply, "my friend Jessika says there's this really good musician playing at the café this evening. Wanna come and watch? My treat! I know you've been bored in that hospital so I though it would be nice,"

"You just want an excuse to flirt with her, don't you?" Finn said as he sat up in his bed, grimacing as his back ached profoundly.

"What? No, of course not!" Rey told him, but her sarcastic tone gave everything away, "but seriously, wanna come with?"

"I'd love to," Finn got out of bed, grabbing the cane he was told he'd have to use for the next week even though he hated it. He hobbled over to his dresser where he pulled out a t-shirt and jeans and proceeded to get changed as carefully as possible. He put his phone down on the dresser on loudspeaker as Rey continued to talk his ear off about multiple things. Work - she was a mechanic at the local garage - her martial arts class with Master Skywalker, how great the coffee was that Jessika made and how Finn had gotten post that morning which looked like get well cards if the multicoloured envelopes were anything to go by. By the time Finn was fully dressed, the clock had changed to 9:13 am.

"Oh, and I managed to fix your jacket, it's on the kitchen table," Rey said, before announcing that her boss was back and she had to go. They shared a quick goodbye, Rey hanging up the phone and soon Finn was hobbling to the kitchen. There, on the kitchen table, was the old leather jacket Poe had given him years ago. He still wore it, every single day, but it had been torn during the incident and Finn had truly dreaded that it was beyond repair. Rey had been a star, as usual, and had managed to fix it up for him. Except for a faint line running from his right shoulder to his lower left back, there was no indication that there had ever been a rip.

Finn slipped the jacket on, being extremely careful not to aggravate his back anymore, and once it was on he seemed to instantly relax in its warmth and familiar smell. Every time he looked at the jacket he couldn't help but think of Poe. His dark curls, his signature smirk and slip bite that always made Finn smile, his love of flying and the kiss he gave Finn that day they parted. Finn had done his best to keep in contact with Poe after they had gone their separate ways but over the years...

Evening soon came and Finn found himself sitting in a booth by the window of La Resistance, the cafe Rey frequented. The name was yet another reminder of Poe... lots of things seemed to be a reminder of Poe recently. Finn held his cup of coffee in his left hand and his right hand was stuffed in the pocket of Poe's jacket. The tiny stage was quite close to where Finn sat waiting. Not too close to the front, but close enough so that he would be able to clearly see who was on stage.

Rey came over and sat dawn opposite him, a coffee in her own hand and a slip of paper between her finger. "Guess who just got Jess' number?"

"Jabba the Hutt?" Finn asked with a sarcastic smile, one that Rey Gibbs-slapped - more commonly known as a 'Head-slap' - off his face.

"We're gonna go out for a movie after Jess gets off her shift in twenty," Rey told Finn, "you gonna be alright getting back home? I may end up crashing at hers if I'm lucky,"

"Y'know," Finn started, turning away from the empty stage to look at his friend, "for someone who up until about a month ago barely know what love was, you sure are good at this." Rey just shrugged, telling Finn she watched a lot of movies recently.

It wasn't for a little while before the lights dimmed and the musician Rey had dragged Finn to see appeared on stage. He wore some sort of orange jumpsuit which had many dark stains on it around the cuffs and down the front.

"He's a former pilot," Rey explained at Finn's confusion, "crashed his jet and decided to retire from flying after a really bad injury. He teaches instead, apparently,"

The former pilot's hair was dark, curly and stuck up at some strange angles. In his left hand was an acoustic guitar, which he soon placed in position on his lap as he adjusted the microphone. Some people in the crowd cheered, including Rey, when he first sat down.

"Evening all!" He announced to the crowd, and suddenly Finn's face froze.

He knew that voice anywhere.

"You all know who I am, but for all you first timers, I'm Poe Dameron, and tonight I'm gonna be singing my favourite and first ever song. Enjoy!" Finn sat up as straight as he could, his face screwing up when his back protested, but he didn't let it deter him. Instead, he sat there and listened as Poe Dameron began strumming on the guitar.

Strumming a tune Finn remembered from ten years ago when they sat at that bus stop.

I've been gone for so long now
Chasing everything that's new
I've forgotten how I got here
I have not forgotten you

Rey was singing along quietly where she sat, humming the words she didn't know. Finn found himself humming along too, his eyes never leaving the stage as he listened to Poe's beautiful voice.

We were just children but our eyes opened and
You were all that I could see
You came close enough to know my heart beat but
Still not close enough for me

Jessika came and sat down next to Rey, shifting up close "as to not block Finn's view". Something inside Finn's mind made him think they knew about this all along, that they knew Finn and Poe were once best friends.

Through the good times and the bad
You were the best I never had
The only chance I wish I had to take
But there was no writing on the wall
No warning signs to follow
I know now and I just can't forget
You're the best I never had

Poe looked up from his guitar to look about the crowd. Finn could see him look about as if looking for someone in particular. He found that someone when his eyes locked with Finn's. Finn gave a little smile, one Poe returned with that signature lip bite that made Finn break out into a massive grin.

In this motel
Well passed midnight
When I'm bluer than a bruise
You come drifting in through the half light
In my old leather jacket

Finn unconsciously pulled Poe's jacket around him tighter, momentarily thinking of the former tear down the back. Would he notice it? Probably not, Finn's back was pressed against the backrest of the booth.

And I hope that's you standing at my doorway
That's the scratching of your key
And I hope this song I'm singing
Someday finds you
My letter to Finn

With this being the first time he had ever heard this song, Finn hadn't known of that line. He hadn't known that the song had been written specifically for him, but it left him breathless. Poe's cheeks had gone a little red, but he soon turned back to his guitar and continued with the song.

"Thank you all for coming tonight!" Poe said, standing up as people cheered and clapped. Finn watched as Poe walked off the stage with his guitar, and it was only now that the song was over that he noticed Rey and Jessika had left to see their movie. With a sigh, Finn turned back to his now lukewarm coffee as thoughts rushed through his mind.

That was Poe Dameron! His best friend from high school! Finn never knew he could play the guitar, let alone sing! Shouldn't he be at his Air Force base back in D'Qar? Wait, Rey had said he had crashed. Was he okay? Was that why he now played music? And why here in La Resistance? They were a twenty-minute drive away from D'Qar, and that was without the traffic. Did he live there now?

Finn was taken from his thoughts when someone sat down opposite him. A certain someone with dark curls, wearing an orange jumpsuit and a guitar on the seat next to him.

"Poe," Finn breathed out, causing Poe to smile. The pair of them rose at the same time, Finn a little unsteadily, and soon the two were hugging each other tightly.

"It's so good to see you, Finn," Poe said, smiling as he did so. Finn couldn't stop the happy laughs that escaped him, though he soon had to pull out of the hug when Poe hugged him just a little too tightly and his laughs turned into a hiss of pain.

"You alright?" Poe asked, helping Finn back to his seat.

"Yeah, back's just a little sore," Finn explained. "Just got out of the hospital. Some of the builders fixing the office up knocked some scaffolding over, I got caught up in the mess. Almost got my spinal chord severed." Finn bit his lip to stop his rambling. That wasn't exactly the best thing to talk about when talking to your best friend you haven't seen in ten years.

"Really?" Poe asked, his eyes laced with disbelief, but Finn nodded his head. "Hey, you still have my jacket!"

"Yeah, I love this jacket!" Finn replied, "I could have never gotten rid of it,"

Their conversation seemed to continue calmly for hours. Everyone else had filtered out of the café slowly, but the two of them ended up staying right where they were. They caught up, learnt about what the other had done throughout the past ten years. Finn found out that Poe was staying with his old friend - who turned out to be Jessika Pava - until he could find a place of his own. Unfortunately, their conversations couldn't last forever as the cafe owner announced that he was closing up shop and politely asked them to leave.

"Mind if I walk you back to yours?" Poe asked, and there was no way Finn could say no.

"Poe, can I ask you something?" Finn asked as they exited the elevator in Finn's apartment building. Poe had insisted on walking Finn up to his apartment, despite it being on the fifth floor. Sometime during their walk back, Poe's arm had wormed its way around's Finn's back, and Finn's the same, just like back in high school.

"You just did," Poe replied with a smirk, earning himself a nudge in the side. "Yeah, what's up?"

"That song," Finn began slowly, averting his gaze to his feet as he spoke. "Is it..."

"Yeah," Poe finished for him, "yeah, it's about you." The two stopped outside Finn's apartment door. Finn looked up again into his best friend's eyes and Poe continued. "Finn," Poe leant forwards and reached for Finn's unoccupied hand, holding it tightly in his own. "Back in high school, I had a really big crush on you. I never said anything because I knew I'd be joining the Air Force and I didn't know what could happen. If I was deployed there could have been a chance of you never seeing me again. Not to mention I didn't know how you felt about me since you never made any indication otherwise but I really love you and -"

Poe was silenced by Finn wrapping both arms around Poe and pulling the former pilot in for a long yet sweet kiss. Poe's hands wrapped themselves around Finn and he didn't dare pull away.

"I had a crush on you too," Finn said slightly breathless when they finally pulled away for air. "And honestly? I'm sure I still love you,"

"Me too," was Poe's only reply.

Letting go only to reach into his pocket for his keys, Finn opened the door to the flat and took Poe by the hand, closing the door behind them.

The cane he once needed to use lay useless on the hallway floor, and it wasn't until Rey returned the next morning with her hair a mess that it was picked up. She and Poe shared knowing smiles as she entered the flat and he exited, slipping a note for Finn into her hand as he left.

The note? That read:

"Had to run, got work at nine. I enjoyed last night. Wanna go to dinner tonight? -Poe xx"

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