The Ultimate Sacrifice

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It is very easy to forgive others their mistakes;
it takes more grit to forgive them for having witnessed your own.

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SPOILERS from 2x12 so beware.

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"He's not going to survive out there," Morgana breathed, her voice trembling even more than her body.

"I know," said Merlin, unable to look his friend in the eye, fearing if did then he wouldn't be able to do what he had to do. If he looked into her mesmerizing green eyes, the same green eyes that had once captivated him, then Merlin knew he would never be able to kill her. He would never be able to save Arthur, to save Camelot.

"We've got to do something," she urged, pleading with Merlin, begging him to help Arthur, her adoptive brother.

A sharp pain, unrelated to his illness, stabbed his very heart. He could tell by her tone that she was completely unaware of his intentions, his intention to murder her. He could hear her raspy breaths, concentrating on the sound of her gasps to attempt to avoid thoughts of what he was about to do, what he needed to do. That was what he kept telling himself, convincing himself, he had to do it. He had to, one casualty in exchange for that of thousands. But why did the one casualty have to be Morgana, the woman he had grown closer to than all others? He couldn't question that now, no, he couldn't doubt himself. He could afford to.

"Yeah," said Merlin, using the door to support his weight. Damn, he had done it, he looked into her eyes. Her emerald orbs were wide with terror, with desperation. He hadn't realized just how green her eyes were, how perfect her irises were. Several golden specks illuminated her eyes, drawing him in, her soul almost reading his own. They had hypnotized him again, but this time he didn't know if he wanted to break the spell. But when Morgana's head tilted to the side, her expression filled with concern, he blinked and tore his eyes away from hers.

"Merlin, are you alright?" she asked adoringly, causing guilt to overcome him once again.

He nodded hastily, without another word, and scurried to Uther's side. He would have Morgana tear up the linen they had been dragging the King of Camelot on to use as rope, though he knew it would never be used.

"Tear this up, I'll make some rope," he said quickly, tossing her the purple cloth.

She hurriedly began stripping the linen, as he instructed. He then turned away immediately, pouring in the poison before he could second guess himself. Then he turned back around, extending the leather canteen to her.

"Here have some w-"

He paused mid-sentence, choosing to observe Morgana's motions before finishing his statement. Her hands were shaky, her eyes were clearly holding back streams of tears. He narrowed his gaze, biting his lower lip in deep thought. If Morgana had caused all of this chaos then why was she reacting like this? She was good at hiding the truth, he knew this to be fact, but there was no feasible way she could fake the emotions she was displaying. He watched her chest rise and fall with haste, her breaths faster than ever. He could never live with himself if he took an innocent life, his friend's life at that. The dragon could be wrong, it could be possible. Maybe the ancient beast was angry at him for taking so long to free him and opted to trick the young warlock in response. Merlin shook his head, trying desperately to erase the denial from his mind. His efforts were futile. He curled his chin into his chest, cursing himself for putting himself and therefore Camelot's future in harm's way.

"Morgana," he began again, his voice shaky. "I need to ask you something."

"Merlin, this surely isn't the time," Morgana urged, tearing the sheets. "We must-"

"If I don't ask you now then I fear there will never be a time to do so," he sighed, looking up at the ceiling, still fighting himself. "Please, Morgana, just listen."

Morgana froze midway through her creation of another strip, feeling her beating heart freeze as well. She had never heard such a tone come from Merlin before, it was so severe. She dropped her hands to her lap and looked up at his face. Her stomach ached as she then realized just how pale and clammy her friend was, how weak he appeared. His eyes almost seemed to be withholding tears, something Morgana didn't know Merlin even possessed. She swallowed a large lump in her throat and gave him her undivided attention.

"What is it, Merlin?" she asked sincerely.

"Why is this happening to Camelot?" he asked bluntly.

"I told you already, I d-"

"Don't know, yeah, I got that," he interrupted rudely, extremely out of his character, so much that Morgana nearly swallowed her tongue. "But, I know, that you do know more than you're letting on. So I'm asking you, Morgana, as your friend, to tell me the truth. I have been loyal and kept your secret, you know you can trust me. I am begging you, please, tell me what's happening."

"Merlin, I-"

"Morgana, Arthur will die, Gwen will die, I will die," he breathed, feeling a bit more light headed than before. "That is an inevitability, please, if you are still the woman I know you to be then you will be brave enough to be honest with me. I swear to you that I what you reveal to me will never leave this room."

Morgana's lower lip trembled, the salty demons that she had been battling began to fall down her cheeks. How could she tell him what she had done? He would think so little of her, he would never look at her the same. But she knew, deep down, that she was unwilling to sacrifice her friends' lives merely to see Uther's downfall. She could not live with herself knowing that their blood was on her hands, innocent lives were lost because she was too weak to tell the truth. But what could Merlin do, a mere servant? Was there even any point to revealing what had happened when nothing could be done? No, she had to swallow he pride and tell him. She could not allow herself to become what she had grown-up despising, and she knew that was the path she had been stumbling upon for some time now.

"Morgause," she choked out, surprising herself that words managed to escape her mouth. "I-I met with her the other night."

"You conjured this spell with Morgause?"

"No," she insisted quickly. "She asked me if I would join her in bringing Uther's downfall, and-"

"You chose to do this?" asked Merlin in a vicious tone.

"No," she persisted. "I did agree, but I didn't do this. I swear to you, Merlin! The last thing I remember...she was thanking me, but then I woke up in my bed. The next thing I knew everyone started becoming ill and falling asleep, ex-except me. I'm sorry, it must be my fault somehow."

Merlin rubbed his temples furiously, he wished Gaius was awake. He needed him more than ever before. Merlin knew what had happened now. Instead of using herself as a vessel, Morgause was a coward and used Morgana to do her bidding without her consent. There was still no way to save Camelot without destroying the vessel, an innocent vessel. But now, Merlin knew he could not bring himself to kill an innocent person, especially an innocent friend. However, he told himself, she did attempt to bring about Uther's downfall. That did make her guilty, deceitful, a traitor.

"Damn it," he cursed as he gripped his dark hair between his fingers, standing up a bit too quickly and collapsing back to his knees. Morgana crawled rapidly to his side, holding him upright. Merlin could feel her body heat against his skin, he'd almost expected her to be ice cold. No, she was still human, she still had good in her. She pulled his hands gently down from his head, taking them adoringly into her own delicate palms.

"Merlin, lie down for a moment, you're not well," she pleaded.

"Please, stop being so kind," he sighed, turning to look at her, their faces so close that he could feel her breath against his chin. He was tempted to wipe away the tears that were still rolling down her pale cheeks, but he couldn't bring his fingertips to touch her.

"Why?" she asked, furrowing her brow. "You're my friend, I care about you-"

"Because I have to kill you," he said, biting his lower lip as he turned away.

"You what?" she whispered, refusing to release him. She watched as he blinked a solitary tear from each of his cool eyes.

"To lift the curse the vessel must be destroyed," he said in a robotic tone, staring straight forward at the stone wall. "I know now, that you are the vessel. I poisoned the water in the canteen, and I was going to kill you by tricking you into drinking it. But now that I know it was Morgause who is responsible for this... I don't know how I'm going to bring myself to do what has to be done to save Camelot."

"How do you know that is how you lift the curse?" she asked anxiously.

"I remember Gaius telling me a story of a village this happened to as well," he lied. "That was the only way the people were saved."

"I have to die for Camelot to survive?" she breathed. "You are certain?"

"Yes," he choked, wiping another tear from his eye.

Morgana let go of Merlin, allowing herself to sit upon her knees again. She looked over at the leather canteen, imagining Merlin tricking her into drinking the poison. He would have hated himself for it, and she would have been oblivious to why he had done it. She brought her gaze back to Merlin again, he continued to stare blankly at the stone wall. Then she heard the clanging of swords from behind the wooden doors, Arthur would succumb to exhaustion soon. He could not withstand such physical torment much longer, soon he would be slain. Merlin began to sway slightly, appearing faint. It wouldn't be much longer before everyone in Camelot would be lost. Yes, Uther would be gone, but at what cost? He murdered innocent people with magic, but she was inadvertently doing the same to those without it. She slowly reached for the leather canteen, her hand trembling so hard that she had to use her other palm to steady it. She slid off the top, swallowed hard, and stared at the opening that was not just the source of liquid but the future source of her death.

Morgana thought of her youth, of her father, of childhood games she'd played with Arthur. She remembered when she first moved into the castle, she thought of how lucky she was to have Gwen for a friend and how she had been pushing her away. She thought of how much she loved Arthur and how she had never been able to bring herself to tell him. She thought of how many mistakes she had made, how many people she had hurt, and how foolish she had been. She looked over at Merlin once again before gazing back at the canteen in her trembling hands, thinking of how much she underestimated him. She remembered the time Arthur had told her that he thought Merlin had a bit of a crush on her. That was the day she realized just how handsome his smile was. She thought of how much respect she had for Merlin and how desperately she wished she could have been more like him. She admired him so much that she knew he would never be able to kill her himself. So because she cared for him so much, she would do him the ultimate favor, she would sacrifice herself.

She took one final deep breath and brought the canteen to her lips, swallowing several healthy gulps of the liquid. She was pleased she could not taste the hidden substance, it would make her finals moments a bit easier...if that was possible. It didn't take long for the poison to take its toll, only about thirty seconds or so. Morgana had never experienced such immense pain in all her life. She felt as if her insides were being set aflame or ripped apart, she couldn't decide. Then she felt her throat begin to close as it became difficult to breathe. She reached out, gripping Merlin's arm, he looked from her to the opened canteen back to Morgana. His face was so shocked it appeared his eyes were going to fall out of their sockets.

"Morgana, no," was all he managed to say before she collapsed backwards towards the stone floor. Merlin's hand cradled her head before setting her down upon the ground. Her torso arched in searing pain, painful gasps escaping her lips. Merlin held his hand upon her cheek, his dark eyes filled with almost as much pain as his beautiful counterpart, though his was not physical pain. She stared up at him, knowing he would be the last person she would ever see. She was content with that fact. With great difficulty, Morgana lifted her arm upwards and rested it upon Merlin's neck just gracing his jawline below his ear. Her thumb ran slowly, tenderly against his jaw as if to comfort him. He leaned into her palm, closing his eyes for a moment to savor the feeling of her soft skin against his.

"It's alright, Merlin, I would die a thousand times," Morgana gasped, assuring him of her decision in hopes that it would put him at ease, "if it meant I would be sparing the lives of the ones I love."

"Please-" he cried, shaking his head.

"M-Merlin," she pleaded noticeably much weaker, her arm falling to her own abdomen. She lifted her fingers upward and gripped his shirt that dangled loosely over her, tugging him downwards. Merlin leaned in so his ear was near her mouth to hear her. She placed a gentle kiss on his cheek, the last thing he expected. He closed his eyes as tight as he could, fighting off tears as he turned his head, their foreheads tenderly rubbing against one another. Her spasming ceased, body relaxing as her eyelids closed. "F-For..."

"What is it, Morgana?" asked Merlin sincerely, brushing a silky strand of her dark hair from her pale face, praying she would be able to speak her last thought.

"Please, Merlin," she began so quietly that he could barely hear her. Her jaw hung loose ever so slightly, her mouth parted. She drug her lower lip lazily against Merlin's sharp cheek bone, arching her neck in immense pain again. Morgana released a weak groan as her insides deteriorated completely. She reached for his clammy hand, holding it in hers, she didn't want to die alone. Her lips closed on his earlobe for just a moment before releasing it to speak her final words. Her warm breath filled Merlin's eardrum, her sweet perfume engulfing his nostrils. Her grip on his palm loosened as her lips parted. "Please, forgive me."

One last breath escaped her lips before her head fell lifelessly to the side, her hand releasing his completely. Merlin instantly felt the illness begin to alleviate itself, confirming her death more so. He lifted her up into his arms, cradling her in the inside nook of his elbow. He sat onto his behind, bent his knees and spread them so he could rock her lifeless body in his arms. She was still warm though he could feel her skin growing cold upon his fingertips. Merlin rested his chin upon the top of her head, her long wavy locks tangled in his fingers. Maybe if he'd just been honest with her, told her the truth about his magic, then none of this would have happened. She wouldn't have felt so alone and wanted to seek out Morgause and others of lesser moral standards. If he had been brave enough to tell her the truth then maybe Morgana would still be alive, alive and in his arms.

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A/N: OK, for anyone who watched the last Merlin episode, were you super disappointed by the way Merlin handled the whole Morgana thing? I was, cease me writing this. If she had to die (which I don't really think she is but hypothetically speaking), then they shouldn't have let her suddenly die evil. That was so retarded. She was clearly sorry for what she did because she was helping Merlin and Arthur, and Merlin could have handled it differently. I was a huge Merlin/Morgana shipper, and I was so sad to see her face when he poisoned her. It screamed shock and betrayal. Don't get me wrong, I think Katie and Colin did an amazing job with the scene, but I was still sad.

PS: I left out Morgause bursting in because it would have been super long, and I didn't want to write her anyway.

Please, review if you like it. I may write a Ar/Mor scene when Arthur finds Morgana dead scene if people want to read it.

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