When you were mine
He had gotten used to watching her from afar. She was like a doll in a glass cabinet that he was afraid to touch – she was simply there to be admired from a distance. And so he went through the same thing everyday for six years, hiding behind trees, sticking out his curly head, hoping to catch a glimpse of her before she ran off.
No one had ever fascinated him as much as she did. She was beautiful. Sure, all her friends were pretty with their blonde hair and blue eyes - true Californian girls. But she was different. She was an exotic beauty with long raven hair that was dead straight until the ends where curly ringlets formed. Her skin was flawless, with a cute little button nose plastered on her face along with red luscious lips. And her eyes fascinated Seth the most. He could never tell what she was feeling when he looked into those eyes from afar. They were large and chocolate brown but had a slight mystery about them. Seth could not explain it but he always wished for her to look at him just once for a little longer then a glance, he just wanted to get lost in those gorgeous eyes...
It was not only her physical appearance that he loved about her. No, it was her personality too. He often asked himself why he was so obsessed with her - she, after all, ignored him and called him names and giggled when one of the members of the water polo team stole his lunch money. Yet Seth couldn't help himself - he was drawn to her. He found himself watching her every move. He always found himself smiling slightly when she was alone and climbed up to get a kitten out of a tree for a crying kid, and when she left some money on Seth's empty table when no one was looking. He never spent it; he kept it in a piggy box in his room, hoping to give it back to her someday when he had worked up the courage to talk to her. He saw the way a look of emptiness crossed her face when she saw all the kids in her fourth grade class get picked up by their mothers, and he saw the way she dropped onto the school steps and almost looked like she was about to cry. And then she changed her expression as if nothing happened and all of a sudden, she was snobby and carefree again.
Seth could never understand Summer Roberts until she became his.
He remembered how good it felt to have her cradled in his arms. The way she would lean against his chest and he'd take in her scent - vanilla mixed with strawberries. They should make a whole new perfume with Summer's scent - he'd definitely buy it and spray it all over his room so that she'd be with him all the time.
For nine years that he had known her he had never seen her sad. Sure, she'd cry while watching movies and she'd be upset when he messed up in his Cohen-y ways but he had never seen his Summer broken before. He'd almost wished that she would let down her guard, she'd always be the one that was holding the two of them together - she'd always be there to take away Marissa's problems, and even Seth's. He'd never seen her break down and cry until their senior year. He had entered her room, eager to be with her after a day of hardly seeing each other at school, and he'd found her lying on her bed. He had approached, tentatively, and she had turned around and broke down on his shoulder.
It was the first time he'd seen Summer lose control like that. She let out loud sobs and her body shook as she clung onto Seth like her life depended on it. He'd held her until she had finally pulled back, telling him that her mother had died. And that was when he had saw it - for the first time - in her eyes, he saw her vulnerability. He had only seen flashes of it before while dating her but never like this. And then her eyes had filled with tears again as she sobbed onto his shoulder, while he rocked her back and forth like a child. She had cried out that she had barely even known her mother.
A week later from that incident, Seth remembered Summer telling him that her mother had left him when she was only four. She barely remembered her - only her honey scented smell and her curly hair that Summer would wrap around her small finger, pulling and laughing. But then Summer had told him that she remembered the night when her mother had left her and her father for the handsome doctor next door. They had run away together and so Summer had shut out any memories of her mother. She never tried to contact her mother and vise versa. To Summer, her mother no longer existed. All photographs were thrown out or burnt by her father. Summer had no living memory of her mother.
And from that moment onwards, she had began to open up to him. Her cold, ice queen exterior, which he had experienced for six years while trying to win her over, was just a protective shell she hid under. She was just a small, delicate child underneath who was still waiting for her mother to return to tuck her in at night and read her a bedtime story.
She no longer shut him out and slowly he began to understand her. While dating her in his junior year, and half of the year after, he had loved her sure, but he had never understood her. But then during their senior year at high school, they had become attached at the hip. And not even in the annoying Ryan-Marissa kind of way. They shared a special bond, a bond that could not be broken over comic books and whipped cream.
He knew how difficult it was for her to say the three little words that he said to her almost every time he saw her. He had slowly realized that she shared the same fear as Ryan – abandonment issues. She was terrified of anyone abandoning her like her mother had, which was why she had never become close to anyone other then her father and Marissa. He hated himself a hundred times over for leaving her and was so grateful that she had given him another chance.
He remembered when he had heard those three little words, and that was one of the happiest days of his life. It had been on graduation day, they had just thrown their caps in the air, and there she was running towards him. She had flung her arms around his neck and he had twirled her around, her blue graduation gown flowing behind her along with her silky black hair. He was grinning like mad before she had leant forward and whispered into his ear, "I love you".
It was like someone had taken a remote control and pressed the pause button. He saw only her. It was like one of those romantic corny movies that he had hated so much. He had known that she had loved him; he could always see it in her eyes. But to hear her say it was quite different. In fact, it was extremely different. He had kissed her then, right in front of his parents who had come rushing forward to congratulate him, but he did not care. For that day onwards, it was just he and she.
They had spent their entire college years together. Sure, they'd broken up for a few months in between but even if they did have other girlfriends or boyfriends, they'd always be thinking of each other. All the time. And they could not help the tingly feelings that went through them when they laid eyes on each other. To Seth, Summer had always been his. And to Summer, Seth would always be hers.
And here he was now again, peeking his head out from behind a big oak tree. He had been coming here everyday for the past year. His fingers clenched the tree so hard that his knuckles turned white. The bag slung over his shoulder felt heavy yet he did not dare put it down. Finally, when the people that had been near her retreated, he moved towards her. He knelt down, blinking away any tears that were threatening to fall.
"Hi beautiful. I missed you today. Suzie missed you too, she's coming to see you later and I know you'll like that. She's bringing Princess Oats with her, apparently Captain Oats and Princess Sparkles got married without our consent" he said in a soft voice.
He opened his bag and pulled out a bright pink piggy box. He set it down.
"Remember when you used to leave me all that money when those water polo players had stolen my lunch money? Well, I kept it all and now I'm giving it back to you. I don't know how much use it will be but I just want you to have it. I know that no one will steal it because they'll be able to sense your rage blackouts," he said, smirking slightly. And then all of a sudden, he broke down, tears streaming down his twenty-seven-year old face. Finally, he regained control of himself, adjusting his collar and tie.
"I love you baby, and I miss you" he whispered, opening his bag again and taking out a single red rose. He laid it gently on the ground, next to the many flowers already crowded there. And with that, he got up and looked back at her.
He knew a lot of things about Summer but there were many things that he still needed to know. But he could never know them anymore. All he had now were memories, memories about the way her hair smelled, memories about the way she laughed and the bells that seemed to jingle when she did. He remembered her smile, so wide, showing off her perfect teeth. She was the girl he had loved and would always love. She was the only one. She was his Summer. There was no other way to explain it.
Finally, he drew himself away from her and walked away, taking long strides because he had a daughter to go home to. Just as he was exiting, he looked at her one last time for the day. He looked at the gray stone that read:
Summer Roberts Cohen
1987 - 2013
Beloved wife, mother and friend.