A/N: Hi! This is an idea for a Humor oneshot I had. It just popped into my mind randomly and I thought it was too good to let go of. Enjoy, and don't forget to R&R!

Disclaimer: I don't own the 39 clues.

WARNING: MAJOR OOCness. Please no flames with the word 'OOC', because you were pre-warned.

Babysitting

Dan ran up to the doorstep and pressed the doorbell. Natalie trudged wearily up behind him.

"I still can't believe Amy made me do this," she grumbled. "And with you, of all people. If Mrs. Jackson is a suspected Vesper, why not just do a background check on her? Why do we have to snoop around while pretending to-" she shuddered- "babysit her daughters?"

Dan sighed. "Come on, Nat. Amy thinks there might be certain docs we need in here." He jerked his thumb towards the house. "And after all, babysitting can't be that bad-" He stiffened and pressed his finger to Natalie's lips before she could respond. "Someone's coming!"

Natalie glared at him before molding her expression into a perfectly innocent one. Dan pulled away and tried to do the same as the door opened.

"Hi there, sweeties," a tall, hearty woman greeted them. "So you'll be taking care of my Dora and Diana for today? Rather young, aren't you? But I suppose you're experienced enough, considering you've joined the best babysitting club in town. My normal sitters are away on vacation, I think, so I had to ring for new ones." She led them inside, chattering relentlessly, before pausing to ask their names. "And you are...?"

"Neil Trent," Dan said smoothly, before Natalie could talk. "And this is Anne Barker. We're distant cousins."

"Pleased to meet you, Neil and Anne," Mrs. Jackson said, showing them to a messy living room. "Excuse the state of this, will you? I've been in such a hurry all morning, getting ready to go to that lunch the Lesleys are giving. I'd take Dora and Diana, but they're both a little sick, poor dears, and I can't miss this lunch because I may never get to see Lola Goodman again. Lola was my best friend from the old days before she married and moved to New Mexico, she was. I haven't seen her in years..."

Natalie looked at Dan and grimaced. Why was this woman talking so much? She certainly didn't sound like a Vesper, but then they were supposed to be masters of disguise. All the same, Natalie wished the woman would just tell them the essentials of babysitting (whatever those were) and get on with it.

"And hon, here are the diapers- don't hesitate to use as many as you need- and here's the baby bottle. It's already been sterilised. Dora's sleeping over there, and Diana's over there." She pointed to two cradles that were next to each other before moving to the kitchen counter. "The milk- feel free to heat anything- and paper towels over there, in case of... emergencies." She chuckled and glanced at the clock. "Oh, dear me! If I'm not ten minutes behind already. Sorry, dearies, must rush!" And with that she was out of the house.

Dan went over to the cradles and peeked in. They're cute, he thought. Don't look like too much trouble. Now for the important part of our 'babysitting'.

"Bug sweep," he mouthed to Natalie, who nodded and went off to the kitchen. Dan almost immediately found a camera hidden just beside the curtains. He picked it off the wall carefully, using tweezers, and then crushed it.

"AAAAAEHH!"

Dan almost jumped out of his clothes. He leaned against the wall to catch his breath before going over to the first cradle, which was shaking. Natalie ran out of the kitchen, still clutching something in her fist. They peeked into the cradle.

The once-cute Dora had distorted her mouth into an upside-down U shape, and sounds that Dan occasionally made while ninja-training came out of it. Natalie covered her ears and turned away. Dan, however, carefully slipped his arms around the baby and picked her up.

Her eyes were not yet open, still half-asleep. Dan put her over his shoulder and rocked her slowly. Dora whimpered once or twice before setting up a full-out howl.

Natalie's eyes widened. "Why's she crying?"

Dan stared at her. "She's just sleepy and she doesn't know who we are. It's what babies do, Nat." Before she could yell at him for calling her Nat, he said, "Fetch the baby bottle! I think it has milk in it already."

She trudged away to get it. Dan sat down on the floor and laid Dora carefully on his lap, placing his palm under her head like a pillow. He whistled softly, trying to get the baby's attention.

Dora looked up at him with big eyes. Without even knowing what he was doing, he began to talk to her in a baby voice. "Is wittle Dora hungry? Don't cry, Big Sis Nat is getting you your milk!"

Natalie crept up behind him. She stifled her laughter, pulled her phone out and caught the whole thing on video.

Dan felt something warm trickle onto his legs. He made a high-pitched, strangled sound.

"N-Na-Natalie! Some paper towels and diapers please!"

The baby laughed. She actually laughed. It was probably the sound he had made, but...!

He heard laughter behind him, too. He turned to see Natalie, a phone clutched in her hand, almost falling over laughing. Dan frowned.

"What's so funny?"

"That... sound... you made... she peed on you... you were talking... baby voice... I got it all on camera!" Natalie said the last part proudly, still giggling.

Dan's eyes widened. "No!"

"Yes! And you can't come chasing after me now, you'll drop Dora," Natalie teased. "You're at my mercy, Dan."

Dan glared at her. "What do I have to do?"

Natalie thought for a minute. What could she make him do? Promise never to tease her again? Nah. That kind of stuff was remembered for about two hours.

Go on a shopping trip with her? Maybe, but still... not the best idea ever. Dan would probably interrupt her good shopping time with his silly comments.

She finally sighed. "Nothing. Oh, wait... Promise not to delete this video or prevent anyone from seeing it."

Dan looked surprised. "Oh. 'Kay, ninja's honour."

Natalie pulled the tissue roll off the table and handed it to him. Dan gingerly tore one off and placed it under Dora's bottom before handing her carefully to Natalie while he cleaned himself up.

Natalie held Dora gently, as if she were the most precious dress in the world. Natalie took the baby bottle, sat down with Dora on her lap, and put the nipple of the bottle in the baby's mouth. Nothing happened at first.

Then Dora began to... suck. Natalie was amazed. How did tiny babies know to suck at the bottle?

Dan came over to her, an impressed expression on his face. Natalie tried to look nonchalant, but her hand shook slightly.

Dan looked away from Natalie, pretending to go search for something to amuse Dora with. Then he remembered a ringtone in his phone. 'Child Laugh'.

When Dora was done with the milk bottle, Dan played his ringtone. A baby's high-pitched, comical laugh erupted from the phone. Natalie giggled as Dora stared at the phone.

The baby in the ringtone shrieked with laughter. Dan fell over laughing, even though he'd heard it so many times before. Dora smiled, and Natalie... was she crying? With laughter? Because of his ringtone?!

The ringtone ended a few moments later. Dan was still laughing, curled up into a ball on the floor.

Natalie poked him. He didn't stir. She poked him again. He looked up, his face distorted with mirth. "What...?"

Natalie never got the chance to answer.

Suddenly, her eyes widened, wider than he had known anybody's eyes go before. He looked down at Dora, confused. "What's wrong? Is it..."

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

A couple of crows, cawing peacefully about life and its difficulties, fell off their branches. (Their tree branches. Crows don't belong to any... family branches.)

"SHE'S POOPING ON MEE!"

Natalie picked Dora off her lap so fast that the baby looked frightened for a moment before starting to cry. Dan started to laugh again.

"Serves... you... right," he choked on the last word. "Making me promise th-that... My turn to take a video of you... Hold still and don't drop the baby!"

He held the phone up triumphantly before starting to video a shrieking Natalie. Finally, though, he couldn't stand Dora's pitiful wails anymore.

"Here," he offered, taking Dora from Natalie, "I think it's time we get her away from the bad Cobra who scared her. Aww, poor wittle Dora, did Miss Cobrita scare you? Don't worry, Ninja to the rescue!" He swung the baby around, first just a little before going crazy dancing.

Natalie watched in part-amusement, part-amazement as Dan did all sorts of wild moves while still managing to hold the baby safely. And Dora was laughing. Again.

Natalie felt kind of hurt. Why was it that the baby wouldn't laugh when she held it, only when he held it? All her life she'd been used to mean remarks and exclusion because of her family, but by a mere baby... it was too hurtful. Natalie turned away so Dan wouldn't see the tears that started pricking her eyes.

This is stupid. Why am I crying? It's not like I've tried making the baby laugh or anything, while he's actually trying. To make it laugh, to make it stop crying. I should stop crying. NOW.

Natalie tapped into her Lucian skills and blinked once, hard, to stop her tear glands from working. She turned back around before realizing that her dress was still covered in the poop. It looked horrible, a brownish-yellowish mess against her favorite shimmery-green dress. It took all her will to refrain from shrieking again. She reached up for the paper towels and wiped most of the solid off. But the stain was still there.

Natalie picked herself up and went to the bathroom. She put some water, wincing, onto her dress and allowed it to soak in before wiping it off. She went back to the living room to find that Dan had stopped dancing.

"Dan...?"

"Natalie. Shh. Go the cradle and rock it. Gently. Very gently. Now." Dan's tone was quiet and commanding, very unlike his normal voice.

Natalie had almost forgotten about Diana. She started to make her way to the cradle, but before she could get there, a whimper came from it. It grew into a series of whimpers, and then a steady wail.

Dan cursed softly. "Pick her up."

"But-"

"Just do it."

Natalie lifted Diana out of the cradle. Diana was a lot like her twin, but whereas Dora had blond hair, Diana's was red. And long- much longer than Dora's. Natalie pressed Diana to her body and rocked her softly, but Diana wouldn't stop crying. To make matters worse, Dora heard. Now that Dan wasn't dancing anymore, she picked up the cries of her sister, and they tried to out-howl each other. (Or it seemed like it.) Dan cursed even louder.

"Here, take Dora," he said.

"How?! I'm holding Diana, we can't just swap them like basketballs!" Natalie cried. She watched as Dan pulled Diana's blanket out of her cradle with one hand and spread it neatly on the floor. "Leave her there," he commanded.

Natalie did so, one hand on Diana's head to make sure it wouldn't hit the floor too abruptly. As soon as she was free on the floor, Diana rolled over onto her stomach.

Dan watched, amused at Natalie's expression of disbelief. "She's five and a half months old, Nat. She can do that. I read up on Mrs. Jackson's daughters as well as her," he explained.

Natalie smiled. "Work your charm, Dan. Calm her down. I'll take Dora."

Dan lifted Diana off the floor. "Milk-bottle, Nat- alie." He added the last part after a small pause. Natalie smirked at him before going to get the bottle.

Dan sighed. Why did babysitting have to be so hard? At the rate this was going, it seemed like they'd never get down to any actual business. He felt Diana's bottom and discovered that she didn't have a diaper on either. Oh, great. Just great.

After he had finished giving Diana her milk, he hunted around for the diapers. Laying Diana on the floor, he pulled off the plastic sticker covering on the diaper, lifted her legs and slipped it underneath. Finally, after sticking the straps back on, he leaned back and sighed again, but this time contentedly.

Natalie waved her free hand in his face. "Hello? You're not done yet, Dan! This baby needs a diaper as well!"

"Do it yourself, Natalie," Dan grumbled. "Give me a break." He closed his eyes, resting his head against the sofa. He'd been woken up way too early today morning by Amy. He needed sleep...

A loud SNAP! interrupted his thoughts. His eyes jerked open. "Natalie!"

The said girl smiled innocently. "I need diaper-changing lessons, Dan," she said sweetly.

"Weren't you watching me? Ugh. SO, first, tear off this white part, then do this, then pull this in..." His hand guided hers through the movements, a little grumpily. When they'd finished, he looked at her. "I'm going to get some sleep. Have fun taking care of the babies..." He fell onto the couch, asleep in less than a minute.

"Dan? Dan! DAN!"

No response. Natalie sighed, exasperated. She was tired too! That didn't mean they could just fall asleep- they had to take care of the twins until Mrs. Jackson came back at- was it three or four? Whenever it was, they had to take care of the twins until then.

Dan was really asleep, though. How he could be tired out so quickly, she didn't know (maybe it was the huge lunch he'd had before they came), but Natalie could tell he wasn't pretending. She glanced at the two babies on the floor, who looked like they were talking to each other peacefully. Natalie went over to an armchair, laid her head back, and dozed off.

A wail interrupted Dan's dreams. He lazily opened one eye, expecting to see the black-ninja-poster-covered ceiling of his room, but the cream yellow surprised his mind. He sat up and looked at his watch. Two o'clock. He'd slept for approximately two hours.

Dora was writhing on the floor. So was Diana. Oh, shoot- I left them with Natalie alone for two hours! She's going to KILL me!

Natalie... was in the armchair, asleep. Dan blinked.

"N-Natalie?!" Disbelief was evident in his voice as he pushed himself up, and, ignoring the babies, went to the sleeping girl. She didn't stir, still breathing evenly. For half a moment, the Cahill part of Dan feared that she had been poisoned or knocked out by an intruder, but that was stupid. Natalie was like, the Princess of Poisons, and there was no wound that Dan could see. Besides, Diana and Dora were alright. No, as hard as it was to believe it, Natalie was simply asleep.

A slow smile turned up the corners of Dan's mouth. He grabbed for his phone before fetching a glass of water from the kitchen- more specifically the freezer. When all was ready, he shushed the babies- they were surprisingly obedient- and stood in front of Natalie.

He held the glass out on top of her head before tilting it, first a little, then a little more, then... SPLASH! He poured the whole thing onto her face, making sure his phone was taping it.

Natalie's eyes flew open and her hand shot to her purse, bringing out her dart gun and pressing the trigger automatically. Dan's eyes widened before he crumpled to the floor.

Blinking a few times, Natalie shook her hair out. She took in the figure of a boy in front of her... a boy with darkish blond hair. Dan.

She tried to understand what had just happened. Why had she shot him? And why was her face (and a little bit of her hair) wet and cold? Something round and transparent that Dan was clutching caught her eye. A glass. Water... in a glass... it all made sense.

Dan, seeing that she was sleeping, had tried to pour water on her as a prank. Her Lucian defense skills had kicked in and she had shot him out of habit.

Natalie frantically opened her dart gun up and looked for the poison she had used. No. 33? Or was that a 83? She rubbed her eyes to clear the water and sleep from them before resuming her hunt. That was... a 63. Poison No. 63.

Now for the next part- what did poison No. 63 do? Total amnesia... clogging all arteries and veins... enlarging blood vessels to bursting point... blindness... limb paralysis... All of the worst possibilities raced through her mind before she remembered that she had found poison No.s 61-65 very funny when discussing them with Ian. 61 was the love potion- she remembered threatening to use it on Ian and Amy once. 62 was the truth serum. 64 was blurry vision- it could cause a person to see nothing but the brightest things, and crash into walls while walking, etc. 65 was to brainwash a person- whatever they heard in the next five minutes, they would believe it. And 63... 63 was the funniest and the most annoying for the victim of them all. Natalie giggled.

Poison No. 63 caused sleep for five minutes, and then extreme itching. It aggravated skin cells all over the body and made them itch like crazy. The more the person scratched, the more it itched. Natalie laughed as Dan's eyes fluttered open. It was the perfect punishment.

He pulled himself up and scratched weakly at his left arm. "You shot me, Nat!"

"You poured water on me, Dan!" she mimicked his accusing tone before setting her gun back in her purse and going to pick up Dora.

Dan scraped at his arm irritatedly. Why was it itching so much? His leg started to give light twinges too, a sign that it was about to start itching.

Five minutes later, Dan was scratching all over his body. Every single inch of his skin was red from scratching so much, but it wouldn't stop itching! Natalie was slumped on the sofa laughing like she had never laughed before. He glared at her murderously.

"What poison did you use on me, Nat?" he asked quietly, using the nickname on purpose.

"Sixty-three."

"And what exactly does that one do?"

"It makes you... itch all over," Natalie winked at him before falling into another fit of giggles.

Dan's back demanded scratching. He rubbed it up against the sofa while scraping his legs raw. "Do you have an antidote?!"

"Y-Yes," Natalie admitted. "But I have to let you suffer a little longer before I use it on you, don't I? Why, I don't even have a video of you yet!" She started taping him. Dan looked more murderous than ever, but he couldn't do anything about it except scratch, scratch and more scratch.

Diana wailed on the floor. Dora picked the cry up from her sister. Natalie snapped her phone shut and tried to comfort them with no success.

Dan managed to smirk at her. "Need any help, Cobrita?"

Natalie tossed her hair. "Of course not."

She encircled Diana with her free hand and sat her on one leg while Dora was already on her other leg. All three rocked back and forth slowly. The babies calmed down in a bit.

Dan, however, was still trapped in the Land of Itch. He danced around trying to get at every inch of his body, almost twisting his shoulder in the process. Finally, he got down on his knees in front of Natalie.

"P-Please... antidote!"

"With pleasure," Natalie smirked before pulling a can of lotion out of her purse and tossing it to him. "Here."

Dan frantically rubbed the lotion inside the can on his body, barely paying attention to the label and the color. When he'd finished, he sighed contentedly and flopped onto the sofa.

Natalie fell over in another giggling fit. Dan opened one eye. "What is it now, Cobra?"

"Go look in the mirror!"

Dan shot up and raced to the bathroom. He stormed out in a minute.

"NATALIE! Care to explain why I'm PINK all over?!"

"It's pink lotion, Dan," Natalie explained. "I could've cured you with any lotion in this purse, but I gave you the pink one on purpose. Enjoy your life, green-eyed Pink Boy!"

"Will it wash off? Ever?!"

"Uh... I think so."

"What do you mean?"

"It'll wash off after... five? No, seven hours. You can take a shower tonight at eight to get rid of your pink scales!"

Dan swore.

Mrs. Jackson returned at five. Natalie was starting to get a bit worried, but just then, the woman showed up.

"Sweeties, than- Honey, why are you PINK?!"

Dan mentally groaned. "Oh, it's nothing, Mrs. Jackson. Anne spilled a bottle of her pink lotion on me." He looked pointedly at Natalie.

Mrs. Jackson chuckled. "Oh, this reminds me of the days I spent with my cousins when I was younger..."

"If you don't mind, Mrs. Jackson," Natalie interrupted, "we have- a commitment at home that we need to keep, so..." She spoke using an American accent, which worked, even though it was a little clipped.

"Ah, yes. How chattery and old I must seem to you. Shall we get to the matter of payment now?"

Twenty minutes later, under the rapidly darkening winter sky, a couple of thirteen-year-olds walked home.

Natalie's purse now held very important papers that she and Dan had snuck out of the house, carefully disabling all security. Dan's pockets contained three mini-cameras and a bunch of speakers and other cool devices he had found around the house while they snooped.

"Well... that was fun," Natalie said finally.

Dan scowled. "I'm PINK. How is this FUN?! I'm going to lose all the ninja-rep I built up with Ham once he sees me like this! Amy's going to have a field day! I'm doomed!"

Natalie laughed. The silence between them remained unbroken the rest of the way home.

Whoa. LONG. XD

I thought some things were a bit off in this story, like the times and all, but... whatever. IDC, really. :P

Hope you liked it! And review, of course! :D

~Sri