A/N: This is a companion piece for Tribute, as requested by RedWing0109, who wanted to read a role reversal, in which Dean is sharing thoughts on Sam. I didn't want to sound repetitive, so this was a bit of a challenge, but this is what I came up with. The setting is 9x1, "I Think I'm Going to Like It Here". I hope you like it! Thanks to those who have stuck with me in my brief adventures in FF, you guys are awesome! And no, I don't own Sam and Dean, or Supernatural.
Begging You
I know he hasn't always made the best choices. Hell, Cas says that you've made us to be fuck ups in the first place; so we can beg your forgiveness afterwards? Kinda messed up, but hey, you've brought Cas back enough times to get a little credit. I may have been the wild one, with the women, binge drinking, the whole nine, but Sammy, well, he always seems to get the bum end of the stick, well, at least with the stupid choices. And believe me, I know, he's made some massively stupid ones. The whole Ruby fiasco, well, that the tip of that iceberg; and setting off the Apocalypse can't be up there with some of his best moments, I won't lie to you. It's true that Sam made some bad decisions with even worse consequences.
But you know what? For every mistake, every damn one of them, Sam has paid back, tenfold. The minute he learned Ruby had been fucking with him, he was the one to hold the Hell bitch down while I killed her. He went through hell trying to kick the demon blood addiction, going through the worst pain, physical and emotional, imaginable when he detoxed. Even though he was destined to be Lucifer's vessel, he fought back, going down swinging. And he spent god knows how many years in Hell, in the fucking cage too, to stop the Apocalypse. And you wanna know what my kid brother said before he jumped? That since he had let him out, he should be the one to put him back in. Does that sound like someone who should be condemned to Hell?
Your so called angels could see only the bad in him, the shit he had been manipulated into doing, things he couldn't even control. You say I'm the Righteous Man, or some bullshit. Me, who fucking tortured people in Hell to save my own ass. And I know if Sammy were here, or Cas, they'd say I did well to hold out as long as I did. Bull fucking shit. I tortured people, and at the end, God forgive me, I enjoyed it. And I get to live.
It shouldn't be him. Not the one who cried as a child when a bird broke its neck when it slammed into Bobby's living room window and wanted to bury it in the yard. Not the thoughtful young man who stood up for the "nerdy kid" as a freshman in high school, only to later feel guilty when the bully killed himself. Not the man who cares for every single person we've helped in our "family business", even the ones who were not so sympathetic. That kid has to be the kindest, most genuine person I know. And I'll tell you one thing, he doesn't deserve this.
He's my brother. The kid I've raised since he was still in diapers, the little boy who used to give me the stupid toy in the bottom of the Lucky Charms because he ate the last bowl, who always had my back on the hunt. The kid who said he hated being called Sammy, but could never fool me. I knew he secretly liked that nickname. And he thinks I don't know, but after that mess with Ruby I saw him sneak away and let out the waterworks when I called him Sammy. I've never seen him cry like that ever. So do you still think he deserves to be in the pit? To be Lucifer's bitch or god knows what else?
Sammy always had faith in You. You know, he took me to an honest to God faith healer once, the whole "let me touch you and I'll heal you" bullshit. And yeah, it worked, my ticker's back to normal and I got to live to see another day. But it could have been total horse crap. But he went. He had that much faith in You, he risked pubic humiliation, hell, my life. You're supposed to have some special place or something for people like that, huh? Hell, you know that kid actually prayed? He, the one who should have never believed in any sane God who would take his mother, infect him with demon blood, the one destined to be Lucifer's fucking prom date...he prayed. He never told me, guess he figured I'd make fun of him or something, but I knew. I heard them when he thought I was asleep; when I was a spirit that time after the accident; when he thought that I hated him...
Well, God, I'm not a praying man. Only one I ever prayed to was Cas, and that was more of a communication thing than actual prayer. But I'm praying now. You need to bring him back. Please. He's my brother. You've brought Cas back before. New set of wings, good as new, and all that. Why not Sam? Why not my Sammy? I'm begging you, God. Please...
...Yeah. Figured as much. Just look out for him, ok? Make sure he doesn't give an inch. And Sammy? If you can hear me, I'm so proud of you. All those things you confessed to about letting me down? Those words I said to you in that church? I meant every one of them. You have never let me down, Sammy, not once. So don't give up on me, little brother. I never said this when you were here, not since we were kids, but I love you. Remember that, ok? So just hang in there, man. I'll be here when you wake up.