A Sober Heart
"You can do this Ana! It has been three years. A lot has changed." I can't believe I am here. I am trying to give myself a pep talk but I am terrified. I don't know why I would even entertain this crazy idea. I should have said no. I should have refused the ticket, the invitation, all of it. Everything in me screams to run away but I can't. He has lost his light. Those eyes that could pull you in from anywhere in the room are dull and depressed. He seems like a completely different person.
I can't believe I am actually in Seattle. I never thought I would come back. I withstood the Kavanagh pout, no matter what she said I refused to return. Even dad, who hates to travel, has came to California to see me. Yet here I am pacing back and forth down the length of the Pegasus Coffee Bar in downtown Seattle.
I look ridiculous, it is 4pm and I am wearing a this Pamella Roland sequin embroidered-fringe Illusion silk gown. The shimmering sequins accentuate this gown's sensual glamour. It has a sheer aesthetic, these striking embellishments offer an alluring contrast of amethyst and gold. It is absolutely enchanting. The Stuart Weitzman nudist goosebump suede sandals with a four and a half inch heels make my legs look like they go on forever. When I tried the gown on in LA I felt incredibly sexy and gorgeous at the same time. Now I feel ridiculous not just because how I am dressed in a coffee bar but also because of the lunacy of this venture. Why would I do this? It seems like a crazy cliche. At this point I don't know if I am trying to talk myself in or out of this escapade.
At least nobody else is here to see me pace except two high school kids who work here. They have already tried to hit on me. At least I got a laugh.
Do they really think their stupid lines would work. The first one said.
" I might as well call you Google because you are everything I am searching for."
I tried to let him down easily but then is friend walks over and says. "We're like cocoa and marshmallows; were hot and we want to be on top of you." After that I couldn't stop laughing. For a few minutes I forgot about the madness of the last two weeks. If I am honest with myself, the last few years.
Three years ago I was an assistant editor. After Jack attacked me I couldn't step into the building without a flashback. As much as I loved publishing it just wasn't for me I lost the passion after the incident. I had no idea that it would be the start of the end for my relationship with Christian.
I could never imagine what would happen. Afterwards my life seemed to spiral. I was devastated but I refused to give up. I needed a change and I had always wanted to visit California so I made the jump.
When I moved to Los Angeles I decided I needed something new. I got licensed as a real estate agent and quickly started to sell some of the hottest properties. With some really good luck I ended up as the Realtor to the stars. In no time I had A listers as clients and friends. I went from shy and mousey to confident and trendy. I said goodbye to my discount store wardrobe and now I have a walk-in closet filled with clothes from the top designers. Being friends with the stylists to the stars definitely helps out. I now look the part but that old mousey Ana still lurks around the corner trying to regain control.
My life has done a 180 but I have never been able to forget him. Even now I dream of those eyes. They have always had an effect on me. Once when I was with William and the lights in the room made his deep blue eyes look grey. I almost called out Christian's name as I climaxed. That was the end of that relationship. From then on I would only see Christian's face on Wills body. You would think that I could flip a switch and turn off my feelings after three years but no such luck. Even in the throws of passion my mind drifts to him. Okay maybe it isn't my mind but a lower part of my anatomy. It probably doesn't help that he is my go to thought when I am playing with my battery operated boyfriend. Either way the desire for Christian Grey doesn't have an off button.
No matter what my traitorous vag wants I never thought I would actually see him again. At least not intentionally. I have done everything in my power to avoid it. I change the station if news about the youngest self made billionaire comes on the television. I avoid People's most beautiful because he always makes that list. I refuse to watch TMZ or any of the other shows full of the paps pictures. It doesn't make a difference, the vision of those sexy abs, taut muscles and that beautiful form is burned into my brain. What his hands, mouth and body was able to do me was once in a lifetime. My body comes alive by the memory of Christian's body over me, under me and in every imaginable position. I shouldn't have these thoughts, especially in the middle of a coffee shop but the situation I find myself in is making it impossible to stop thinking about Christian.
Two weeks ago I was fine quietly burying my feelings for Christian while living in denial. Then I had an appointment with a new client. Nothing about it seemed out of the ordinary. It was supposed to be my initial meeting to go over what they were looking for in a property, budget and location. When she walked in I was dumbstruck. The last time I had seen her she was calling me an opportunistic gold digger. I was tempted to kick her out of my office and never see her again but morbid curiosity got the better of me, I wanted to know what this could be about. I never imagined what she would say next. I was completely speechless.
***flashback***
"Hello Anastasia, please give me a moment before you throw me out."
I guess I wasn't hiding my disdain for her as well as I thought.
"What is it that you want?" I questioned just barely containing my contempt.
"First I would like to apologize for how I behaved the last time we were together. I was only trying to protect my son. I was given false information that I foolishly believed. I apologize for my meddling. I wish to rectify the situation. If you could please give me a moment to explain I would be forever grateful?"
As I try to process what she has said she takes my silence as an acquiescence and she continues.
"I don't know if Christian told you but he and Jack were in the same foster home. A lot happened that brought Jack back into our lives but sadly it wasn't enough. He was a very angry young man. Maybe if we had adopted him at the same time as Christian things would have been different; We will never know. I will forever regret not believing you. Not only did it lead to the destruction of yours and Christian's relationship but it lead to Mia being hurt."
I don't know if I want to know what happened to Mia but I can guess if it involves Jack. He was pure evil. Just the thought of him gives me chills.
"About six months after the incident with you, Jack attacked Mia. They had gone out for dinner under the guise of friendship. Halfway through the meal Mia started to feel sick. She had only drank half of her glass of wine. Jack had slipped something into her drink. He acted as though it was food poisoning and offered to drive her home. Unfortunately Mia was unable to fight off Jacks attack like you had. Before Jack was able to get Mia to his apartment she had an allergic reaction to the drug. Mia started to vomit all over her car. That was her saving grace, apparently Jack doesn't do well with vomit so he left the vehicle on the side of the road. Fortunately a passing vehicle called for assistance. It took a few days until Mia was able to communicate what happened. Immediately I realized how wrong I was, how I misjudged you. If I had believed you maybe Mia would have been spared. Worst of all I caused Christian and yourself so much unneeded pain. His life has not been the same.
Christian was overseas at the time of the attack. As soon as he returned I went to him and apologized and tried to get him to call you. I even offered to fly down and apologize in person. If I had known how things were going to progress I would have came down and begged you to return to Seattle. Christian being the stubborn man that he is eventually flew down but it was several months later. When he came to talk to you he saw you had moved on and he turned around without seeing you."
"What are you talking about? That never happened." That isn't possible. She must be lying.
"It was three years ago. From what I understand you were in the arms of an actor. Christian saw you enter your office. He waited two hours but when you left it was with the actor and he was giving you a passionate kiss."
"Oh no!" I gasp and cover my mouth with my hand. I know exactly when that was. I had a short but passionate fling with a model turned actor. He was absolutely beautiful but it was a fling and nothing else. He was only in town for four weeks and we never spoke again. My friend had convinced me that I needed to get out and finally have some fun. I never thought my short liaison with Jamie Dornan would come back to bite me in the ass.
"I am guessing by your reaction that you recall your tryst?"
"I.. it wasn't what he thought." I am on the brink of tears. This can't be.
"Anastasia, please breathe. You weren't together. I understand as did Christian." She is speaking in a calming way that I have never heard from her. Why couldn't she be like this when Christian and I were together?
"Did? What does that mean?" I don't know if I want to know the answer to this.
"Well, it is complicated. Originally Christian became angry with everyone. He blamed everyone around him but most of all he blamed himself. With time he calmed down but he never stopped loving you."
I don't know what to think. For years I wanted nothing more than to hear Christian still loved me and that he we still had a chance. Having Grace Grey's approval was never something I thought could happen. I feel like I am listening to a soap opera with all of the dramatic highs and lows.
"That still doesn't tell me why you are here."
"Eventually Christian realized that he should have spoken to you before he left California. He told Elliot that he was going to fly down and speak to you."
"That never happened." I point out while trying to control the tears that are still trying to make an appearance.
"No, unfortunately it did not. Christian was on the way to the airport when he was in a car accident. The woman that rear ended him could be your sister. At least when it comes to looks. Her personality is completely different. She is just evil. It is like she has put a spell on Christian and he can't break free." Grace sounds sincere but I have learned that she will turn on people on a dime.
"Are you sure you just don't like her? You didn't exactly open your arms to me either."
"Anastasia please. I am truly sorry for how I treated you. I wish I could go back in time and change how I behaved. Look at these pictures. The light has gone out of Christian's eyes. Did you ever see the movie the Little Mermaid?"
I nod not trusting my voice or where this conversation may be leading.
"The handsome prince is trapped under the sea witches spell. He is no longer himself and can't see what is right in front of him. In this situation you are Ariel and Christian is about to make the biggest mistake of his life. He needs your help." Her pleading is earnest but I am so confused what it has to do with me.
"What exactly are you asking?"
"I want you to come home to Seattle, as a present to Christian."
"You are asking me to be a present for your son? I'm not a prostitute." I should have known she could never change. I stand from behind my desk and start to pace back and forth across my office. How could I be so stupid. I need to get her out of my office before I say something that I will regret. I walk over to the phone so my assistant can summon security.
"Anastasia you misunderstand. I know you are not a prostitute. You have a very successful career. I never meant to imply such a thing. Maybe I should have chosen my words more carefully. Christian is supposed to get married in two weeks. I am asking that you attend the wedding so that you can convince him to not get married."
Is this really happening. I am not the kind of women that should rudely interrupt someone's nuptials. I can't even imagine how I would do that.
"Why?" The only word I am able to voice. Suddenly my mouth is incredibly dry.
"He loves you. Leila is a cheap knock off of you. He shouldn't be marrying her. We all know that you are who he really wants."
"Why don't you or the rest of the Greys speak to him? Why would it make a difference if I was the one to stop the wedding?"
"We have each tried individually as well as a group. Over the last two years she has manipulated Christian in every aspect of his life. Leila's mother, Elena, is pure evil. I don't know how but they have made it so Christian can't see what is right in front of his eyes. She is slowly siphoning money out of GEH. No matter what others can prove he seems to be stuck under her spell. Please Anastasia! If you can tell me you have no feelings for Christian I will walk out of here and never bring it up again. But if you feel even the smallest amount of love please help me. I promise to stay out of your relationship."
As I analyze what she is saying I can't hide my feelings. Three years have passed and my love for Christian has never waned.
" What if he is just truly in love with this Leila? Maybe he has finally grown a backbone when it comes to your meddling. I would never want to be the person to break up a loving relationship."
"Until recently I believed that Christian was simply being blinded by love. On Saturday Elliot held a bachelor party for Christian while Leila had her bachelorette party. Mia was in the restroom of the club unbeknown to Leila and Elena. After listening to the two of them speak Mia decided to record the conversation."
Grace pulls out a IPAD and a recording starts to play. It is a little muffled and the loud bass from the music can be heard but the words come through loud and clear.
Woman 1: Mom, I told you I have it all under control. His dad tried to press the issue of a prenup when we were over for his birthday. Christian said he would not hear it. His words were, Whats mine is yours and I want to share my life with you. Before the ink dries we will have control of his assets and nothing can be done to stop it. I just need to play off his memories of that idiot Anastasia. He can't say no to her.
Woman 2: He still believes that you know nothing about his ex?
Woman 1: Yes! Also that our meeting was an accident.
Woman 2: For a billionaire he is an idiot.
(Horrendous cackling from both woman.)
Woman 1: If I have my way his family will be gone. They have been trying to convince him that I am not the woman for him. I just pretend to not notice the long talks they have. I am not falling for that trap.
Woman 2: Bide your time. Play the dutiful wife, pop out a kid or two and then you get a divorce and the lovesick fool loses half of everything.
Woman 1: That is easy for you to say. You don't have to sleep with him. If I have to fake another orgasm I am going to win an academy award.
Women 2: Jose isn't doing it for you anymore?
Women 1: Jose is great. He can get me worked up in minutes. I just hate having to sneak around. That bitch Gail is always around. Christian still believes that Jose is gay so he is fine when we want to have a movie night together at Jose's. Ryan walks me to the door and Jose pretends to hit on him. It is incredibly easy to fool those men. Too many of their brains are in their muscles.
Women 2: Just be careful. Those Greys are out for you.
Women 1: The only one that would be able to convince Christian otherwise would be Saint Anastasia and she hasn't shown her face in Seattle in years.
Women 2: Let's get you back to your bachelorette party. I have the hottest strippers waiting for you and they will be joining us when we get back to my place. They are up for anything.
"That was Leila and her mother?" I feel sick. How can they treat Christian like this?
"Yes dear that was the wicked witch as Elliot call her and her hideous mother. This second recording is from Christian's bachelor party. It was after the rest of the guests had left. Only Carrick, Elliot and Jason were present."
I don't know if I can take this. Instead of a recording a video appears on the IPAD. Christian is passed out on his sofa at Escala. At least it looks like Escala but it is painted a hideous cotton candy pink.
The video starts and it is obvious that everyone is drunk. Christian by far the worst off.
It appears as though they have a bowl of hot water on the coffee table that they have just placed his left hand in. On his right hand is a large dollop if shaving cream.
Elliot: We need a feather. Someone find a feather.
Carrick: Where am I supposed to get a feather? It isn't like Christian or the witch own a Chicken coop in the penthouse.
Elliot: Jason do you know where the witch keeps her broom? We could pull a feather from that.
(Boisterous laughter)
Jason: I'm pretty sure that broom is too far up her ass. Plus brooms don't use feathers, do they?
Carrick: Doesn't she have one of those gaudy feather boas that she wore to the Children's Hospital gala last month?
Jason: I'll grab it.
( Jason runs toward Christian's bedroom, very wobbly. He runs into the wall causing a laughter from the two drunk men in the video as well as from Grace and myself.) I got it! I got it!
As Elliot tickles Christian's beautiful face with the feather he starts to speak in his sleepy drunk state.
Christian: I miss her.
Carrick: How can he miss her? He should be celebrating a night of freedom from that monster.
Jason: Don't look at me. You couldn't pay me enough to like her.
Christian: She doesn't want me. Why doesn't she want me?
Elliot: Who is he talking about?
Christian: Ana baby...I love you. Please come back.
Carrick: Elliot take his hand out of the bowl. Jason clean off that shaving cream. We need to record this.
Christian: She has found someone new. Her CPO keeps sending pictures of her with celebrities.
"I have a CPO still?" I question thrown by this news.
"Keep watching." Is all Grace will say.
Elliot: Ana still has a CPO?
Jason: Technically it isn't Close Protection it is an undercover agent. Ms. Steele doesn't know about it and it is more to mollify Christian. He is afraid because she is in California by herself. Unless she is in harm's way she is instructed to stay as far away as possible.
Christian: Ana I love you baby. I'm so sorry I didn't believe you. I should never had let them break us up.
The video ends and once again I am speechless. My Christian.
"So what do you say?" Grace questions with a look that makes it seem like I am the only hope.
"I don't know. What if he is just drunk and this isn't how he truly feels?" My fear is that he will reject me again. I don't think I could handle that on top of making a fool of myself in front of a crowd of people.
"They say a drunk mind speaks a sober heart for a reason." Grace points out. I know this from personal experience. The only times that I speak about my latent feelings for Christian is when Patron has dragged it out of me.
"Here is an invitation. I have had Jason add you as my plus one. Nobody but Carrick, Mia and Elliot know that I came to see you or that I am trying to convince you to attend. I have also purchased a first class ticket. If you decide to come I would love to hear from you, I have included my card. I am sorry for the mistakes that I made. Please don't hold them against Christian. He loves you and I can tell you still love him very much. Goodbye Anastasia."
Grace slipped a sealed envelope onto the table and made a hasty retreat. It took 48 hours until I had the nerve to open the envelope. I threw up as soon as I saw where the wedding was taking place.
I called Grace and she explained that when Leila found out that the Heathman was a special place for Christian and myself she made every excuse that it should be the location of the wedding.
Christian and I had ran from Susannah after she broke into the penthouse. It was the first place we told each other that we loved each other. Leila was trying to erase all the memories that Christian and I had.
It was what finally convinced me to go back to Seattle. I spent the week finalizing everything at my office. After a trip to the salon and a mini shopping spree and I packed my bag and made my way to Seattle.
Now I am stuck. I know what I need to do. The problem is convincing my feet to move.
The Heathman is around the corner. The wedding is scheduled to start in thirty minutes. I don't want Leila or her family to see me but I also don't want to take the chance that I miss my chance.
I look around the coffee shop and find my mark.
I calmly walk over and sit at the single round table by the window. How I missed him the past three years is beyond me.
"Hi Sawyer!"
"Hi Ana. It is good to see you."
"Drop the act. I know you are my CPO again. I am guessing Taylor moved you from undercover to close protection if I returned to Seattle. How did you like California? Your tan is amazing." I can't help the smile that breaks out upon my face.
After a few minutes of catching up and meeting Prescott the second half of my protection team. I fill them in on what I need and we are on our way.
Forty five minutes later I am safely concealed from view. The beautiful ballroom at the Heathman has been transformed into a fluorescent pink and purple nightmare. The bridesmaids are wearing dresses, and I use that term very loosely, that look as though they would fit the flower girl. If one of them bends over you could see her tonsils. The Greys all have sullen expressions and they are dressed in tuxedos. However the tuxedos look like they belong in the seventies. I am waiting for John Travolta to dance down the aisle to 'Staying Alive'. This is the tackiest wedding I have ever seen.
The doors at the back of the ballroom open and a women who I assume is Leila and her mother make their entrance. Leila is in a dress that leaves very little to the imagination. I didn't know wedding dresses were made with so many cutouts and with such a deep V in the front. She must be wearing an entire roll of double sided tape to keep that dress from falling off.
I glance towards Christian and he looks as though he has given up. Grace was right when she said he had no joy in his eyes. Even his color is off. It appears as though he is standing in front of the firing squad. Hopefully he appreciates my pardon.
Leila is halfway down the aisle when the music changes. Within seconds a voice comes over the sound system.
"Mom, I told you I have it all under control. His dad tried to press the issue of a prenup when we were over for his birthday. Christian said he would not hear it. His words were, Whats mine is yours and I want to share my life with you. Before the ink dries we will have control of his assets and nothing can be done to stop it. I just need to play off his memories of that idiot Anastasia. He can't say no to her."
With the mention of my name Christian stands at attention. He is looking around the room and when he doesn't find what he is looking for he sets his attention on Leila. He slowly walks toward her at a maniacal pace.
"He still believes that you know nothing about his ex?
Yes! Also that our meeting was an accident.
For a billionaire he is an idiot."
For an instant Christian's eyes move toward his would be mother-in-law. His eyes look murderous.
"If I have my way his family will be gone. They have been trying to convince him that I am not the woman for him. I just pretend to not notice the long talks they have. I am not falling for that trap."
"Bide your time. Play the dutiful wife, pop out a kid or two and then you get a divorce and the lovesick fool loses half of everything."
"That is easy for you to say. You don't have to sleep with him. If I have to fake another orgasm I am going to win an academy award."
"Jose isn't doing it for you anymore?"
With the mention of his name Jose tries to make a run towards an emergency exit. Too bad Reynolds is strategically positioned behind him. As the recording continues it is obvious who is on Leila's side and who is on Christian's.
"Jose is great. He can get me worked up in minutes. I just hate having to sneak around. That bitch Gail is always around. Christian still believes that Jose is gay so he is fine when we want to have a movie night together at Jose's. Ryan walks me to the door and Jose pretends to hit on him. It is incredibly easy to fool those men. Too many of their brains are in their muscles."
Each of the security guys around the room stand at attention and look prepared to fight.
"Just be careful. Those Greys are out for you."
"The only one that would be able to convince Christian otherwise would be Saint Anastasia and she hasn't shown her face in Seattle in years."
"Let's get you back to your bachelorette party. I have the hottest strippers waiting for you and they will be joining us when we get back to my place. They are up for anything."
Christian finally makes it to Leila with the rest of the Grey's close behind. The ballroom is silent. Nobody is making a peep. Two hundred sets of eyes move from Christian to Leila and back again.
"Christian, baby, that wasn't me. I don't know who did that but I would never cheat on you." Leila pleads.
"We are done." Christian announces with a finality.
"Even if you get rid of me that cunt isn't going to come back to you. Even that slut knows that you aren't worth it." Leila screeches
"Don't ever talk about Anastasia again! She has more class in her toe nail than your entire family has across the generations. "
With everyone watching Christian and Leila I easily move out of my hiding place and move to the end of the aisle. Just breathe Ana. You got this.
"Christian!" As one fluid movement two hundred people turn towards me. The hatred that is radiating off of Leila is palpable.
"This is all your fault." Leila screams and charges towards me.
Christian screaming "Anastasia!" Is the last thing I hear.
***Should I continue? ***
A/N
This was a one shot for the Days of Fifty Challenge. I have decided to finish it but I need to plan the rest out. More than likely it will be short.