Non-colour

Hi, I'm back! This is just s short story I've been working on, which will be about four chapters or so. Basically at the moment I'm working on this, my novel, the story New soul for the angel of death and my new idea No Reason (Zidane as a kid! Lol.) The idea for this is kind of strange, but I hope you like it! Will have good Gippal/Rikku moments as it goes on, promise! It's in Gippal's point of view, by the way. Enjoy!

Updated: forgot to put the disclaimer, and I've now tried correcting mistakes people noticed. If I missed some, please do tell me!

Disclaimer: I don't own any final fantasy, or squaresoft. If I did, then I would be getting them to make a ff9 movie like they have done with Advent Children.

Shattered dream

I've seen a lot of things in my life, both good and bad. I've experienced many events that I later both come to regret and cherish. But being restricted in Spira like our people used to, I never knew there were places I would never go, things I would never get to experience first hand. But that's all changed now, Spira has changed and we're allowed to see it.

I've seen a lot of blood and I've seen a lot of sand. It'd just the basic life for an Al Bhed to see it. The Crimson Squad taught me a lot of different things, and one of those was to see the world beyond the isolation and the sorrow. I know it may sound stupid but I never really realised there was anything more besides Sin and the typical Yevonites. I just saw Spira filled with Yevonites, all who hated Al Bheds and blamed Sin's existence on us and our machina.

I've seen something beyond that though, I saw it two years ago when I met our squad in the desert. It started with the machina; finally, they were willing to use machina to destroy Sin and then maybe use it in everyday life. I guess a thousand years really can make people change ideas, or maybe it was because the Al Bheds now lived in isolation that things had become clearer. Cid saved us by giving us Home, he gave us hope. Maybe…just maybe he'd given others hope too, hope that if we could survive in a desert, then they could trust us to help them do more them just outlive Sin.

I've seen this happen, the time after Sin, and truthfully I'd never felt more empty. Sin was gone, Home was gone; purpose was gone. And having a bullet wound at the time hadn't helped my mood either. But I'm an Al Bhed, not only that, but I'm Gippal. I wasn't about to let that empty feeling consume me like it had Nooj. I planned to help Spira become what it should and secure our people's place in that.

I've seen Al Bheds, Yevonites and many others get along, I've seen them digging together because of my Faction; laughing and talking like old friends. After hiding in the desert, thinking of it as our only hope of survival, we could now work alongside Yevonites in it, fearing nothing except fiends. I've seen many things like that, many, many things. Yet always I felt…odd. Like there's something still missing, something I've yet to do, yet to see.

I've seen red blood, yellow sand, green grass, blue water…but there's something missing. What happened to non colour? Like black, like the night. I've seen the night, and in the desert it used to be a dotted with white stars, shining through sorrow and promising happier days. I know it may sound stupid, but where is the white? Why must it always stand amongst darkness? Why can't there be good without the threat of evil close by?

I've seen evil, I've seen it in people and in things; I can even see it in the sky. But what of good? The calm can be so easily shattered; evil can always conquer the good. Why? How can we be sure it won't continue to happen?

I've seen…

"A chocobo?"

"Fryd?" (What?) I asked, sitting up on the stool and twirling it in Baralai's direction. He was petting a chocobo there curiously. "Looks like one to me." I joked easily.

"I know that but…I didn't realise they would have one on the ship."

"You wouldn't think they'd have a lunatic steering it either, but they do." I yawned, finishing off the drink that the hypello had given me. I had no idea what was in it, could have been poison, but I was still too pissed off to care.

"You really didn't want to come." Baralai observed, I just shrugged, what can you say to such an obvious statement?

"I had better things to do." I settled for.

"Better than ensuring the safety and security of the Ronsos?" Nooj butted in, using his cane to limp over.

When I'd first met Nooj I had nothing but admiration for the guy, then I learnt about the Deathseeker thing and I lost it for a while. I thought he was a hero-type, one who'd believed in the fight against Sin and who would bear his injuries with pride. But then I realised it wasn't realistic and I had no right to judge him that way. He'd lost two limbs to Sin; I lost an eye to a machina malfunction.

"I guess not, but I still don't want to freeze on a mountain." Okay, so I'm grumpy, can you blame me? Probably; but I've had a rough week and I really don't want to end it by freezing to death while setting up some stupid communication spheres.

Want to know all about my bad week?

Day one: Meeting in Luca with Spira's leaders, very boring. I spent the whole meeting half-listening, half trying to make Rikku laugh. Neither worked, then my second-in-command embarrassed me by sucking up to Tromell.

Day two: Still in Luca, meeting went on all day again. Only this time the Gullwings had been called to visit Mt. Gagazet so not even Rikku was there to annoy.

Day three: I bumped into an old girlfriend on the way back to Djose. I had a 'talk' and later on found her at Djose in my second-in-commands bed.

Day four: My Second-in-command…err, quit, and I got piled with all his work along with my own. The fun.

Day five: Got called to Luca (again, guess they really like me), but the meeting wouldn't start till the next day (Tromell's fault) so I did my paper work.

Day six: Another boring meeting, the Gullwings were back and 'requested' the main leaders of Spira to meet Elder Kimarhri (who won't leave his stupid, freezing mountain) and to help install some security up there.

Day seven: Which is today; with us on the airship Celsius flying to the freezing weather. Not a fun week.

"Perhaps he is merely afraid of the cold weather." Baralai said unhelpfully, making Nooj frown even more at me. They both knew he was right, so what? I've never really liked cold weather, being so used to the warmth of the desert. Like most Al Bhed claim I know the desert as well as I knew Home, but unlike most I actually mean it. I love the desert even though it was our prison from the rest of the world. I would definitely prefer to spend the day there than freezing my butt off.

"Just borrow Lady Rikku's scarf, you seem to know her well enough for that." Nooj said eventually, after realising I wasn't going to say anything.

"She'll need it more herself with the amount of clothes she doesn't wear…ouch!" I hadn't heard them come in, but I knew Baralai and Nooj had, I could tell by how they were smirking.

"Sayhea!" (Meanie!) Rikku yelled in my ear while I rubbed my poor head. "E tnacc banvaldmo veha!" (I dress perfectly fine!)

"Oui funa suna frah fa mejat eh y tacand Cid'c kenm." (You wore more when we lived in a desert Cid's girl.) I pointed out, not that I actually minded about the new outfit. It was…well, Rikku-like.

"Ed'c so lruela!" (It's my choice!)

"Fuimt oui dfu crid ib!" (Would you two shut up!) Paine interrupted. I looked at her and smirked, I really had taught her Al Bhed well.

"What's wrong with her?" I asked Rikku, who just shrugged.

"You're annoying me; that's what." Paine muttered, her glare softening a little when she spotted Baralai. Those two are so obvious, everyone sees it but them.

"She obviously wanted to come as much as you did." Nooj muttered, sitting down on a stool awkwardly. I just glared at him; I knew what he was doing. And sure enough it worked; Rikku was snooping in my business.

"Awww! Didn't poor desert baby Gippal want to come to the big cold mountain?" She taunted in a baby voice. Usually I find her voice kind of adorable, but at that moment I hated it. "I thought you used to dream of seeing all of Spira, to look up at the…"

"Alright, I get it!" I snapped, surprising everyone. Even myself in a way.

But I was fed up, it had been a bad week, and I couldn't stand her making fun of the one secret dream (which I now regret telling her) which I've always held onto. My idea of non-colour to remind me that evil won't always come back, that what we do matters.

"…Gippal, are you alright?" She asked quietly now, sitting next to me. It reminded me of old times, when we would always talk to each other when it got too hard.

But this wasn't old times. We weren't in the desert anymore.

"I'm going to hurt you if you don't stop moping around." Nooj butted in. I just shrugged, watching as the hypello placed another unknown substance in front of me.

"Makes you feel better?" It said; I just gave a grim smile before sipping at it.

"…Does this have something to do with Mura?" Rikku asked.

How in the name of the farplane did she know that? I guess we really do know each other too well.

"..Maybe." I answered.

"Who's Mura?" Paine asked. She was definitely growing nosier.

"Someone who broke his heart." Rikku said half jokily.

"She did not." Which is true actually, she didn't really mean anything much to me. But she did break something, and I'm not talking something physical here. If it hadn't been for Rikku…

"Rikku…" I began.

"I know." She smiled. And I knew she did. That's the great thing about her, no matter what she always seems to understand what I'm trying to say. There's not a lot of people like her.

"I'm lost." Tidus admitted. Tidus is a cool guy, I've only met him a few times, but he isn't as stiff as everyone else. He hasn't been affected with Yevon ways, or emotionally beaten into believing only one set way. He believes in himself, and he believes in those around him.

Once upon a time, I was like that. And then Mura came along and destroyed it. And this week she came back and took my second-in-command with her.

It wasn't so much what she did that had gotten me so pissed off; it's the way she did it. And after all that time she called me a fool for my dream, now she was…

"Isn't that the Al Bhed woman who you met on the Highroad a few days ago?" Baralai asked, always the observant one. "I take it the two of you have a past?"

"That pedlr has some nerve showing her face." Rikku spat out. I looked at her in surprise then. For one thing, Rikku rarely swears, and for another she doesn't get angry that easily. I guess I really must have been a mess after what Mura did back then. "So what did she do this time? Leave with you best friend again?" I snorted at that. The irony, really.

"My second-in-command." I corrected, and despite it, I saw Rikku seeing the humour too.

"Am I the only one who doesn't understand this?" Tidus asked, making his girlfriend grin at him.

"It's a long story." Me and Rikku said together.

"We're heerrrreee!" Brother's annoying voice broke through. The others began talking amongst themselves, and Rikku took the chance to whisper to me.

"Fa oui cina oui'na ugyo?" (We you sure you're okay?)

How do you explain to someone that you've lost hope? That after so long of struggling to believe in something it's now been shattered beyond repair. It's been lost for the last time. How do I tell her I've given up? After all we've been through…I'm being such a coward.

But I can't do this anymore. I don't see any hope in the future like I used to. I don't see the non-colour.

All I have is a shattered dream.

"E lyh'd tu drec yhosuna Rikku, E's zicd duu denat." (I can't do this anymore Rikku, I'm just too tired.)

She understood. She always does. But part of me had hoped she wouldn't, or that she would just plainly refuse to believe it and knock some sense into me. But she didn't. And that made me really see I had given up, because Rikku knows me better than I do. She already knew it was hopeless to help.

I'm lost, lost just like my dream. Shattered and never to be repaired.

The non-colour has died. Evil will always return. Always.