A creature knew as "Drew"- aka my youngest brother- despote our extremely different tastes on tv, suggested me to give a try to Arrow (given my old passion for DC comic books. Ah, teenage years...). I didn't want to-moslty because even if it's years since I last read a comic book, I still fell offended whenever a comic book, or a book, are translated into another medium and don't stick to it completely. Yet... in the long run, Drew won, and I'm going to be honest: I've never felt that strongly about a ship before, ever (not even Lisbon and Jane from the mentalist). So-here it is, my puppy.

It's because of the life that I lead that I can't be with someone I could really care about.

The words he told her eat him alive every single time he lays eyes on her. He doesn't actually regret them. it was just the only available option. He isn't stupid, he knows that Felicity feels for him something that runs deeper than friendship or some kind of twisted loyalty to the cause. He also knows that he made mistakes along the way, letting it go of Laurel and getting too close for comfort to his Girl Friday.

And Felicity isn't stupid. She felt it- and started to have hope. To think that her dreams –her fantasies -could actually come true. That her feelings were reciprocated and he was just too scared to admit it, felt unworthy of any kind of love and affection because of what he did- in his past life, pre Island, on the Island and when he first came back to Starling.

But it's not so simple.

Of course he thinks he isn't worth her, but that's not it. He lives two complicated and dangerous lives, and his worlds- the one of Oliver, and the one belonging to the Arrow- are filled with enemies who wouldn't think twice about hurting someone close to him to get back at him. (Someone once told him that there are worst things to do to a man, than killing him.) Life's complicated and dangerous enough for the people close to Oliver; but if someone would ever discover who the Arrow is behind the grease and the hood, if they decided to hurt her to get him… he would never forgive himself (Like he will never forgive himself for Shado and Sarah. Even if Sarah is alive, but she is jaded, marked by her past just like he is).

So, he tells her the words. Because he wants for her to think that deep down he is still the playboy who sleeps around and doesn't care about relationships, that there isn't (and never will be) room for love for him- if not for his city and making it right as best as he can. Or maybe he wants her to believe he is talking about Laurel, or Sarah or Shado. Either way, he has to stop it before it's too late.

He says the words for her, and for himself, because he needs to understand that he just can't have her once and for all. And maybe, just maybe, if she'll stop dreaming and look at him with love and tenderness, one day he'll stop feeling that way, his heart breaking every day a tiny bit more with the knowledge that she isn't his. That she'll never be his.

Felicity gets it- or at least, she stops thinking too much about what she feels for him, stops seeing things that she wanted to be there. and yet, he is always reminded, with her constant presence. He is a selfish bastard, Oliver knows it, because he shouldn't want her close when he isn't going to give her back anything in return, and yet he finds every excuse to talk with her, to have her at his side- he even hires her as his executive assistant- and it's good, so good have her there… it's painful, because he wants her and he is constantly reminded that there's nothing between them, and yet it's good- he guesses that her friendship is better than nothing. Until one day he realizes the mistake he has done. He has taken her for granted, asked her too much. And now… now the Arrow and Mr. Queen aren't enough any longer for her.

And she starts looking around for her piece of happiness.

It starts really innocently enough, with her asking Barry Allen out on a date- rambling included. The fact that she rambles doesn't go unnoticed, and it's indication enough that she likes the guy. He may be slightly younger than her, but the "child" (as Oliver likes to call him with Diggs) is clearly Felicity's right kind of man (if Bartholomew Allen can be described in any way as a man). They understand each other, they talk the same language, and God help him, they even finish each other's sentences (which is creepy, not at all sweet). And yet… it kills him, seeing Felicity looking for happiness somewhere else-with someone else. It shouldn't- but he can't help it. He is still selfish, and even if he knows that he should let it go of his feelings, let it go of her, he can't help it. And he tries to sabotage the Allen/Smoak liaison every way he can.

(Even if he tells himself that he sends the child away because he has lied, and seriously, if he has lied about his motives for being there, who knows what he lied about either?)

And yet… yet, even if it kills him looking at them, dancing, and she is smiling and laughing and he hasn't seeing her that way in a very long time (and it's just his own fault, he is well aware of this fact) he is the one who calls Allen back. Who tells him that she needs her plus one- and said plus one has to be him.

It eats him alive, but really, there's no other way. Because if it's not working knowing that she can't be his… maybe it will work knowing that she belongs to someone else- someone that makes her happy, that understands her, someone who can actually share a future with her. He has a feeling Allen won't be the one- he has his father's case back in Central, and there's no one who understands better than him what closure and vengeance for a father's loss mean- but he wants for her to take that first step.

He needs for her to see that there can be a life outside her work at Queen Consolidated, beside her position as the CEO's assistant and the Arrow's "control". Because if she'll see it, if she'll start living life as she has always been supposed to… maybe one day he'll be able to accept it, to be completely happy for her and not feeling remorse and guilt eating him alive for all the words left unspoken between the two of them. He really thinks that. He really believes that he can be strong enough to see this trough, but as the old saying goes, there's many a slip 'twixt cup and lip.

Because, thanks to Allen- and some mysterious talk between the two of them about love and not being reciprocated by the people they are in love with (nonsense, really)- Felicity starts to finally see the light, and the life she can have. Allen may be the first guy she asks out on a date in a long time, but he is definitely not the last. At first, it's mostly meaningless- maybe not one-night stand style but close enough- and he knows it's nothing because she tells him-rambling, a lot. It's an infinite sequence of guys that either work at the IT department at Queen's, (Saul, Robbie, Victor and so on) or guys she meets at Verdant, jerks by the name of Shawn, Ethan and so on.

And then… then along comes Richard. Dick- such an hideous and stupid nickname - not that Ollie is any better, but Dick… well, Dick speaks volume, and he dislikes the guy right from the start, since the first day Felicity brings him up, casually. She makes it sounds like it's no big deal, just another guy she is dating, and yet there's something different in the way she tells his name, the way she smiles and literally shines when she speaks about him, and Oliver tries his best to be happy for her, but… it's just so damn hard.

But he convinces himself that in due time he'll be able to, when she'll find the right guy- definitely in a long time from now- because, by then, he'll see it too, and he'll understand that they are better off this way, that they have been meant to be. But only if he'll have time.

And time it's the only thing he isn't having, he realizes when, one day, after having been dating "Dick" for a couple of months, she stops talking about him altogether. At first he thinks maybe they broke up, but when she doesn't talk about new dates, and doesn't seem affected by the lack of men in her life and spends less time with him on and off work, he realizes his mistake: she doesn't lack a man in her life. Dick is still there. And he is probably more important than ever.

He asks her how are things with the guy, and she doesn't answer-she just blushes, and even if she keeps it quiet, it speaks volumes, and it's a truth that breaks him, shattering what remained of his heart (what she helped rebuilding). Because she has finally moved on from him- and in that instant, he knows that she'll eventually move on from The Arrow as well. And that day, he'll be shattered completely, with no way to be whole ever again. But after all, it has been his choice all along- a choice made for her own good.

Yet, the fact that it was a long time coming doesn't mean that it hurts any less when, few months later, while she is dressing his wounds, she suddenly stops, her hands securely in her lap. She looks around, never, ever meeting his gaze, and she simply tells that she can't do this any longer. he'd like to laugh, because she is using break-up lines he used (still does) thousands of times in his past life. It's not you, it's me. I think we need a pause. I just have so much on my mind right now, there is so much happening all at once…

The truth, what she doesn't need to tell him, it's that she doesn't want to lose time with the love of her life (Dick), that she doesn't want to lie any longer to the man she is in love with (yet again, Dick) and that, frankly, things between the two of them are awkward enough and her boyfriend (yes, Dick) is getting pretty jealous and royally pissed that his girlfriend always runs out in the middle of the night for a work-related emergency or that her boss always (no, not always-just often, he remembers himself) finds a way to ruing their dates. He can understand why the guy is jealous- he is Oliver Queen, CEO and famous extra-rich playboy, after all- BUT he should be happy that the rich CEO of a world-powerful company trusts that much Felicity. And yet…Dick isn't happy about it- and Felicity can't even see it, can't spot the ugly truth behind the mask (but after all, she never saw his love for her as well, so, no wonder, really). She only sees the way the fit together, and how lucky she is that she is loved by such a nice guy-smart, good-looking (and yeah, she may not be a gold-digger, but the fact that a rich guy is attracted by Oliver's IT girl doesn't hurt her ego).

She stops working for Arrow.

But she doesn't stop working for Oliver Queen, CEO. Not at the beginning, at least. Until, one day, she gives him her "eventual" notice. Because Dick comes from money, and his parents talked with her parents and with her as well and they don't think she should keep her job, especially as a secretary, and definitely not with Oliver Queen, because he is such a silver-spooned playboy and well, a married woman shouldn't be around that type of man, right?

And when it's when it hits him: he may not have seen the (huge) diamond ring on her finger, but she just told him everything he had always wanted -and yet feared- to hear: she is getting married (to someone who isn't him) and she is going to leave him- once and for all.

He tried to keep her safe, keep her in his life and not screw things up by keeping her at arm's length, telling her he couldn't be with someone he truly cared about. And yet, here he is. He has lost her. and all he can do right here, right now, is hugging her, burying his nose in her soft, cinnamon-scented hair and imprint this instant to his memory. He does what he has to- kissing her on the forehead, hugging her and smiling happy, saying that he is glad she found someone worth her.

(If he sees her tears, he dismisses them as tears of happiness. The fact that she may be looking for a way out, for a reason to stay and not get married doesn't even cross his mind. )

So, he does what he does (pretend to do) best: he acts the perfect best-friend. He is supportive of her, listen to her rambling, helps her out with the wedding preparations (Dick is filled with work. Her parents aren't close by. She really hasn't any friends besides him, Diggs and now Thea, and yes, she likes Roy but there is still something a little creepy about the guy). He tastes cakes for her, so many he probably becomes diabetic, and when it's time to look for a dress, he and Thea are there for her (with Diggs driving them around).

Felicity is inside one of the changing room, and he and his sister are sitting on a white, huge couch when his sister strongly elbows him in the side (and it hurts. And not only because he got hit by some triads the night before in the same spot).

"How can you be such an idiot?" she asks him, and he only looks at her quizzically. "God, Ollie. That girl has always been crazy for you! And she is just so damn perfect! How the hell can you stay here and help her choosing a wedding dress for another man?" she grunts, and crosses her arms, refusing to look at him- her silent treatments are somehow a classis at home- and when Felicity gets back, she smiles as nothing had transpired between the two of them.

Ollie, though, doesn't say a word. Because Thea is right. Felicity is right before him, a fantasy, a dream come true, beautiful and just… he can't describe her. there are no enough words on a dictionary to describe how she looks to him right now. And it's not for him.

Even if…

He shakes his head, smiling at her, and helping her making a little dance with her long dress. He didn't just see doubt in her eyes. It wasn't possible. He pushed her away. She got her lesson. And… he is wrong. He has to. He is the perceptive one- not Thea. His sister is wrong: Felicity doesn't love him any longer. Otherwise, she wouldn't get married to another man, right?

It's the day of the wedding, and she and Thea are sitting amidst their peers, people "Dick" is familiar with as well. Oliver spends his time clenching and unclenching his fists, annoyed beyond reason knowing that no, this is not the kind of wedding Felicity may have wanted, and Thea at his side is doing more or less the same- only, she is mad with her brother, and not the groom. Even that morning, she has tried to talk him into telling her already. That there was still time. And well, for the first time, he hasn't denied it. he ash simply told Thea that he wasn't going to break and ruin Felicity's happiness. And that's it.

But now, it's a whole other thing. Right now it's real, it's happening. And as he looks at the people around her, people she will became family with… he realizes that by speaking he will not ruin her chance at happiness. Whatever happens, he is saving her.

And by the way, did he already say something about always have been selfish? Because that's what he is going to do right now-he is going to man up, stand, tell her the truth and take what's his- and what, he now realizes, has always been meant to be.

So, as the officiant is still talking- and is ready to pronounce them man and wife, Oliver stands. And he lifts his voice, looking at her, with such a fire he hasn't felt in a long time- not even when he dons the hood and runs the streets fighting criminals. Because right now it's important. It's real. And he needs her to understand- he can't leave words unspoken between them any longer.

"I love you, Felicity" he says as he slowly makes his way towards the aisle, and she turns and just stares at him, and everyone is murmuring and whispering, but he doesn't care. "I always have. I love everything about you, even the things I don't like, I love. And… I want you with me. because I love you, and I think…" he pauses, his eyes teary and right now he is right before her and her eyes are glassy as well, and, is it right for him to hope that Thea is right and she still loves him too? "I think you love me too. Do you?"

He just looks at her, and there is just silence (even if he doesn't know if there's actual silence of it's the world that stopped turning for them) and it's Felicity breaking it. She simply sighs, but it's enough, and when she throws her arms around his neck and they hug and it's just like when he saved her from Count Vertigo, only much more powerful, real. And yes, she doesn't need to talk or ramble or anything. Because he gets it.

He takes her hands- between Thea's cheerful cries- and he makes his way outside, only to be stopped mid-way by "Dick". The now ex grabs her for her wrist, and tries to… well, Oliver doesn't know what Dick is planning, nor he asks, he just hits him with his fist, with such a force that despite the training and his second life it hurts (yes, he thinks he just broke his hand for her).

That night, he leaves the hood to Diggs to handle, and cuddles with Felicity on his couch while she tenderly and softly applies ice on his poor broken hand (just like she did when she was his Gal Friday. Or whatever.) and they fall asleep that way. In the morning, he is the one waking her up- by lazily kissing her neck- and they proceed to make out like horny teenagers for the whole day (screw work, arrow and everything. For one day, others can have that weight on their shoulders). In the evening, she is back at their secret hideout, doing what she does best- being the control, the computer genius and dressing his wounds- and that's where she is even years after that. Even when she has an engagement ring. Even when she has just tried a wedding dress. Even where there are matching bands on their fingers or she can't feel her body any longer because she has been due two weeks before.

She is always there. still with words left unspoken.

Because they don't need to talk to understand each other. Not any longer.