This fic was inspired by a discussion that I had with iulialinnea
on lj regarding her oh-so-pretty icon. She was nice enough to write me a Snarry!Opus
drabble of her own, but it was nothing like I pictured it(And there was one
vital element she left out.)so here is my first posted(Or even finished,
come to that...)fic. It's un-betaed,and I'm suffering from sleep deprivation.
(I figured if I went to bed before I wrote/finished/posted this, I'd never do
it, and THEN where would we be?Ok,the world would have one less crappy fanfic,
but still...)
Title:Snarry!Opus
Summary:My word piture on what Berkley Brethed's take on HP fandom might
be.(Since I can't draw.)
Rating:I really doubt that it's above PG-13
Author: lynntownsend
Archiving:my lj, cross-posted on marilynt, and TSS.
anywhere else,just let me know.
Disclaimer:You don't think I own either Harry Potter OR Bloom County, do
you? Because I don't.
Warnings:Odd ships and theories mentioned, reference to a cross-generational
relationship(not graphic)
Feedback:comment belowPreferred or lynntownsend100 (at) Notes:I cut and pasted this from a e-mail I sent to myself as I
could think of no other way of saving this before it was ready to go.
I did say this was un-betaed,right? That means all mistakes(and there
are many,people...)are all mine.
And now, on with the drabble...
The shout echoed in the Potion Master's bedroom early one morning.
"Prepare! We're under attack!"
Severus Snape, and his lover Harry Potter awoke instantly grabbing
their wands with the instinct that being long-time targets of the Dark Lord
will give you. They turned their wands toward the door to find...
What looked like a particularly ugly house-elf with a large pink nose
wearing a tuxedo.
"Don't drop your guard,foolish boy!",snapped Severus."It's probably a trap!"
His messy-haired lover held up a restraining hand. "He doesn't look
dangerous, and from what I've just heard, he's trying to warn us about
something."He turned to the creature(who looked like some kind of
mutant puffin wearing only Dumbledore's wizard cap and a red neck-tie.)
and asked,"Who's attacking us?"
"Horny,ravening,squeeing,fangirls!"
Both Harry and Severus blinked.
"Er...excuse me?"
"JK has announced plans to release the next book and squeeing,horny
fangirls are soon to descend upon Hogwarts! The armed guards are already
around the book depositories and little children are going to their
grandfather's republican pot dealers to get early copies!"
Harry just sat there flabbergasted, unable to make head or tails out of the
strange little creature's rantings,while Severus tried to think of a spell to
dispatch the little pest. Not permanently-it looked like one of Albus' pets,
and after all,it wouldn't be a good idea to hex the headmaster's pet into a
little grease spot on the floor.
No matter how satisfying he might find it at the time.
Both of them were broken out of their respective musings when it turned on
them.
"You sir!",The creature yelled, pointing a...flipper? directly at Harry's nose
making him go cross-eyed. "Do you follow the theory that Draco Malfoy
is a secret Hufflepuff and his biological father is really Arthur Weasly
with his real mother being Alice Longbottom making Him and Neville half-
brothers thus putting an end to their budding romance?"
"Um...what?"
"And YOU sir!",whirling around the creature now pointed a flipper at the other
occupant on the bed."Are you a Voldemort/Dumbledore shipper?"
"What...ewww."
"I'm off!",yelled the creature as it hopped off the bed."I must find my
comrade in arms
and go into hiding until it's all over!"and with that,it waddled out the door.
After a moment of shocked silence, Harry turned to his lover and asked,
"Did YOU invite him here?"
Any answer the snarky Potions Master might have made was cut off by a happy
yell from the next room.
"Bill! My friend! Let's go into hiding before the rabid fangirls arrive and lay waste to the..."
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY CAT,YOU MANIAC!",screamed a familiar female voice.
SMACK!
A second later, Hermione appeared at the door holding her cat Crookshanks
(who appeared to be wearing a platinum-blond wig,wearing a strapless
evening gown, and projectile vomiting hairballs),and exclaimed,
"Just WHAT is going ON here?"
Albus Dumbledore woke up in his office some hours later with almost no memory
of the previous few hours with a splitting headache and nursing a black eye.
He gingerly got himself upright using his desk,and he reached for the open
tin of lemon-drops that he got earlier that day via Owl post. As he examined
the label,he noticed the small print he didn't see before:
yet another quality product from Weasley Wizard Wheezes Ltd.