Neon Genesis Evangelion (with appreciation for the English language) IN:
FLYING PINK EVAS!!!
(Accept no alternatives may contain nuts and or milk products, not refundable where fan fics are sold, and only acceptable where admitted by a court of law and or medical note)
By Ithax Warhammer the freak of nature who skips classes to write this garbage which is about to pass through your mind erasing your identity. wait ignore that. yeah.
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or their respective shows, any further discomfort is therefore your own problem. The only thing I do own is:
Ithax Enterprises And Ithax Warhammer (who probably won't be appearing in the fic anyway so never mind) (Ithax Warhammer is a copyright of Ithax Enterprises Charitable Foundation and Drive-Thru Rhinoplasty Clinic. Unauthorized use of Ithax Enterprises logos, documents, weapon technologies, vehicles, mecha, clothing, prophylactics, hairnets, fishing rods or wild dogs will be punished by swift and merciless pointing-and- laughing-while-poking-with- sticks. Respect the aw-thor-it-tay of Ithax enterprises! Fnord. Shantih, shantih, shantih. Spacong.)
surgeon GENERAL's warning!!!: Warning! Real Fan fic general's warning: Mary sueisim is a contagious disease it may cause undue amounts of pain torture and above all will indefinitely cause your mind to feel as if it has been smashed out with a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick. (My Contribution to Douglas Adam's writing). This fan fic has been proven to contain undue amounts of psychosis and a lacking of sanity and continuity. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
And now for your moment of Zen for this chapter:
Have you ever wondered why people are always asking you about your day and how it was and all you ever say is good? Well whenever anyone asks me if my day was good I say "No it was crappy and I'm going to go kill thousands of innocent endangered species because you asked and its all your fault for bringing it up!"
That was your moment of Zen. killing stuff is cool!. no its not.. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
On with the fic!!!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
It was dark. I was asleep in my bed when the Ninjas attacked. no wait that another story sorry. damn romance/ action novels.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The real fic. In my basement
Welcome to the deep, dark, messy, and Mellow Yellow can strewn cavern I call my basement, Ithax Warhammer was hunched over his Computer *cue dramatic music*. On his screen was a fan fic. an EVIL fan fic *cue evil laughter* a fan fic so horrible and so full of OCCness and Mary Sueness that his screen exploded. but he continued none the less. with a new screen. Then IT happened, a black swirling portal appeared in place of his screen, it was so black it could suck the soul of the author into it. which it promptly did. Ithax Warhammer was going. going. *slurp!* GONE!
____________________________________________________________________________ __________ In an unknown location with swirly black mist and stuff floating by like in the wizard of Oz ____________________________________________________________________________ __________
"Whoa. I'm in a wormhole that's whisking me off into parts unknown. COOL!" Screamed Ithax Warhammer into said wormhole What wasn't cool was the fact that he had been sucked into his own fanfiction and was being whisked to the city of Tokeyo-3 where he would exhibit ungodly author powers that will undoubtedly make all of those who still expect sanity and continuity's head explode from the strain. For those few I say to thee RELAX I want this to be headachy and idiotic. I ENJOY WACKINESS! After an insurmountable amount of time that found Ithax yearning for his mellow yellow (which he hadn't had any of for 10 seconds so he wanted some) and for some snacks, the wormhole began to get white instead of Black. It got Whiter and Whiter until it was whiter than a sober Canadian. then it got so White it made some Canadians jealous but were shooed away by a disgruntled bodyguard outside of Ithax's manor. Then in a flash of pure whiteness Ithax was nearly blinded but he had his super cool green tinted sunglasses on so he wasn't.
____________________________________________________________________________ __________ An obscure street in Tokyo-3 ____________________________________________________________________________ __________
Inside the confines of a futuristic looking computer shop (A/N which coincidentally was the most advanced one in the world where they made their own chips in the back room. it was a big shop) a black spot appeared floating in mid air. It started to stretch downwards and upwards, it stretched and stretched until its stretcher was sore. it stretched two and a half meters (7 1/2 feet for those of you who don't have the sense to learn metric) from ground to ceiling. Slowly and carefully a 6 foot 3 teenager stepped out from said portal and brushed himself off.
He was an intelligent looking person (His IQ was 129. my IQ.). With pushed up black hair, green-blue eyes (A/N they change from Brown to Blue to Green to Red depending on his mood and concentration level. my eyes are like this. you know except for the Red part) that were covered most of the time by cool looking green tinted glasses you couldn't see through because they were so mirrored. He was dressed in an X-Box T-shirt and black as night pants, he wore 14 1/2 sized shoes. It was hard to believe this kid was only 14.
As he stepped into the darkness of the shop the portal instantly vanished behind him to go and wreak havoc with some other Author Avatars.
"Score! Computer store!" he exclaimed as he took in his surroundings, "I can make a kick ass computer with all these parts! But first to business. I wonder if they have any Mellow Yellow in this shop hmmm. No Ithax first state the obvious and then search for soft drinks. So first of all I'm god knows where second I have no idea how to get back to my house and third why is the floor shaking?"
Why is the floor shaking indeed. for at that very moment a large gush of purple blood splattered against the window of the shop.
"What in the hell???!"
Ithax moved to the far left of the window, the only part that was still clean, and looked out at one of the most horrifying scenes in anime. other than the Auska seen. Outside what looked like a giant blob of black clay moulded into the shape of a vague human body by someone with only the most vuage idea of what a human body looked like was fighting with what looked like a giant human with a cragged mask on. "Went a little wild with the colours didn't they?" Said Ithax referring to the Green and purple armour on the giant human thing. The dramatic seen unfolded as the Purple and green human thing was obviously winning, purple blood from the wounds on the black clay thing was pouring all over the place. "Wait a minute," said Ithax as he stroked his chin in thought, "this is where I left off in the fic I wrote. wait a minute that would mean I'm an avatar in my own creation. COOL!" With these last words a huge explosion was heard some miles away from his shop as if to be dramatic thunder at his remark or the gavel at a court ruling to behead a public celebrity.
____________________________________________________________________________ ___
Will Ithax Warhammer flaunt his author powers to rise above the rest of the EVA crew and shame them in humiliating ways? Will he just stay in this shop after he finds a lifetime supply of mellow yellow in the back and make awesome computers to challenge the power of the Magi? Will you people flame me to death until I am cooked to a nice crumbled black ash?
Almost none of these questions will be satisfactorily answered in the next, frightening instalment of:
FLYING PINK EVAS!!!! ____________________________________________________________________________ __________
Well tell me what you think and flame me gratuitously for having such a long opening and such a short fic. I don't care I'll still write them it will just make it more funny if you contribute to the process and I will get better in the future. I'm gonna go play the Cello now (A/N yes I actually own one) and then listen to anime soundtracks and drink more Mellow Yellow by the crate until you guys review. see you.
All Is Lost Ithax Warhammer
(Accept no alternatives may contain nuts and or milk products, not refundable where fan fics are sold, and only acceptable where admitted by a court of law and or medical note)
By Ithax Warhammer the freak of nature who skips classes to write this garbage which is about to pass through your mind erasing your identity. wait ignore that. yeah.
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or their respective shows, any further discomfort is therefore your own problem. The only thing I do own is:
Ithax Enterprises And Ithax Warhammer (who probably won't be appearing in the fic anyway so never mind) (Ithax Warhammer is a copyright of Ithax Enterprises Charitable Foundation and Drive-Thru Rhinoplasty Clinic. Unauthorized use of Ithax Enterprises logos, documents, weapon technologies, vehicles, mecha, clothing, prophylactics, hairnets, fishing rods or wild dogs will be punished by swift and merciless pointing-and- laughing-while-poking-with- sticks. Respect the aw-thor-it-tay of Ithax enterprises! Fnord. Shantih, shantih, shantih. Spacong.)
surgeon GENERAL's warning!!!: Warning! Real Fan fic general's warning: Mary sueisim is a contagious disease it may cause undue amounts of pain torture and above all will indefinitely cause your mind to feel as if it has been smashed out with a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick. (My Contribution to Douglas Adam's writing). This fan fic has been proven to contain undue amounts of psychosis and a lacking of sanity and continuity. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
And now for your moment of Zen for this chapter:
Have you ever wondered why people are always asking you about your day and how it was and all you ever say is good? Well whenever anyone asks me if my day was good I say "No it was crappy and I'm going to go kill thousands of innocent endangered species because you asked and its all your fault for bringing it up!"
That was your moment of Zen. killing stuff is cool!. no its not.. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
On with the fic!!!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
It was dark. I was asleep in my bed when the Ninjas attacked. no wait that another story sorry. damn romance/ action novels.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The real fic. In my basement
Welcome to the deep, dark, messy, and Mellow Yellow can strewn cavern I call my basement, Ithax Warhammer was hunched over his Computer *cue dramatic music*. On his screen was a fan fic. an EVIL fan fic *cue evil laughter* a fan fic so horrible and so full of OCCness and Mary Sueness that his screen exploded. but he continued none the less. with a new screen. Then IT happened, a black swirling portal appeared in place of his screen, it was so black it could suck the soul of the author into it. which it promptly did. Ithax Warhammer was going. going. *slurp!* GONE!
____________________________________________________________________________ __________ In an unknown location with swirly black mist and stuff floating by like in the wizard of Oz ____________________________________________________________________________ __________
"Whoa. I'm in a wormhole that's whisking me off into parts unknown. COOL!" Screamed Ithax Warhammer into said wormhole What wasn't cool was the fact that he had been sucked into his own fanfiction and was being whisked to the city of Tokeyo-3 where he would exhibit ungodly author powers that will undoubtedly make all of those who still expect sanity and continuity's head explode from the strain. For those few I say to thee RELAX I want this to be headachy and idiotic. I ENJOY WACKINESS! After an insurmountable amount of time that found Ithax yearning for his mellow yellow (which he hadn't had any of for 10 seconds so he wanted some) and for some snacks, the wormhole began to get white instead of Black. It got Whiter and Whiter until it was whiter than a sober Canadian. then it got so White it made some Canadians jealous but were shooed away by a disgruntled bodyguard outside of Ithax's manor. Then in a flash of pure whiteness Ithax was nearly blinded but he had his super cool green tinted sunglasses on so he wasn't.
____________________________________________________________________________ __________ An obscure street in Tokyo-3 ____________________________________________________________________________ __________
Inside the confines of a futuristic looking computer shop (A/N which coincidentally was the most advanced one in the world where they made their own chips in the back room. it was a big shop) a black spot appeared floating in mid air. It started to stretch downwards and upwards, it stretched and stretched until its stretcher was sore. it stretched two and a half meters (7 1/2 feet for those of you who don't have the sense to learn metric) from ground to ceiling. Slowly and carefully a 6 foot 3 teenager stepped out from said portal and brushed himself off.
He was an intelligent looking person (His IQ was 129. my IQ.). With pushed up black hair, green-blue eyes (A/N they change from Brown to Blue to Green to Red depending on his mood and concentration level. my eyes are like this. you know except for the Red part) that were covered most of the time by cool looking green tinted glasses you couldn't see through because they were so mirrored. He was dressed in an X-Box T-shirt and black as night pants, he wore 14 1/2 sized shoes. It was hard to believe this kid was only 14.
As he stepped into the darkness of the shop the portal instantly vanished behind him to go and wreak havoc with some other Author Avatars.
"Score! Computer store!" he exclaimed as he took in his surroundings, "I can make a kick ass computer with all these parts! But first to business. I wonder if they have any Mellow Yellow in this shop hmmm. No Ithax first state the obvious and then search for soft drinks. So first of all I'm god knows where second I have no idea how to get back to my house and third why is the floor shaking?"
Why is the floor shaking indeed. for at that very moment a large gush of purple blood splattered against the window of the shop.
"What in the hell???!"
Ithax moved to the far left of the window, the only part that was still clean, and looked out at one of the most horrifying scenes in anime. other than the Auska seen. Outside what looked like a giant blob of black clay moulded into the shape of a vague human body by someone with only the most vuage idea of what a human body looked like was fighting with what looked like a giant human with a cragged mask on. "Went a little wild with the colours didn't they?" Said Ithax referring to the Green and purple armour on the giant human thing. The dramatic seen unfolded as the Purple and green human thing was obviously winning, purple blood from the wounds on the black clay thing was pouring all over the place. "Wait a minute," said Ithax as he stroked his chin in thought, "this is where I left off in the fic I wrote. wait a minute that would mean I'm an avatar in my own creation. COOL!" With these last words a huge explosion was heard some miles away from his shop as if to be dramatic thunder at his remark or the gavel at a court ruling to behead a public celebrity.
____________________________________________________________________________ ___
Will Ithax Warhammer flaunt his author powers to rise above the rest of the EVA crew and shame them in humiliating ways? Will he just stay in this shop after he finds a lifetime supply of mellow yellow in the back and make awesome computers to challenge the power of the Magi? Will you people flame me to death until I am cooked to a nice crumbled black ash?
Almost none of these questions will be satisfactorily answered in the next, frightening instalment of:
FLYING PINK EVAS!!!! ____________________________________________________________________________ __________
Well tell me what you think and flame me gratuitously for having such a long opening and such a short fic. I don't care I'll still write them it will just make it more funny if you contribute to the process and I will get better in the future. I'm gonna go play the Cello now (A/N yes I actually own one) and then listen to anime soundtracks and drink more Mellow Yellow by the crate until you guys review. see you.
All Is Lost Ithax Warhammer