Author-ScarletRubie

Genre- Romance/Angst/Adventure

Tag Line- One night can change everything.

Summary- On one terrible night Ian is taken away. He is believed to be dead. Wanda has discovered that the word she lives in isn't as it seems. Just when Wanda is getting through it all she finds him again. He isn't the same, his body remains but a soul has taken up his body as a host. The soul has a purpose one that Wanda isn't too sure of. The soul is not alone, he travels with another. Wanda wants Ian back, her Ian. The soul refuses to leave. What does Wanda have to do to save Ian from being erased forever? Can she or will Ian be lost....again? Is the world she grew to hate giving her a second chance or is it testing her limits and her priorities.

Disclaimer- I do not own The Host or its characters.

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Now I can't wait to see your smile,
When I wake up each day,
It makes it worth while
With the kinda love you plant inside,
Specially with a heart so empty as mine.
All your soft tenderness is the one thing that I don't wanna miss.

I pray,
When it's time for me to say goodbye
I'll never forget looking in your eyes,
I pray,
That I feel your touch
And that God doesn't forget our love,
I pray,
When I close my eyes,
I can still see visions of you on my mind.
I pray,
That I see you in another life,
I pray that you still by my side.
Oh I pray.

Everything that you give to me,
Only comes in a fantasy,
It seems like life goes by so fast,
But in this time I wanna make it last. (I pray)
I hate that we live to die,
~I Pray, Amanda Perez

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Chapter I

WPOV (Wanda)

It was a horrible. The day was close to unbearable to remember. My heart throbs and my eyes burn with hot tears. The pain seems endless. I sat in what used to be our room. It had Ian written all over it. I brought my knees to my chest and let myself fall apart for the thousandth time.

"Wanda, come on you have to come out of there." I didn't even bother trying to figure out who it was I merely tuned it out.

Ian. I don't understand, after how long it took me to find him that in one instant he was gone. I would never feel his warmth around me. I would never feel his lips on mine. He was gone and he was never coming back. I missed his presence his voice. With heart wrenching pain, I looked back to the last minutes of my time with him.

My eyes shifted to the rear view mirror and I saw the red blue lights, the ones that only meant one thing. My heart was sent into turmoil. There could only be a seeker behind the wheel of that vehicle. I had no plan. Would I be able to outrun them or should I pull over? Maybe it would turn out like the last time I got caught with Jared. Maybe the seeker wouldn't notice.

I turned to Ian, who was beside me, he wore a worried look, and it made me anxious. "Promise me something." He said in a husky voice. His fear matched my own.

"What?"

"Don't ever forget me."

My eyes watered against my will. "What are you talking about?" I stammered.

"There's a big chance I won't be back. But you need to go no matter what, they need the food and you can't get caught. You have to pull over, there is no chance we're going to outrun them."

Tears started to stream down my face. "No Ian."

"I love you so much."

"We can keep going we have a chance." I offered.

"They have no food Wanda, and it will only make us more of suspects, if we don't pull over they'll follow us and then we risk everyone. I'm going to get caught I can feel it. If anything happens……I asked for a ride on the side of the road and you didn't check, you didn't know I was human. That's the story and stick to it."

"Ian, no, you can't just give up." My voice cracked.

"I'm not giving up on anything, I'm thinking realistically. Pull over." He tried to steady his voice but he was just as scared as I was. I slowed down and shifted to the side of the road.

"I love you so much." He took my face in his hands and kissed me one last time. Minutes later the seeker stepped out of the car and approached my window.

I cleaned the tears away and rolled down the window.

I couldn't think of it anymore it was too painful. It felt like I hadn't stopped crying for countless weeks, I probably hadn't. Everyone tried to make me feel better but there was no use, I stopped listening I stopped functioning. I survived without him all my life but I don't remember how and I'm afraid I never will.

I felt a cool wind. Mel pushed the curtain aside and walked in. "Wanda, it's been almost a month." I didn't speak. "I know he meant the world to you but I'm sure he wouldn't want to see you this way. I don't know what it feels like but –"

"You're right you don't know, you don't know what it feels like when a part of your soul is taken, you don't Mel and don't try to figure it out." I snapped. I was tired of people's attempt to make me feel better. But guilt hit me quickly. I sighed. "Sorry Mel, I just…..I don't know what to do with myself. I can't find my way and I'm so scared that I never will. Mel it hurts so much and it feels like the pain is endless."

She looked at me with a compassionate stare. "I know it hurts and I know the pain seems endless but you have to get up and try to live, live for him."

A knot formed in my throat. "How can I?"

"I hate to break it to you but you're not the only one. Kyle was his brother it hurts him too. Sure he has Sunny but it doesn't take the pain away. Wanda you have to tell us what happened we don't even know half of what happened. You won't tell us, this is the most you've spoken in weeks." It was imaginable. I hadn't said much of anything. The one thing I said when I arrived was 'He's gone.' Those are the words that have haunted me and have been repeated in my head thousands of times.

At first I held on to the hope that they had put a soul into him and he would come back to me but it's been almost 6 weeks. If he were coming back we would've already done so. I know him, I know he'd come back I know he'd fight but that hope soon slipped away. I had to accept the fact that he was gone, truly gone though a small part of me still wanted to believe the impossible.

"Wanda we're worried we need to know. What happened? He's…dead but you've refused to give us details." I could see the compassion in her eyes. I wanted to tell her, I wanted Kyle to know what happened to his brother but just thinking about it made me go into a state where I couldn't even think. How was I possibly going to be able to tell Kyle and everyone else?

"If you tell us then we can understand. We can help you." Mel was persistent she had persistent for the past few weeks but I wouldn't budge. Maybe the reason behind why I couldn't tell anyone was because I felt responsible. I felt that I could've done something to avoid it. If I hadn't……I know there was a way I could've evaded the situation.

"I can't." I finally said almost inaudibly.

"You can."

"I feel at fault." I confessed.

She scoffed. "Wanderer the only way you'd be responsible would be if you took a gun and shot him." I winced at her words she was very close to the truth. "We both know that's not what happened. Just say it, no one will blame you for anything you didn't do."

I sighed. "Go get Kyle, Jeb, Jamie, and Jared." She was right I had to tell everyone. I just hope I could get through it. Mel got up from beside me she shortly returned with everyone I asked for. Naturally Sunny was attached to Kyle's side. The six of them settled around me.

"I'm sorry, so sorry. My apologies are for everyone but to Kyle in particular. Kyle, I should've told you long ago but I just couldn't." I began. I couldn't even look at them. I looked down at the gray floor in shame. I remained sitting on the ground.

"Tell me now." Kyle said, I couldn't tell if he was angry or not. He seemed frustrated.

Tears started to well up against my will. I took a deep breath. "On the way back from the raid we we're driving, and it was late at night. I'm not sure if I was going fast or not but a seeker stopped us. Ian" my voice cracked at his name. I tried to gather myself. "Ian urged me to pull over or we would run the risk of being followed back. He said to tell the seeker that I didn't know him and that I saw him on the road and I was giving him a ride, only if he asked. When I stopped he did ask and I told him. He was suspicious of me from the beginning, he knew something wasn't right. Then the seeker told us that someone had spotted us and that they suspected that Ian was human. He asked Ian to get out of the car and he reluctantly did a he was told. The seeker took a flashlight out of his belt a flashed it in his eyes. Then was when he confirmed than Ian was not a soul. He questioned me and asked if I knew him. Ian answered for me he said no that he'd just taken advantage of my generosity. The seeker turned to me for reassurance and I didn't want to confirm his lie but I did. I told him that I didn't know who he was and I pretended to be shocked at the fact that he was human." I felt my body shake with a sudden tremor.

"It's okay." Jamie assured me.

"At that point the seeker tried to get a hold of him but Ian resisted he fought back. It happened so fast." I was speaking as I was trying to catch my breath. "Ian hit the seeker hard enough to make him fall to the ground. Then another seeker appeared, I hadn't seen him, he was sitting in the car the whole time. He stepped out and as Ian tried to run off he…..shot him." I was now sobbing without cease. I had never seen a seeker with a weapon like that. I had no idea they still existed, I had heard of them but I believed them all to be destroyed. I didn't want to believe that our believed to be perfect world isn't perfect at all. We don't use violence, we don't use weapons or at least that's what we're meant to believe. But it was all a lie. They weren't perfect, if they used that kind of action towards Ian then its most likely not the first nor the last time they will use it. They aren't what they claim to be, they're worse than the humans.

I remember wanting to go to him so bad. Seeing him on the ground that way tore me apart. I tried to control my breathing so I could continue to talk. "The seeker on the ground got to his feet and went over to Ian while the other came over to me. He asked me where I was going and I told him I was going to go visit my friend in New Mexico. He told me to very careful, he believed the lie I told him, he said to go to New Mexico making no stops on the way and no picking up people. The other seemed more reluctant to let me go but in the end they agreed to let me go. That was the last time I saw him." I wrapped my hands around me as if to hold me together and I cried harder than I had since the first day.

Everyone was silent around me. I couldn't get the picture of his lifeless body out of my head. I fought so hard to forget it.

I managed to look up at Kyle who was motionless. Sunny was at his side holding his hand. Abruptly he got up and with Sunny at his side he walked out. His face had no emotion and that made me feel worse.

I asked to be alone and everyone exited.. I thought that you were supposed to feel better when you reveal something that you've been hiding but that feeling wasn't coming.

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The minutes and hours turned into days. I sat almost in the same spot for days at a time, I didn't leave the room not even to eat. Nothing mattered to me. On the fourth day of my absence someone showed up. Someone I wasn't quite expecting. Sunny, came to my room, alone. It was odd seeing her without Kyle. They were a package deal and everyone had gotten used to that.

"Hey, Wanda, how are you?" She asked in a silky sweet voice.

"The same, I'm miserable. I'm wallowing in my sorrow, nothing's really changed."

"I'm really sorry. Everyone sympathizes for you but now that they know how hard it is for you they prefer to leave you alone as you wish. Don't think we blame you, no one does. Not even Kyle. It's difficult for him. He says he's finally lost it all he feels alone and he feels different having lost everything from his past life. He lost his home, his family, his parents, Jodi and Ian was the last thing he had left of the life he once knew." She was right of course she was. Ian and Kyle had each other as the last reminder of the life they used to have. I understood Kyle's reasoning. But his coldness never failed to hurt me. "He's not mad, he's upset but not at you. He was dumbfounded by what happened he just needed some time to figure it out. He understands how hard it is for you. He gets that it was hard to see him die. He doesn't hold anything against you. He appreciates you for making the right choice. He knows that deciding was difficult, we all know."

I scoffed. "I hardly made the right choice."

She shook her head. "You did what was right. You did what Ian wanted you to do. You could've led them here, you could've admitted to knowing Ian. You could've left us all to starve to death. You did the right thing. Don't doubt that."

"But he's gone and I'm alone, I'm so alone." I whispered. I felt like I would never rise up from the ditch I was in. The walls around me only seemed to grow taller.

She looked down. She didn't know what to say to that and I shouldn't have thrown something like that at her but that's exactly what I felt. I needed to vent. "I really can't say anything to make this better for you and I won't try. But I will say this. We're here for you whenever you need us we're here. Melanie, Jamie, Jared, Jeb, Kyle and I are here to help you trough this. Not to forget but to heal."

To heal. That's what I needed, I needed to heal my soul, my heart. In time I learned how. Not to forget Ian because I never would forget him but to heal from the stab in my heart. Now it's just a scar, a scar that will forever remind me that maybe when you try to get perfection you ruin the very essence of life. The seekers didn't live as we were intended, they broke the rules, their own rules. To use violence that way is unacceptable but no one will ever know. Everyone on the outside world will continue to live their so called perfect lives and I will continue on my journey in this world knowing the truth. In the heart that I never believed to have, will be Ian my one and only true love, the one that taught me truth and honesty and most importantly he taught me to love and for that he will remain in my heart and soul for the rest of time.

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Glad you read and please Review.

~Toodles.