|: Because You Never Said Goodbye :|
A/N : So, I realized my attempt of writing in the present tense has been an epic fail. (At least for me) Hence, I should probably just continue with what I am comfortable with. Sorry MM!
Credit for the title goes to 'Between' by Courier.
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The portrait of dark colours of the evening sun reflected in his shimmering eyes, the breeze flying through his hairs as he stared at the sea. The trees mildly swayed their leaves and branches, enjoying the wind that passed through them. Watching the sun retiring behind the bouncing waves, he felt amused on how the elements of nature never missed a single day without representing their friendship among each other.
Maybe there is a reason why the waters appear so calm and serene, the trees look so happy, when they meet the soothing breeze, he thought to himself.
He tried recollecting the last time he had felt so satiable and peaceful as he watched and felt the horizons catching up and gossiping merrily among themselves. How was he feeling? Placated? Contented? Or desolate? Subdued? How was he supposed to feel? Or was he allowed to feel anything at all?
The questions which were hovering in his mind tried seeking answers from the same elements of nature which depicted the true value of companionship. Not that he usually paid any attention to them. However, at that moment, they were the only sources where he found solace.
An year and a half – seventeen months to be precise – of serving in the CID. In those seventeen months, he had seen everything. Right from acceptance to love to sympathy to distrust to humiliation to accusation by his own family. He had given his life, his soul for his duty.
In the midst of all, he found the relations which he had no clue how they were supposed to be, earlier. He made friends, he lost some. But, he had no regrets. A smile invariably crept on his lips, as he remembered all those moments. Unknowingly, a tear escaped from his eye, landing down on his hand which he had placed on the railing of the balcony.
The light swishing sound of the leaves and the soft crackling sound of the bunch of papers in his hand brought him out of the world of nature's depiction of friendship.
Tightening his grip on the papers, holding them from the edges against the wind, he started reading.
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Rajat Sir,
I don't know what to say. Honestly, I don't. I don't even know why I am writing this letter to you. To be very frank, I am not the one to do goodbyes. I don't like them. They are one of the most heartbreaking and cruelest emotions ever known. And no matter what ACP Sir lectures me on becoming rigid and stone-hearted, I don't care. For I tend to become emotional whenever someone dear to me goes away from me. And I am not ashamed of myself for being so fervent. Hell, that's me. Always melting away at the slightest of things and confused at every point. Maybe God has made me that way.
Anyways, the reason why I am writing to you, is because I feel maybe there have been quite a few questions left unanswered. I am writing to you with the hope that maybe those questions, those qualms will be answered someday.
Before I start off with my blabbering (well, that's what I've always done, according to everyone), I would want to clarify, Sir, that I am not going to give those typical farewells like 'All the best for your future' or 'May you succeed at every step'. Because I know you don't need them. And the biggest reason is, those are meant for people who drift apart. But, I know you'll always be with me, helping me whenever I get confused. I positively say, Sir, I can and I will count on you. I hope you don't mind. Aah, I am sure, you won't. Because you never did say goodbye. No, you didn't.
Sir, now that you are leaving (the team, I mean), who do we look up to? Of course, you'll answer, ACP Sir, Abhijeet Sir and Daya Sir. Agreed. They are such that any freaking cop will love to look up to. But, I have always felt there is a difference between them and you. They have always taught us what it takes to be a senior. Of course, they are brilliant in their own way. But, you have always taught us what it takes to understand the juniors in spite of being a senior. Sir, I am sure you will be dismissing my statement here. But, you were the best senior one could ever ask for. Yes, you are. And you can ask Purvi, Shreya or Nikhil. They'll have the same opinion.
You know, Sir, me and Shreya again had a small argument today. Not my fault. She looks for ways to pick up a fight with me, although I enjoy taking her case every now and then. The frustrated look she has on her face when I tease her is worth watching. But today, as we were arguing, my eyes subconsciously searched for you. To come and pacify us. To urge me to apologize to Shreya. But, you weren't there. And trust me, Sir, I don't care how much it matters to anyone around me, I felt disheartened. Shreya was bemused when I easily accepted my mistake and went away hanging my head down, which I don't usually do. Because, you weren't there.
I guess I will have to make myself used to tackle such situations on my own. Childish as you may call it, I had gotten too used to you being around, that I never felt the need to worry. Gosh, another fault of my stupid behaviour.
Speaking of which, I came across my broken pair of spectacles, which you had attempted to fix when they had fallen off in the jungle the other day. They have been completely useless since that day, but I still have them with me, very neatly preserved, I might add. Because they would always remind me of you. Crazy, isn't it? Well, yes, maybe, but no, I won't throw them. Ever.
Since the day you have left, the environment in the bureau is, I can't exactly describe. ACP Sir is normally his usual self, shouting and blasting off on people for silly reasons. But, there are times when he just prefers to sit isolated in the four walls of his cabin, studying what seem to be your resignation papers. And I don't know what others think, but as far as I watch him, an expression mixed with regret and guilt shows evidently on his face. Every time you are remembered.
Dr. Tarika stares off into space for a long duration, thinking about – or recollecting something. The other day, when I was entering the forensic lab, I heard her telling Dr. Salunkhe that she no longer feels like making friends. Because whenever she makes any, they always go away from her. Dr. Salunkhe just empathizes with her, gently patting her head whenever they talk about you.
Purvi and Nikhil were discussing a few days back, about whom should we approach now for cribbing about our problems. Yes, I agree we have troubled you a lot. But, we don't regret anything of it. Because you were the one who took down our tantrums without getting mad at us. Sir, how did you manage to remain so calm and grounded, in spite of us annoying you all the time?
Nikhil regularly practices on his guitar, with the lessons you have given him. In fact, the guitar which you had gifted him is among the most prized possessions in his house.
In all these seventeen months (yes, I know your exact tenure), we have never seen you losing your cool even in the toughest of times, be it someone getting injured, or for that matter, you being accused of committing a crime. Maybe that's the reason why we want to look up to you, to be like you. Even when ACP Sir and Abhijeet Sir were blaming you for kidnapping Dr. Tarika, you endured everything silently. How, Sir? Well, maybe that is the reason which you makes you special for us among the seniors.
The truth is, Sir, (no matter how much you want to deny it), we miss you. Always. Every single second. Be it going for the most life-threatening investigation or the small professional meetings in the bureau or the fun hang-outs we have. I know this may sound too clichéd and old-fashioned, but, Sir, we love you. Yes, we do, and will always do.
No, while writing this, I am not crying. I have promised myself not to cry. I certainly don't want to see you off with teary eyes. For I know you have never tolerated tears in our eyes, and whenever we had, you were always there to wipe them off. And I know you wouldn't like to see them now either.
Sir, in the midst of all this, I couldn't help asking. Do you have to go? Well, another senseless question.
Anyways, wherever you go, I will always be there to trouble you, annoy the wits out of you and rely upon you for the most trivial issues. And I know you will tend to me whenever I need you.
Your stupid, annoying and confused, yet doting junior,
Pankaj
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He had read the letter nearly ten times since that morning, but it sent the same wave of emotions, the gratitude he had felt upon reading it for the first time. He kept staring at it, until his vision was blurred by his tears.
Straightening the wet, tear-stained paper and gently smoothening it, he placed it inside a book to prevent it from crumpling. Among the few things he had kept close to his heart, he knew he had to include the letter among those.
He went back to staring at the sea and the sun which had almost set by then as he wiped his tears. He would always leave a part of himself behind. Because he never said goodbye.
~~ The End ~~
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A/N : Call me rude or arrogant, but this time I have to be back to my controversial Author's Notes. I guess majority of the fandom still has misconceptions about the creation of Rockstar. Though PR has already explained it countless times, people still haven't got it clear.
Guys, once again, the MAJOR reason for creating the Rockstar shipping (rather Rocky loving Tarika) was NOT, I repeat, NOT to prove Abhijeet wrong in any way, if you feel so. Majority of the Rockstar stories are from Rocky's point of view, and since Rocky does not exactly like Abhijeet, he is OBVIOUSLY going to think about him in a negative way. You cannot expect him to go all praises for his rival, just because the whole world does.
The reason for creating one-sided Rockstar, was plainly to prove to the idiotic, pathetic, disgusting, brainless, jobless and absolutely narrow-minded fangirls on India-Forums (No, I do not regret what I wrote. It's my story, and I am ready to deal with what is thrown at me for this.) that Tarika, in every way, deserves to be loved and is fully capable of making guys fall head-over-heels for her. Yes, if you feel Abhijeet gives her that love, fine. For once, I am ready to accept it.
But, how does THAT make Abhijeet wrong in front of Tarika? Rocky hates him, but Tarika loves him. She is happy with Abhijeet. So, what's the big deal about? Don't tell me, now, Rocky is not even allowed to love Tarika. Please, she is beautiful, intelligent and smart. For those who think Tarika does not deserve to be a human being, Rockstar was an answer for THEM. But, of course, you guys, as always, blatantly chose to ignore the most important reason, and just concentrated on the "Rocky hates Abhijeet" part. Guys, seriously?
And now that I am done with this (hopefully for the last time), I would want to tell everyone, that I am NOT expecting any reviews for this story. Those who care will review. Those who don't like, please, just PLEASE do not review. Please! I have had enough of it.
Sorry everyone and thanks for considering.