Operation: EVIL-KID
Evil Villain Infiltrates Local KND , Inevitable Doom
Chapter 1
Brainbridge University, Sometime Before
Nigel Uno was currently on the campus of the University, hiding behind trees, moving closer and closer to the main entrance. His heart was beating fast, knowing he was risking a lot if he was spotted by one of the teachers – but the effort was worth it. If the intelligence reports were correct, a kid his own age had been recently admitted there. Admitted...yeah, right. They were probably performing dangerous experiments on him or her to make the child a perfect, obedient copy of an adult. Or, even worse, they could be using his or her genetic code to create a virus that would eradicate childhood around the globe...
With these thoughts in mind, Nigel found himself right in front of the door – and, after looking at his left and at his right to make sure no adults were nearby, he opened it and infiltrated the building...
... without knowing somebody had been watching him the whole time from three floors above.
The nine or ten year old girl was sitting at the window with a scowl on her face. So it was true. Those bratty, meddlesome Kids Next Door were trying to reach her, to see how come someone her age had been admitted to university. And they had sent Numbuh 1 to do this. Ah...if only they had half her intellect, they would realise how stupid their whole action was. But again, these were the kids who used household materials to build weapons and puppy eyes to manipulate the adults.
She didn't worry at all about Numbuh 1 having infiltrated the University. From what she knew, Professor XXXL was currently conducting some ridiculous ice-cream research and as soon as he'd spot Numbuh 1, he'd use him for his experiments. And if luck was on her side, he might never release him back to his lame organisation...
All of a sudden, a hoarse voice disrupted her thoughts. She instantly knew it was one of her teachers.
"Miss Arnold, have you finished your trigonometry problems?"
She stood up quickly and replied in a fake, modest tone:
"Yes, sir, I have...I hope, uh, I hope they're alright."
The teacher's face brightened and then he said, smiling approvingly:
"Of course they will be, you're the youngest student we've ever accepted! Now sit at your desk while I check them."
She did as she was asked. Without changing her reserved facial expression, she resumed to her normal way of thinking. Of course I did them right, I know trigonometry as the back of my hand. Hmpf, teachers...But thinking of the Kids Next Door...There will be a day when I'll have my revenge, and then I'll destroy them all!
The Library, Present Moment, 10:30 AM
It was a boring, ordinary day at the local library. But for Mrs. Gilligan, it was the perfect time to take her mom and two kids out, much to everyone's dismay.
"But mooom, I have important things to do with my friends! A mega-awesome turbo-blast oyster cannon does not build itself!" Hoagie complained and gestured wildly as they entered the menacing building. "Aand there are lots of adults in here and I prefer to read comics than books aaand…OW! What was that for?" he asked, turning around.
His grandma had just hit him with her walking stick and was currently looking very angry.
"Shut up, Tommy!"
Numbuh 2 almost facepalmed. I can't believe this, he said to himself.
"That's … Hoagie, grandma! Is it so hard to...OW! But...OW! He is...OW! Tommy!"
Suddenly, the room darkened for no reason and a dark cape and a top hat also popped up on his younger brother's body.
"No...I am not Tommy...I am THE Tommy! he uttered slowly, a lightning bolt striking the floor in the end for a finishing touch."
Lydia suddenly got even more annoyed and proceeded to hit the younger one as well and the curios storm vanished in an instant.
"Shut up! Back in my days, kids respected adults and senior citizens! Not to mention these lightnings that appear out of nowhere!"
Her daughter then tried to intervene:
"Wow, how...uhm...incredibly late it is, Mom! Let's go, everyone is watching us..."
The old woman stopped kicking Tommy, having a bored look on her face.
"This visit is annoying, Betty! I'll be at the tapioca restaurant, if you need me, which I doubt you do", she said angrily, marching out of the library in a fury.
After the door closed behind her, they all let out a sigh of relief. Hoagie and Tommy were still rubbing their numb necks when their mom motioned them to keep walking. She had wanted all of them to go someplace like a family, and since she was in need of a new cookbook, she had decided to drag them all along. But for now, she just hoped that her two sons would just keep quiet.
Come on, is it that difficult? My name is Hoagie, H-O-A-G-I-E...As plain as that. Or as Numbuh 4 would spell it, L-4-k-U-F-W...
That made Numbuh 2 laugh for a few moments. He kept striding along the corridors while entertaining himself with reading the names of all the sections he passed by. There was Young Adult Fiction, where a bunch of teenage girls were drooling over a vampire book (probably containing Count Spankulot's tips to destroy the KND), Multimedia with some cool technology, Biographies, Documentaries, The Section with Big Words and Stuff (Philosophy, Encyclopedias blah blah) Which Kids Should Totally Ignore...
Wait a second. What had he just read?
He stopped for a second to see that again. Tommy instantly bumped into him, not noticing his brother had stopped walking. They both stared at the locked door with the terribly immensely huge warning sign:
The Section with Big Words and Stuff (Philosophy, Encyclopedias blah blah)
Which Kids Should Totally Ignore...
(Nope, Not An Adult Meeting)
"Uhm, Hoagie, do you think what I'm thinking?"
"Exactly", he said, clenching his right fist. "The best way to make Cree fall for me is a book from the Young Adult Fiction!"
"Not that, Hoagie! This section of the library!"
"Oh, that one...The adults are plotting something!"
"Indeed, and only The Tommy and the KND united can des...whoa, what's going on?"
The two looked up to see two scary-looking tall men grabbing them by the collar.
"What are you two kiddies doing here?"
"Aren't you too young to visit this section?"
"Yeah, you should go read Rainbow Monkey stories or...whatever little brats like you read."
"I'm not a kid! I am...The T...Tom...Tommy!" the younger one cried.
Luckily for them, before they got into trouble, their mom arrived in a hurry.
"What's happening? Tommy, Hoagie?"
The two men exchanged looks and one of them spoke to her:
"Are these kids yours, madam? This is no place for them, and you shouldn't let them unattended in the public library."
"I am so sorry, they were behind my back a while ago and they probably got lost...I'll...just take them now, if you don't mind. Sorry for bothering you", she added while smiling.
When the three of them were far enough, she began scolding the boys.
"What is this? What did I tell you about wandering about in public places? And you bothered those two nice gentlemen back there as well!"
"B...but Mom! They're bad guys!"
"Yeah, they're the Ice Cream Men, just disguised! I saw them while I was on mission with the..."
"That's enough! I'm sick of arguing with you two! Missions, 2x4 technology, The Tommy, weapons, villains! Enough! Now, you are going to stay right next to me while I look for a new cookbook or else you're getting into even more trouble. Understood?"
"Yes, ma'am", they said simultaneously with the look of defeat on their faces.
Numbuh 2 could easily predict it was going to be a long day...But maybe that wasn't an adult meeting after all. And encyclopedias and philosophy books were indeed too advanced for 10-year olds. He shook his head...Perhaps Numbuh 1's paranoia was contagious.
Supervillains' Super Secret Meeting Center That The KND Have No Idea About, 11 AM
Luckily for evil adults, the library rental fees were small enough to be affordable, not to mention the room was spacious enough to accomodate them all, including Gramma Stuffum, the Schoolyard Bully, The Crazy Old Cat Lady and all her pets.
This meeting was particularly held because supervillains worldwide were running out of plans to destroy the Kids Next Door. Basically everyone was taking turns at the microphone onstage trying to persuade the others that their ideas deserved to be put into practice. The problem was, no one's plan was actually feasible...
"As a conclusion, I suggest that ve should all use garlic to defeat those lousy childrens!" suggested Count Spankulot at the tribune. "Garlic is the most reputable veapon ever!" he added, with what tried to be an evil laugh.
The rest of the adults looked bored, in spite of the vampire's "inspiring" speech. Most of them were sighing or yawning; Knightbrace was brushing his teeth as part of his daily routine, Mega Mom and Destructo Dad were plotting together to enlist their son for piano lessons (with or without his will) and Stickybeard was chewing on some candy absent-mindedly.
If he hadn't been so refined and super-villainous, Father himself would have facepalmed. He was the one currently presiding the meeting...well, "currently" was an understatement - he was always presiding the meetings, since no one else was smart and persuasive enough to control the rest of the adult villains. How he wished he could destroy them all...but unfortunately he still needed some allies, lame as they were.
He thus sighed and tried to compose himself. There had been a few times when he'd gotten so angry he had burned the meeting centre down...and every time they made him pay the full costs. That was most inconvenient.
"Well, Count, is that your idea of a plan?" he said with a hint of menace in his voice.
The vampire fidgeted nervously and began to stutter.
"Uh, ah...I...did...didn't...yes...I...I mean no..."
"Sooo...does ANYONE here have any idea? They charge me by the hour, you know!"
Everyone just kept staring at each other, hoping one of them would say something. It was really silly that they'd all gathered in the library without them having any ideas to come forward with.
The awkward silence was then suddenly broken by the opening of the door, as the Ice Cream Men allowed an old woman in. The rest of the villains instantly recognised her as Madam Margaret, the former headmaster of an all-girls boarding school who had once tried to get rid of all the boys in the world but had miserably failed.
"Madam Margaret...you are late. Care to explain?"
"Well of course I am late! I had to disguise myself three times to avoid been seen by those meddling Kids Next Door!" she complained angrily.
At hearing the name of their most feared opponents, the rest of the adults began chattering among themselves in outrage until Margaret herself decided to interrupt them:
"I see you failed to find a plan. I expected that much of you, since you're mostly lame men! But nevermind that now, because I have one."
Father raised an eyebrow, annoyed at having been insulted along with the rest of the male villains but also wondering what on earth could her plan be.
"So, Madam Margaret...what is it? You've made us...curious", he said in a strangely composed voice, almost sounding like he'd burn her if she didn't have a good idea.
"This is the best plan to destroy the KND! It was designed by my protegée, a 10-year-old prodigy..."
But before she could finish her sentence, the whole room collapsed into a hysterical laughter.
"What? A kid? Are you serious, Margaret? That's gotta be the best joke I've heard in years!" cried Stickybeard, almost choking on the candy.
"Kids can barely brush their teeth and you say she's made a plan to destroy the KND?" added Knightbrace, spitting his mouthwash.
"Nice try, Madam Margaret! Next time, I'll also ask my kitties to start plotting against them! Right, darlings?" said The Crazy Old Cat Lady.
"A child against a pro-children organisation? I'd rather eat garlic than believe this nonsense!" completed the vampire.
She had to endure being mocked for another kamillion minutes, during which they kept questioning her sanity and insulting children...
Madam Margaret's Super Secret Very Girly Lair, Later That Evening
The pair of dark eyes stared at the woman in front of her. The kid said in an expressionless voice:
"So, they didn't even consider listening? ... I should've expected that. My bad."
"It's only their fault, Rebecca! They're men - they can't do anything on their own! I know that too well!"
The girl mentally rolled her eyes (it was best not to show her true feelings in front of others). There were also women in the villains' group, and the reason they had rejected her idea in the first place was that she was technically still a child, so it'd have been expected of her to be neutral or supportive of the KND organisation. How absurd...
"It's alright, Madam. I will take care of the matter myself. You'll see that by the end of the next day, I'll have them all wrapped around my little finger..."
Review, pretty please! I accept both criticism and praise, mostly since I find it harder to write normal (aka non-parodic) fanfics...so, any comment is helpful! Really, no kidding, this is actually kinda hard to write.