HARRY POTTER AND THE STANDARDIZED TEST
by Topaz
For those of you who don't know (luckies!) the MCAS is a test we poor Massachusetts kids have to take in 4th, 8th, and 10th grade. There are four sections: English, Math, Science, and History (die evil history!). And I really hate standardized tests.
One day, Voldemort was pacing throughout his office (he's a high school principal, didn't you know?) wondering what evil deed he should do next. He paced, and he paced, and he paced, and he wore the soles of his shoes out, and he paced, and he bought new shoes, and he paced. Oh, and did I mention that he paced?
"EUREKA!" Voldemort shouted, scaring the staff people so much that they went out and gave seventeen students detention to calm themselves. "I'VE GOT IT!"
"Do you, now," said one of the voices in his head, this one named Alfredo. "That's very nice, Voldie."
"DON'T CALL ME VOLDIE!" Voldemort shrieked, earning himself several strange looks from the staff. However, principals are supposed to be neurotic; it's one of the job requirements, so they shrugged and ignored it.
"What have you got?" asked another voice in his head, who was named Cherry Valley (don't even ask).
"I WILL CREATE A STANDARDIZED TEST... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Voldemort screeched at the top of his lungs, making the whole building shake. The building decided that it liked shaking and began shimmying around.
The students screamed. "NO, NOT THE STANDARDIZED TESTS!"
"YES!" Voldemort screamed back. "You can run, but you cannot hide... from THE MCAS! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Voldemort hopped on his pet broomstick, Sally, who is also a talking tree in another life. "Up, up, and away!" he cried to Sally, who flew away to... um... somewhere. *Sings* Somewhere over the rainbow... um, yeah...
First, Voldemort decided that the test would test students in English, Math, Science, and History, also known as World History, Social Studies, and various other weird names (where on earth did 'social studies' come from?).
"I need lots of essay questions," Voldemort remarked. "LOTS. That will not only will the kids' fingers be exhausted and their tendons rubbed away by the end from writing so much, but I'll manage to destroy at least several hundred acres of rainforest to meet the pencil demand."
Voldemort made Peter Pettigrew do the English, Math, and Science sections, but he made the History section himself and put the hardest questions he could think of (and some that he couldn't think of) on the test.
"And I will use... BUBBLING!" Voldemort screeched. "They will have to bubble in everyone, their names, their birth dates, their school numbers, EVERYTHING! And they will have to bubble it in on every single section of the test, over and over and over and over..."
"NOOOOOO!" the horrified students wailed. "BUBBLING!"
Voldemort chuckled evilly to himself, discovered that it sounded stupid, and stopped. "And I will print hundreds of instructions packets even though by the end of the test the children will have memorized the instructions because I will make the teachers read them to the class at the beginning of each test session, and I will force the children to bubble and write essays and bubble and write essays UNTIL THEIR HEADS BURST!"
"Don't worry," Harry said to the terrified students. "I'll save you!"
"No, I will," Lockhart said, bursting in. "Have no fear, Lockhart is here!"
Lockhart scared the students almost as much as the MCAS, and they screamed some more.
Well, Harry and Lockhart had a duel over who got to rescue the students and ended up blowing each others' heads off. But they were the lucky ones... they escaped the long hours of bubbling and writing and bubbling and writing and listening to instructions that they knew by heart and bubbling and writing some more...
Finally all the 4th and 8th and 10th graders went insane and blew up the world.
And they all lived happily ever after.
So, can you tell that I hate the MCAS? Huh? Huh? Can you? I think you can't. Anyway, um... yeah... Voldemort really IS a principal... or a math teacher, cannot decide which (no offense meant to principals and math teachers, because good ones do exist, but the bad ones are evil). No principals were injured during the making of this fic... which is, by the way, a true story. I'm serious. Voldemort created the MCAS.
By the way, I did very well on the MCAS, so I'm not just some kid who failed and is ranting about it... I'm a kid who passed and is ranting about it! I musta used up five pencils during that stupid test... and it gave me premature arthritis in my finger joints... SUE THE MCAS PEEPS!! HAHA! (can you tell I'm on a sugar high? Well, I'm NOT! I'm on a... FIC HIGH! HAHAHAHAHA!)
Um, yeah. Will go now. Must take pills. Must have... SUGAR!!!! HAHAHAH! CAFFEinE! ha-ha!
PLEASE REVIEW... but before you do, you must bubble in your name, address, date of birth, race, age, annual income, likes, dislikes, family members, pets, friends, favorite pizza topping, and student identification number seventeen times on different packets with a number two pencil.
~*Toodles*~
by Topaz
For those of you who don't know (luckies!) the MCAS is a test we poor Massachusetts kids have to take in 4th, 8th, and 10th grade. There are four sections: English, Math, Science, and History (die evil history!). And I really hate standardized tests.
One day, Voldemort was pacing throughout his office (he's a high school principal, didn't you know?) wondering what evil deed he should do next. He paced, and he paced, and he paced, and he wore the soles of his shoes out, and he paced, and he bought new shoes, and he paced. Oh, and did I mention that he paced?
"EUREKA!" Voldemort shouted, scaring the staff people so much that they went out and gave seventeen students detention to calm themselves. "I'VE GOT IT!"
"Do you, now," said one of the voices in his head, this one named Alfredo. "That's very nice, Voldie."
"DON'T CALL ME VOLDIE!" Voldemort shrieked, earning himself several strange looks from the staff. However, principals are supposed to be neurotic; it's one of the job requirements, so they shrugged and ignored it.
"What have you got?" asked another voice in his head, who was named Cherry Valley (don't even ask).
"I WILL CREATE A STANDARDIZED TEST... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Voldemort screeched at the top of his lungs, making the whole building shake. The building decided that it liked shaking and began shimmying around.
The students screamed. "NO, NOT THE STANDARDIZED TESTS!"
"YES!" Voldemort screamed back. "You can run, but you cannot hide... from THE MCAS! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Voldemort hopped on his pet broomstick, Sally, who is also a talking tree in another life. "Up, up, and away!" he cried to Sally, who flew away to... um... somewhere. *Sings* Somewhere over the rainbow... um, yeah...
First, Voldemort decided that the test would test students in English, Math, Science, and History, also known as World History, Social Studies, and various other weird names (where on earth did 'social studies' come from?).
"I need lots of essay questions," Voldemort remarked. "LOTS. That will not only will the kids' fingers be exhausted and their tendons rubbed away by the end from writing so much, but I'll manage to destroy at least several hundred acres of rainforest to meet the pencil demand."
Voldemort made Peter Pettigrew do the English, Math, and Science sections, but he made the History section himself and put the hardest questions he could think of (and some that he couldn't think of) on the test.
"And I will use... BUBBLING!" Voldemort screeched. "They will have to bubble in everyone, their names, their birth dates, their school numbers, EVERYTHING! And they will have to bubble it in on every single section of the test, over and over and over and over..."
"NOOOOOO!" the horrified students wailed. "BUBBLING!"
Voldemort chuckled evilly to himself, discovered that it sounded stupid, and stopped. "And I will print hundreds of instructions packets even though by the end of the test the children will have memorized the instructions because I will make the teachers read them to the class at the beginning of each test session, and I will force the children to bubble and write essays and bubble and write essays UNTIL THEIR HEADS BURST!"
"Don't worry," Harry said to the terrified students. "I'll save you!"
"No, I will," Lockhart said, bursting in. "Have no fear, Lockhart is here!"
Lockhart scared the students almost as much as the MCAS, and they screamed some more.
Well, Harry and Lockhart had a duel over who got to rescue the students and ended up blowing each others' heads off. But they were the lucky ones... they escaped the long hours of bubbling and writing and bubbling and writing and listening to instructions that they knew by heart and bubbling and writing some more...
Finally all the 4th and 8th and 10th graders went insane and blew up the world.
And they all lived happily ever after.
So, can you tell that I hate the MCAS? Huh? Huh? Can you? I think you can't. Anyway, um... yeah... Voldemort really IS a principal... or a math teacher, cannot decide which (no offense meant to principals and math teachers, because good ones do exist, but the bad ones are evil). No principals were injured during the making of this fic... which is, by the way, a true story. I'm serious. Voldemort created the MCAS.
By the way, I did very well on the MCAS, so I'm not just some kid who failed and is ranting about it... I'm a kid who passed and is ranting about it! I musta used up five pencils during that stupid test... and it gave me premature arthritis in my finger joints... SUE THE MCAS PEEPS!! HAHA! (can you tell I'm on a sugar high? Well, I'm NOT! I'm on a... FIC HIGH! HAHAHAHAHA!)
Um, yeah. Will go now. Must take pills. Must have... SUGAR!!!! HAHAHAH! CAFFEinE! ha-ha!
PLEASE REVIEW... but before you do, you must bubble in your name, address, date of birth, race, age, annual income, likes, dislikes, family members, pets, friends, favorite pizza topping, and student identification number seventeen times on different packets with a number two pencil.
~*Toodles*~