Chapter 1: What About Now

For all my life I am yours

The night had settled over Konoha followed by a cool breeze, which chased away the hot summer day, making the citizens relieved. The rooftops were disturbed by an occasionally flicker from the shinobis moving to or from the big gate of the city. They didn't pay attention to the barks from alleys or the shouts from empty streets. Konoha was a big city and never went completely silent. They were all watched by the great stone faces of the five Hokages, but like the group of people walking by one of the tall building complexes close to the ninja academy, they didn't pay attention to the single open window on the third floor.

It was a two-bedroom apartment with an unusual big kitchen and bathroom. The living room consisted of three low tables placed haphazardly around the room, with the floor filled with fluffy cushions and pillows. One of the walls was one big bookshelf, which was almost bursting with scrolls, books and knickknacks. The opposite wall was dedicated to pictures and photographs, some in frames and some plastered on the wall with tape. The colour of the wall was light sand giving a peaceful atmosphere even in the dim light. The kitchen, to the left, with it's cupboards and counters of thick cherry wood was old but well kept. If you opened one of the cupboards you would see that no plate, bowl or glass was alike. They all stood on their decided places, feeling unique. The kitchen table had soft curves on the legs, carved with leafs. The three chairs didn't match each other or the table. Like everything else the bathroom was a unique creation with its multi-coloured tiles and big-framed mirror. The whole apartment had a feel of comfort and security.

There was no sign of the new occupant, yet, and for now the place was big enough. The two lay sleeping in the bedroom where one of the walls was completely bare giving freedom to admire the green forest wallpaper. The rest of the walls had a light yellow colour and against them stood a small drawer and a closet covered in animal ornaments. Under the bed was a soft carpet, which sheltered bare feet against a cold floor in winter. The open window let the night breeze stir the thin cotton curtains.

Iruka was sleeping in the middle of the big bed, tangled in the sheets that were clinging to his sweaty body, but there was something wrong and that made him grab the kunai under his pillow and place himself in an awkward crouching stand next to the bed. All adrenaline disappeared in an instant when he discovered who had entered the room. It was not a stranger and certainly not an enemy. Iruka dropped the kunai and sat back down on the bed, legs crossed. He didn't want to interfere, not yet, so he kept silent and waited. The person's attention wasn't on him, anyway, but on the sleeping newborn boy in the dolphin painted crib next to Iruka's bed. Kakashi's left hand rested on crib, his right hanging limply at his side. His masked pooled around his neck, Iruka couldn't see if he had removed the hitae ate from his eye, but he was still quite sure that both eyes were exposed. The boy was lying on his back with his small hands on either side of his head. The blanket was placed in the bottom end of the crib. It was too hot to be anything but uncomfortable.

"Have you given him a name?" Kakashi's voice was low and hoarse. He didn't sound like himself. Iruka didn't answer right away. He just watched Kakashi's profile. It had been a long time since he could do that without anyone noticing.

"Makenshi… His name is Umino Makenshi" Kakashi gave a barely visible nod. It was a name he had mentioned, Iruka had taken a liking to it, and maybe it would give Kakashi a feeling that he had contributed with something, even if it was something he just mentioned those months ago. "He has your eyes" Iruka whispered. He saw the hand on the crib tighten its grip, knuckles turning white. Maybe he shouldn't have said that but since the boy was sleeping, it wasn't a thing he could see. Iruka wanted Kakashi to know because those eyes had taken his breath away the first time he saw them, which was right after he was placed in his arms. In a way, Iruka was glad that the eyes were the only visible feature the boy had gotten from Kakashi. It was not like Kakashi was the only one with silver hair but it was still rare, and if it had been gravity defying on top of that, people would surely guess or right out know Kakashi was the father. Which was not good at all. The boy's inner strength was another matter but he was only two days old so Iruka didn't want to worry about that so soon.

"He's beautiful, Iruka", that got Iruka to look right up into mismatched eyes. "What about holding him for a while?" Iruka smiled, please Kashi. Kakashi looked down "he's sleeping I… I don't…" the last words disappeared but Iruka knew. "He's you son, Kashi, just this once", he knew it hurt Kakashi to hear those words, Iruka was hurting just saying them. Kakashi didn't answer, instead he hesitantly reached out to the small boy. His hands stopped mere inches from him, and Iruka almost believed he would pull back and leave but he didn't. Very carefully and gently Kakashi picked the boy up and Iruka wasn't surprised when Makenshi didn't wake up. Kakashi pulled Makenshi close to his body and buried his nose in the fine, barely-there, dark curls. Iruka heard the deep intake of breath and couldn't anything but smile. He already knew how addicted he was to the smell of his baby boy. It made his smile falter a little. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea for Kakashi to hold him after all. It was too late turning back now. Kakashi walked over to the bed, slid to the floor and rested his back against the bed. He pulled his knees up to his chest, sheltering the little body even more. No, it had not been a good idea. Iruka silently berated himself for being such an idiot. Iruka moved from his spot on the bed and sat besides Kakashi, leaning his head on a strong shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry Ruka… I'm so sorry", Iruka closed his eyes willing the tears away. He put his arms around Kakashi as best as he could, shushing him. There wasn't anything else he could do. His words would be hollow and uncertain because Iruka didn't know if it would be all right. He didn't know if they were going to make it. He didn't know if this was the first and only time Kakashi was able to hold and acknowledge Makenshi as his son. He didn't know… Iruka felt Kakashi's body shaking with silent sobs. Iruka could just tighten his grip and try to not make it worse with his own cries.

Iruka woke up, not knowing he had fallen asleep in the first place. He still had his arms around Kakashi with Kakashi's head on his shoulder. He still had the strong hold on Makenshi, who didn't seem to be aware of anything than the warmth and protection. "I have to go", Iruka swallowed loudly. He wanted to tell Kakashi to stay, just for a little while, or forever, but that wouldn't be fair to Kakashi. He had a feeling that if he did tell, Kakashi would stay and that was not an option. No, it would all go wrong if he stayed. So Iruka reluctantly let go of the dead grip he had on Kakashi. It was the signal for Kakashi to move which he did. And just like Iruka he reluctantly let go of the now three days old boy, placing him back in the crib. Those dolphins sure were cute; Kakashi wondered who had painted them. He placed a warm kiss on the little forehead and caressed a red cheek. Iruka stood up as well, suddenly unsure of what to do when he saw Kakashi's posture change. Emotions were pushed aside. Iruka couldn't let him leave like that. He grabbed Kakashi's arm when he walked past him, on his way to the window. "You can come anytime you are able or need to, you know that", Kakashi gave him a blank look, which was slightly ruined by his now two red eyes. Before Iruka could say more he was pulled into a rough and hungry kiss. He felt a possessive hand on the back of his head, making it impossible to break free. Not that he wanted to. His own hands buried themselves in Kakashi's shirt, definitely bruising the pale skin underneath. In the end it was Kakashi that broke the kiss, leaving them both breathing hard. Calloused thumps traced the lines and curves of Iruka's lips, and the soft skin under his eyes. Iruka brushed a hand through Kakashi's hair, letting his fingers tangle in the soft locks. Once again those lips devoured him and he was almost certain their hearts were beating as one. To soon, all too soon, Kakashi let go and took a step back. Iruka felt like Kakashi stood on the other side of the world and not right in front of him. He saw the longing look Kakashi gave the crib. And then it was gone. The mask was placed over the gorgeous face; hitae ate covering the sharingan once more. His lone eye giving its trademark smile. Then his turned around and went out of the open window, without looking back. Iruka's knees gave up and he landed on the floor with a small thump. He felt the tears running down his face, the room started spinning around him followed by a ringing sound buzzing inside his skull, disconnecting him from his surroundings. He vaguely heard Makenshi cry. It was not a cry for food or because he had woken up. It was a cry of loss. Kakashi had briefly filled the room with his strength making them feel safe. Loved. Iruka was sure Makenshi knew a part of him was missing. The cries became louder, almost screams.

Iruka was certain that if he had had any breath left in his body he would have done exactly the same.

AN: Don't own Naruto or "What about Now" by Daughtry, which is very effective when you read this. It's going to last a couple of chapters but it's not going to be long. Hope you enjoyed it so far...