Author's Note: I originally wrote this on my other FF account. But didn't like where it was going, so I deleted it off that account and am revamping it on this account. This is the account I love most and use anyway. And also, I am so excited to take this story in a different direction than before. It'll be fun! Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! I do not own Degrassi! Quote from "Beautiful Disaster" by Kelly Clarkson.

He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the end he breaks
He's never enough
And still he's more than I can take
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

CHAPTER ONE

Clare had been tense all morning. She'd woken up to a text from Adam, informing that Eli would be back in school that day. She hadn't seen him since the hospital, and that was the last time they'd spoken. She had no idea where to even begin with him. She knew everything was different now. They could never go back to the way things used to be. Eli had manipulated her, hurt her, in ways she never even imagined he was capable. And she wasn't sure she could ever forgive him for that. He had terrified her that night. What he had done was cruel. She could still hear the sounds of the car crashing. She could still hear herself screaming his name, not knowing what had happened, if he was alive or not. He had made a choice. He had made a choice to put her through that. He had called her. He had put the phone on the dash. And he had crashed his car with her on the other line. And for what reason other than to punish her for wanting out?

Since getting Adam's text, Clare had felt nausea wave over her. She couldn't even hold down breakfast. Instead, she settled for a few handfuls of dry cereal, just to put something down on her stomach. All she had been able to think about was everything that had led up to that car crash. Adam had told her that Eli was dealing with some personal stuff. He'd said he wasn't well, and that if he wanted to share with her what all was going on, he would in his own time. But Clare didn't care. All she knew was that Eli was insane and that he had dragged her into his insanity.

So many things pointed in one direction Eli was crazy. He had tried to poison Fitz. He was always so high he could be so thrilled and excited and jumpy about something, and then the next moment so low, dark and brooding. Clare just couldn't do it anymore. His insanity was driving her to the brink of madness as well. She had needed to to get out. The first decision she made for herself, and he punished her for it by almost killing himself. Now he'd be back in school, and she'd be forced to see him. Maybe even interact with him. And she had no idea how to even do that anymore.

Things used to be so easy for them. They could talk without any inhibitions. But that was before. And this was now. And now, Eli Goldsworthy was a complete stranger.

Clare finished getting ready for school. Her mom drove her, asking her if she was okay. Clare nodded, unable to open her mouth to answer. Her mom was not one of Eli's biggest fans. She even told Clare that she never wanted her around him again. How could Clare possibly open up to her? She grabbed her school bag from the backseat and headed into the front entrance of Degrassi.

She felt herself even more terrified. She found herself glancing around the hallway, looking for him and hoping that she wouldn't see him. Why was he even allowed to return to Degrassi after everything? Why was he not in a room with padded walls? Trade that leather jacket for one of the straight variety. Clare bit her lower lip as she made her way towards her locker. She had English first thing in the morning. English with Eli. Maybe she could request a schedule transfer? Maybe she could request a restraining order.

Clare grabbed her English book from her locker and slowly made her way to English. She felt herself concentrate extra hard on each step she took. One foot in front of the other. She reached for the knob of the classroom door. Mentally, she tried to prepare herself. All she could see was him in the hospital reaching out for her, begging for her, and her walking away. But she had needed to. It wasn't cruel. She had needed to put herself first for once. Eli was insane. She couldn't be a part of that.

Upon opening the door, Clare saw that the classroom was mostly still empty. She was early as usual. And Eli was no where to be seen. She took her assigned seat, dreading the moment when Eli would sit down in front of her. She slowly took her book and notebook from her backpack and arranged them neatly on her desk. Each time the door opened, Clare's head whipped up. But each time, it wasn't Eli. Maybe he had found some sense and had transferred to another school. But she knew that wasn't true. Adam had texted her. He was going to be here. It was just a matter of time.

Students began to fill into their assigned seats. Clare picked at a cuticle and waited. She ran a thousand scenarios through her head. She mentally thought out different dialogues what she would say, how she would say it. But she knew once she saw him, all clever words would leave her. As Mrs. Dawes stood at the front to call the class to order, the door opened. Clare slowly looked up, along with most of the class. First was the sound of the door opening. Then was the sound of the cane clacking against the linoleum. He had a cane? Clare felt her heart pound violently against her chest. She wanted to know if he was okay. Surely not if he had a cane! Eli handed Mrs. Dawes a note. She glanced over it as Adam came up behind him, carrying his backpack for him.

Mrs. Dawes handed the note back and said, "Glad to have you back with us, Eli. Please take your usual seat."

Clare felt her chest tighten. Eli stared straight ahead at the wall behind her - looking right past her. She didn't even exist. He gripped the cane so tightly that his knuckles were a ghostly white. Clare felt her stomach clench. He couldn't even look at her. He took his seat in front of her. Adam sat the backpack next to Eli, then took his seat next to Clare. Adam shot a shy smile. Clare couldn't force it, so she just waved. Eli's hand went to his shoulder and he massaged it. How much pain was he in? Clare wanted to reach out and touch him... No! Why did he have this power over her? He was insane. She needed to stay away from him for her own good. Oh, but she desperately didn't want that. She wanted to ask him how he was, to reach out to him...oh God. His insanity really was catching.

Mrs. Dawes cleared her throat and said, "Alright, everyone. Today I want you to meet with your English partners and go over our new assignment. This assignment will be due in two weeks, but do not put it off until the last minute. This is not an assignment that can be done over night. Keep that in mind."

"I hear a challenge," Adam said under his breath.

Clare and Eli both made a sound that wasn't quite a laugh, just more like an acknowledgement that what he'd said was funny. Clare bit her lower lip, wishing that things could just be how they once were. She knew that wasn't possible though. Nothing could ever be the same again.

Mrs. Dawes continued, "This assignment is to take a popular work of literature and explore what it would be like if set in modern time. This assignment will have several parts," Mrs. Dawes began to pass out packets. Eli handed back Clare's without even turning around. "The first part is to recreate the characters. Write a list of the characters from your work of literature. You can rename them. State their traits in the original work, and what some of their modern traits would be. Explore what would be different about the characters, and what would be the same. Next, the scenery. Write where the story would take place what would be the same and what would be different. And next, the plot. Write what would be the same and what would be different if the story was set in modern times. And lastly, rewrite a scene from the work of literature of your choice, setting it in modern times with the modern characters. Now then, meet with your partners and pick which work of literature you'd like to do."

Clare shot a worried look towards Adam who just shrugged. He pushed his chair back and went over to meet with his English partner, Jordan. Clare pulled out a highlighter and began highlighting important information in the packet which turned out to be guidelines and a rubric.

"So..." she cleared her throat, "are we going to work on this or not?" She saw Eli visibly stiffen before turning his chair around so that he was facing her desk.

"What choice do we have in the matter?" He asked, his voice was completely flat. It terrified Clare how void of any emotion it was. He didn't even sound like Eli anymore. He was totally a stranger to her now. She hadn't expected for him to be so different for even his voice to not be the same.

"What work of literature should we do?" Clare asked, not taking her eyes off the grading rubric. She couldn't look him in the eyes. She was trying to stay away from him. Not be totally pulled back in. And if she looked into those eyes, she knew she'd drown into them. Eli just shrugged. Clare was growing frustrated. They needed to work together on this. She couldn't let her grade be compromised. She thought it over a bit, running different works of literature through her head before saying, "How about...The Great Gatsby? We could portray it like modern high school. Old family money against new family money. Wild parties. Sex. Portray the carelessness and the selfishness? What do you think?"

"Sounds good," Eli rested his elbow on the back of his chair, cradling his chin in his palm. Clare's eyes wandered to the cane propped against his desk. "We should work on this as much as we can in class and during school hours. I think that'd be easiest than trying to meet up," she said, and the words sounded awkward and messy as she spoke.

"Sure," Eli shrugged again.

Clare couldn't take it anymore. Finally she broke down and asked, "How are you, Eli?"

Eli chuckled, but it was void of all emotion again. Soulless. Like there was nothing even there anymore, "I don't know. You tell me."

Clare's eyes dipped back down to the grading rubric. She slowly tapped her pen against the paper, unable to even speak or look at him. She had no idea who this person was sitting in front of her. But whoever he was, he was hollow and it broke her heart to think such a thing.