Author's note - Disclaimer; don't own Joey, Lauren or Max or the storylines. That's the Eastenders writers/bossmen's job, if I did, we know it would have ended differently. Don't own Jacqueline or David either, just saying.

Little super quick one shot. I love Lauren and Max's daughter/dad bond, especially lately. Jacqueline and Jake work so well together! Re-watching Joey&Lauren scenes from last year, and missing David makes me depressed, so here. Fics make everyone happier right? xo

"Dad.

Can't believe I'm writing this...

If you're reading this, well I've left. And before you flip out and send a search party to get me, I'm with Joey. Knowing you, you are still going to flip out but just carry on reading yeah?

He was gonna leave. With or without me, and when it came down to it, without me wasn't an option. He's left me before Dad, and we all know what happened. And I left him, and well he didn't make the best choices either. We are better together I think. Ironically less people get hurt when we are together, than when we try and be apart.

I can see you are confused, knowing what you saw between me and Jake earlier. And I'm not sure I can really explain it. Other than to say, firstly Joey's always been there, in the back of my head anyway. And today when you gave me a change to persuade you about Jake and then when you ended it, my only thought was what do I do now. Not that I have to prove you wrong, not that I need to fix things with Jake, just what the hell am I supposed to do now. And then I saw Joey, and he said he was leaving. He said he loved me and asked me go to with him. To take a chance.

And all of a sudden my head was in a spin, and nothing made sense and what on earth was I going to do, he was leaving. Jake and you and that whole thing just felt like nothing. He was leaving Walford, leaving me and he had no intentions of coming back this time.

It wasn't complicated. It was simple. I will miss you and Abi, and I hate that I am leaving just as we have things somewhat happy and normal. Probably a good thing though because at least this way none of us – not Abs, just me or you – could mess this up.

But I couldn't let him leave, not without me, not knowing if I'd ever see him again. I can see you shaking your head at me, annoyed with Joey, muttering how stupid this is.

Well maybe it is but we need to try. We might not be Abi and Jay, those two you just know everything will work out for. We aren't you and Mum though, we have our shit together more now, and we know what it'll cost us if this doesn't work.

I don't want to be Stacey, breaking up someone's marriage and regretting it. Having that one love, and by the time you realise they are the one, it's too late. Life got in the way, sucks to be you. Should have realised earlier. I don't want that.

So I have to try. For him. No matter how scared I am. I want to try. And if it all goes wrong, I'll come home to you. I promise. I've coped with Joey and I falling apart before. I can do it again, this time without the vodka and with you helping me.

And I know you're not happy, and you'll be waiting for it to go all wrong but all I can say Dad, is what if it all goes right... What if everything that happened this year was for this, to make us want it more and to prepare us to fight for it. Right people, right time and all that... I don't think I could not try.

It might not be straight away but I know I would have always wondered what if I'd gone with him like he asked... So I am. Pushing my doubts aside and jumping in head first. It honestly shouldn't surprise you. I am my father's daughter after all.

And hey, at least he's not married right?

I'm really going to miss you Dad.

Tell everyone I love them, and I'll phone soon.

Your,

Lauren X"