A/N: So sometimes, I have too many omake ideas for my main fics, Phases of the Moon and Chasing the Moon. Rather than let those ideas stew in my head and take time away from writing actual scenes, I decided I might as well just put them all in a separate series, like this one. These fics are only loosely connected to each other, are probably going to be drabble one-shots, and may actually be fluffy but will probably just be silly. Timeline-wise, anything within the Chasing/Phases/Trials continuity is fair game. If the timing of a fic is important, I'll say when it is. If not, whatever you imagine works.

If you're just joining us and haven't read Phases, Trials, or Chasing, welcome! Glad you're here! You may be a bit confused with this series. Maybe start with Phases? If you don't mind Bleach silliness without much context, though, read on. The only thing you need to know is that Yuzu and Karin are shinigami. Oh, also, Yuzu is in the 6th, Karin's in the 11th, Karin and Toshiro are dating, Yuzu has a shoujo-anime-esque-level crush on Byakuya, and I was so totally closewith my guess for Isshin. See my rant in Trials for the full explanation.

By the way, anything labeled Q&A, like this particular story, means audience participation is totally allowed. You can ask questions, and I will try to answer them in character. Unlike Trials, which has a completely shattered fourth wall for its omakes, though, the fourth wall is (mostly) intact here. So I'm going to phrase your questions as coming from random shinigami. Okay, onto this chapter!

This particular chapter was inspired by a list made by the Bleachlists tumblr, which described how different shinigami sleep. I read the last few list items, and this pretty much wrote itself.

By the way, that blog stole my soul this weekend. _ Just thought you should know.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. At all.

Seireitei Communication Presents:

Q & A with the Shinigami Women's Association

Hey there, readers! Iwase Kohaku, here, with a brand new column for Seireitei Communications. A lot of you have questions about your favorite shinigami, and we, the Women's Association, are always ready to satisfy your curiosity (using totally legal ways, I swear!). Today's question was from an anonymous Academy student, who seems a little concerned with what living quarters in the Gotei 13 are like. I understand that, nameless Academy student. Academy dorms sucked.

Anyway, to sate your curiosity, I decided to start with the craziest Division on the roster—the Eleventh! (Alright, fine, the Twelfth is craziest, but if I had Ichimaru Gin's sword, I still wouldn't touch it.).

Here we go!

Captain: Zaraki Kenpachi

"Um...so, this is your room, Zaraki-taicho?" asked Kohaku, peering at the captain's quarters from the door with her notepad in her hand. The room in front of her was wide and spacious, like most captain's quarters, but mostly empty, with slash marks in the tatami, walls, and ceiling. She decided to ignore those for now, along with the hole in the wall and the suspicious stains that looked like blood. "It...doesn't have that much in it, does it?"

"What do you mean?" asked Zaraki, scowling. "It's got all it needs. A bed, lots of space to train, space to do your hair..."

Kohaku glanced around the room, deciding it was best to get this over with quickly. "If you say so," she said.

"Right there's the box where I keep all my stuff," said Zaraki, gesturing at the corner of the room. "And there's where I sleep. Any questions."

"Just one...is that your zanpakuto under your pillow?"

"Yeah? What about it?"

"Nothing, Zaraki-taicho!" said Kohaku, writing faster.

Vice-Captain: Kusajishi Yachiru

"Glasses-chan! You came to do the interview! I'm so happy!"

"Well, you did ask me to do it, President, so here I am," said Kohaku, smiling.

"Great!" Yachiru clapped her hands together, giggling. "Alright, let me show you around. Here's my bed. It's pink. Here are my stuffed animals, Tsuru-chan, and Rugi-chan! When you put their names together, it becomes Tsurugi, like a sword. It's cute, isn't it? One time Mayurin got his hands on them, so now they randomly explode. It's so much fun! Anyway, here's my stash of candy. It's full right now because Byakushi gave me all his Valentine's chocolate. I think he likes me! This is the scooter Baldy gave me. This is my favorite sleeping pillow! It feels like a marshmallow. And here's the pillow I use for Sankecchi!"

Kohaku blinked, pausing in her note-taking. "San...kecchi?" she asked.

"My zanpakuto, Sanpo Kenju!" said Yachiru. "Sankecchi's her nickname. She likes it. She sleeps right here, next to me."

"You...sleep with your zanpakuto, President?" asked Kohaku, droplets of sweat forming on the back of her head.

"Of course I do!" said Yachiru, frowning. "Otherwise Sankecchi will get lonely. Tsuru-chan and Rugi-chan join us too. Sometimes they explode."

"Yes, I got that part."

Third Seat: Madarame Ikkaku

"Well, this looks...fairly normal," said Kohaku, glancing at Ikkaku's quarters.

"You say that like it's weird or something," said Ikkaku, frowning at her.

"Nah," said Kohaku. "I just started with Zaraki-taicho and Kusajishi-fukutaicho, so anything standard issue looks strange to me now."

"What are you talking about?" asked Ikkaku, narrowing his eyes. "Are you saying there's something wrong with the captain and vice-captain?"

"N-N-No, not at all!" said Kohaku, waving her hands quickly and taking a step back. "They're, just...uh...special?"

Ikkaku frowned at her suspiciously before relenting, taking a step back. "Anyway, you've seen it. Anything else you wanna know?"

"Tell me you don't sleep with your zanpakuto," said Kohaku.

"Of course not," said Ikkaku. "That would be weird."

Kohaku let out a sigh of relief.

"I sleep with my hand on it. You know. Just in case. Plus it's kinda comforting. You know, Hozukimaru isn't very cuddly, but he's there. It's nice."

Kohaku blinked, stopping in her writing. Ikkaku glanced at her.

"That's...staying off the record, right?"

"If you say so."

Fifth Seat: Ayasegawa Yumichika

"I'm sure you must be shocked seeing my room after seeing all those other shinigami's rooms," said Yumichika, smiling at her from the door to his quarters. "After all, while I have the utmost respect for Zaraki-taicho, Kusajishi-fukutaicho and Ikkaku, none of them come close to my level of beauty."

"You have a vanity table," said Kohaku, blinking at Yumichika's room from the window. "A big one. With mirrors. And a four-poster bed. And a wardrobe?"

"Don't look so surprised, Iwase-san," said Yumichika, turning and resting a hand on his chin. "Perfection like this takes work, after all. Of course, I won't deny that I was helped by a natural level of beauty." He ran a hand through his hair, striking a pose. "All recruits should aspire to this level of perfection in their living quarters. After all, a good night's sleep is the foundation of a youthful appearance. A night tucked under the covers of a peaceful four-poster bed..."

Kohaku nodded, writing this down.

"...with a relaxing facial mask..."

She nodded again.

"...and a zanpakuto by your side. Such things are definitely essential!"

Kohaku blinked, stopping in her writing. Yumichika glanced at her, noticing that she was frozen there.

"...Was it something I said?" he asked.

Fourth Seat: Kurosaki Karin

"Does everyone in your Division sleep with their swords?!" asked Kohaku, opening the door into Karin's room.

The shinigami in question was sitting on the floor, along with Hitsugaya Toshiro and her sister, Yuzu. Kurosaki Ichigo stood leaning against the wall, his arms folded. The four of them appeared to be looking for something in one of boxes Karin had brought over from the Academy. Ichigo and Yuzu blinked at her, before turning towards Karin.

"Don't look at me," said Karin, turning away from them. "I don't do that."

Toshiro's eyes widened, and he turned towards her. "Yes, you do!" he said.

"Oh, come on!" said Karin, turning towards him. "That was one time! Let it go!"

"Well, once was enough!" said Toshiro.

"Toshiro..." said Ichigo, his hand clenching into a fist. He took a step forward, his eyes landing on Toshiro. "How do you know that...?"

"I'll deal with you later!" said Toshiro, turning back to Karin. "We're not done talking about this! I still have the scar!"

Karin snorted, folding her arms and looking away. "Baby."

END

Bonus: (Extra Omake? Omake Omake? Omake-ception!)

"Tch," said Ichigo, leaning back against the veranda and resting his head on his hands. "That Toshiro. He doesn't even care what I think about him and Karin. He just does whatever the hell he wants..."

"Have you tried threatening him with physical violence?" asked Byakuya, sitting calmly in seiza next to him.

"I—." Ichigo blinked, looking up. "Was that...was that sarcasm?"

Byakuya said nothing, calmly taking a sip of his tea.