Fan Fiction # 28
"The Dreaming Mind."
Constance Greene sat in her favorite chair in the mansion at 891 Riverside Drive; she was writing in her journal. Categorizing the events of her day and the emotions that came with them. She heard the front door close; Aloysius Pendergast was home and she heard his shoes drop to the floor.
But wait- She thought. If he's wearing them why did they drop? They wouldn't drop if he was wearing them, only if he was carrying them and then let them fall or if-
Constance shut her journal and rose, poking her head cautiously out the door, finding nothing in the immediately hallway, she crossed to the banister overlooking the foyer. Pendergast stood in the hall, his jacket wrapped around a willowy boy with pale blue hair. He held the boy in his arms while Proctor took a backpack from his shoulder and sat it by the door.
"I thought she'd like to stay with me for a little while," Pendergast whispered, carefully unwrapping the figure Constance had thought to be a boy. But now that she could see better she noticed the full red lips and long dark lashes; not a boy child but a rather androgynous young woman.
"Did she fall asleep during the ride here, Sir?" Proctor asked.
"Yes, I didn't have the heart to wake her. I'll take her upstairs to sleep awhile, Proctor, just put her things here. I'll be back down to get them in a bit."
Pendergast came up the stairs and at the movements, Constance saw the woman put her arms around his shoulders and lean into his neck. Pendergast kissed the woman's hair before he noticed Constance standing at the top of the stairs and watching him.
"Good evening Constance," He greeted her softly, whispering to avoid waking the person in his arms.
"Good evening Aloysius. Who is this you're carrying?"
Pendergast didn't so much as blink. "She's my… friend. Her name's Kellie, I'll introduce you formally later, for now, excuse us."
Constance stepped to the side, glaring between his shoulder blades. First that wretched woman Viola and now this boyish girl with cotton-candy hair. Where will it end? When will he realize he still has me?
….
I peeled down the covers of my bed and laid Kel gently on the mattress, covering her up to her chin and again kissing the top of her head. Her hair was a paler shade of blue than it had been a few days ago, not indigo but almost sky-blue or cotton-candy. It still smelt of strawberries.
Before I could pull away, Kel's arms encircled my neck, pulling me down for a long and exploring kiss. I let my left arm support me as I leant over her to return the kiss, her hands moved up my arms and into my hair, pulling me closer.
I stroked her cheek. "How do you feel?" I asked and sat beside her. When I had shown up at her house she had been lying on her couch, half asleep and running a fever. I had asked her to come home with me so I could take care of her.
Kel moved onto her side, resting a hand on my leg. "Better than I was, still a little hot and clammy."
I reached out and laid a hand on her forehead, the skin there was too hot and dampened with sweat. I smoothed the blue curls from her dark green eyes. I kissed her again.
"I'll turn up the air-conditioner, just sleep here." I said. "I have a few things to do, rest here and when I'm done and you feel better, we'll find something fun to do."
Kel smiled up at me, sleep hazed eyes growing hazier as she started to drift off, lying back against the pillow. She didn't say anything to me, then her eyes slowly closed and she slept.
….
The woman's backpack was propped against her shoes; Constance strained her hearing, trying to hear how close Pendergast was. He wasn't anywhere near the ground level, but she could hear him moving around in the study next to his room. She smoothed her dress over her legs and knelt in front of the bag, opening its zipper and peering inside. A toothbrush, hairbrush and other various things and articles of clothing were inside the first pouch. Constance opened the second; she found a small journal and a rectangular pillbox and bottle. She read the label on the bottle; the pills were the woman's and if Constance interpreted correctly, the pills were prescribed for a form of brain cancer.
Constance quickly put everything back in the backpack, hands shaking. Her guardian's latest companion was dying, she thought of Pendergast carrying the woman up the stairs, how his face hadn't been concerned in the least and she came to a conclusion. He didn't know.
….
I went about my normal routine; I shaved and washed my face, looking in the mirror over the sink in the bathroom before I went back to Kel. But for a moment I just stood there looking at my reflection. I felt tired but it didn't show in my skin or eyes, both of which looked bright and healthy. I looked back though the adjacent door and into my room at Kel asleep in my bed, blue hair tousled on the black pillow. It was even more striking than when my white-blonde hair was on the satin pillowcase. For another moment I stood there, hands resting on the countertop; thinking but I couldn't decide about what exactly. Whatever it was, I was sure to think of it later.
I switched off the light and walked the short distance to my bed, lying on my side next to Kel. I didn't get beneath the blankets, just laid atop them, my head on the pillow next to hers, trying not to crowd her too much. I had thought her asleep but suddenly her small, slender hand rose and stroked my hair, petting me like I was a cat.
"Aren't you cold?" She asked.
I was always cold when the ardeur slept. "I thought you were sleeping."
"I am sleeping," Even thought her face was covered and pointed toward my chest I could hear the smile.
Kel liked to play games, and usually, I did too, but I was just so tired. "You're not sleeping because you're talking to me and moving around."
"Some people talk and move around in their sleep,"
"You do not." I countered. "You sleep like the dead." I realized only a second later that the comment might not have been appropriate for her current state of mind and her views on death in general since her brother had overdosed a few years before we met. "I'm sorry-"
"I know you're cold, come under here, it's really warm." She told me, able to erase from her memory and her hearing range the things that bothered or upset her.
"You're running a fever Kel, I'm sure it's very warm under the covers."
"Aloysius, please, come under here and hold me." She said rapidly, softly.
Of all the things she could have said, she said that, the one thing she knew I wouldn't refuse. It had always been in my nature to help people, a compulsion really, but Kel was the only person I had ever met that used it against me. And I didn't care, not even a little. I slipped in beside her, held out my arms and she looked up at me as her arms went around my middle gratefully.
There was something needy about her tonight, not demanding, not invalid, something I couldn't put a name to but still wanted to take away. I had to fix- to make better whatever it was that she was feeling that made her ask me to hold her in desperation.
"Are you alright?" I asked finally, I was able to feel the heat of the fever through my clothes.
"No," She whispered. "I'm still too cold, my head hurts, but I feel better whenever you touch me."
"It's not me that is making you feel better," I said. "It's the ardeur; it's as much a healing power as a sexual one."
"I don't care, it's still apart of you. Aloysius?"
"Yes Kel?"
She was silent, her hands massaging me through my shirt, just above my belt. "Will…" She hesitated. "Will you tell me about Helen? I can see how much you miss her and I….just want to know about her."
….
Constance listened at the door, kneeling down close to the floor and out of sight. She could imagine Pendergast lying in his bed in only his black slacks and white dress shirt, no tie, shoes or suit coat. It certainly wasn't the first time she had seen him in his bed, truthfully there had been times when she'd stood at the side and watched him sleep. But it was the first time she had seen him sharing his bed with someone else; this blue haired girl.
She could hear them talking amiably, could hear her teasing him lightly. And then she heard the woman ask the forbidden question, the one Constance had quickly learned was taboo.
"Will you tell me about Helen? I can see how much you miss her and I….just want to know about her." The woman asked and Constance closed her eyes, waiting for the reply that demand she leave. But the command did not come.
"I… That's a sensitive subject for me Kel." Constance heard him say, it was his usual reply but this time he said much softer.
Constance was appalled to hear the sound of their lips touch, even though she had only kissed one man in her life, she was familiar with the sound.
"Then you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, we can ease into that topic like with my brother. Sound good?" She told him.
Constance didn't know that Pendergast had said nearly the same thing to Kel less than a week before. And again she awaited his reply to the woman, and again she didn't hear the one she had expected.
"No, I should tell you." She heard them kiss again, and then saw Pendergast lie on his back, arms no longer around Kel. "We met when I was in college, she had long dark hair and darker eyes…She fed the ardeur for me from time to time and I fell in love. I asked her to marry me the year she graduated. It doesn't seem so romantic now as to when it actually happened but it was…I don't want to talk about her any more Kel, I just…. I like it better when she's in my inner thoughts. Do you understand?"
"Yep, I understand Aloysius." The woman said. "Maybe we should sleep and just forget I asked."
"I won't forget you asked, I'll forget nothing, but I would like to sleep." Pendergast said.
"So sleep then, but hold me again first." That was when Constance went to her own room.
PART 2
"So sleep then, but hold me again first." Kel whispered.
I heard Constance stand and go back to her room; she'd had a habit of sitting outside my door lately, if she wasn't sitting on the bed while I was 'sleeping'. I rarely slept anymore, and it was impossible when I felt Constance in the room with me. I was wary of her for many reasons, the foremost being that she'd been resourceful enough to track down Diogenes on her own. I didn't trust her in my room but I felt I needed a reason before I confronted her about the late night visits. Other than my own insecurity, I didn't have one.
I turned back to Kel and opened my arms to her again, this time instead of wrapping them about my waist she laid against my side with her head on my chest. I felt her fingers touch the buttons on my shirt, loosen a few of them and I rose up for a moment, taking the shirt off. She kissed my cheek gently and then I heard her breath deepen, felt how she seemed to slow and I knew she was asleep. I tried to go to sleep myself but I couldn't turn my mind off, my thoughts kept going back to Helen. It was always like that, once someone or something brought her to the forefront of my mind I could never stop thinking about her. It often took me days to banish her to the Memory Palace. I loved her, I had loved her more than anything, more than myself, but the memory of her was killing me. I drowned in the loneliness of the memories of us together.
Kel pressed closer to my side, and I rubbed my hands along her back absently before I slid from beneath her. I needed to move around, too antsy and too uncomfortable in my own skin to hold her any longer. I'd be back by the time she woke up and she'd never know I was even gone.
….
Constance dreamed she was walking along the same path she had on the day she met Count Fosco, but this time Pendergast wasn't at her side and the sun wasn't out. A full moon hung in the sky like a giant pearl, lighting the path before her. There was no sound in the dream, not even the sound of her heart beat or breathing. She walked a little further before something caught her attention.
Constance turned her head to the side and there sat a large animal, patiently waiting for her. A cloud had moved in front of the moon but now it dissipated and she could see the creature clearly. It looked like a panther but it was pure white, its sides and what was visible of its chest was scarred, the panther's eyes glowed silver in the moonlight.
"Hello there," She murmured, stepping closer.
"Hello Constance," The panther spoke with Pendergast's soft, buttery voice.
Constance stopped and then found her feet carrying her to its side; the top of the creature's head came up to her stomach. "Aloysius?"
The panther purred his reply. "Follow me, there's someone I want you to meet." The panther trotted away, Constance struggling to keep up. She thought she felt eyes watching her but she was too occupied with trying to catch the panther.
"This way!" He called.
Constance followed him through the many trees and to the river's edge where something- another animal sat in the shadows of a weeping willow. The wind blew and the leaves rustled. The Pendergast panther came to a stop beside what Constance now saw was a small, blue furred tiger. The panther licked the tiger's fur by its ears, then its muzzle.
"Constance," The panther said. "This is my mate-"
Suddenly the panther raised its head and hissed. The tiger jumped to its feet, crossing to Constance and standing in front of her.
"Get her out of here!" The panther yelled as another, darker panther leapt from the bushes, pinning him to the ground.
The tiger stood on its back paws and pushed at Constance, and before she woke up she saw that the new panther had Pendergast pinned to the ground, its teeth in his throat and blood sprayed. She saw its eyes, one hazel green and the other a milky, dead blue.
Constance woke with tears in her eyes, trying not to scream. She sat up and put her head on her knees, breathing through her stuffed nose. It was obvious what the nightmare was about, Pendergast's new girlfriend, Diogenes, her fear that he would come back and take Aloysius away from her completely.
By this time she felt herself shaking uncontrollably, and she got out of her bed, slipped into her robe. For just a moment, she stood in her doorway, weighing her two choices in her mind. Go to Aloysius, share her fears, or go back to sleep? The options weighed, she made her decision.
PART 3
The whiskey burned when it hit my tongue and then exploded when it reached my stomach. I was slowly growing numb as I sipped my third glass. As much as I loved Helen, it was easier to operate when, while enduring her memory- our memory- that I was drunk or at the very least immobile. I could not think with her dancing around in my brain, it hurt my heart and my soul far too much to just ignore her, so I chose to drown myself. I had had numerous lovers since her death but it would never feel the same. Never again, I couldn't- wouldn't let it be that good again.
I refilled the glass as the study door slid open, I thought maybe it would be Kel but it was Constance. She hesitated in the doorway, light reflecting off the shimmering and pale robe, her hair unbound and falling well past her shoulders.
"Yes?" I asked, setting the glass down, she hated to watch me drink.
"I had a nightmare Aloysius." She whispered and I knew she had been crying and my heart melted like it had when I first saw Kel cry. I wasn't overly fond of that feeling, among others.
"Come sit and tell me about it," I gestured to the seat next to mine at the same time I pushed the whiskey bottle behind a stack of books on the desk with my other hand.
She sat daintily in the chair, hands folded in her lap. I reached out and patted the back of one, knowing she wanted me to touch her and that was the most contact I was comfortable with. I knew my brother had fed off her with the ardeur, and I wouldn't subject her to mine even inadvertently if I could help it.
"Tell me about the nightmare Constance." I pressed; I was finally tired enough to sleep and the thought of crawling into bed beside Kel was a warm one.
"I dreamt that you were a white panther and you took me to the river's edge at you Great Aunt's estate to introduce me to your mate. I think it was the woman you carried up the stairs because it was a tiger with blue fur. Then there was this other panther, it attacked and killed you. There was so much blood Aloysius." She said the entire thing in one breath without looking at me. "The other panther was Diogenes."
Her hand wrapped around my own suddenly and she used my surprise to hug me, resting her face against my neck. I couldn't treat her how I would Kel, who I would kiss and stroke and gently lay her beside me and carefully raise the ardeur for her amusement as well as my own. The ardeur was my natural response when helping the people I cared about, it not only raised feelings of lust but also ones of wellness and completeness. But I couldn't use that power with Constance, could not risk it. She unfortunately took my non-action as outright refusal to help her and she jerked away from me, crying again.
"I'm nothing to you am I Aloysius?" She demanded.
I gazed up at her standing over me. "You know that is not true, I don't dare to use the ardeur. You are my friend, my ward, but to me you're also family. I don't wish to use the ardeur, not on you Constance."
She sneered down at me. "I've seen how you treat your family Aloysius." She left without another word and I drank what was left in my glass.
….
How dare you Aloysius! Constance thought arriving back at her room, slamming the door in her wake. And then suddenly she wasn't mad anymore, but saddened yet again. Wishing she hadn't acted that way, wishing she had been more patient. Wishing she hadn't used his brother against him, hadn't said what she had. But it was too late now, far too late, he would have already gone back to the blue haired woman in his bed.
Constance ached because it was never her, never her that he went to for comfort. Always someone else, someone she would never see, never meet. Except this one, she entertained the idea he had found someone to replace his late wife, someone he loved. But the idea was too ludicrous, too outlandish. That was the one thing Diogenes hadn't lied about at least; Aloysius wasn't capable of love, not anymore.
PART 4
"I've seen how you treat your family Aloysius." Her words kept playing over and over in my head as I pulled on my pajama bottoms, took off my other shirt and climbed back into bed, arms sliding under the pillow and touching one of Kel's hands. I squeezed it gently, sliding my thumb over the palm as my eyes closed and I slept.
I slept and I dreamt.
I was on a beach with black sand and a red ocean. There were palm trees and birds, both Helen and Kel were there lounging in the sand. Helen waved to me and Kel called my name. As I started to walk toward them I realized my feet were bare and the sand was hotter than was comfortable.
I suddenly became aware of the sound of the waves crashing against the shore and I stopped to look. The sight of red hitting black was oddly beautiful and gratifying; I smiled and turned back to Helen and Kel. They weren't there.
In their place was a large, sleek, muscled panther. Its teeth dripping a fluid I didn't want to identify as blood but still knew that's what it was. I slowed, not like a rabbit that slows and vibrates at the sight of a snake but like a cat before it pounced on the mouse. Or in this case, was pounced by the big bad wolf.
The panther hissed and growled at me, its ivory teeth reflected in the moonlight. I waited for it to rise to its feet, to come toward me but it stayed where it was.
"Here kitty-kitty," I mumbled, getting low to the ground, ready to dash. "Here kitty, come here, come to me."
The panther sprang at me and I was suddenly on the ground, on my back while it stood above me. Saliva dripping into my face as it growled, and I felt its claws at my sides and shoulders.
"Hello big brother." The panther said. Its eyes were hazel and milky blue.
PART 5
Aloysius twitched in his sleep as Kel leaned against the headboard watching him. She loved the way the black sheets so contrasted with his pale skin and hair, which she reached out to stroke. He twitched again and she moved down to hold him in her arms, to give him a little shake.
He muttered in his sleep and she had to strain to hear him. "…Come to me…"
"Are you playing a game with me Aloysius?" She whispered in his ear and again he shifted in his sleep. "No? How 'bout I play one with you?"
Kel couldn't help her eyes traveling down the line of his body, over the contours of his muscles and the many scars. The waistband of his pajamas had slipped low on his hips, and watching his face, she pulled them the rest of the way off, moving the comforter as she went so that he lay uncovered by the sheets.
She smiled at him, looking again to see if he was awake. "Are you awake Aloysius?" She asked, got no response other than a sleepy moan. She smiled again and put her mouth on his flat stomach, working her way down with soft kisses.
Finally she reached his groin, she took his penis into her mouth and worked the tip before sliding down the shaft as he became hard. Her hand slid down over his inner thigh then up to cup his testicles. Above he shifted again, a moan leaving his lips and then his eyes snapped open.
Kel winked at him, enjoying the excited glow in his eyes and the flush of blood creeping up his skin. He licked his lips, sat up to watch her.
"Keep going," He whispered.
Her hands tightened and his eyes fluttered momentarily, she took her mouth off him, kissed the tip.
"Lay back down Aloysius," She told him.
He did, those intense silver eyes never leaving hers. She smiled at him, one hand squeezing his balls while the other tickled his inner thigh. She put her mouth on him again, her olive eyes staring into his with a heat that rivaled the ardeur. His hips bucked against his will to remain still and calm and she used the movement to push her teeth lightly into his skin. He cried out, head pushing back into the pillow and came.
A moment later Kel covered him with the sheet and stretched out atop him. He clutched her to his chest, kissed her repeatedly.
"I take it you're feeling better?" He said.
She kissed the tip of his nose. "Yep, fever's gone, mood's up, no headache."
"Excellent." He said, looked at his body covered by the sheet. "Thank you Kel, I think that's the best wake-up I've ever had."
She laughed. "It's as fun as jumping up and down on the bed… You were having a nightmare."
Pendergast raised his eyebrows at her. "I was?"
"Yeah, at first I thought it was just a really good dream, but then you started twitching like a rabbit and I knew it was a nightmare. Do you remember anything?"
He shook his head. "No. Are you as hungry as I am?"
She laughed. "You know me Aloysius, I'm always freaking hungry."
….
"I should have guessed you knew how to cook," Kel said. They had already eaten and now they sat in the library, curled together in one of the chairs.
"I love to cook," Pendergast said, stretched his legs a little. "My mother was a great cook, I learned a lot watching her in the kitchen."
"My mom's an awful cook, she can burn water."
"Didn't you tell me you and your father set the kitchen on fire once?" He asked.
Kel laughed. "Oh yeah. We were making doughnuts, and we just weren't paying attention. My mom was so pissed at us, so was our landlord."
"I take it you had an eventful childhood."
"Yeah, it was okay. Until my teens, when my grandparents all died and Josh… and Josh overdosed. It was hard for a while there."
Pendergast kissed her softly. "I'm sorry it was so hard for you."
Kel shrugged. "It was hard while it was happening, but I know it just made me stronger in the end. I'd be worse off if I dwelled on everything."
"Yes," He said. "That would make it much harder."
She sat in his lap suddenly and kissed him, arms around his neck. "I'm glad I met you Aloysius, even though it's on account of the ardeur, I'm still very glad I'm getting to know you."
….
Constance tried to go back to sleep, she really tried. But all she could think about was Aloysius with that woman, holding her while he slept. She kept imagining him with Kel and not her, and then she would remember her one and only night with Diogenes. How wonderful and right it had felt at the time, how powerful and disturbing the audeur had been. How… emotionally raw the entire experience had been with him.
And that was when she remembered how it ended, how it was doomed to end every time. Exhaustion finally overtook her and she finally slept. And even though Aloysius died in every dream that night, she didn't wake again.
END.