::peaks out from where she's hiding from angry mob::
Gomen!
I'm so sorry for not updating Chancery and Serendipity for so long, but I will get around to it ... eventually. They will be finish, never fear. I bring you this one-shot as a peace offering, hope you will like it.
I have conflicted feelings about it ... I like parts of it, but feel that it could have been better. But when I edited it the original feel that I was going for was changed, so I left it as is from the original product. I think it might be confusing in some parts ... hopefully there's no glaring problems.
Well, onwards to the fic!
Disclaimer: The anime and manga of Inuyasha belong to Rumiko Takahashi-sensei and the respective producers. I claim no ownership of any characters or plot from Takahashi-sensei. Anything else is mine, please do not reuse without permission.
Rated for allusions to Violence.
As Long As She Still Lived
He was a demon.
He was a demon, and she was human.
He was immortal, indestructible; she was so weak it was pitiful.
So fragile.
It made him want to hurt her. Break her. Watch her bleed.
He was a demon, in every sense of the word. How could she refuse to understand that?
He was going to be her death. He knew this, with the same certainty that he knew she was going to be his. For however determined he might be, he could never escape her.
Sometimes he hated her with such a vengeance, he could tear her apart piece by piece. He would revel in the feel of her life blood flowing over his hands, spreading on the ground. What a beautiful sight that would have been.
It was baffling why she was still alive, really.
It infuriated him that he could not deny her. The fact that such an useless, insignificant being could hold so much power over him cut deeply into his rigid pride.
Demons are arrogant creatures. He could not begin to describe what an insult to his pride that simple fact represented.
If he had known that he would be walking down this path of destruction when he first set eyes on her, he would have immediately strike her down where she stood with no mercy. However, he had disregarded her as unworthy of his attention.
He had seen the condemnation in her eyes at his cruelty. He was not a creature of mercy, and had proven that to her time and again. Yet she still refused to acknowledge his true nature. The nature of the demon, the nature of the untamable beast.
Demons did not wish. He had never wished before, before the disease embodied in this human took over him. To wish is to admit one's helplessness, and he was anything but helpless. He did not wish; he made it happen. He knew he could do anything, have anything he wanted, and therefore he did not wish. There had never been any use for something as foolish and empty as wishes.
But now, he wished. He wished he had never met her. He wished she had no influence on him. He wished he had killed her when he had the chance, when he still could. He wished many things. So many foolish, impossible wishes.
Most of all, he wished she had left him alone. Yet he knew, that if she were to do so, he would have hunted her. He detested the fact that he could not leave her nor forget her.
Once he had considered her to be an entertainment. He baited her in battle, carelessly leaving a cut here, a bruise there. Sometimes, he would play with her until she was within an inch of her life. But he would never finish the game, never leave her for dead. Always, she would eventually heal and stand against him once more. Once, he would have ended it, could have ended it, if the game ever ceased to amuse him. But that was a long time ago.
Then, she was a distraction. He could not ignore her, even though she had nothing of worth. He found himself purposely straying from his intended course in order to intercept her path, pretending that it was all a coincidence. He had claimed that she was always in his way. Although, if truth were told, he was actually in hers. Not that he would ever admit it.
Now, she had become an addiction, an obsession, a poison - potent and deadly. A poison that he was almost willing to bare, almost. He blamed her for being so irresistible. A poison hiding behind the guise of sweet nectar. He never knew he had a sweet tooth, or a death wish.
He wanted to be rid of her with a passion, yet he thirst for her. He needed her but he was repulsed by her. She was everything he had ever loathed and everything he had ever wanted. She was the bane of his existence; she was his very existence.
He wondered when would this tedious, twisted dance finally end. To what end, he was not sure.
Would it be her death? His death? Would it end even then? He could not say. He hated not knowing. It was just one more thing he hated about her, one more rock making up the mountain. He had lost count how many. She really did bring out the worst in him.
He had been secure in his position, comfortable with the way he had been existing. But all that changed when she intruded so tactlessly, destructively into his sphere of existence.
He was steadily being driven insane, he knew this with a deadly certainty. For what other reason could there be, that he would even think of his own demise? Was he so desperate? Had he really fallen this far?
The only thing that disturbed him more than her existence was the knowledge that yes, indeed he had fallen this far. The endless plunge that had removed him from his godlike pedestal had not been a pleasant one. So very far from it.
He was livid, because she had no idea at all of his inner turmoil brought by her mere presence. This infuriating human still went about her life content as can be, with no regard to his sufferance at all. Even more aggravating, she insisted that she understood when she did not have the faintest inkling. If she had, she would have seen that every moment, she treaded the thin line between life and death. For every moment, he struggled between the need to kill her and the need to protect her.
Maybe he really should just tear her throat out and be done with it.
Maybe the sight of her crimson blood splattered upon his claws would sooth him, even for a moment.
Maybe he was only imagining that he could not exist without her.
But he know he was only fooling himself, making up excuses upon excuses to convince himself of a deed that was entirely futile. Whether she continued to live or not no longer made a difference. She had already made an inerasable mark upon him. An ugly scar that had no hope of healing. A travesty of existence.
Or so he told himself.
And then the moment came, and he could no longer deny the inevitable. The moment when her quest was finally over. When she smiled at him, infinitely forgiving, infinitely sad. When she bid farewell to every member of her mismatched little gang, and fell into the well for the last time.
She did not even say goodbye.
She did not need to. The implications were obvious.
And so he had wandered, going where his feet took him. He watched those around him grew old, turned into ashes. He watched the forest fell, concrete jungles sprung up to replace the past. He watched. He waited.
He waited until he no longer recognized the world. No longer recognized himself. A remnant of the past, who had no place in this alien world. And yet, he existed.
Often he thought back to the one who had brought about this intangible but definite change in him. He was a proud demon, but that was in the past.
Sometimes, he still fancied that he abhorred her enough to kill her. It was a nice illusion.
He did not know how long he had finally accepted the fact that he was waiting for her. That her prophesized renewed presence was what pushed him to keep existing.
She controlled him, even when she was no longer there.
It was laughable. He almost found it hilarious, if only he did not despise himself so much for caring. Did not despise her for making him care.
He knew exactly the moment she was conceived, a sudden awareness that made the air hum with anticipation.
He knew precisely when she was born, her glaring essence slicing with unerring accuracy into his senses.
He counted each time she disappeared, only to reappear again. He left her to live her life without his interference, waiting.
Of course, he knew the exact moment she returned to her world for the final time. Yet, he waited.
He did not know what he was waiting for, only that he was not ready to face her. He did not think he would ever be ready.
Time had mellowed him enough to accept the obvious bond between them, but it was not enough to dim the edge on his hate. He wondered if it was even possible for him to ever reconcile with his being, to ever be at peace again.
He had not planned to reveal himself to her at all, but fate was cruel. If he was not going to bring himself to find her, it was going to bring her to him.
It really should not have been such a surprise when she ended up doing her internship with the caretaker of his museum.
She had blinked at him, and greeted him as if she did not know who he was. But they both felt the connection, the painful jolt of recognition. A connection of the spirit, a recognition of souls.
He would not be so corny as to say they were soul mates, though he was not sure how the offending human regarded their unorthodox relationship. He knew she could leave him as much as he could leave her. That was to say, never. Not that she seemed terribly unhappy about their predicament. In fact, she seemed to rather enjoy it.
She was the the one who refused to leave him alone. And she had confessed to him.
Not that it had any effect on him. Of course not. None what-so-ever.
He was an expert at lying to himself, considering how much practice he have had since he met her. He blamed her for the deterioration of his sanity, his pride, his very self.
She sought him out barely a few days after the initial meeting. He was waiting.
He still hated her, and she knew. He hated because he cared. She took pride in the fact that she was still alive despite it all.
As long as she still lived, it was proof that he needed her more than he hated her.
And for her, that was enough.
I'm thinking of maybe doing a companion fic from Kagome's POV, and also possibly an epilogue. I'm not sure, I'll see what people think and if any inspiration strikes.
Please review and let me know what you think. Constructive criticism welcomed. Point out any grammar problems to me please, I tried to proof-read it as well as I could but I always manage to miss things XD