I just saw the Dark Is Rising movie, and had to write this. I mean, I probably would have been fine on it, had it not been for the Stanton family, Will himself, the complete butchering of Merriman, and the lack of my fav character, The Walker.

"Will," Bran said urgently, "you have to see this."

The youngest of the Old Ones took his head out of the freezer, where he had been eating ice cream out of the container. "What?"

"Just… come here. You have to see this."

Irritably, Will closed the freezer door and came into the living room, where Bran was standing by the TV with a stunned look on his pale face. "What is it, Bran? My parents haven't even left yet!"

"Yes, and look what they got for us to watch tonight."

The fourteen-year-old Immortal sighed. "If it's that stupid Harry Potter film, I am so going to flip-"

"Just look at it," Bran commanded. "I need Old One wisdom here."

Will shrugged, and took the DVD case from his albino friend. Then he dropped it. It hit the wooden floor with a clatter.

Just then Mr. and Mrs. Stanton came sailing out into the room, all dressed up. "See you later, dears!" Mrs. Stanton called. "Oh, and do please try not to set the house on fire again."

"It wasn't my fault the forces of darkness tried to kill us," Will muttered.

"Hey, don't look at me. You were the one who thought the flesh-eating zombie ravens would go away if we lit them on fire," Bran muttered back. "I'm not the one with special powers."

"Bye, darlings!" Mrs. Stanton said, exiting the house. Will picked up the DVD. "Did my parents actually read the back or anything?" he demanded.

"How should I know?"

Will looked at the dreadful thing again. It was mostly gray, but in the center were bold golden words: The Dark Is Rising. Above the letters was a rider in black who looked frighteningly familiar to the boys. Below were three kids, two boys and a girl. Will shuddered. "Who do you think the kids are? Jane, Simon and Barney?"

"Nah," Bran said, "way too old."

Still hoping it might all be some dreadful coincidence, Will turned to the back. With leaden tones, he read out, "'Will Stanton has always known he was different' Really? 'Now, on his fourteenth birthday, he is about to learn just how different.' Fourteen? 'He learns he is the last of a group of warriors who have dedicated their lives to fighting the forces of the Dark. Traveling back and forth through time, Will discovers a series of clues which lead him into a showdown with forces of unimaginable power. With the Dark once again rising, the future of the world rests in Will's hands.' Oh dear. Well, I suppose we have to watch it, don't we?"

"D'ya think I'm in it?" Bran asked eagerly.

"No, just me I think," Will said, "although this sounds so weird for all I know you could be. Who on earth has been leaking High Magic secrets?"

"Simon?" Bran guessed. "He always struck me as the sort who'd do anything for money…"

"Bran!"

"Sorry."

Will slowly walked over to the DVD player and put in the disk. He turned the TV on. "Get the ice cream, there's still a bit left," he instructed Bran.

He quickly flipped past the previews and sat on the couch, hugging a pillow in anticipation, as the movie began

Will and Bran stared at the screen as the credits rolled. Suddenly Bran burst out laughing. "You never told me you had a crush on a witch!"

"I did not! That was completely fictional! Wait a minute… hey, that was Maggie Barnes! She was Max's girlfriend, except she turned out to be a servant of the Dark, so Merriman blasted her into the Netherhells! They made me have a crush on her?!"

"Will has a crush on Ma-ggie, Will has a crush on Ma-ggie…"

"And what was with that actor they got to play me anyway? He looked more like Barney!"

Bran started giggling. "You know who we should show this to?... Merriman!"

Will let out a quiet shriek. "Are you mad?? He'd go completely spare! Did you see the actor they had playing him?"

Bran mimicked in a deep monotone, "Well, fourteen is a difficult age, you know."

"And Max did not drop out of college! How dare they impugn his name! He got top marks!"

"You never told me you had a twin brother, Will…" Bran said slyly.

"I don't! Tom was the oldest son, and he died! Died, not held prisoner in a miniature universe by a psychopath for fourteen years!"

"That Rider was creepy though." They shuddered in unison.

"Mind you, the Will Stanton on screen seems a lot more fun than my ineffable, cryptic Old One here," Bran said speculatively.

"Hey!"