Disclaimer: I do not own HIMYM.
Robin looks out of her apartment window to see Ted standing there, the blue horn in his hand, that goofy smile on his face which usually signals impending boredom. Uh oh. Without wasting a word, she motions him with her hands to come up. Whatever he has to say has to be embarrassing - come on, it's Ted- and she really doesn't want the neighbors to hear.
Oh, boy, she thinks to herself as she invites him into her apartment and locks the door behind him. And then she double locks it. New York is full of robbers, more than usual lately, unlike Canada, just saying.
"Okay, what is going on, Ted?" She demands immediately, her hands on her hips, her eyes on the clock, her curiosity stuck at the zero on the scale, and her patience wearing thinner than the clothes the women in Barney's box of shame wear.
He holds up the blue horn in his right hand, with a huge grin on his face, as if the action is self-explanatory. On seeing the lack of expression on Robin's face, his smile deflates visibly and he asks, "You remember this, right?"
A string of images rush through her head immediately. "Unfortunately."
Ted chuckles. "Well, congratulations, you don't have Alzheimer's yet." And he begins his excited commentary. "Did you know that Mr hafsggsjsl, the famous architect who built the-"
"Ted?" Robin interrupts, her eyes closed now because she can't even stand to look at him anymore. You do know that I own dogs and can set them on you, right?" she warns him.
His eyes go wide with panic immediately. Robin doesn't do empty threats, he knows from experience. "Ow, yeah. It wasn't pretty when you did that to Barney."
She chuckles darkly as she remembers that night. Barney has been making a new book for a while now, the one he calls The Barnman and Robin, and she wants to be no part of his adventures as he "fights against the evil men trying to pick up women at bars and protects them from losing their chastity". So she had politely let her dogs take care of him. Her dad would have been so proud. Maybe. Hopefully. Okay. Shut up.
"Umm, Robin?" Ted says, realizing she is lost in her own thoughts.
"What do you want?" She snaps.
Suddenly he feels a little jumpy, cornered alone by a clearly irritated Robin. "BARNEY, YOU CAN COME OUT NOW!" He yells at the top of his lungs.
"What?" Robin's voice hikes up a pitch. Damn it. She clears her throat. "Barney is not here. He's probably someplace-"
"BARNEY!" He yells again.
A reluctant Barney comes out of the bedroom, fixing his tie. "I just came here to... fix my suit."
"Anyways", Ted lets the topic slide for the time being, in favor of the more important topic at hand, and plops down on the couch. Robin and Barney grunt in unison at how he's not leaving, and sit down as well. "You're not gonna believe this!" Ted starts, enthusiastic once again. "I was telling the kids the story of how I met Tracy."
"And they listened to all of it?" Barney fakes a gasp. "You're right, I really can't believe it!"
"Man, what is wrong with kids these days?" Robin adds.
Ted takes in a deep breath and ignores the comments. "Anyways, they are somehow under the impression that I'm still in love with you and I should give us another shot."
He pauses and looks at them, waiting for the tsunami inducing volcano exploding laughter to commence. For a moment, there's a deadly silence, they all just stare at each other. Ted wonders if it was even appropriate for him to bring it up, and that too, so casually, given, you know, everything.
And then Robin and Barney burst out laughing together.
Ted relaxes, and joins in.
"You remember that movie about you that you hate?" Barney suddenly asks. Ah, the memories. They should totally make a show called "How I made a total fool of myself while Barney stayed awesome before I met your mother"!
Ted winces at the mention of that which should not be mentioned made by he who should not be mentioned. Stella leaving him at the altar doesn't hurt anymore. After all, that was one of those many events that lead him to eventually meeting his Tracy. But that movie? Yeah, no, Hell hath no fury like Ted Mosby mocked. He frowns. "Yeah?"
"I just thought of its sequel." Barney explains, self-fiving himself.
"Ha ha." Ted says dryly.
"Ooo, I know, we can even get Emily Rose to star on it!" Robin adds, super excited.
Ted and Barney stare at her like she just quoted an equation off their eleventh grade math book that they never read. Well, okay, Ted read it, and solved it a few hundred times, but you get the point.
"You guys don't know Emily Rose?" She asks in disbelief. And defeat. All these years and it's still the same. Justin Bieber got famous internationally, but not the actual stars? Ugh, such a shame.
"Robin, please, stop making fun of yourself." Barney says matter of fact-ly.
"Yeah." Ted adds in agreement, thankful that the subject of humiliation isn't him anymore.
"And start making fun of Ted!" And it's back to him! Barney gives him a pointed look. "Like how he can't even make it clear to his kids who's the lead love interest in his story. This is what happens when you have too many characters, Ted."
Ted shoots a pointed look right back at him. "That's coming from you."
Barney holds his hands up in defense. "Whoa! I'm not the one whose kids got the story wrong!"
"You told your daughter made up stories about your made up ancestors!" Ted counters, chuckling at the memory of Barney telling his little girl the story of how his great great great grandfather wrote The Sleeping Beauty where the princess shouldn't be kissed by the prince, or she will turn into a frog. Ah, kids, how gullible, they'll believe anything you tell them.
"Whoa!" Barney fakes hurt, widening his eyes and opening his mouth. "Bro code article 5789, thou shalt not ridicule thou bro's stories."
But you can ridicule mine? Sure, that sounds fair." Ted mumbles, dejected. This is so not how he pictured the conversation in his head.
"As a matter of fact, it is. Bro code article 8532, thou shalt mock your bro for being lame." Barney counters, fixing his tie as he speaks.
Ted glares at him. "You just made that up."
"And it's still awesome." He defends himself, "Unlike your stories."
And suddenly, Ted stares blankly at the walls, lost in thoughts.
"What?" Robin asks softly.
"Tracy used to love my stories." Ted says, remembering the look of interest in her face and the sparkle in her eyes when he told her his stories for the first time, and how she would complete them herself whenever he was retelling them. She was just too perfect.
Barney sighs. "We know, we've heard your stories from her a hundred times." He chuckles softly at the memory.
"I miss her." Robin confesses, suddenly remembering her rendition of La Vie En Roses. Memories, the least expected ones hit us, don't they?
Barney sighs again. "She's the reason I went after you. I wish she was here to see us today."
And this is the point when Ted realizes his heart is getting too heavy and they need to change the subject quickly before he starts crying. "Yeah, what's up with that? Why date in secret? You're both consenting adults!"
"What!" And Robin curses the change of pitch in her voice again. "We're not dating!"
Barney scoffs. "Cause that would be insane!"
Robin huffs. "Yeah, it worked out so well for us the last two times!"
"Guys, shut up!" Ted's eyes shoot laser beams spiked with poison from a cobra at both of them. "You are lucky to have each other. I would give anything to have Tracy with me now. Anything. Appreciate what you have while you still have it. Work it out."
Barney and Robin take a moment to stare at each other, and remember all the times they have had together, the good and the bad and the legendary. Robin only nods. "You're right, Ted."
"And then tell my kids that you guys are together and nip their stupid idea in the bud." He adds quickly.
And then Barney gets that twinkle in his eyes that he does whenever he thinks of something childish or immature or crazy or stupid or, well, in his words, awesome. "ORRRRR..."
Ted tenses. "Barney, no." He warns, his voice stern.
But it's already too late. "You can tell them you're together."
Robin shakes her head, wondering if she seriously should have dated Lily instead of these men. "Sure, this conversation is totally normal."
"Think about it, Robin! You can be Cinderella's evil stepmother and keep her home and safe." Barney reasons.
"And again with that." Robin's forehead gets decked with frowns immediately. "Women are strong, we don't need to be protected."
"You can get them to give you foot rubs."
And he has her at that like he knew he would. "That sounds nice."
"Make them do the dishes." Barney adds.
Robin pictures it in her head. "I like that."
"The laundry."
Ted stares at them in disbelief. "Dude, they're my kids, not your slaves!"
"Shh!" Robin and Barney shush him in unison and continue making probably the craziest list they ever made, and that's counting the list of every single weird food names.
"Ooo, I got one, we can even mess up Lily and Marshall's bet!" Robin says excitedly, clapping her hands.
Barney explodes into delight. "Yeah, that would teach him better than to torture me with slap bets!"
"Are you seriously this dysfunctional?" Ted wonders out loud. He knows only one way to end this insane conversation. He blows the blue horn.
A/N: I wanted to fix the canon desperately. So I added this scene in my head. Hope you like it :)