I hate you.

Those words shouldn't have hurt so much. I'm not supposed to feel anything. I'm not supposed to care.

My name is Elizabeth Stonem, but I might have to kill you if you call me that. If you are fortunate enough to ever be within speaking distance of me, call me Effy. The rest of you, fuck off.

I live with my mom and dad, and my older brother... Tony. He seems to be the real problem right now. I don't blame him for what he said, except that it was a lie, and he was wrong.

Tony believes that I sold his girlfriends watch, which is why I can't blame him. I didn't do it though, so I'm mad at him as well. And it is that anger which has me so conflicted.

I don't care about anyone else. I don't feel.

Tony.

He is such a wanker for making me feel this way. Crap, there is that word again.

I almost wish that loud blonde girl hadn't passed out on me, just so there was a motor mouth distraction to keep me from... feeling. Feeling? Why do I feel with Tony?

I hate him too. But I don't really. Neither does he, and we both know it.

But the words still hurt.

Tony has lost a lot. His girlfriend left him because he is a wanker. His best friend ditched him because... well, because he is a wanker. Mom and Dad are broken messes because of his accident (he was hit by a bus you know). His year has been shit.

I want to hate everything he is, but... he's Tony. You can't help but love him. And I think I may be the worst off of all the girls that love him, and there are a lot of us.

You see, I'm the only one that doesn't know how to show him how I love him. All those other girls can just fuck him, and he'll know, but that isn't the way it is for me. He's my brother, and that's not the kind of love I have for him. I mean, if he weren't my brother, I probably would shag him, but it still wouldn't be that kind of love.

Such a stupid word. Love.

I do love Tony. He means so much to me. He looks after me, but he's not that overprotective type like Dad is. He is just there to make sure the parents don't find out about all of this stupid shit that I do. He was so good at it, they didn't even know I drank or did drugs until that night I ended up in the hospital.

Tony didn't want me to know about what happened that night, but Sid told me. I had to trick the little dipshit, but he did tell me. That guy Josh used me for revenge on Tony. It makes me wonder.

Was it just because of the sister connection that Josh chose me, or was it more? Can other people see me and Tony the way I see us? Is there even anyone else on the planet who knows that the two of us are capable of real emotions? Does everyone just think we are a couple of psychos who only know how to manipulate and torture?

He and I are more alike than anyone would have ever guessed.

I told Pandora about Tony. "He's not nice, he's amazing." It is so true, even I can't comprehend it sometimes. After everything Tony has been through, he is back to normal, and even stronger than that. I am so fucking amazed by him.

And pissed off at him.

How could he ever say that he hates me? I've said the same thing so many times, to so many people (including Tony) but I never thought that it could possibly hurt. I've heard those words directed at me before, and they never hurt.

Tony's words hurt.

"Effy?"

"What is it Tony? I'm busy."

"It's not true."

"..."

"I could never hate you."

"I know."

"Just like you could never hate me."

"Who says I don't?"

"You don't fool me, Effy Stonem."

"I'm not lying."

"I love you, Effy. Goodnight."

"... I love you, too."

"I know."