An Angelic Layer Fanfiction
DISCLAIMER ALERT! DISCLAIMER ALERT!!!
Disclaimer: I don't own Angelic Layer or any other Clamp animation or characters but in this fic I do. BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! joke
Reihn's notes: Look guys, I'm not sure if the age gap of four years is right in this fic, please tell me if I'm wrong, and I'll be glad to receive reviews from anyone. Also this is my first fanfiction so please be gentle with me. Thanks for checking my first fic out - is this allowed?
Chapter one: Revealing the true me
"Misaki!!!" girl of fifteen ran towards a chestnut haired girl of nineteen.
"Hi Hatoko!!!" The girl named Misaki exclaimed back as they met in a huge embrace.
"Hi… Misaki…" the girl panted a bit and smiled at Misaki.
It had been four years since Misaki reunited with her mother, her mother had married Icchan and now Oujirou is her big brother. Misaki is still the champion of the layer and Hatoko had simply decided to give up competing from time to time and help instead in fixing Hikaru. Hatoko, now in HS, and Misaki in college, they rarely see each other besides the times in the layer stadium. And this day is both their day off, off their works, studies, and Angelic Layer.
They had decided to go the amusement park they used to go to four years ago, to remember the times they had as children.
"I remember… in that ride, I promised that I'll be able to fight Athena. And I won, all thanks to your support." Misaki said, her hair is not cropped short anymore, she let it grow until it reached the ends of her back while Hatoko, since she's coming of age had decided to cut it medium.
"Yes I did but you did most of the work anyway."
"I was so timid back then. But you were always there to back me up. I owe you too much Hatoko." Misaki sighed as she tasted the ice cream she was holding.
"Hey this tastes great!" she happily commented and kept on licking it up. Hatoko looked at her with a red face.
"Why what's wrong Hatoko-chan? Is there something on my face?"
"Oh nothing…"
"Now that I've remember that promise I remembered the time you made me promise to never give up. Why had you kissed me that day Hatoko-chan before my fight against my mother?" Hatoko blushed intensely so she looked away from her and excused.
"It's… for not much reason Misaki-chan." But the truth is Hatoko had always liked Misaki more than a friend. The times when she encouraged her in playing the Layer; when Misaki have to choose her corner man; when Misaki ran away because of what she was thinking about what her mother thinks about her and Hatoko searched for her much faster and more impulsively more than Oujirou and Kotaro did; when Misaki felt at lost, Hatoko had been there. In fact, Hatoko had just used Hikaru as an excuse for her to be able to spend time with Misaki, and that's why she always fuss about Hikaru so that just in some little chance Misaki would be able to see all through it. Her fragile mask of beautiful glass.
But she long abandoned that hope already. Years had passed by and her unrequited love for Misaki just grew stronger as her bond with Misaki begins to falter. Now that she can't see Misaki that often anymore, she just misses her so much she could kiss her again and again if she could, but, sadly she could not. She had already felt so much pain as she watched boys court her from time to time, and the only good thing is that Misaki is much too timid or shy to be in a relationship, even now that she's in college. Hatoko, she loved Misaki more than anything, much more than her brother, parents, or even Angelic Layer.
A proof of that is whenever she'll fight, she sees Misaki as the only reason for doing it. But seeing how distant she had became to Misaki through the years, she can't help but feel depressed and distressed at the same time. So much that she had lowered herself down to the lowliest state of all, she used girls to forget Misaki. Girls who'd be willing to date her and be her lover. But these relationships don't last long either; it's either because she won't make love to any of them because Misaki still beats in her heart or because she won't even kiss them.
But Misaki, she still never saw any of her hardships, the pain, the traces of tears on her cheeks every night as Hatoko thinks of her. This is because Hatoko made sure Misaki would never know. She's too afraid of losing Misaki even as a friend.
"Hatoko, Hatoko, are you there?" Misaki's voice brought her back to her senses. Hatoko blushed and stammered out.
"Oh, sorry Misaki-chan. I just became lost in my thoughts a while ago."
"Oh it's alright. What's the problem Hatoko? You've been like that lately, is something wrong?" yes, there is something wrong, I love you. This might have been a nice comeback but Hatoko bit her lip and shook her head.
"No, of course there's nothing wrong Misaki-chan." but obviously of course this is a lie. Besides her love for Misaki, obstacles would always come out in the open whenever she'll try to be closer to her. Like when she found out her older brother had a slight thing for Misaki or when Oujirou seems to be fairly attracted to Misaki. And of course Misaki had been close to them as well. So… it really pained her to see them allowed to be near her and she's not. But being as secretive as she was she kept it all inside and hoped that maybe the two's feelings is not that true and that it'll pass away in time as well.
And naturally since boys their age often shifts their attention to one girl to another Hatoko just let them be because she knew they won't focus on Misaki too long, besides, for guys, a childish girl is cute but not enough for their satisfaction. And so Misaki had been open for Hatoko once again.
"Hatoko how are you doing in school?" Misaki suddenly asked as she threw the cone to a thrash can then sat besides her again.
"I'm doing just fine." And again she had lied. The truth is she couldn't focus much on her studies for the last three years because she spends most of her time daydreaming about Misaki or drawing or writing about her in class. In fact she had become so careless on her studies that her parents got angry at her. Which only laid more burden on her over-stressed mind, heart and body, the saddest part is her beloved don't even know that she's the reason why she's ruining her life.
The signs that she's ruining her life could be seen just by simply looking at her. Her lean tall body (of course she'd grown as well) fits the black t-shirt with the red label REBEL, her dog collar, her hand cuffs, dark, torn and loose jeans. Anyone who doesn't know her personally would tell that she's a lesbian at heart. She's already declaring what she is but the people around her just don't get it. Maybe it's just because it's almost impossible for that cute little girl could be this gothic and rockster chick right now. Yes, that's probably it. A reason why Misaki seems confused with what Hatoko had become.
"You have not changed Misaki." Misaki looked at her. And Hatoko looked back at her surveying her love. Misaki's taste for clothes had changed due of course to the trends and fashion. She's a bit open minded now though. Her white mini skirt shows her smooth legs and her pink spaghetti straps suits her skirt nicely too.
"What do you mean Hatoko?"
"What I meant is that you are still the same."
"I know that, what I meant is…"
"Your personality never loses it charms Misaki. You're just too happy to be obscured by the real facts around you. Too happy to see the reality. You're so happy I always wish that you'll always be like that. Never to be bothered by the darkness of the night. Only to be able to be optimistic about tomorrow." Hatoko smiled. The way she smiles… this is the smile that she had shown to nobody else besides Misaki. Hatoko took Misaki's hand and caressed it in a secretively longing way. Misaki faintly blushed at Hatoko's words. Misaki is not a child anymore and could understand Hatoko's distressed state. Nevertheless she can't help feeling overjoyed with Hatoko's words. But still, she's still the same as Hatoko has said. She's still too much of a simpleton to see beyond the words of the wiser girl. That these words just clarify the yearning she has had for Misaki.
Misaki is slightly shorter than Hatoko now because she's naturally short and Hatoko's line have the heights as seen in Kotaro. So Misaki laid her head on Hatoko's shoulders for a while.
"Misaki… I want to tell you something…"
"What is it Hatoko-chan?"
"I… I…" she stammered a bit, Misaki raised her head and saw the defiant struggle on Hatoko's face.
"I… think we should go somewhere else for today. It'll just be wasted if we sit here and just talk. Come on!" Hatoko briefly said and took Misaki by the hand.
After the amusement park Hatoko invited Misaki to go with her in a nearby bar.
"A… A bar? But are you allowed to go to a bar already at your age Hatoko-chan?" Hatoko looked back at her with a grin.
"Come on, how old am I? six? Besides I have a surprise for you." Misaki felt that if its Hatoko's surprise then it must really be a surprise… taking on account the number of times Hatoko really did surprise her, this might be one of the greatest one yet.
And so they went to the bar Hatoko said and this made Misaki go to a halt.
"Hatoko… are you sure it's okay for us to be here? It's more likely that strange people are in here…"
"What do you mean strange? Oh- you mean gangsters or people like that? Don't worry, it's just a rock bar." She confidently said and swung open the doors and grinned.
"HI GUYS!!!!" she exclaimed, the people there cheered as if a popular star had just arrived and cheered her name.
"HI TOKO!!!!" they yelled. Misaki really was surprised. She watched Hatoko greet people as if it's nothing and then she walked back to her.
"Sorry about that, so are you surprised?" Misaki smiled and nodded.
"Yes, really surprised. How come you seem so popular here?"
"Oh… that." Then she smiled. "You'll soon find out why." She gave Misaki a light kiss on the cheek and took her hand.
"Sit here in the front." She whispered as the crowd continuously chants her name. Then she walked up to the stage and shook hands with the drummer, the guitarist and the bass. Then they gave her a black guitar written Toko on it in silver blue lettering.
Then she stood there before the microphone and spoke. "Hello there people!!! Good evening to you all! Today is a special night for me, a real special night. Tonight, I'll be performing before not only my friend but the most important one in my entire life. Misaki-chan…" she smiles that smile at her again and flicked the pick to the air… "… this is for you…" then she catches it and began strumming the chords for their performance. Misaki watched Hatoko intently; Hatoko was the one who had changed the most. It was just so unbelievable for her to see Hatoko be someone as cool as this.
Beads of perspiration sparkles as the light shone through them her raven dark hair swings through the air as she rocks her head, emotions such as anguish, despair, loneliness was there but most of all there was something else in it, the undying love of hers for Misaki. Hatoko Kobayashi performed like she had never performed before, she sung like no voice like hers had been heard before. The people nodded their heads as they felt the song through their souls. The beat the guitar, the voice. It was so perfect. And before they even knew it since they was so absorbed, the song was finished, everybody loved the performance of the band especially Misaki. They clapped and cheered as much as they could. Hatoko bowed and thanks them and assured them that she's not finish yet. And so it continued on for an hour until she got tired and sat down besides Misaki in another stall where they could talk privately. She wiped her face with a towel and asked Misaki.
"So how was it?" tears welled up in Misaki's eyes that Hatoko got worried.
"That bad huh?" but Misaki shook her head and embraced her.
"Misaki?" Hatoko thought that Misaki finally understood the message beyond the words in that song but…
"It was so great!!!! I never thought you could be so multi-talented!!! Not only are you great in the Angelic Layer you're a great musician as well!!!" Hatoko didn't reply. Misaki pushed herself away, expecting to see a smiling face once again but. Hatoko's face looks just so distressed and tormented.
"Did you felt something with my songs? Hadn't you 'felt' any of it?"
"What do you mean Hatoko? It was great. I felt its beauty."
"The message had you received it in my songs? Did you understand what I had sung just a while ago? Hadn't you understood ANY of it?!!!"
"I don't know…" she said without any idea what she had just said. She had just said that all Hatoko's hard work for Misaki to understand had come up to nothing… again!
"Hatoko-chan? What is it? Had I hurt you in any way?" this question just pushed Hatoko more to the limits of her patience. She's just so fed up with all of her disguises, all those years she's hiding in the shadows waiting for the right time, so fed up with Misaki's simple-mindedness.
"What is it with you?!! Can't you still see it Misaki?!" she yelled while sitting up so quickly her towel fell on Misaki's laps. Misaki's face was so full of concern, confusion and so much weakness. But seeing Misaki's weakness just made her angrier.
"See what?"
"See everything that I do is for you? That I only live for you. Why is it that you always overlook the signs I gave you? Why? Can't my actions clearly state that I'm honestly in love with you? I loved you for god's sake I don't know why. And yet you just continue on being like that. Why can't you see the love I've had for you ever since I met you? Why can't you see my sacrifices? Why can't you feel the love I tried to make you feel Misaki? Why?" she bursted out her steam and now instantly regretting on why she had let it all out. Misaki's eyes widened in shock. This girl, standing in front of her is madly in love with her. This girl had devoted all her life for her, all her works for her, all her songs and love. Misaki looked at Hatoko in a different view for the very first time. She's not that little girl anymore; she's just as mature, just as fierce and brave, only now, much more than before. Misaki let her eyes wander and explore Hatoko's image.
Her raven eyes, her delicate lips, her pale and yet strangely lively skin, and her face's contour. Hatoko had become a beauty herself. But in her eyes, the pain she had felt shows, though in her outfit she tries to deny it. Now she thought of what Hatoko must have felt when there are guys around her, when they parted ways, and why Hatoko just seems so happy around her but when other people talks to her she seems so distant to them. She can finally see it all now… this was because Misaki was the only person Hatoko had ever loved this intensely. Only her. But being who she is this is too much to take for her. Instead tears flowed from her eyes thoroughly confused on what to say.
Hatoko can't believe that she had just made Misaki cry like this.
"Misaki… I'm sorry." Misaki wiped her own tears away and tried to look as cold as possible.
"Why should you be sorry?"
"Because I fell in love with you. Because it is wrong."
"Is that why you're sorry? That's not something one should be sorry about."
"I knew…" Misaki continued avoiding Hatoko's eyes.
"What?!" Hatoko's eyes widened in shock at this new information.
"I knew you had liked me for a very long time but I just denied it again and again to myself."
"You knew and yet you hadn't told me that you knew? How could you be like that?" Hatoko faced her back holding back her tears.
"Tamayo told me once that you had a crush on me or something. And of course I ignored it because I didn't knew that you're a lesbian."
"I'm asking you again. Why hadn't you told me that even if you ignored it?"
"It's because it won't change anything. I still won't be able to love you even if you love me so much. I'm sorry but, I just really can't feel the same way as you do."
"Don't say that you're sorry. It don't suit you one bit." Then Hatoko gave a sarcastic laugh.
"So in the end I've just proven again that I'm a failure hasn't I? Those years I had hoped and hoped for you to love me, all the dedication I had done for you… was it all just that? Is it all for nothing then? Yes of course it had all been for nothing. I've just wasted my time on you. I totally ruined my life all over again. You know what…" Hatoko remained stationary but now tears are falling on the ground.
"… that saddest thing is I knew this a long time ago, that this will be the outcome. I don't know why but… I just can't forget you. I just simply fell madly in love with you." Hatoko walked away in a silent stride. She talked to a guy and she took some keys and left the bar.
Misaki stared blankly at the ground. The tears that had fallen from Hatoko's eyes. She feels so darned confused. Hatoko was a good friend. Time made them part ways and yet Hatoko still managed to meet up with her. She still manages to cheer her up. She… had tried so hard. So hard, but. Hatoko will still not be able to attain her goal. Misaki is now a mature young woman. Though still a simpleton her personality had also matured. And the confession Hatoko had just made her confused big time. Hatoko is a girl, she's a girl too. That's wrong but… is it true as well that Hatoko won't have any chance on her?
Hatoko sat on her sleek black motorcycle. She put on her helmet, turns on the key and starts the ride. Things run on and off her head, so fast that it seems that it'll explode any moment. She wants to forget everything that had happened that day. But everything she sees just reminds her of Misaki. Even her motorcycle had a hidden Japanese character in the middle of the dials. That character is Misaki's name. She gave and dedicated all her life to Misaki. She'd even die for her.
She stopped her bike in the middle of the bridge and she stared at the river below.
"How I wish I had the courage to die a long time ago. I always wanted to kill myself but I always reminded myself that there may still be a chance that she may love me but now… now that I feel that way again, I don't have a reason anymore. Misaki is the only reason I live. And now that she had rejected me. Should I still live? I wonder if she'll change her mind if I die in front of her… that'll be so wonderful for me, hearing her plead god back for my life and sobbing to give me life once again and promising the god that she'll love me forever if I'll live once again…" She muttered evilly and gave a scornfully laugh.
"Look at me I'm so pathetic. No wonder she won't love me. I can have any woman I have; I can gladly take them all to replace her. To replace her would only be because of spite. And I'd only hurt a soul. But… what should I live for then?" she sighed and slumped on the ground. Tears continuously falling from her eyes and sliding off her cheeks. Then a thought came across her mind. She stepped beyond the safety line and stood on the railings of the bridge, now only holding on the metal pillar to keep her from falling, only inches more before her tragic death.
"Good bye Misaki." She muttered sullenly and stepped off the bridge then she heard a voice…
"NO!!!! DON'T JUMP!!!!" then a hand grabbed her arm that kept her from falling.