because I needed Obi-Wan and Anakin feels, and because this had to happen. I just saw the "Lost Missions", and gah, awesome.
Takes place after the episode "The Lost Ones", but you can read it without watching it first.
Chasing Dooku around the galaxy was growing to be a real chore, with no losses but no victories coming from the man hunts and duels. Once it had been a challenge, to bring the Sith to his knees; but Dooku had become swept away into the power-plays of the war, had transformed into a master of politics rather than an embodiment of the dark side. Anakin now found the constant chases an exhausting and fruitless effort on the Jedi's part, and though he'd been learning quickly how to fight the Sith off, some side of him always cringed whenever facing that smug sneer and curved red sword. Send him after Ventress and Maul and the millions of lethal robots that caused havoc throughout the galaxy; Dooku didn't even pose a real threat anymore. Or at least, that's what Anakin told himself, more as an excuse for his exhaustion and throbbing shoulder than anything else.
However, this time had proved a bit interesting, given that he'd learned something new about the supposedly perfect Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Obi-Wan was the one person in the entire universe – besides Yoda, perhaps – that Anakin saw as untouchable by the dark side. Someone that he couldn't even fathom being tempted by the darkness, by the shadows that always seemed to reside in Anakin himself. But, according to Dooku – and Obi-Wan's painfully honest face – that was incorrect.
"You are the man called Tyranus?" Obi-Wan had quizzed the Sith, finally piecing the puzzle together.
"I told you everything you needed to know on Geonosis, Kenobi," Dooku had replied, a glint appearing in his eyes. "You should have joined me all those years ago."
Of course, Dooku easily could've have been lying; but the cloud that had appeared over his Master's told Anakin otherwise.
The ship was quiet as they traveled through hyperspace back to Coruscant; Anakin had grown so used to the 501st shouting in the mess hall and laughing in the halls that to be in such a small ship, with only his unobtrusive mentor on board, was almost eerie. He couldn't sleep; that much was obvious as soon as he tried laying down on his bunk. His nerves were still tingling from the earlier battle, his mind to aware and filled with dying adrenaline to settle down. He was weary, and his eyelids heavy, and his shoulder aching from grabbing the ship railing earlier to avoid being thrown off it. But sleep refused to come, and after an hour of tossing and turning, he got up and left the tiny, tiny quarters he'd chosen and went out to search the one person that had always managed to ease his mind and lull him into a serene disposition.
Obi-Wan was meditating – big surprise there – in the cockpit, sitting on the floor between the two pilot seats, the swirls of hyperspace creating a lovely display before the Master, even if his eyes were closed. Anakin waited there in the doorway for several minutes, suddenly reluctant to disturb such a peaceful scene.
But that didn't last long. When had he ever let Obi-Wan meditating hold him back? He entered and collapsed onto the co-pilot's chair, noting how Obi-Wan didn't even flinch. Instead, the older man smiled, and opened one eye to look at him. "Evening, Anakin," he said simply, before reclosing said-eye and taking a deep, relaxing breath.
Anakin glanced at the ship's chrono, and then raised an eyebrow. "Do you have any idea what time it is? It's one in the morning back on Coruscant, past midnight."
"I know," Obi-Wan replied easily, chuckling as he finally looked up and slipped fully out of his meditating stance. "It's just, saying 'good one o'clock in the morning, Anakin' seemed a bit awkward, wouldn't you say?"
See. Right here. This is what Anakin admired most about this man: his light aura. The joy that always seemed to surround him, even in times of war. It was the whole reason Anakin Skywalker himself was not just a walking time bomb, and Anakin allowed himself to bask in the atmosphere while he could.
"I take it you couldn't sleep?" Obi-Wan continued as he eased himself up onto the pilot's chair; ah. So he was a tad sore from the duel too. Good – Anakin had feared it was only him growing old. "Too soon after the battle, hm? You were welcome to join me meditating."
"Yes, because you know how much I love meditating," Anakin snorted, smirking, folding his arms over his chest and leaning back in the seat. He turned to look out the front viewport, Obi-Wan doing the same. "It's peaceful, isn't it?" the Master remarked, and Anakin hummed in reply.
A comfortable silence settled over the pair; but Anakin could never take the silence for long. Ten minutes passed before he just had to ask, "Were you thinking about earlier? About what Dooku said?"
The calm crumbled a bit, but not all the way. "A bit," Obi-Wan confessed. "It's hard not to think about it; but I feel it's best not to dwell on the past."
Yes, but this wasn't just the past – it was a secret. An Obi-Wan-Kenobi-secret, and that was too intriguing to ignore. "I'm not sure I understand what he was talking about, actually. That kinda makes it hard not to dwell on." Anakin watched his mentor closely, looking for a reaction.
As always, Obi-Wan's serene expression did not waver. "He was speaking of something from before the war, while I was a captive on Geonosis," he answered slowly, without a raising voice or wavering tone. "He mentioned that he was looking for an apprentice, to help bring down the corruptness of the Jedi. He mentioned that his former choice had been… Qui-Gon."
Well. He hadn't been expecting that. "Qui-Gon was… he was going to join Dooku? He was going to betray the Jedi?"
Ah, now that elicited a reaction, a slight tightening of the jaw, a flicker of annoyance in the redhead's eyes. "No, Anakin," he corrected. "Dooku was planning for all this to happen. He didn't get the chance to bring any of his schemes to Qui-Gon, because he died, remember?" The Master stiffened as he spoke, and his hands folded and unfolded themselves on the man's lap.
He should've known better than to even imply something foul about Qui-Gon Jinn. Anakin, in one of his rare moments of regret, lowered his head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that," he said sincerely. "I'm just… confused. Qui-Gon wouldn't, and couldn't, become Dooku's apprentice, and he told you this on Geonosis?"
"Yes. He told me how the Jedi were destined to fall, and he said he was going to stop the tragedy before it had a chance to occur. He needed a partner to do that; and he asked me to be that partner. He requested that I join him in the Separatist cause, that I leave the Jedi behind me and embark as his apprentice."
Anakin's brain froze. His apprentice. Dooku had wanted Obi-Wan as his apprentice? Anakin couldn't even begin to imagine the possibility, couldn't see it happening; but then, unfortunately, he could. He could see Obi-Wan all stringed up and helpless, could see Dooku, the father of lies, walking around him and whisper sweet possibilities in his mentor's ears. Could picture Obi-Wan refuses, could imagine Dooku's wrath as he tried with first persuasion and then torture to get the powerful, collected, precise Knight Kenobi to be his ally. Anakin winced at the thought, not wanting to accept the possibility that even Obi-Wan could be delivered a dark side sales pitch. "And you refused, right?"
Obi-Wan smiled warmly at the younger man; Anakin could be such a child sometimes – still was, really – and that was what he clung to the most about his friend. Not even a galactic war could taint all of Anakin in shadow and grief. "Young one, if I had accepted the man's offer, would I be sitting here in front of you now?" he teased.
Heat flushed Anakin's face, and he had to smile at himself. "Right. Stupid question." The smile faded soon enough. "But… did you think about it? I mean, you said no right away, right? Or did you… did you wonder what would have happened if…"
"Anakin." Obi-Wan interrupted him softly, as he always did when he could see his apprentice getting himself all tangled up in a million sticky thoughts. "Calm down. I said no, obviously; the amount of time that it took me isn't relevant in the present. What matters is that I'm still here, a Jedi."
"Yeah, I get that, but…"
"Anakin." The older man leaned forward, put his elbows on his knees, and raised his gray eyes to meet bright blue. "I will not lie to you, my friend. I did think about it. I thought for a few minutes, actually; it's only natural for all sorts of possibilities to fill one's mind under such circumstances. I thought about it, and Anakin, there was temptation. But I said no, I outright refused, and what's done is done. There's no need to worry or stress over what took place so long ago."
There had been thinking? Temptation? Obi-Wan had been considering the offer? Suddenly, Kenobi wasn't bathed in the light of glory and purity Anakin had always seen in him. No, now, Obi-Wan seemed; like a Jedi Master who'd kept his head and his morals throughout a war torn galaxy, and Anakin felt it was an improvement. But he just couldn't stop himself from asking, "Why?" It was such an invasive, accusing, horrid question to ask, but it slipped out before he could stop it.
Obi-Wan didn't seem hurt or aggravated; he looked Anakin right in the eye as he spoke, didn't look down in shame, and didn't sneer in anger. "Because between the web of delightful lies Dooku created," he answered calmly. "I could sense the darkness. I could feel the deceit there, even without the Force; and I knew that to join him would be to sell my soul to the Sith. To the dark side. I felt it, and the illusion Dooku had tried painting for me was shattered. I saw the wolf inside the sheep's clothing, Anakin, and that is why I said no. It was because I could see the truth."
Obi-Wan said it as if it were the most simple thing in the world; for him, maybe it was. Anakin wished he had that, had that knack for seeing the truth, that habit of easily slipping out of the dark side's slippery grasp.
"And," the bearded Jedi added with a wink. "I had a rather reckless Padawan running around unsupervised, and to leave him alone for long would have been dooming the galaxy to a fate worse than war."
A grin burst on the younger man's lips at that, and any of the heavy feelings swirling in him from earlier disappeared. He eased up, tension slipping out of his muscles as he felt Obi-Wan's serene presence take its influence to them.
"I know, Anakin," Obi-Wan suddenly went on, his voice dropping to a serious whisper. "That you struggle. With your past, with your feelings, with your destiny. I know bearing the titles that you do have taken your toll, and I am sorry for that."
He wanted to interrupt, assure the other man that there was nothing he had to be sorry for, but Obi-Wan continued without stopping.
"But I want to also say how proud I am of you, for resisting all the evils that fight for your power. You are strong, Anakin, stronger than I can ever be, and I know that no matter what, you'll fight through any darkness that tries to seize you. There can be no light without darkness, because even with the brightest illumination, there will always be shadows. But the darker the blackness, the brighter the light shines in it, right? Right. Now then, I think we're approaching Coruscant."
It was such a rare, profound moment of praise and emotion that Anakin seldom saw in his mentor; the Knight sat there, stunned when Obi-Wan almost flawlessly changed the subject after he'd spoken his piece. He wanted to say something, or hear more; but Kenobi was already pressing buttons and pulling levers, and Anakin felt the moment slip away. They were such a sporadic incident to occur during the war, and Anakin felt gratitude replace his shock soon enough, warming the chill that had been in his bones since the fight with Dooku. He reached forward and tapped a few keys himself, and the ship lurched out of lightspeed.
Coruscant lay ahead, bathed in moonlight; on the other side of the world, Anakin could just barely see sunlight. The rest of the planet was cast in a shadow, and while most of the world was dark, Anakin could sense what Obi-Wan thought of the sight.
Beautiful.
Subtly, Obi-Wan's hand was placed upon Anakin's shoulder, and the fingers squeezed gently in a sign of reassurance that had been adopted when Skywalker was still a small child. Anakin had at first seen the gesture as that of a father comforting his son, and now, as a older brother soothing his younger in a time of despair and violence. Anakin leaned into the touch, accepting it eagerly, and without taking his eyes off the planet ahead, he could sense Obi-Wan smile softly, the yellow and white light of both day and night bathing the ship.
Anakin smiled too.