So...I wrote another fic! Not a particularly serious one, but uh, T for adult humor. And swearing. If you don't like swearing...I...just wouldn't read this if I were you. But, like...funny swearing. (Much, much, longer and more rambley A/N at the end)
Yang: So for father's day, I asked you all to bring your fathers from the four corners of Remnant to meet us all for a meet and greet. First up is Weiss introducing...Weiss, who the fuck is this?
Weiss: This is Klein. He's one of my butlers.
Klein: Hello Ms Yang.
Yang: Weiss, I thought we agreed were bringing our fathers today.
Weiss: Yes.
Yang: Wait, so that means…
Weiss: Yes.
Yang: Your mom did the butler!? Geez Schnee, I knew you were kinky, but mama Schnee always looked a little uptight, guess it runs in the-
Weiss: WHAT? NO, Klein is a father FIGURE, you airheaded bimbo. Get your mind out of the gutter….
Yang: So why didn't you call up your actual dad?
Weiss: Trust me, it's better that I didn't bring my father.
Yang: That's not really an answer.
Weiss: He's...complicated.
Yang: My Dad has had two wives in the course of less than three years with one dying and the other leaving him. Pull the other one.
Weiss: Look, just trust me, you wouldn't want to meet him, and I don't want to have to deal with the financial fallout.
Yang: Fallout?
Weiss: Yes, from you inevitably killing him.
Yang: Whoa that escalated fast, okay, Weiss, let's backtrack here, why would I want to kill your dad, exactly?
Weiss: He's an awful person. Don't worry, everyone wants to kill him. I just think that if you met him in person you'd be the only person with the balls to do it.
Yang: What? Weiss, that's just...no, I wouldn't kill Jacques Schnee. I don't care how bad of a person your father is, nobody is evil enough that just casually meeting them would make me kill them.
Klein: Oh no, the wee lass is right, you would definitely keel-haul old Jacque. Don't worry, it's a normal reaction. I want to kill the man too.
Weiss: And me.
Winter: And don't forget me.
Yang: What are you doing here Winter?
Winter: Weiss invited me. Not many father's days at Atlas academy, and I had some time off.
Yang: Okay...I'm just going to ignore that. So all of you want to kill Weiss's dad.
Klein/Winter/Weiss: Yes.
Yang: And you all think for some inexplicable reason that I would just kill him on sight.
Weiss: Immediately.
Winter: Unreservedly.
Klein: Without hesitation.
Yang: ...isn't he your father? And your boss?
Klein: How do you think he's lived this long? I gotta pay the bills somehow.
Winter: An Atlesian specialist's license to kill is revoked after too many unforeseen casualties. I've almost used up my quota and I'm saving one in case I need to clip a certain bird's wings.
Weiss: My inheritance is revoked if I kill him.
Yang: ….Atlas is fucked up.
Weiss: Why do you think I came to Beacon?
Yang: I'm...just...gonna leave, before one of you disappears me. Next on the list, Blake Belladona, and her father, Ghira Belladonna!
A/N: This whole thing started with a funny bit of dialogue I thought of, and finished with the idea "How many daddy jokes can I cram into one fic?" so...you can probably guess how this fic is gonna go down from here. This is meant to be my flagship funny fic, full of innuendos and daddy jokes for your reading pleasure (if you were stunned by their absence here, don't worry, more are coming...).
("Wait what?"? Wait for what-oh, that's a fanfic name. What kind of stupid name for a fic is-oh it's one of mine...right, still sort of working on that one, but I've kind of run dry with ideas. Except for penis jokes. Those are always funny.)
Anyway, this is meant to be a humorous, so read this while you can, cause I'm probably going right back to trying to make ya'll cry within the next week with some other attempt at an emotionally heartbreaking story. (PFFT, HA, as if I'd do something that mean...I'm not waiting a week, I've already started with the next sad-fic. As with all good emotional trauma, it involves Pyrrha. And as with all good fanfic, there's a roughly 45% shot of me actually finishing the darn thing without a deadline, which is far better than normal.)
Oh, and expect more chapters, you think I'm content with just one chapter of dad jokes, hell no, I've actually already got the next chapter finished and a third one on the way (which is a weird feeling for me, am I being...productive? Pfft no. I'm writing fanfic.).