Hello, you lovely people! I know I've been gone for ages, so here's a little something to try to make it up to you.
Actually, this story was a request from Endearing, and I had a blast writing it. I hope you all have a blast reading it!
Oh, and for future reference, when I use the nickname 'Sir' for Sirius, I pronounce it 'seer'. I think it makes more sense that way.
harrys_girl_4_life
Sirius was acting very odd.
James had noticed that he wasn't sleeping much, he wasn't eating much, and he scarcely left his room, except for classes. He wasn't even flirting with everyone in sight anymore, and it was really starting to worry him. He thought that maybe some new love interest was causing problems for his best friend, but he couldn't be sure.
Alright, he was pretty damn sure exactly who was causing all of this, and it wasn't exactly new, but whenever he tried to bring it up, Sirius quickly changed the subject.
"Well, if at first you don't succeed..." He thought, then turned to his best friend.
"Why so glum, mate?" James asked as he flopped down on his bed. "You've been acting very odd lately."
"What?" Sirius asked, sitting up on his bed. He'd been sprawled out there for the better part of the day, just thinking.
"What's the matter? You're not yourself! You seem depressed or...lovesick...or something, all the damn time." James said, studying his best mate.
Sirius gulped at the word 'lovesick' and tried unsuccessfully to laugh it off.
"Lovesick? You're barmy. I'm not lovesick or depressed or anything else, I'm perfectly fine!" Sirius said, trying to sound convincing. He failed, however, and James continued to stare at him concernedly.
"Yeah, well, you've got us worried anyways. Okay, Peter's too oblivious to notice, but Lily, Remus, and I are all getting really worried."
Sirius' mouth went dry at the mention of Remus, and he shifted uncomfortably, which did not go unnoticed by James.
"I mean, Remus is really worried!" James emphasized, testing the waters. "He hardly ever leaves the library anymore, he even skips meals sometimes. He says that it's no fun doing anything without you being your usual mischievous self, so he'll have none of it, not without you..." He trailed off, hoping to get some kind of reaction out of his friend.
"What? Why are you looking at me like that?" Sirius asked, again shifting uncomfortably.
"Come on, mate! I know how you feel about him..."
"No! You don't know anything, James!"
"Are you really so thick?" James half-whispered in frustration before hauling himself up off the bed and going off in search of Lily.
"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" Sirius called after him, but to no avail. With a sigh, he sank back into his pillows and went back to his thoughts from earlier.
They were always centered around a certain sandy-haired boy named Remus. A boy who was also a werewolf. A boy who he was falling harder and harder for with every passing day.
With every day that came and went it became progressively harder for Sirius to be around him without doing something incredibly stupid, like blurting out random declarations of his undying love, or worse yet, just kissing him.
He'd realized that he was totally in love with Remus Lupin back in fifth year, and that led him to the seemingly obvious realization that he was gay.
It was actually all thanks to James, though he'd never admit it. While James fretted over Lily, Sirius and Remus drew closer and closer, until Sirius couldn't get him out of his head. Every sentence out of his mouth seemed to center around Remus, and finally James had jokingly told him to just propose to the bloke.
When Sirius had blushed furiously every time Remus' name was mentioned after that, James knew for sure. From that day forward, James always tried to broach the subject, but Sirius always shot him down, too afraid of rejection to act on his feelings.
It was now halfway through seventh year, James had gotten Lily, and Sirius still hadn't admitted his feelings for the young werewolf, even though they were progressively taking over his life.
Everywhere he went, he wished Remus was there.
Anyone he talked to, he wished it was Remus.
Everything he did, he did for Remus.
He was hopelessly in love with the boy, but he just couldn't bring himself to admit it.
Not to Remus, anyway.
James had figured it out, of course, and he was fairly certain that Lily had as well, but the most important person, Remus himself, had no idea.
As much as Sirius wanted to tell him, he just couldn't. Remus didn't like blokes like he did, and Sirius wasn't about to risk losing his best friend.
Unfortunately, it appeared as if he was losing him already. Sirius had a hard time even being around him anymore. It hurt so much to spend time with the man he loved and not be able to do anything about it. He knew it was his own fault for being too much of a wuss to fess up, but he was just too scared.
It was taking a toll on their friendship. They hardly ever saw each other now, and when they did it was awkward and strange. Everything about it was painful.
Literally.
His chest hurt.
Sirius was so lost to his thoughts he didn't even notice that someone had joined him, until that someone sat on the edge of his bed.
"Hey, Padfoot."
Sirius gulped and looked up into the sweet hazel eyes of none other than Remus Lupin.
"Oh! Uh...hey, Moony," he stammered, sitting up. "What's up?"
"Well...nothing really. I was headed to the library, but I wanted to come find you first."
"Er...why's that?"
"Sirius, you missed lunch. Again!"
"I did?"
"Yes! C'mon, Sir, I'm really worried about you."
Sirius' heart skipped a beat. Remus was worried about him?
"Well...I...um...appreciate it and all, but you don't need to worry about me."
"What do you mean, I don't have to worry about you? Of course I do! Is everything okay?"
"Yeah. Yeah, everything's fine."
Remus studied him for a moment.
"You're lying."
"What? No I'm not! I'm fine, Rem."
"No, you're not. You're not sleeping, you're not eating, I've hardly seen you in weeks...please Sirius, what's going on?" Remus pleaded, placing a hand gently on his knee.
Sirius flinched as if burned and scrambled to the other side of the bed, away from Remus' touch.
"I told you, Remus, I'm fine!"
"What is wrong with you? Why are you running away from me?"
Sirius could hear the hurt creeping into his tone, and he edged farther away.
"I'm not running from you! I just...I just...I can't tell you what's going on."
"Why the bloody hell not? Don't you trust me?"
"I...of course I trust you!"
"Then why won't you tell me what's wrong? I want to help you!"
"I just can't, okay? You wouldn't understand."
"It's because I'm a werewolf, isn't it?" Remus asked flatly, glaring at him.
"What? No!"
"Then why won't you tell me what's wrong? Why is it that I never see you anymore? I honestly thought we were past the point where we'd have any problems! I thought you were okay with me being a werewolf! It's not like I can bloody change the fact that I am! And believe me, I would if I could!"
"It has nothing to do with you being a werewolf, Remus! I can't tell you because...you wouldn't understand! You'd hate me forever and I can't risk losing what little bit of you I still have!"
Sirius all but shouted the last bit before running out of the dormitory.
If only he'd turned around, he would have seen the man he loved standing next to his bed, tears rolling down his cheeks.
"You could have all of me, if you wanted," he whispered, but Sirius was already gone.
Lily.
That's who Sirius needed to talk to.
That's why he was wandering through the library like a lost puppy, it was the only place he could think of to find her.
He supposed that he could talk to James, since he was the one always trying to bring it up, but Sirius just felt safer approaching a woman. Even if that woman was Lily Evans.
After his encounter with Remus, he'd spent the rest of the day in the kitchen with the house elves, letting them dote on him in any way they saw fit as he just sat in a chair and cried. They brought him food, tea, butterbeer...they tried everything they could think of, but they just couldn't seem to cheer 'poor Master Sirius' up.
Eventually, he'd realized that it was getting late and he hauled himself out of his chair and out the door, thanking the house elves automatically before heading for the library in search of the one woman who would be able to help him.
Finally, he spotted her bright red hair at a table in the far corner, talking to his messy-haired, bespectacled best friend. He walked up behind her and cleared his throat awkwardly.
"Hey, Lily," he said, surprised at how hollow and gravely his voice sounded.
"Oh! Hey, Sir. What's up?" She asked, looking concerned.
"Well...I was kinda hoping we could talk. I need your advice on something."
Lily nodded, then leaned over and whispered something to James. He replied by kissing her on the cheek, then standing to leave. Before he left, he leaned in close to whisper in Sirius' ear.
"Just go for it, mate."
With that, he clapped him on the back and walked out.
"Alright, I'm all yours," Lily said, patting the seat next to her that James had just vacated. "What's wrong?"
He sighed heavily and sat down where she indicated.
"Remus and had a row."
Lily raised an eyebrow at him.
"We've hardly seen each other in weeks, so he comes looking for me, just to see how I'm doing, and we end up shouting at each other!"
"About what?"
"Well...he wanted to know what was wrong, but I wouldn't tell him, so then he started saying stuff like I don't trust him because he's a werewolf...and that's not even a little bit true!"
"Did you tell him that?"
"Of course I did, but he wouldn't listen! He said I was running away from him."
"Are you?"
"No! Well...kind of. I just...I can't tell him what he wants to know."
"So instead you yelled at the poor boy and hurt him. C'mon, Sir, you know how sweet and sensitive Remmy is!"
"I didn't mean to," Sirius mumbled, staring holes in the table as his eyes filled.
Lily sighed, rubbing his back soothingly.
"I know you didn't, Sir. You'd never hurt him intentionally. Now come on. Chin up, march up there and apologize. Oh, and while you're at it, just tell him that you're bloody in love with him!"
"What? Lily...I...what? Why...you..." Sirius spluttered, gaping at her.
"Oh come off it, it's so obvious that you're in love with him. Everyone except Remus himself knows, and that's only because he's too in love with you to see straight!"
"I...you...wait. He...he loves me?"
"More than you know," Lily replied, smiling.
"Er...alright then," Sirius said, his stomach in knots. "But what if...what if he..."
"He won't reject you, Sir. Don't be scared."
"I am not scared!"
Lily just looked at him.
"Okay, fine. So I'm scared. Even if he doesn't reject me, what will people think? About us...being together."
"You choose now to care what people think? God, Sirius, stop worrying so much. With as close as you two are, no one will be in the least bit surprised. Besides, these are magical people, they don't freak out like Muggles do."
"If you say so," he mumbled.
"I do say so. Now get your stupid arse up there and apologize before I hex your bollocks off!"
"Fine, fine!" He shook his shaggy hair out of his eyes as he stood and started walking out.
"Oh, and Sir?" Lily called after him.
"Yeah, Lil?"
"Don't forget the part about being bloody in love with him, yeah?"
Sirius took a deep breath before stepping into their dormitory, his stomach churning at the thought of what he was about to do.
Quickly, he looked around the room to make sure all was clear. All the beds were empty, except for Remus'. His curtains were closed, but Sirius could hear him tossing and turning inside.
"Remus?" He called tentatively, walking up and putting a hand on the thick curtains.
"Go away," Remus' voice replied shakily.
"No. We need to talk, Rem."
"I think you've said plenty already."
Sirius jerked the curtains open to reveal Remus sitting cross legged on his bed, looking dejectedly up at him through wet eyelashes.
"No, I've not said what I really need to say, but I'm going to."
With that, Sirius kicked off his shoes and sat across from Remus, then spelled the curtains shut.
"Fine," Remus said flatly, crossing his arms and looking away.
Sirius sighed heavily, looking at the boy's tear stained cheeks.
"Remus, I am so very sorry about earlier. I never, ever should have shouted at you, or run away from you. I should never have avoided you, and no, this most definitely has nothing to do with you being a werewolf. This is entirely my problem that I was taking out on you and I am so, sovery sorry. I really hope you'll forgive me for this eventually."
Remus sniffled, then finally turned to look at him.
"If I'm not the problem, what is?" He asked softly.
"Now hold on there...I never said you weren't the problem. I said that you being a werewolfwasn't the problem."
"What? What did I do?" Remus asked, eyes wide.
"Calm down, Remmy. The only thing you're guilty of is being completely and utterly irresistible."
"I...what?"
Sirius took a deep breath, trying to swallow the fear.
"You're irresistible. My brain turns to mush every time I'm around you, I can't help it. You are the sweetest, sexiest, most beautiful man I've ever had the pleasure of meeting and..."
"And what?" Remus whispered, leaning forward a little bit.
"Remus John Lupin, I am hopelessly in love with you."
"Oh, thank Merlin," Remus sighed, grabbing Sirius' t-shirt and pulling him in for a lingering kiss.
"Mmm...I'll take that as you forgiving me?" Sirius asked cheekily, instantly feeling happier than he had in weeks.
"I never said that," Remus whispered, lips close to his ear.
"Then I suppose I'll have to earn my forgiveness, then, yeah?" Sirius asked, kneeling in front of the lighter haired boy and putting his hands on his chest.
"By all means."
Sirius grinned and kissed Remus again, sliding his tongue into the other boy's mouth as he ran his hands down his chest. Slowly, he pushed Remus backwards until he was laying down and then straddled his hips, never breaking the kiss.
Remus fisted his hands in Sirius' shirt and pulled it up and over his head, tossing it aside eagerly as he began exploring the dark haired boy's toned chest. Sirius quickly did the same to him, but then started licking and sucking on his neck before working his way down Remus' chest.
"Oh, Merlin," Remus gasped as their rapidly hardening lengths rubbed against each other briefly.
"Do you have any idea how long I've wanted you?" Sirius asked, his voice husky as he circled Remus' bellybutton with his tongue.
"Far too long, I'm guessing?" Remus panted.
"Damn right," Sirius agreed before flicking his tongue over the other boy's nipple.
"Ohh, Gods..." Remus moaned.
"You like that, do you?" Sirius asked amusedly, then playfully bit down on the other nipple.
"Shit!" Remus exclaimed, his back arching.
Sirius chuckled, repeating the action.
"These, off. Now." Remus growled, pulling at Sirius' Muggle jeans impatiently.
"Yes sir," Sirius replied sarcastically, pulling then off quickly. Now they were both left in just their boxers, panting and very aroused, staring at each other openly.
"Sirius, I've never...you know...been with anyone before..." Remus said, blushing.
"It's alright, neither have I. I think we can figure it out together, though, don't you?" He replied, leaning over Remus again.
"Yeah...yeah I do..."
"Good."
Sirius kissed him roughly, hungrily as hands roamed freely everywhere. Remus gasped loudly as Sirius' hand slid down his boxer clad length.
"Oh my God, Sir," he moaned.
"Do you want me to stop?" Sirius asked, hooking his thumbs in the sides of Remus' boxers.
"No...no, don't stop," Remus groaned.
"Alright then," Sirius replied, pulling the boy's boxers down and allowing his erection to spring free. With as much Gryffindor courage as he could muster, he wrapped his hand around it, stroking gently as he sucked on Remus' neck.
"Oh, Gods...please, Sirius, take these off..." Remus grabbed at his boxers, trying to pull them off of him.
"No, no...this is about you. I'm the one apologizing, remember?" Sirius replied, his fears melting away as Remus obviously enjoyed his actions.
Sirius stroked a little faster, twisting his wrist and rubbing his thumb over the tip every now and then.
"Ohh...oh shit," Remus moaned, his hips thrusting into the other boy's hand.
Sirius went a little faster and bit down on his nipple again, making him arch his back.
"Gods, Sir...if you keep...going like this...I'm not gonna...last very long..." Remus panted.
"That's the idea, love," Sirius murmured before pulling his hand away. It was time to try something else he'd been thinking about.
"Wha...why did you...oh, fuck!" Remus cried out in pleasure as Sirius' mouth slid over his rock hard erection. Immediately, Sirius started bobbing up and down on Remus' length, licking and sucking Remus into a gooey little puddle of incoherence.
"Oh, Merlin...Sirius...oh, gods! I'm...not gonna last...much longer..." he rambled.
Sirius hummed a little reply, sending thrilling vibrations down Remus' length and causing the boy to cry out and thrust his hips forward.
"Oh, God...oh...ohh, fuck..."
Sirius gripped Remus' hips tightly, sucking on his member and scraping his teeth over him gently.
"Oh! I...I'm...ohh, fuck...I'm gonna...aahh..."
Sirius sucked hard once more, and that was all it took.
"Ohhh, fuck! Sirius!" Remus cried out so loudly that he wouldn't have been surprised if the whole of Gryffindor tower could hear him, but he didn't care. All he cared about was Sirius' mouth around his cock, and how damn good he felt, his whole body spasming as he came hard in Sirius' mouth.
Sirius swallowed as much as he could, then grinned cheekily up at Remus.
"You're delicious," he said, kissing him.
"Mmm...now will you take those bloody things off?" Remus pulled at his boxers again, more insistently this time.
"Yeah, sure," Sirius complied, sliding them off and biting back a groan as the fabric rubbed across his incredibly hard member. If he wasn't able to get some relief soon, he was sure to burst.
"Gods, you're sexy," Remus said, licking his lips as he stared at Sirius' stiff cock. "Now hurry up and touch me, I swear to Merlin, your touch is addictive."
Sirius chuckled and reached for his wand, muttered a lubrication spell, then tossed it aside. Remus reached up and pulled his head down for a kiss as Sirius slowly slid a finger into his tight, virgin hole and began to pump them in and out. As Remus adjusted, Sirius would add another finger, his need becoming more and more fierce with every gasp or moan that came from the boy underneath him.
With a smirk, Sirius suddenly curled the three fingers that were inside Remus in such a way that he brushed against the smaller boy's prostate.
"Holy shit!" Remus cried out, bucking his hips off the bed.
Sirius grinned and did it a couple more times, watching Remus' face as he thrashed and tried desperately to keep himself under control.
"I need you inside me...now," Remus gasped, grabbing his partner's arm.
"I've done what I can, but it's still gonna hurt," Sirius said through clenched teeth, removing his fingers. It was taking every shred of self control he had not to slam himself deep inside the sweet, sandy-haired boy who had him so ridiculously aroused.
"Now," Remus groaned, reaching down and wrapping his hand around Sirius' cock, stroking it gently as he guided it to his entrance.
Sirius merely grunted in reply, then slowly slid into him, trying to remain still as Remus adjusted to him. He couldn't stop completely, however. He was more turned on than he'd ever been in his life, and his hips rocked ever so slightly, even as he tried to still them.
After a few moments, Remus grabbed Sirius' muscled arms firmly.
"Move," he said firmly.
"You sure?" Sirius asked. He wanted to be sure that Remus was ready for this.
"Just move. Now!"
Sirius did just that. Pulling back so far that he almost slipped right from within his partner, he then slammed himself deep within the boy, hitting his prostate immediately.
"Good Lord, Sirius!" Remus cried, digging his nails into his lover's flesh. "More."
Sirius obliged, thrusting steadily into Remus with such accuracy that he was hitting his prostate with every stroke. Having waited so long for release, his own orgasm was fast approaching, so he reached between them and took Remus' cock in his hand. He stroked him in time with his thrusts, which were becoming more erratic with every passing moment, as Sirius tried desperately to maintain some shred of control. He was failing, however. Between the excitement of finally getting he'd wanted for so long, and the sheer tightness of Remus's sweet arse, Sirius was nearing completion far more rapidly than he would ever have admitted.
"Ohhh, fuck! Sir...I can't..." Remus groaned, his hips bucking frantically into Sirius' hand. Never in their entire lives had either boy ever felt such intense pleasure, they were both teetering on the edge of oblivion.
"Rem...Remmy...I...I'm gonna..." Sirius pounded frantically into him, desperate for the delicious release that was burning in his abdomen.
"Sir...I...fuck...Sirius!" Remus cried, his back arching off the bed as he came a second time, splattering his pearly white cum across both their chests.
"Remus!" With one last cry, Sirius buried himself to the hilt and came hard. Stream after stream of hot cum shot deep inside his partner as his body spasmed with unimaginable pleasure.
Finally, Sirius stopped cumming and collapsed on top of Remus, gulping in air like he hadn't breathed in months.
"Bloody fucking hell," he gasped, rolling over and holding Remus tightly to him.
"I agree," Remus replied breathlessly, resting his head on Sirius' chest and listening to the erratic beating of his heart. "I've never felt anything like that before."
"Me either," Sirius agreed, pressing a kiss to his temple.
There were a few moments of silence before Remus spoke again.
"Hey, Sir?"
"Yeah?"
"I forgive you."
With that, the boys fell asleep in each other's arms, just as they would every night for the rest of their lives.