A/N: This is purely for effed up entertainment purposes only. Written by me and a guy friend of mine. Do not read if you want a serious fanfiction. Actually do not read if you want any semblance of anything normal. You have been warned…

Shippings in this? ZDDPMaGir which is Zim, Dib, Dwicky, Professor Membrane and Gir. Also side thing of PaGr, which is Principle and Gaz. I dare one of you to try ship that!

Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim. You would not want this appearing in ANY of the episodes.

Rated M for smut, partial rape kinda, smut, retardedness, smut, pure crack, swearing, and smut. Oh shit I forgot to mention…. There is a bit of smut in it too…

One day Zim and Dib were checking out his secret hair. Then they decided to do something. Something very different from other people. Or maybe not. You just have to read…. the rest of the fanfiction!

First Zim pulled down his pants. Then Dib said "…. Wonderful." And then a couple minutes later they were both sitting there jerking off, on two chairs, pointing their genitals at the others. And then all of a sudden "…Peeew." It comes out, in slow motion, and then they meet in the air, hitting each other then falling instantly. Now we will get to the aforementioned part!

First Dib and Zim were there. Doing it. Then GIR comes in with a one centimeter penis. GIR says "Make it bigger master!" and Zim does and then it slithers into Zim's butt then Zim says "Oh! What a surprise! I never knew that GIR!" then it goes all the way through Zim's body and comes out of his mouth! Then it's caressing Dib's scythe lock. Then it launches into Dib's mouth and comes out the back very quick. And he somehow says "awww I wanted to have more funn!" and then Gir says "You got suuuch a biiig heeeaad for such a smaaalll mooouuuth!" Dib frowns and says "You Jerk!"

Then Dwicky comes in and says "Can I join?" and then they agree. The more the merrier! So then, GIR leads it over and launches it into Dwicky's butt. But then…. It comes out his penis! And then the principle comes in. He says "Oops…. Wrong room. Where is Gaz's bedroom" They point the way then he leaves. The End…. Just Kidding.

Then while they were all wondering WHAT THE FUCK happened to Dwicky's penis, GIR whips it around to his own butt and it comes out his mouth. GIR doesn't like being left out.

Professor Membrane then walks in. "I just got back from studying REAL SCIE-"and he got cut off by GIR's attachment quickly shoving its way down his mouth. Then GIR's yells "TOOOOO MANY PEOPLE!" and explodes into a mass apocalyptic fire taking all the rest of the people with him. Dwicky's eye was all that was left.

THE END (for real)

The thing that had inspired my friend to say this story is a picture of Dib looking at Zim and Zim looking down. He had insisted that it looked gross, because they looked like they were going to bang each other. I asked him how and he told me this. I wrote it down. He made the whole thing up. I just typed it. 10 awesomeness points to anyone who gets the reference in the last sentence of the first paragraph. 3 BILLION awesomeness points to the person who gets the secret hair reference! (oh and in case you didn't notice, I despise Dwicky. He was so mean to my favorite character)