Summary: They always said friends are forever, Allen found out the hard way that whoever said that was a goddamn lair.
Warnings: Angst, character death, unintentional OOCness.
I was just sitting at the foot of my laptop reading some humorous Yu-Gi-Oh fan fiction and, this popped out of nowhere. This could have been cooperated into my "Nothing but Life" drabbles but, for some reason I felt like it needed to be on its own. And the title was from the song that played when I finished this.
If I owned this, I wouldn't be writing this, would I?
Edit: Spellings have been fixed, and some words have been replaced or have been added. (April 23, 2010)
The Sound of Silence
My coming out wasn't something I expected.
I mean, yes, I did expect most of my friends to be uncomfortable especially my male friends. How would they feel finding out their male friend who changed with them in the locker room, stayed over and played xbox until the wee hours of the morning was attracted to guys?
Kanda and Krory were okay with it though.
Kanda never really liked me anyway, he just lifted his nose high to the side in the snobby manner of his and said, "Always knew you were a fucking fag." As for Krory, he didn't seem to mind really. I guess maybe after I saved him from getting his clothes back from Tykki and his gang, that to him it didn't make sense to abandon his savior.
Chaoji didn't take it well. I wasn't surprised really, just like Kanda he wasn't very fond of me. It wasn't always like that, until the incident of helping a few people who were in trouble. Those same people use to bully him back in grade school. Chaoji began to show a dislike for me then, minimal though.
Lavi, that's when I was really surprised. Flabbergasted. Never, never, did I think it would be him who wouldn't except me. We've been through everything, when Mana and Cross died, running away from his grandfather when he was in a particularly foul mood. When the break up between he and Lenalee threatened to tear apart our gang; back when he taught me to sand up for myself when I was still bullied because of my arm. I remember what he said that day, when I stopped crying and that one green eye smiled at me. He said, "We're friends now. I'll stick with ya no matter what."
No matter what.
When did that change?
I sat with Lenalee, and Kanda at our usual lunch table. Krory decided to graduate mid-term despite it being frowned upon by most colleges. Lavi and Chaoji sat with the Noah now, people who they hated with a passion, just to get away from me and my "faggness" was what Chaoji replied with.
This all happened within a two week period, give or take a few days.
Lenalee was still very pissed about it.
"The nerve of them! You did nothing but been kind to them, and this is how they repay you! Some friends they were." She huffed, crossing her arms across her chest supporting her bust.
"Lenalee, it's fine. Really," I assured her with a nervous laugh. "I expected as much anyway." Just not from Lavi I wanted to add, but didn't.
"Allen, it's not fine! Friends don't do this to one another...not true friends, anyway. True friends, always stick by you." She finished, looking softly at me with a small sad smile.
The bell rang after a few short seconds of never ending silence, making us through the foam like plates away with the wrapping our food came in. We parted ways after that, Kanda and Lenalee going to their Trig class back in the upper B building. My next class Speech (a requirement for sophomores if they want to graduate) which was in G building and close to the lunch area. The next bell wouldn't ring for another good four to five minutes to get to my locker, which was also in an area fairly close to G.
I went to the M section of the locker area and walked half way down. What stopped me from putting my books in my locker was two words spray painted in bright hot pink.
"Cock sucker"
I knew the hand writing very well, but I willed away tears. I wouldn't cry, not in front of them. Not in front of Lavi, Chaoji, and the Noah.
I wouldn't give them that satisfaction.
The bus ride home was boring and loud as always. Sometimes my thoughts wander to and fro, just wanting something to do. Old memories appeared, good ones. Ones that I often find myself smiling while I replay it. The one that I was so pleasantly graced with, was back in junior high. When Lavi and I were still friends.
We were at the river, skipping stones. It was bleak out, the sky a tragic gray with darker shades of the color here and there. Everything looked darker, even if it was mid-afternoon; small packs of snow and ice tainted black from all the cars exhaust. The grass, a dull drown, dead from the cold and, the wind blowing just enough to make us zip our coats higher but not enough to blow us through the air.
Lavi skipped a stone that went four hops before it sank into the black water.
It was quiet, an oddity in itself. It was almost never quiet, Lavi was a cheery person with a bright obnoxious personality. He could hold a one sided conversation and if that bored him, he would have teased the person he was with until they want to kill him. It was understandable though, he just got a 3 day in school suspension. Lavi was so close to plumbing a kid who laughed and taunted me because of my arm, scar, and air. Lavi even cursed at the teacher who held him back.
"I'm sorry, Lavi. You got suspended because of me." I told him, my words sounding mumbled because my chin was on my knees as I looked out to the river. I all I saw was the the blackness of the river, the bank on the other side and trees. I felt guilty even if it wasn't exactly my fault.
Lavi shook his head and threw another stone across the river. Only three hops this time. "Wasn't yer fault Allen," He reassured me, smiling with his eye closed (the other was covered with an eye patch). "I knew what I was getting in ta. Did it anyway." He finished with a shrug.
"But still..." I looked at Lavi, he didn't need to do that. An eighth grader didn't need to defend a seventh grader. Most eighth graders hated them.
"But nuthing. I don't mind, since it's for a good reason and all." He thew another stone, four hops again. Lavi wiped some sand and dirt off on his pants and sat down next to me. Putting an arm around my shoulder, Lavi pulled me into his chest. I knew I was gay back then, but I didn't like him like that.
"Yer mah friend Allen. And, you actually show that arm. You shouldn't be ridiculed for being yerself." Lavi told me, a wide smile on his face. It made me smile back at him as well. "That's why I wanted to be friends with ya, because you're yourself. I would never leave ya for being yerself!"
When the memory ended I realized that the bus was at the last stop, my stop. I got off the bus and stood in front of my door, looking at if for a moment before digging in my pocket to get my keys. Once I was inside, I dropped all my stuff on the couch and went to the bathroom. It wasn't until that I turned on the lights that did I look in the mirror. Small wet tails went down the sides of my pale cheeks. I touched them with my left hand.
I laughed at the sheer irony of it all.
I'm starting to believe Chaoji ran his big mouth.
When I got to school the next day, I saw some people sneer at me and some guys wink at me. A few girls giggled and looked heart broken. I didn't pay any mind to the looks, I was use to them. The only difference between them was that they magnified ten fold. It seemed like it was going to be a good day though. Lavi, Chaoji, and the Noahs aren't harassing me so far.
I should have gotten my hopes up though.
It was going goood over all, and it made me happy. It wasn't that I couldn't take them on, I could but not all at once. I couldn't fight that well, I wasn't Kanda.
No harassment, and no glares either. A small light of hope shined in me, that they have decided to ignore my existence and leave me alone. I didn't like the idea of this fully meaning that my friendship with the two was officially over. But, I didn't have magic powers. I couldn't change their minds when an opinion was set.
It was the end of fifth period, and was I coming back from the lunch room to put my stuff away then head to the library. I've been meaning to check out Ticks by Ellen Hopkins. Lenalee told me it was a very good book and it was about how teens got into prostitution. The topic itself made me want to check it out.
"Well, looky! Here comes the cock sucker now." I turned around, and saw Tykki, Jasdero, Devit, Rhode, and my two ex-friends.
It was Jasdero who called me out.
I scowled, my good mood gone and turned to walk away. I just wanted to my locker, get my things, get that book and make it through the rest of the day. I didn't get very far though, I heard the foot steps of Jasdero following behind me. Releasing a body shaking sigh, I turned back around.
"Look, why don't you just-" I didn't get to finish my sentence. Instead I felt a slicing pain. The cold blade tearing at my stomach as it was dragged up to just beneath my chest. I felt blood pour out of the wound as I coughed up more. Some of it landed on the smirking face of the Noah.
Then he pulled out the knife, and started stabbing it at my sides. Then in just random directions. I barely remember hearing the screams of the other students, and someone calling for help. For a teacher, the guard, anyone.
I was laying on the floor now, my body numb with pain and in a pool of my own blood. Some of it dripped down my chin. I couldn't stop coughing, my heart wouldn't stop racing. I heard it in my eardrums. The steady beating, going faster, and faster before slowing down.
My vision was blocked with the face of Lenalee, who was bawling. When I moved my eyes upwards I vaguely see Kanda, he's a bit blurry though. His hands are at his sides, fingers clenching and unclenching. He looked ready to murder someone.
I felt my body being lifted on the ground, probably onto stretcher the paramedics have. It's going slower now, my heartbeat. Just a bump every few seconds now. I knew it was too late, that they couldn't save me. I was a lost cause.
Just before I was carried out the door, I saw Lavi. Tears ran down his face, his look shocked. The gave some comfort, that he didn't know. That he wasn't part of the plan.
The sun was bright, blinding. My closed my eyes hoping to rid most of the light, I knew it would work. They wouldn't be opening, not anymore. I also knew, that if there was some sort of after life that I wasn't going to the place where Mana and Cross were. No, I was going somewhere else. A warm place.