A/N: Ahhh I've been inactive for a while, but I've got a (sad) one-shot for you guys! I guess you could say that it's a companion to my fic "Strong," although I didn't necessarily intend for it to be that way.
Oh well, here we go!
I don't own TMNT.
Raph fingered the old, faded blue mask. It was fraying at the edges, but it was still soft and welcoming.
Like Leonardo.
It was name that was foreign to him now, one he hadn't uttered in so long. Le-o-nardo. Three syllables, eight letters. Like the famous Renaissance artist.
He hadn't entered Leo's room in ages. It reminded him too much of the leader, now gone, never to return. But something drew him in this time. The pain of never saying goodbye, never saying sorry, never being able to see his eldest brother one more time.
Leo was gone. He would never celebrate another birthday, or go on another patrol, or train or meditate again. He would never fight with Raph, or talk to him, or look at him again. He would never open his midnight blue eyes and see the world one more time.
Leo was gone.
Forever.
So why couldn't Raph let that go?
Here he was, grasping Leo's old mask like his life depended it. Here he was, standing in the midst of Leo's room, surrounded by his old possessions: a soft futon, extra katanas, locked diaries, candles, papers scribbled with notes. Here he was, missing his eldest brother, the one he always fought with but also the one who always forgave him.
Let it go, that soft but menacing voice whispered him, the same voice that he knew whispered to Mikey and Donnie, too. But how could he forget the brother who protected him, loved him, till the very end? How could he just let it go, like it didn't matter anymore?
Because it did matter, more than so many other things. Life was not the same anymore without the leader and master ninja of the family. The world could go on, the world did go on, but here in the Hamato family, in Raph's life, time was stuck in a Leo-less reality. And what hurt more was the fact that it was a real reality.
Leonardo Hamato, age sixteen. Son of Splinter. Brother of Donatello, Michelangelo, and Raphael. Fearless leader.
Gone forever.
And it all came spilling out.
"Fearless," Raph croaked. He could feel the wave of emotions pounding against his body, breaking lose through the form of wet, salty tears, traveling down his cheeks. He didn't even try to stop them, just stared down at the old blue mask he was holding, the one that was sixteen years old, like Leo, the one that Leo would never wear again.
Leonardo Hamato was truly a fearless leader.
And Raph truly missed him, and wanted him, and needed him, to make everything okay again.
But Fearless was gone, forever, never to return back to the world, no matter how much Raph needed him, no matter how much he pleaded or begged the universe to give him back.
Fearless - Leonardo - was gone.
"I'm sorry," he whispered to the faded blue mask in his three-fingered hand, tears spilling onto it in little drips.
But it was too late.