Characters/Pairing: Santana Lopez, Finn Hudson, Finn/Santana.
Rating: NC-17.
Kinks: cheating, barebacking, creampie.
Notes: This one isn't very kinky at all, but I was talking with a friend of mine about writing emotional or angsty sex and it kind of turned into a challenge, so here we are. This focuses on the Quarterback and I Kissed A Girl episodes of the show, since they're the two most angsty Finntana episodes. Just something a little different, feel free to let me know how you liked it.
Santana clutches Finn's letterman jacket tighter around herself and pretends they're his arms as she listens to Kurt's footsteps slowly disappear out of the auditorium while she tries to hold herself together.
After her embarrassing display in the choir room and her show of weakness with Hummel, Santana can't afford to fall apart again. Not when she's alone, with nobody to put her back together.
She hardly ever lets herself get like this - this sad, this vulnerable, this broken. There's only ever been one other time Santana has broken down this badly, and she might laugh at the irony of who it was that held her together then, if it didn't make her want to cry harder now.
Santana's eyes are still watery as she scrolls through her phone looking for Finn's number, but she still manages to smile just a little when she sees the picture of his grinning face she has assigned to his contact information.
She finds herself staring at the picture for a few moments too long before she's clicking on his name and calling him.
He picks up on the second ring. "Hello?"
"Finn?" Her voice is strained and quiet and Finn immediately picks up on the pain in it.
"What's wrong?" he asks quickly, caringly. "Santana, what happened? Talk to me."
"I told my abuela I'm a lesbian," Santana whispers, and the tears start coming again. "She kicked me out."
Finn sighs in sympathy, closing his eyes. "I'm so sorry," he says softly, even though he knows it won't help. "Do you want to come over? Or do you want me to come over there? Or, or do you already have Brittany over?"
"No, I haven't called her," Santana admits, her eyes shifting over to the picture of her and her girlfriend sitting on her nightstand. It doesn't manage to make her smile the way Finn's did moments before, but she doesn't think about that. "You were the only person I wanted to talk to."
Finn takes a moment to think about what that means and he feels a little pitter-patter in his heart. "I'm gonna come over, okay? Are your parents there?"
Santana should probably tell him not to because him coming over while she's feeling this way probably isn't a good idea, but she needs to see him so badly right now. "They're gone for the next few days," is what she says instead. "I'll leave the door unlocked. Just… come up to my room."
"I'll be there soon," Finn promises before hanging up.
Santana is crying again by the time Finn gets to her house, and the moment she sees him stepping into her room, she breaks down into full out sobs for some reason.
"Hey, hey, hey," Finn chants as he closes the door and quickly rushes to Santana's side. He sits down beside her on the bed and pulls her into his big strong arms. "It's okay, Santana, I'm here. I'm here, it's okay."
Santana clings to Finn as she falls apart, her fists clutching at his plaid shirt as she buries her face in the crux of his neck. He smells so good and he feels so strong, and even though her heart is broken, Santana has never felt so safe.
Finn holds Santana close as she cries into him; one hand rubbing soothing circles over her trembling back while he has the other one in her hair, cupping the back of her head while he presses comforting kisses against her crinkled forehead.
He doesn't let her go until the tears finally stop a good fifteen minutes later, but even then, he stays close to her; keeping an arm around her shoulders and threading the fingers of his other hand through hers.
"I'm sorry," Santana says once she's calmed down. Her face is still wet and she's still sniffling, but she's mostly got herself back together. "I didn't mean to sob all over you like that."
"That's okay," Finn assures her with a gentle squeeze.
"That's never happened before," she admits quietly, looking over at the boy's kind face. Santana never likes to show weakness, not with anyone other than Brittany, so to feel so comfortable and safe with Finn to let her guard down… that's a big deal and really shows how special their special newfound bond is. "Thank you. For coming and for holding me."
Finn shakes his head like it's nothing, moving impossibly closer to her. "It's no problem at all," he promises. "I told you, Santana, you mean something to me. I'm here for you through this, whatever you need me for, I'm here."
Santana feels like someone is squeezing her heart in the best way and she has to look away from him to keep her composure. "You're the only one that has been," she says softly after a moment, leaning her head on Finn's shoulder. "Ever since I was outed, you've been trying to look after me. Even after I was so awful to you, you still care. I- Nobody's ever cared about me that much before, other than Britt. And even she's been distracted with her student council stuff this week."
Santana has tried not to let that bother her, but it kinda stings not having Brittany's full support through the worst time in her life. Instead of her girlfriend by her side, it's been Finn; the boy who she mocked relentlessly for years. It really says a lot about him and the size of his heart, that he's been her biggest champion through all this; her hero.
"I'm sure she wishes she could be here for you more," Finn tries to comfort her, though he doesn't really believe his words himself. Brittany can be a flake, and while he's sure she cares about Santana, he can't deny she's not being a very good girlfriend to her now, or even a good best friend. "I'm here, though. I know I'm not as good as Brittany, but-"
"No," Santana cuts him off, pulling her head up from his shoulder so she can look at him. "Don't say that. You might not be Brittany, but you've been here for me every step of the way, my knight in shining armor." Santana presses a warm, lingering kiss to Finn's cheek. "Which makes you the best."
Finn gives her dopey half grin, his cheek tingling where her lips just were. "I'm sorry about your abuela," he tells her softly, his face really close to hers.
"Thank you," Santana whispers back, her endearment at his mispronunciation outweighing her sadness at the mention of her.
"I wish she could see that you aren't any different just because you're a lesbian; that she could see what I see when I look at you," Finn continues, his eyes drifting over Santana's face as he reaches up to brush his thumb over her round cheek. "A totally awesome, amazingly talented, surprisingly sensitive, out of this world beautiful girl."
Santana's breath hitches and her tummy does a little flip flop - the kind only Brittany has ever been able to make it do. "You… you really see all that when you look at me?"
Finn nods. "You're amazing, Santana," he tells her again, and is ready to say it as many times as she needs to hear it before she starts believing it. "I know that, deep down, you don't think you are, and that's why you lash out at other people - so they won't get too close and see you for who you really are, but…" Finn leans in even more, enough to brush Santana's nose with his and press their foreheads together. "I'm closer than I've ever been to you, and all I see is how amazing you are."
Santana's heart aches and she kisses Finn without really thinking about it; still too upset over her abuela's rejection to be able to hear his unbelievably kind and accepting words without being emotionally overwhelmed by them. He's just saying all the right things and being so amazing and Santana's always shown her feelings physically, so why stop now?
Finn kisses her back at first, leaning into the kiss and opening his mouth when Santana's tongue licks across his bottom lip, but he pulls back when it starts getting heated, just enough to mumble; "But Brittany," between kisses. "And Rachel. And, I thought you were a les-"
"I am," Santana mumbles back as she curls her fingers into the hair on the back of Finn's head and holds him close. "But I just… I need to feel you right now," she admits, momentarily stopping her hungry kisses to bow her head at her show of sincerity. "You've been so amazing through all of this and you make me feel safe and I need to feel that right now. Please, Finn."
Maybe Finn will regret this come the morning, but looking at Santana now, feeling the way her body is still trembling just a little in his hands, he can't deny her this. Finn promised he would take care of Santana and be there for her in any way she needed, and right now, she needs him.
So, Finn cups Santana's damp cheeks and guides her head up so he can look into her eyes before he kisses her gently; brushing their lips softly, once, then twice and then pressing them together more firmly as he slowly lowers her back against the bed.
He's careful not to lay any of his weight on her as he leans over her, just kissing her softly for minutes before he disconnects just long enough to pull his shirt over his head after Santana starts tugging at it.
Before he can lean all the way back down, Santana leans up to meet him instead, and starts pressing gentle kisses against the pale skin of Finn's chest; starting at his heart. Santana's kisses are so soft they almost tickle, but it isn't until she sucks one of Finn's nipples into her mouth that he really shudders against her.
Santana thinks of every nasty thing she's ever said to Finn about his body, and hopes every touch of her lips helps him heal from them. After listening to all the awful things her abuela said to her tonight, it makes her sick to think that she may have ever made this amazing boy feel anything close to that.
"I'm sorry," Santana mumbles around Finn's nipple, teeth grazing the puffy pink nub as she pulls back to look up at him. "I'm so sorry for anything bad I've ever made you feel; you're amazing, Finn, and kind and strong. I hope you know that."
"It's okay," Finn assures her, leaning down to kiss her mouth again. "Don't worry about that. Just think about now, about this."
Santana nods and kisses Finn again, three or maybe twenty more times before she stops so they can both get undressed.
Jeans are shed, dresses are pulled off, and underwear is slowly removed before Finn finally settles between Santana's thighs. The underside of his cock brushes against her wet sex as he hovers over her; Finn's little belly just barely pressing against Santana's tight abs. He looks into her eyes as he ruts lightly against her, drawing out these breathy little moans that shoot right to his balls.
Finn reaches for Santana's hands and interlaces their fingers together as he positions his cock at her entrance, squeezing her hands when he starts to push forward.
Santana's pussy is so tight and so warm, wet and soft in all the best ways, and Finn drinks in the look on her face as his cock slides into her. He knows it's probably been a while since Santana's taken a dick and he wonders if it feels weird to her, or if it's like riding a bicycle.
"Are you okay?" Finn asks her once he's got his entire length inside of her. He doesn't want to start moving again until he knows she's comfortable.
Santana nods, squeezing Finn's hands back. "I'm okay," she promises and it makes her think of their first time, when he wouldn't stop asking her that. She had thought it was weird then, no guy had ever asked if she was okay during sex, or how she felt at all, really. "It feels… strange," Santana admits. "But good."
Finn understands that feeling, even if he's sure it's not in the same way. This feels so different than the last time they had sex, and not just because he's a little bit more experienced now. Finn holds Santana's gaze as he slowly starts to pump his cock into her and he realizes it's because they have an emotional connection now.
This isn't just sex, like it was before. This, it's closer to making love.
Maybe Finn's not in love with Santana and maybe she isn't in love with him, but after all this, they do love each other now in some new and strange way, and they can feel that love through this act.
Perhaps that's why Santana is able to find pleasure in Finn's soft thrusts, despite not being into guys anymore. To her, this isn't about getting off, it's about being connected to Finn; thanking him for all that he's done for her but needing more from him still, and Santana has always found it easiest to express herself through sex.
Finn keeps his pumping hips gentle and slow as he looks down at her in adoration, making the whole act so intimate. It's like Brittany says; with feelings, it's better, and Santana is feeling all kinds of things for Finn at the moment, that she's not sure she's ever felt for anyone before.
It feels like it could go on forever, the coil in her tummy building up so slowly, but she wants it that way. Santana feels so close to Finn right now; so safe with him inside of her, and she doesn't want it to end yet or for reality to crash down on her again.
Santana just wants to stay here in this moment, with Finn's cock moving inside her, his fingers curled around hers and their eyes locked; it's perfect and… cozy. That's the word for it, she thinks, as she smiles up at Finn with bright eyes; this moment is soft and safe and cozy.
She reluctantly detaches their hand hold because she needs to touch him. Santana curls one hand around Finn's neck, her fingers threading through the short hair there, while she moves her other hand up and down his side and back; just touching him all over.
Finn practically purrs at Santana's light ministrations, smiling softly before he leans down to kiss her plump lips again. Their lips move together lazily and their hips do too; their bodies and hearts completely connected.
Finn never imagined ever being with Santana like this, but it feels so right. Even though there's a million reasons why it's wrong, in this moment, Finn forgets all of them and can only think of Santana.
"Santana, I-" He doesn't know what he wants to say or what he should; if she even wants him to say anything.
She shushes him with another kiss. "I know," Santana mumbles against his lips. "Me, too." Finn wonders what she means for a moment before he decides it doesn't matter; he only cares that they're feeling the same thing.
It's a slow, but steady build between them, even though his thrusts never change their pace. Finn starts to feel the walls of Santana's pussy hug his cock tighter every time he slides inside her and he thinks that means she's getting close.
"You still okay?" Finn asks again, moving his kisses away from Santana's mouth, along her jaw, and stopping by her ear.
Finn feels Santana nod as her hand moves from the back of his neck, down his spine, to settle at the small of his back; fingers sprawled over the curve of his ass to feel it clench as he cants into her.
"I'm close, Finn," she moans over his shoulder, wrapping her legs over his thighs to pull him deeper into her. "I-Are you? Can you come with me?"
"With you," Finn grunts in agreement, a stray thought coming to him. "But, should I… I should pull out, though, right?" Somehow, it didn't occur to him until just now that he isn't using a condom; that there really isn't a single thing between he and Santana, it really is just them, together.
Santana should say yes - she's never been stupid enough to let a guy nut in her, especially not since Quinn got knocked up - but in this moment, she doesn't. Because in this moment, where Santana feels so connected to Finn, this amazing boy who somehow sees beauty and good in her, she can't imagine anything more intimate than taking his cum inside her; taking all of him insider her. For the first time ever.
So instead, Santana wraps her arms around Finn as tightly as she can and whispers in his ear. "Don't pull out. Come inside me. I-I want to feel you come inside me."
It should sound dirty, or at least hot, but for some reason it just strikes Finn as romantic; Santana really does want all of him, and he wants to give it to her.
So, when Finn comes soon after, he gives one last thrust to bury his cock deep into Santana's pussy and then lets himself go, spilling his load inside her.
Santana moans low and long as she feels Finn's thick warm cum flood her core, and she sighs his name as she comes from the feeling of it.
Her orgasm feels subdued and powerful at the same time, this unrecognizable tingle spreading through her body, from the tips of her toes to the top of her head. Santana clings to Finn through it all, holding his jerking body to her trembling one as they come undone and hold each other together.
She feels the last of Finn's load spurt and settle deep inside her and Santana feels this blissful warmth overtake her and shoot straight to her heart.
She knows everything about tonight is heightened, but Santana has never felt closer to another human being as she feels to Finn right now, and she might have honestly cried from the overwhelming and conflicting emotions of it all if she wasn't already out of tears.
"Wow," Finn whispers in her ear and she can practically feel the smile against her cheek as he starts peppering light kisses across her face until he gets to her lips.
Finn kisses Santana nice and slow, like he knows it's going to be their last one, and gently rolls them over so that he's on the bottom and her tiny body can settle on his.
"Thank you," Santana says softly once they stop, looking deep into Finn's loving brown eyes. "For helping me through this week, for seeing the good in me, for tonight, for not letting me be alone."
"You're not alone, Santana," Finn promises and she actually believes him. "I'm always gonna be here for you, I promise."
With one final kiss to the corner of Finn's mouth, Santana settles her head against Finn's bare chest, right over his heart and lets herself drift to sleep.
Finn holds Santana, staying with and inside her all night long; never leaving her alone.
Santana sniffles as the thinks of that night - one of the worst and best of her life - and it doesn't make her feel safe like it used to when she thought of it.
She didn't tell Kurt that story because nobody else knows about what they did that night and nobody ever will. Santana never told Brittany and Finn never told Rachel. She just kept it close to her heart, a perfect little secret for only her and Finn to share, that they promised to take to the graves.
And he kept that promise, like he kept all of them - except one.
Because Santana's alone now and needing Finn more than ever, but he's gone and she only has her memories of him and his letterman jacket to keep her warm.