A/N: This is a collection of lapidot fics I've had on my mind. Loosely connected oneshots that all go over the thought of "Gems are really alien when you think about it, do they even have dating in their culture? And if they do, they're so segmented, that they're bound to have a bunch of different dating stuff that only each gem can do with a member of their own gem group. I wonder how a gem new to Earth would take Earth dating?" Combine that with my love for Lapidot, and boom.
This is also my own way of fighting back against the terrible scourge of horrible Human AUs that have been rampaging in my scifi cartoon about gay alien rocks. Do you have any idea what it feels like to see so many Lapidot fics, only to find out 3/4ths of them are unreadable AUs? … Hm... I feel I may have angered 3/4ths of you reading this with that comment.
Romance wasn't an idea that was entirely foreign to Peridot. It happened on Homeworld, though very rarely, and only between Gems of the same type. Diamonds forbid what would happen to two gems of different variations who attempted to be together. They'd be separated at best, shattered as an example at worst.
But Romance as a concept wasn't new, at least. Peridot knew a few other Peridots who had gone on romantic endeavors with one another. And while she herself had never had the chance, she knew it must have simply been because all the other gems were intimidated by her intelligence, or her greatness, or some combination of the two. But she at least knew how Peridots "dated" as the people of Earth called it. They had a defined set of advanced rituals. She was however clueless on how Lapis Lazulis dated.
After all, when gems spent a lot of time with their own groupings, they tended to create their own social norms. Peridots often analyzed data together with their romantic partners, for instance. She'd heard rumors that Rubies like to brawl with their partners, though after meeting the fusion, Garnet, she wasn't so sure about that one. But Lapis Lazulis? Did they fly together? Lapis liked flying. Homeworld didn't exactly have a lot of water on it, so she didn't think they did anything involving that unless they were offworld. Which they were. Peridot supposed she could fill up a water gun she'd seen somewhere around the old barn, but didn't think it'd have the same affect.
She was getting ahead of herself. She hadn't even asked Lazuli if she would go on a date with her yet and was already worrying on how things would go. Not that she thought Lapis would say no. She was confident Lapis felt the same way about her as she did for the blue gem. They'd lay on the couch watching episodes of Camp Pining Hearts for a week, with their hands in just the position where their touch stumps(pinkies, Steven called those particular touch stump pinkies. For some reason) would often brush against each other. And the number of unnecessary glances they exchanged over the last few weeks had increased exponentially. And Lapis had been throwing more compliments on her creations her way as well. It was obvious that Lapis was crazy for her!
And why wouldn't Lapis want to date her? She was great! And loveable! The great and lovable Peridot!
Perhaps she should simply ask Lazuli out and worry about the date later? Lapis could help give her some input, there had to be something that both Peridots and Lapis Lazulis did on dates. Perhaps they could make a Venn diagram to help them show any common correlations between what the two types of gems normally did on romantic outings? … That in itself sounded like something a Peridot would do on a date, so she already had one example to add to the diagram! Brilliant!
She adjusted her seat on the sofa, where she'd been spacing out for the past half hour instead of paying attention to the human's Televised entertainment in front of her, to turn over to Lapis, who sat beside her, looking a bit bored at whatever infommercial had been playing for the last few minutes. Reaching for the remote to mute the annoying woman hawking her unwanted products through the screen(for three easy payments of 19.99! Whatever THAT meant), she eagerly(and loudly) tried to get her fellow gems attention.
"Lapis! It has recently come to my attention that there is something going on between the two of us, and I mean to solve it!" She exclaimed, arms crossed and face smug.
Lapis didn't even tun her head away from the screen, instead just glancing at Peridot through the corner of her eyes, head leaned up against one hand, propped up at the elbow on the sofas arm, while the other patted the animated pumpkin on her lap. "Yeah? And what is going on between us, and how exactly do you plan to solve it?" The blunette asked, only half listening.
Standing up on her feet, Peridot struck a triumphant pose, "We are obviously romantically attracted to each other, and I plan on taking you out on what the humans call a "date!"
This got Lazuli's attention, but not by much. Just a raised eyebrow and a faint smile."Romantically attracted, huh? How'd you put that together?"
"You obviously couldn't keep your eyes of my gorgeous form! From there it was easy to deduce that you had to be crazy about me! I mean, I don't blame you, I am amazing!" the green gem grinned, chest puffed out to show just how confident she was feeling in her analysis.
Lapis chuckled into her free hand and moved Pumpkin to Peridot's now empty seat before standing and pressing her finger against the tip of her companions nose. "Maybe I just stare a lot because you're so short and I want to make sure you're not shrinking. I'd hate to lose you in a pile of scrap"
Peridot's grin faltered just a bit. She hadn't miscalculated and blown everything, had she? Before she could panic though, Lapis continued. "It's just so happens to be a good thing I happen to find shorties cute." And with that Peridot found her hair a mess as Lapis ruffled the top up and shot her a wink. "so, do you know how to show a girl a good time?"
With that wink, Peridot found herself a bit red in the face, and began to tap her forward touch stum- index fingers, her index fingers, together. "Eh, well, uh, you see, I thought long and hard about it-"
"You didn't hurt yourself doing that did you?"
"- but I couldn't come up with anything that both Peridots and Lapis Lazulis would both do on romantic outings together due to a lack of data on just what exactly Lapis Lazulis even do for said outings. I thought maybe we could put our heads together, figuratively speaking, and come up with a plan." Peridot explained, completely ignoring Lapis' interruption.
Lapis rubbed her chin for a moment, thinking. "Well, as much fun as gathering data sounds," the sarcasm was thick in her voice, "We could try something different. I mean, it's not like we're on Homeworld, we could come up with our own thing if we wanted to, like our Morps."
Peridot smiled, clapping her hands together excitedly, "Excellent idea, do you have anything planned?"
The blue gem looked deep in thought for a moment, before snapping her fingers. "I've got it! Steven has always been trying to get us to be involved in a bunch of that Earth culture stuff, right? Why don't we do something like that? What's that phrase he taught me? "When in Rome...""
A/N … do as the Romans do. I'll post up the first date they go on here soon, I promise. Until then, I'll be barricading myself in for my own protection against the Human AU authors who are still mad at my comments from the first Authors Note. I'll mark it as complete for the entire duration of the fic's lifespan, just because I don't have any ending planned for this. I just plan on adding a new chapter whenever I feel like writing something cute.
If anyone has suggestions for dates they can go on, feel free to leave your suggestions in the review or PM them too me.