Broken Mirrors
A/N: I know there is no excuse for how long it takes me to post anything of worth up here, so I won't make any. I just hope that this can make up for any lost love because you guys are all amazingly supportive of me - I couldn't ask to have better readers! In particular I'd like to thank my lovely beta Caryn (FF: mytraitorousheart) and the skype group for their continued nagging - without you, this would probably not have been finished for another year!
This one is dedicated to my sweetheart, Christina (FF: to be loved is to be destroyed)
"There is no intensity of love or feeling that does not involve the risk of crippling hurt."
- William S. Burroughs
The kick to the back of the knees sent her falling harshly to the gravel, and she found little time to bring her bound hands up to catch herself. When someone puts a black bag over your head your sense of co-ordination and spatial awareness isn't that great anyway, but she would have preferred to face a more dignified death than from under a hood. Such a cowardly thing, she thought, to not even have the decency to look your victim in the eyes as you stole their life away.
It was your own fault.
The words drifted through her mind as the warmth of slow trickling blood made its way slowly down her now-grazed hands and knees. The injuries smarted, but she ignored them because they were superficial, and really, she'd be dead in a minute anyway so what was the point in complaining?
Instead, she simply waited as someone haled her up by the under-arms into a kneeling position, and pulled off the bag which covered her face.
She expected to blink away the harsh rays of the sun, but instead dark grey clouds appeared to cover the sky, and at the sound of thunder rumbling overhead, Caroline grimaced unhappily. What a dreary day to die on. She supposed it fit the mood of the moment well, but was it really too much to ask for the rays of sun to touch her skin a final time?
She hated the cold, and the wet.
The unmistakeable feeling of metal pressing against the back of her head stopped her thoughts dead in their tracks. She drew in a shallow breath, and her posture stiffened immediately as a chill raced down her spine that had nothing to do with the harsh temperatures.
The word 'coward' floated through her brain once again at the idea that this person wouldn't even look her in the eyes when they did the deed.
"State your name."
The accented voice broke the silence, and when she recognised it everything else clicked into place. The growing pit in her stomach grew into a chasm, and she felt the sting of tears behind her eyes that she refused to let fall.
"You know my name." She retorted, but her voice came out slightly choked, and she reprimanded herself for not waiting until she'd gained control of her emotions once more.
"Sweetheart," he drawled in an unamused tone of voice.
It was perfectly neutral and controlled, and she hated him for it.
"How about you look me in the eyes, and maybe I'll give you the decency of an answer?" she finally retorted, her voice coming out more evenly now. Her anger and hurt had quickly been eaten up by a cold resolve and determination. To have him betray her like this was like a bullet of its own, so she'd be damned if she let him off without having to look into her eyes as he stole away her years.
Instead of receiving a verbal response as she had expected, Caroline was struck heavily in the back of the head with the butt of the gun. Not enough for her to lose consciousness, but definitely enough to have stars exploding behind her eyes. She cried out in pain and fell forward from the force of the blow, but before she hit the ground, an arm quickly wrapped itself around her waist and stopped her inevitable descent to the hard earth.
She lost her breath.
The hard granite of his chest pressed against her back, and she realised that he must have knelt down to catch her because there was no other way he could be this close. She could feel the rise and fall of his body at the surprising harsh breath that left his own mouth, and felt the warm air swirl around her ear. The contradiction of the soft touch after such a hard blow had her reeling, as well as having him close, and she felt a brief flash of shame as she took comfort in the idea of being in his arms – if only for this moment.
"Please, Caroline." He spoke, the desperation of his barely-there whisper startling her, "Don't make it harder."
She wanted to struggle. To pull from his grip and claw at his face for having the audacity to ask her such a thing – as if her dying was a harder thing for him to face than her. He may have to live with the repercussion, but that was his own fault for being a part of the betrayal.
"Go to Hell." She spat angrily, and heard his resigned sigh as he pulled away and got up.
Since the head strike, the nausea was starting to build in her throat, but she shook off the dizzy feeling and concentrated on staying balanced on her knees; focused on the flat expanse of dirt in front of her. The unmistakeable crunch of gravel underfoot was accompanied by her vision being interrupted by the lean figure of Klaus Mikaelson.
As soon as she looked up into his face with her usual defiance, she regretted wishing earlier that she'd be able to look at her killer in the eyes. Not when they were so cold and unforgiving as they were in the mask that stared back at her. There was no heat or anger in his, no emotion at all, just a blank determination she was so familiar with when they were on the job.
Who would have thought Caroline Forbes would be the next target? Or that he'd be able to dispatch her with such ease?
It unsettled her after all they'd been through.
She held up the DVD, and he couldn't hold back the roll of his eyes.
"Really, sweetheart? Donnie Brasco?" he groaned, but Klaus found it a challenge to keep the grin from his face.
"Come on, Klaus! We're about to go on a top secret and deadly undercover mission; we have to enjoy the little things while we can." She retorted, flopping down onto the couch next to him once she'd put the disc in the player and snatching the bowl of popcorn from his lap.
"Top secret and deadly? How you trivialise our role in saving the world, love." He teased at her purposeful over-exaggeration, and this time it was her turn to roll her eyes. She knew that their assignment was dangerous and nothing to joke about, but Caroline refused to let her fear control her. She was determined that with Klaus by her side they had a real chance of taking down the Silas family for good.
"And am I suppose to believe that you just happened to pick a movie about an FBI agent who goes undercover to infiltrate a New York crime ring?" he continued with a raise of his eyebrows, the irony of the whole situation not escaping him.
She simply turned her head his way and grinned innocently at him, but he caught the sparkle of mischief in her eyes.
"Is it? Hmm, what a coincidence! I merely picked it because I wanted to look at Johnny Depp's gorgeous features."
"Hmm..." he replied, completely unconvinced by the false statement. "I think I've rethought taking you in with me, partner. If that's how poorly you tell a lie, we'll be dead within the week."
Her arm shot out and he felt the sting of her slap to his arm at the statement.
"Don't say that and jinx it!" she hissed to him, and his smile became gentler when he saw hers had wanned at what he'd said.
On instinct, he reached out and set the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table, before turning his body more fully towards her and taking her hands in his.
"It'll be fine, Caroline; we'll be fine." He whispered, raising a finger to her chin so he could tilt her head back. Their eyes connected, and he saw tears well up in hers for a moment before she pushed them back.
"You don't know that." She responded in a strained voice.
"No, I don't," he said truthfully, "but I know you. I know why you got into the forces and I know your heart. You're here to make a difference, Caroline, and we've just been given the biggest opportunity to do that."
"But what if I lose you?"
"You won't."
But she had.
Maybe it hadn't been to death, but the man that stood in front of her now wasn't the Klaus that she knew any longer.
In his place stood a man who had been corrupted by the influence that he'd spent his entire career vowing to extinguish and Caroline had to blink away the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes when she met that icy blue stare.
A small, harsh smile spread like a curtain over his features, and then he raised the gun to her forehead.
"I'll ask once more. State your name." Klaus deadpanned.
This was something commonly asked of those who were discovered to be rats in the system. They were bagged in the middle of the day or night and taken to an unknown, deserted location to face their fates. As if it was some kind of twisted mock trial, the individual was asked to state their name and confess their 'sins' against the organisation. Caroline had had to fight the urge to scoff when she'd first witnessed a similar event a few days into their infiltration of the god forsaken place.
The price for compliance was death; for non-compliance, death. The difference was the swiftness of the action and the pride of the individual.
She refused to be humiliated by her actions, so she took responsibility of them. The jig was up, and a good game lost.
"My name is Caroline Forbes."
"What were you thinking?!" Klaus growled to the wounded girl in his arms as he carried her through the lengthy corridors of their home.
Today had been one of many where Klaus and Caroline had been sent to transport some 'merchandise' and it had ended in fire fight with the cops once the exchange had been made. It was good to know that the information they were passing on to their supervisors was helping to bust these traders, but was it really so hard not to aim for your own people while doing so? The media would have a field day if it was ever found out that a pair of undercover cops got killed by their fellow officers.
"I was thinking..." she paused to take a pained, gasping breath, "that if I didn't move fast enough...I was going to watch you die."
He could feel her hot, panting breaths ghost across the skin of his neck as she said this, and he resisted the urge to panic more at how frantic and shallow they were.
His pace increased.
"So you decided it was better for me to watch you die instead?"
She let out a laugh at this, before groaning at her mistake and continuing to add pressure to the wound.
"Well, I'm selfish enough to let you deal with that pain than have to deal with it myself."
"Gee love, how kind of you."
He reached the bathroom and sat her on the edge of the tub before moving efficiently around the room collecting all the medical supplies required to clean her up. When he came back he knelt in front of her and helped her to remove her shirt, before examining the wound. The fact that she didn't argue meant that the wound must have been painful enough that it was taking up most of her concentration.
The bullet had passed clear through her shoulder, which meant that thankfully he didn't have to dig it out. From what he could tell, it hadn't hit anything vital, but if he didn't stop the bleeding soon they'd be in more serious circumstances. He'd already spent far too much time getting the police off their tail and doubling back to home.
Silently, he grabbed a needle and thread, and after putting pressure on the holes enough to reduce the blood flow, he started sewing them up. It wasn't an uncommon position for them; him looking after her when a heist had gone south, but she'd never been shot before. Scrapes and bruises, a nasty knife cut, but never something so deadly. Her death grip on his shoulders as he sewed, along with her pained groans at the passing of the needle through her flesh, was the only thing keeping him together; concentrating on getting the job done and reducing her discomfort.
"I've been holding you back."
He looked to her face then, pausing in his work to frown at her.
"What are you talking about?" he asked, perplexed, before returning back to the job.
"Come on, Klaus, don't be naive. We've been in this position more often than I can count, and I'm starting to get sick of it." She huffed in frustration, and winced with the needle pushed once more under her skin. "They trust you more than they do me, with that impenetrable mask you don and the tactile efficiency that you've always possessed. Why do you think you're the one being assigned more high risk jobs?"
"Sweetheart, you're being ridiculous, we got here together." He assured her, but he didn't raise his eyes to meet hers. He spoke the truth, but to an extent they both knew that it was his ability to adopt brutality and cold determination on the job that had benefitted them the most these eight months. The job was tough and required diligent work on both their parts, but while Klaus had no trouble making the hard decision, Caroline couldn't always reconcile herself and it had nearly cost them on several occasions.
But that wasn't to say that she didn't pull her weight in other areas, and they'd known each other for so long that they knew how to balance their strengths and weaknesses where needed. At the academy others had been intimidated by Klaus' nature in training, to the extent where they avoided him, but Caroline hadn't been and it was ultimately the reason why they sat on the bloodied bathroom floor together now, and were able to be completely comfortable with one another. She'd learnt of his harsh upbringing later in their friendship, and he knew about her dealings with an abusive boyfriend, but whatever factors contributed to them joining the force it never tainted the relationship they had.
Shaking off the thought she continued on without acknowledging what he'd said, trying to make him understand.
"We've moved up in the ranks this fast because you've dragged us there with tooth and claw, but at the end of the day I'm just a ball and chain when it comes to this mission and we both know it." Her words were harsher now, and practically called for his attention, so he put down his tools and looked at her, patiently waiting for what came next with a controlled expression. "Not to mention the fact that it's more dangerous to do this job together rather than alone. If one of us gets caught then it's likely both of us that will go down, unless by some miracle they'll be fooled into believing otherwise."
"Hey," he said, reaching up and placing his hand on her cheek, turning her face to his after she'd dropped it to hide the gathering tears. He could hear the slowly rising hysteria and was surprised by the level of emotions she was feeling over the subject. It was obviously that it was something she'd been thinking about for a long time, and the situation had made it bubble up and over. Even with the gentle turn of her head, her gaze still averted his own.
"Hey," he said again forcefully so her eyes then snapped up and she gave him all of her attention. "You listen to me, Caroline Forbes. I know you've lost a lot of blood, and you're tired and scared, but you can't let a measly bullet be the thing that breaks you. Do you hear me? You are the strongest person I know, and you've worked bloody hard to get into this position so stop trying to talk yourself out of it now because you think it's for my benefit, when it's not!"
"I just-" she tried to interject, but he cut her off with a steely look and continued.
"We met five years ago now, and there is not a day that goes by where I regret having you walk into my life. You brought light into an existence where there wasn't any, and you made me see the good in not only others, but myself. Before you I was nothing, but you made me somebody. I am forever grateful for that, sweetheart, and I will not abandon you."
She sighed, and brought her hand up to cover his.
"I brought nothing into your life that didn't already exist, Nik. We are all more than the sum of our sins – I told you that once before. You are not a bad person, and there is no black and white in this life. I am not wholly good, as you seem to paint me to be, but I can understand when sacrifices have to be made for the better – like now. You will not be abandoning me, and your concern for my well-being is affecting your judgement."
"Says the woman who jumped in front of a bullet to save my life." He retorted with a wry smile. "Face it, Forbes, we're stuck with each other."
She growled in frustration, not wanting to let the argument go. Her doubts about being here had only been building in the last few months, and now they'd reached the boiling point and she couldn't stop until she'd got it all out. "We're in a high risk occupation, Mikaelson, and you're refusing to take any risks!"
It was his turn to growl at her as he stood up now, feeling vulnerable in the position he once sat and hating the confession that was about to come from his mouth. "You stubborn woman! Don't you realise that keeping you here is the risk I'm taking!"
That brought her up short, and she frowned at him, standing up with some effort by using her good arm to lean on the wall.
"You aren't making any sense, Nik. I'm trying to talk you out of keeping me here, and you believe having me around is a threat to my safety...I don't understand why we're arguing if you agree with the point I'm trying to make."
Seeing her begin to sway, he sighed and walked back over to her, helping her to gently lower herself to the floor so she was leaning back against the bath's edge, before joining her there.
"I don't agree with you – not the way you thing I do." he spoke after a short time. He lifted his hand, running it through his curls in a gesture Caroline knew to be a product of stress. "You want to leave because you think that you're not good enough or that you're slowing us down, but that's not true. You are the brains of this operation, love, I am the brawn."
She reached out and slapped him on the arm lightly.
"You're hardly an idiot."
"No," he said, and turned his head to look at her, "but I'm not you."
The intensity of his gaze made her glance away for a moment, a blush creeping up her face, but after a moment she forced herself to look back at him as he continued talking.
"You said my concern for you was affecting me, and you were right, but you had all the wrong reasons." He took a deep breath and then spoke the words which had been building the entire conversation. "I'm in love with you, Caroline," her breath caught and he saw her eyes widen as she just stared at him, but he went on from fear that if he stopped he'd never be able to start again. "And it's because I love you that I can't think of a better idea than whisking you away from here to a place where you will be safe and out of harm's way."
He raised his hand to her cheek once more and moved his head closer to hers so that their foreheads touched. "But I also know that deep down you don't want or deserve that. You're saying all these things because you're scared that we'll get caught and killed if you stay, but that is something we both gambled with when we agreed to coming here on day one – nothing has changed since then except the fact that you're having doubts and are making a decision I know you will regret."
He leant forward then, and when she made no move to pull away he brushed his lips lightly over hers, before pulling away again.
"I would never be able to do this without you Caroline, make no mistake. I'm taking the risk of losing everything by keeping you here, because you are everything."
Lies.
The word played over and over again in her head as she stared up at him. It had all been lies. She wondered how long the man standing there, with his granite gaze fixed to hers, had been played this foul game of deceit. They had been in this for over 13 months now and his rapid shift in behaviour was hardly conducive to last minute jitters. Klaus was methodical and calculative, always knowing what he wanted. Unfortunately for her, she stood in the way of that goal, and so he'd betrayed her to solidify where his true loyalty lay.
The rain had started to fall now, and the kneeling girl couldn't help but let her tears join it as it trailed down her cheeks. She couldn't help but wonder if she hadn't been so foolish as to let her feelings for him cloud her vision, would she have been able to see the mask he wore?
"Do you know why you are here today, Caroline?" he questioned, raising his voice over the heavy sheets of water which now plastered his blond curls to the sides of his face.
"Because I put my trust in someone who didn't deserve it."
The words came out softer and more defeated than she would have liked, but she was reeling from all of her conflicting emotions. When the man you loved points a gun to your head, what was the appropriate way to react?
She saw something flash behind his eyes, but the emotion was gone too soon for her to distinguish it. It would be foolish to think that he felt any regret for her current position - maybe only at losing a good lay, she thought bitterly - so she chalked it up to glee at having pulled the wool over her eyes so satisfactorily.
"Perhaps," he spoke finally, "but let me rephrase: are you willing to confess the crimes you committed against the Silas organisation?"
"Being a decent individual who worked to bring you fuckers down isn't a crime in my books." She raised her chin now, her anger flaring again at his audacity in asking her these questions. She knew it was part of these stupid trials, and he was keeping the formality of it all for their silent audience she knew were standing near the vehicles behind her, but who was he to stand up there and ask her to state her actions as if the foul was her own?
"So you admit it then; working against us?"
"I revel in it."
She said the words with so much passion and ferocity that for a moment he seemed taken aback. The bubbly nature he knew so well had melted away to reveal cold, hard steel. In facing death, rather than meekly accepting her fate Caroline seemed to dare it to take her. She was never one to go down without a fight, and she'd gladly go for everything that she believed in.
"Then by your admission of guilt, I sentence you to death."
Instead of laughing at the ridiculous notion that she would have escaped it if she'd begged for her life like so many others before her, Caroline merely nodded.
"Any last words?" he asked.
What made you flip? What changed? Was everything we had a lie?
She had so many last words, questions, which she needed answers to, but none of those answers mattered in the end. His responses wouldn't change the outcome of this trial, and soon she'd be too dead to even acknowledge or remember them.
In addition, there was one particular reason Caroline kept quiet, and it was one she was ashamed to admit even to herself. Klaus had flipped sides, but there was no way of knowing if he'd revealed his origin to the heads of the organisation. With the men observing the proceedings behind them, in asking the questions she risked exposing something that would warrant the writing of his death sentence. No matter the complete and utter broken-heartedness that filled her chest at his betrayal, she couldn't do it.
At the end of the day Caroline Forbes was still completely and hopelessly in love with the man who she'd come to know. The man who took care of her, sat down and watched cheesy movies at her request, and confessed his feelings for her as they sat on a bloodied bathroom floor.
However much she hated him right now, she would always love him more.
So, after a long pause, she smiled softly and answered him:
"When they send for you, you go in alive, you come out dead, and it's your best friend that does it."
With the rain, the other men would have been hard-pressed to hear what she said, but from the recognition that showed on Klaus' face told her that he didn't have any trouble determining her words. She saw the facade break momentarily as his lip twitched.
"I ask you for your last words and you decide to quote Donnie Brasco to me?" he said in an amused tone, the mask fully broken at the disbelief he obviously felt in her response.
"I thought it was an appropriate send off, considering; I wanted to go out with a bang." She shrugged, reached up and pushing the wet hair out of her eyes with bound hands.
Once the shock had worn off and the amusement over her reply had faded, she watched his smirk similarly disappear behind his impenetrable walls as he built them back up for the task ahead. She sighed, but couldn't help but be thankful that she'd finally got a response from him of any kind.
"Sweetheart," He said, gesturing with the gun to make his point, "you'll be going out with a bang either way."
A scoff came from her mouth before she could stop it.
"Funny guy." She smiled wryly at him, "I guess the jokes on me this time; I took a risk and lost the game."
He paused, as if considering something for a moment, then took a deep breath before replying. What he said took her breath away.
"Some risks aren't worth taking, love. I learnt that the hard way."
She couldn't be sure if it was the sound of blood she could hear rushing in her ears, or the reverberating of the rain on the soil around them.
You fool, she thought.
As if by the flick of a switch inside her, a flooded mixture of guilt and relief went rushing through her body; so strong that if she'd been standing she was sure she would have fallen.
Caroline Forbes, you are a stupid fool.
He'd told her so many times how her stubbornness tended to blind her, and in this case it was no exception. She was so hurt by his betrayal that she hadn't thought of any other reason for that gun being aimed at her head.
I'm taking the risk of losing everything by keeping you here, because you are everything.
He'd said those words to her that day, and all actions that preceded and followed that point in time spoke of their truth. Yet she'd let her eyes and insecurities tell a different tale. Obviously something had happened which she wasn't aware of, and it had revealed her deceit without implicating him. With their relationship and continued partnership on the job, they'd given him this task as a means of showing his loyalty.
Now here he stood, pointing a gun at her head, because there was a metaphorical one being pointed at his.
Understanding what he'd been trying to convey, Caroline nodded imperceptibly. She then watched as he interpreted the gestured and his shoulders slackened slightly as some tension left his body. There was no way for her to really comprehend the thoughts and feelings roiling in his head at having to complete this task, but she knew there was no other.
With a renewed determination surging through her to keep him alive, she focused all of her attention on Klaus. Keeping him on the task at hand and getting the job done quickly meant he had no time to do anything rash at the last minute. Although they had gotten this far without any incident, Caroline wouldn't risk his life for anything.
So, painting her face with soft lines, she gave him a sad smile and spoke with finality.
"I'm glad it was you - in the end."
I'm glad it was you here with me.
I'm glad it was you who got to live.
I'm glad it was you who loved me.
He smiled a heartbreaking smile, and she saw a shimmer of tears caught in his eyes through the falling rain.
As he took a deep breath and adjusted his stance, Caroline realised their time was up. She forced a smile to her face for him, and watched as a slight shake started in his hand. As he averted his gaze from hers for the final time to aim down the sight, she closed her eyes.
"I'm sorry it was you."
I'm sorry it was you here with me.
I'm sorry it was you who had to die.
I'm sorry it was you I had to love.
The sound of gunfire was drowned out by the pouring rain.
A/N: Thanks you so much for reading guys :) Feel free to hit me up on tumblr (ghostofbucky) or throw me a line in the reviews! Preferably, please don't come throwing other things at me for that ending, haha. - xoxo Brynne