A/N: And they're off! Everything belongs to our dear Mrs. Rowling

"That absolute git! That bloody, moronic git! How he even got into Gryffindor, I'll never know! Wait, are you even listening to me? Albus! I am talking to you! ALBUS!"

Rose Weasley had had enough. Her cousin's best friend, Scorpius Malfoy, was driving her insane. If he wasn't 'accidentally' tripping her in the hallways, he was almost knocking her off her broom on the quidditch pitch. Then he would give her a smug, superior smile and saunter off with a snide comment, but what made her want to tear his head off the most was the fact that everyone LOVED Scorpius Malfoy. He was a prefect, the best beater on the Gryffindor quidditch team, and had better marks than all the sixth year students combined. Every girl at Hogwarts had scrawled his name next to theirs with a big fat 'MALFOY' tacked on the end of the whole mess. Every girl, that is, besides Rose. Rose refused to even acknowledge his existence, but he was making it increasingly hard for her to do so.

What was worst, though, was Albus and Scorpius' friendship. Rose and Albus had been best mates since they where born, until they had left for Hogwarts. Albus had met Scorpius on the train taking them to Hogwarts for the first time, and they had been best mates ever since, leaving Rose all alone. Now Albus ignored the fact that Scorpius tortured Rose with pranks at any given opportunity. Rose had had enough. Something had to be done about the Malfoy boy.

"What?" Albus looked up into Rose's flushed face, knowing he was about to get told off. He had been intently studying the Maurader's map, which his father had given him as a sixth year going away gift, with hasty instructions on its uses and a whispered; "Don't tell your mum." He and Scorpius had been pouring over it in the common room every night, discovering secret passageways and hidden rooms. Naturally, he had told Rose she could join them, but with one disdainful look at Scorpius, she had turned on her heel and strutted out of the common room. Sometimes he didn't know what got into her.

"Albus," Rose said through her teeth, trying not to lose her temper, "you need to tell Malfoy to bloody bugger off, or I knock him of his broom so hard, he'll have to crawl away from the quidditch pitch."

Albus sighed, not wanting to get in the middle of it. "Fine, Rose, but after this time I'm not going to do this anymore. If you and Scorpius have issues, you guys need to work them out yourselves. I'm not going to be the go between. Besides, the bloke barely ever listens to me. This won't work."

"Fine. Don't talk to him. See what I care."

"C'mon Rosie." He said pleadingly. She was unrelenting, sticking her chin out defyingly and closing her eyes." Albus sighed. He hated it when people were mad at him. "Okay, I'll talk to him... just don't expect much to change."

"Thanks, Al, you're the best!" Rose gave him a wide smile before standing and walking up the stairs to the girl's dorms.

"I swear, she'll be the death of me..." Albus muttered under his breath.

"Oi, Albus!" Scorpius sprinted towards his best friend though a cluster of nervous-looking first years, knocking one over in the process. Albus was still pouring over the Maurader's map top to bottom, over and over again. Albus ran a hand through his messy black hair and looked up at Scorpius' sprinting form. Scorpius could feel eyes boring into the back of his skull, but he ignored the stares and continued to run. As soon as he reached the couch where Albus was sitting he plopped down on the floor and looked up at him, mischief shining in his grey eyes. "Guess what I found," He drawled as Albus reluctantly put away the map.

"What?"

"Guess."

"Ummm... A Crumple Horned Snorkack?"

"Nope, better..." Scorpius paused dramatically, "the secret entrance to the Shrieking Shack"

"But my dad charmed the map so it wouldn't show the entrance."

"I know, I found it on my own... don't ask how." He smirked, leaving the bait hanging in the air.

"Okay, I'll bite. How did you find it?"

Scorpius shook he head. "No, you really don't want to know."

"Fine, don't tell me. I'll just assume the worst. Did you have a first year Hufflepuff pushed against a wall, bullying them out of their sickles?"

"Nope, but close. I had a fourth year Ravenclaw pushed up against a wall for a whole different reason." He waggled his eyebrows nefariously. Albus knew as well as he did that Scorpius had done no such thing, but the Potter look-alike played along.

"Really, mate? A fourth year? What Malfoys won't do for a good shag. Oh, how low the mighty have fallen..." Albus paused for a moment, remembering what Rose had talked to him about. "Speaking of girls, Rose wants me to chew you out again. I believe her exact words were, 'tell Malfoy to bloody bugger off, or I knock him of his broom so hard, he'll have to crawl away from the quidditch pitch.' Don't mess with her, mate. Rose is pissed this time."

"She just can't take a blow to her precious ego. A trait she inherited from your uncle Ron, according to my father, who is always right." He mimicked his father's drawl, rolling his eyes. Aside from looks, Scorpius was really nothing like his father, but that didn't stop Draco from trying to instill a sense of pureblood superiority in him. Needless to say, it didn't work.

"Since when is your dad right about anything? Wasn't he the one who said you were destined for Slytherin?"

"Okay, you win that one. But Rose just needs to learn to take a joke. Your family's like a bloody circus, she must take worse from all your cousins, not to mention you."

"No one ever messes with Rose. That is, unless you have a death wish . She has this nasty habit of going to my Uncle George for revenge advice." He shuddered at a memory. "Don't worry, if she kills you, you won't have to explain that fourth year's sudden pregnancy to a very unhappy mum and dad..."

"Bugger off, Potter."

"So, why do you annoy the hell out of my cousin?"

"Why do you care?"

"Because she's my cousin. And we're all Weasleys, to boot. Everyone in our family is born with a natural sense of 'you mess with one of us, you mess with all of us.'"

"Well, I'm doomed."

"No, you're lucky. Lucky that James graduated last year, Hugo's too intent on his studies to care, and Fred and Louis are too young to take you on. So really, your only problems are Lily and me, and I'm your best mate. Although, Lily does hate you…"

Scorpious smirked. "Really? And I thought we were all getting along so well."

"If the bowl-full of pudding she dumped over your head last Christmas wasn't enough proof, I don't know what is."

His smirk grew into a full on grin. "And Rose charmed all of the decorations to insult me as I walked by." He laughed, remembering. "I wonder if she still has those…" Scorpious leaned back and close

"I am never inviting you to the Burrow for Christmas again."

"Aw c'mon Al. Rosie would miss me way too much." He sent Albus his best puppy dog face,

After looking at Scorp for a second, it dawned on Albus. "You fancy her, don't you?" he asked in amusement.

"No! What? No! I mean, why would I fancy Rose? She's your cousin."

"Yes, and she's also a living, breathing witch."

"Your point...?"

"You check out everything with breasts and a pulse. Including my cousin, however revolting that is."

Scorpius ignored him, turning to stare into the freshly lit fire place, his head swimming with thoughts of Rose.

"Well?"

"Well what?" Shot back the blond, trying to hide the blush that was rising to his pale cheeks.

"Do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Fancy her!" Albus very nearly shouted, causing the rest of the Gryffindors in the common room to pause their conversations and shoot the two boys annoyed looks.

"Erm, sorry." Albus said to them, sinking in his seat. They all rolled their eyes once more and returned to their conversations.

"Yes."

"What?" Albus said, turning once more towards his friend.

"Yes, I fancy her."

Albus pumped his fist up in the air with a whoop, this time ignoring the stares of the other Gryffindors. "I knew it!"

"Keep it down!"

"Sorry, sorry," he said, settling back down. "That's disgusting, mate."

"Thanks." Scorp said dryly, raising one pale eyebrow.

"What? She is my cousin, as you so eloquently pointed out before."

"So, do you think I have a shot?"

"Right now?" Albus leaned back, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Not in hell. You would have to do something pretty spectacular."

"Don't worry," said the blond, leaning forward and whispering conspiratorially, "I have a plan."

With that, the Marauder's map was forgotten, if only for just one night. This night was dedicated to conceiving the plan that would make Rose Weasley fall in love with Scorpius Malfoy.