AN: Written in response to the Amanda Challenge.
Do not own. Sigh.
Lurker turned writer.
BEWARE: Spelling is awful!
"14 that's all I have to say to you 14."
"Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself makes you fearless."
Sarah J
Once again here we are in the same place that we have been so many times before. Some type of wreckage buring in the distance while the firefighters are try to put out my latest and greatest. Why i actually sit around to make sure 'everyting' goes okay is really beyond me. I jsut think its because i really dont know what to do, so i just sit my ass on the hard and cold curb waiting for 'something' to happen. Boy speak of the Devil here comes 'something' right now.
"Damn it Steph! What happened this time? Who left their joint in the car? Who planted a bomb? Who did it this time because i already know what your going to say...'Its not my fault' Well who is the hell's is it if its not yours?"
Let me explain why who this is. This is my sometimes boyfriend named Joe. Hes a sometimes boyfriend because he can be jerk. Example; above. Notice he doesnt ask me if i am ok or gives me a hug, no he just starts his Italian blah, blah, blah. Boy is this an old story, i usually tune him out until i hear something new or he stops. This time its the new.
"14 that's all I have to say to you, 14. 14 cars ive seen destroyed. 14 times ive had to come out here and embarass myself in front of everyone, because you cannot keep yourself safe. 14 minutes it usually takes me to get here, 14 minutes of worrying myself to death thinking if you are alive or dead."
Oh so he is the only one that can do the counting thing huh? Well I will show him!
"Joe, 14 times you have hid information from me so i am in MORE danger. Joe, 14 times you have had to leave on an 'assignment' at the last moment. Joe 14 times you have NEVER asked if I was okay. Joe, 14 times I have sat here while you do this to me! Joe 14 times, you have yelled at me like im some naughty child. Joe, 14 times of use breaking up and getting back together. Joe 14 times of almost anything is too much." Notice I said 'almost', a girl cant turn away Ben and Jerry.
After my little speech i swear i didnt hear a thing, not a one. The fire was silent, no one was talking, it ws like we were frozen in time. I guess that is what you can call a moment. Because it jsut seems like i just had one. Where all of a sudden everything makes perfect sense, a moment of true clairty.
My moment came to a crashing halt with what came out of his mouth next.
"You never complained about the 14 orgasms."
Oh no he DIDN'T!
"Thats because i was faking them! Just so you would get your sweaty , stinky, hairy ass off of me!"
"Thats not true!"
"Oh yes it is! This sound familar? 'Oh yessss Joe ahhh so gooood. Yea right there uhhhhhh yea!'."
"Bullshit!"
As of right now eveyone has tuned into our little conversation. Smirks on everyones faces, some snickering, and some like Carl and Big Dog jsut down right laughing. As we have been 'Discussing' his face just keeps getting redder and redder, his forhead vein popping out farther and farther. It would be funny if it wasnt directed at me currently, it looks like hes consipated. Then the tingle shows up, and by now Im on a roll and i dont want to stop while im ahead.
"Babe."
"ERRRR! What is up with you and 'Babe" all the time? I do have a freaking name you know!"
"Babe"
"Parrot"
"Babe"
"Whatever"
"Babe."
This 'Babe' is the one that i always look forward too. The one where i know he is laughting inside but is too much of a bad ass to actually do it.
"Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself makes you fearless."
"Thanks Ranger"
"Your welcome"
"Ride home?"
"I'd love one"
"Hey! I was taking her home!"
"You never asked you jackass!"
"Well I am now"
"Babe, all I have to say is 14."
"14?"
"14."
"Im In."
(Im leaving it to your imagination to what '14' is)