25 Years On: Still Heroes In Their Everyday Lives
Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with J.K. Rowling or all the big fancy high-up people who make money from Harry Potter. How do I know this? I have little to no money!
Contains some fluff
I'm really doubtful about this. I know it's not as good as the previous. I'm not entirely sure it's any good at this point but now we see.
A/N:Ok I re-arranged them in the order as they would ahve appeared in 'The Quibbler' which means Harry, Ron, Ginny, Hermione. I'm not pleased this means Ginny gets bumped to third chapter but it's true this makes for less confusion. Enjoy
THANKYOUUUUUUUUUU so much to the lovely response :D :D
I have to give a shout-out to winterlude whose fic 'interview with the quibbler' is what sparked this off
To Hela
HPHP
Fran: Fran, the interviewer
HPHP
Introductory Note by Editor-In-Chief Luna Lovegood:
Welcome readers to a project that has long been anticipated and worked on by the staff here at 'The Quibbler'. In honour of the 25th Anniversary of the end of the Second War, our very own Fran Blake, who writes the popular and witty weekly 'Who's Who and What's What' column, has set out to interview certain known heroes in a rather unconventional way. Beyond the fame, the bravery and the family, who are these people really? How do they spend their days, what makes them cringe, what puts a smile on their face? We guarantee you a barrel of laughs with each interview but more importantly an insight into the minds of heroes. Furthermore, we find that these more candid interviews have made us respect and, if possible, love these well-known faces even more for their sheer honesty, humanity (and yes I'm aware coming from me this is slightly ironic) normalcy.
So please enjoy our series which will be printed every week in 'The Quibbler on Sunday'.
Keep watching out for those Crumple-Horned Snorkacks.
LL
Starting with the incomparable Harry Potter, '25 Years On: Still Heroes In Their Everyday Lives' looks to see the man behind the Auror, Chosen One or even husband and father. And Fran Blake does deliver. Although she has personally admitted, and has in fact asked that this comment be made public, that she will probably seem to offer very little to the actual interview process, however, it is only thanks to this innovative idea, instigated and carried out by Ms. Blake herself, that we even have the opportunity to see this side to the elusive Mr. Potter. As Ms. Blake eloquently pointed out to the news room upon arriving back from Mr. Potter's interview, "When your rickety old broom has suddenly developed the ability to fly and is currently faster than the Nimbus 4000 Vroom, you'd be an idiot to tell it to get back to sweeping."
Ever creative with her metaphors, readers will definitely understand what she means upon reading this particular interview. So without further ado, read on:
Fran Blake has made use of a reliable and honest Quick Quotes Quill with the express permission of both Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley. She has also chosen to add certain observations from her own perspective which would not have been noticeable to a Quick Quotes Quill.
Fran: So Harry tell me a little about yourself.
Harry: Well... erm...
Fran: I'm just kidding Harry. I know that's exactly the sort of question you hate and why you've agreed to do this interview. I promised you no awkward questions... well no awkward questions that you've been asked before.
Harry: You journalists, always with your technicalities.
Fran: Where else would we be without them Harry? So let's start with location. You know I've never been in an Auror's office so the only impression I had before coming here was of the one my father had given me of Mad-Eye Moody's.
Harry: Ah yes well, mine's a little less... intimidating, wouldn't you think?
Fran: I don't know Harry. Sneakoscopes, bottomless trunks ...
Harry: Incidentally I got that idea form an impersonator of Moody.
Fran: And silly me without my Harry Potter Trivia Encyclopaedia. When was there an impersonator of Moody? I know I said no war references but I can't just let that one go, can I?
Harry: No I guess not. My fourth year in Hogwarts. Barty Crouch Jr.
Fran: Oh right of course now I remember. He taught me DADA my third year. Well Sneakoscopes, bottomless trunks, Deluminators... We all know the story about that last one.
Harry: (smirks) Not if Ron has any say in the matter.
Fran: I'm sorry?
Harry: (Looks startled) Nothing, nothing. So (coughs) yes well, improved Sneakoscopes are standard equipment for Aurors nowadays, the bottomless trunk is more of a nod to the great Mad-Eye and here... these are two mirrors that my father and godfather, Sirius, used to communicate in their days at Hogwarts. (Eyes darting all over the place, looking nervous).
Fran: Harry Potter willingly giving information without so much as a hum and a haw.
Harry: (Lets out a small laugh) Well I was warned to be exceptionally helpful in this interview. I believe "Stuff your ridiculous nobility aside for one afternoon" were her exact words.
Fran: Her being?
Harry: Ginny.
Fran: Of course.
Harry: Of course.
Fran: Yes do thank Ginny again for me. She's been so helpful in orchestrating all of this.
Harry: I'm sure your interview with her will make up for all my lame stories.
Fran: Now now Harry I'm sure Ginny told you to do away with your self-deprecation for one afternoon as well.
Harry: Did she owl you before you came here?
Fran: No of course not. But back to this fascinating Deluminator?
Harry: Oh come on Fran. Look there's a photo of my three wonderful kids, James, Albus and Lily, you know the three kids whose names I get asked about... Oh right you wanted new material. Ok ... erm... how about? ...
Fran: Harry you cannot go from a man who evades all personal questions to actually creating answers on the spot. You're rather hopeless at it if you don't mind me saying.
Harry: I am, aren't I?
Fran: It's alright. It's why you're always a joy to interview. Interviewing you is like trying to open a really tough walnut.
Harry: Erm... thanks I guess.
Fran: You're welcome... now the Deluminator if you please.
Harry: Oh Merlin I'm going to hell for this... Alright but if I accidentally get found buried in the backyard of the Burrow with my head bashed in by a book, your first suspects are Ron and Hermione.
Fran: Oh goody a trio story. I love trio stories.
Harry: (chuckles) Well it all started while we were out hunting for Horcruxes the year we finally killed Riddle, and well... things were tense ... you know ... a lot tenser than you may imagine between...myself, Hermione...and Ron.
(And in a classic case of 'speak of the devil himself'...)
Ron: Knock Knock. Hello there Fran. Chatting up old Potter are we? Mind you Fran, my sister gets word and you'll be lucky if you can manage eating Bertie Bott's Every-Flavoured Beans.
Fran: Ron, how lovely. We were just...
Harry: Saying how much more interesting you are than me.
(I couldn't help but eye Harry at his obvious lie but I decided to let this play out between the two old friends. Because of course the only thing better than an interview with Harry Potter is an interview with Harry Potter and Ron Weasley).
Ron: Well that's a truth universally acknowledged mate. But I won't ruin your 15 minutes of further fame for much longer. Just popped by to see Dad and wondered if you want to have lunch after your little Oprah Winfrey stint. (Oprah Winfrey is an American Muggle television host, media mogul, and philanthropist, often cited by several Muggle journalists as the most influential woman in the world.)
Harry: Ron, you and Hermione are watching way too much Muggle TV ever since the kids went to Hogwarts.
Ron: It's not my bloody fault there's nothing else on during the day. And you know it's funny cause what she says really is applicable in a sort of universal sense mate. And besides how do you know Oprah is a Muggle thing?
Harry: I don't.
Ron: Yes you do. You specifically said Oprah is Muggle TV.
Harry: I just assumed.
Ron: Mate I think it's time to come clean about your secret desire to be a house husband while Ginny goes out and kills renegade dark wizards.
Harry: I'll do that the day you manage to read a contract without falling asleep. What did you call them last time? The longest most boring documents known to man?
Ron: (laughs but then notices the Quick Quotes Quill). Hey that's not writing down everything we're saying is it?
Harry: Of course it is.
Ron: Fran take that last bit out then.
Harry: No can do Ronnie dear. Fran here has to give an accurate and extensive recount of things.
Ron: Harry you may be my brother-in-law but I am not above telling Ginny what really happened in that bachelor party twenty-three years ago.
Harry: (Visibly whitens). That was Seamus' idea and you know it.
Ron: Ah yes but Ginny will believe anything I choose to say, seeing as we share the same blood and all that jazz.
Harry: I think you're biologically predetermined to say stupid things since you've been sniffing the Puking Pastilles concoction again.
Ron: Tsk tsk tsk. Harry Harry Harry, have I thought you nothing over the years?
Harry: Well let's see. There was 'Putting your foot in it 101', 'How to aggravate the girl 202', 'How to realise you have feelings and still ignore them 303'. I can keep going if you'd like?
Ron: Hardy har har. Fran did you know George is giving up his role as comedian of the family to Harry?
Fran: No Ron I didn't know that.
Ron: Well he is. In fact to honour this great day, the dethronement of my beloved brother George who has worked strenuously for the last thirty odd years to gain one of the most disrespectable reputations in Wizarding Britain by the great Harry Potter, I feel a small honorary speech is in order.
Harry: Ron so help me if you keep going with this, you won't have the kid's extra bedroom to sleep in the the next time Hermione throws you onto the couch.
Ron: (pointedly looks at him at this but carries on) It all started a year after the war, when Harry, my best friend in the entire world and Ginny, my little baby sister, semblance of innocence and virginity...
Harry: Ron.
Ron: Oh Fran you don't mind me sort of taking over do you? You were probably having trouble getting Harry dear here to open up anyway.
Fran: So long as I get information about Harry, I suppose it's alright (though my conspicuous grin did little to make me sound even remotely professional).
Ron: Jolly good. Where was I? Ah yes my sister's innocence.
(At this point, well I'm not entirely sure how to explain it. I guess the best way would be to imagine two fourteen year old pubescent boys fighting and rolling around. Yes I think that's a rather accurate description. A few words were exchanged namely Ron yelling out 'Help. Harry Potter's trying to kill me' to which Harry, retorted, 'Emotional range of a teaspoon my arse.'
After a while they did manage to stand up brushing themselves off. Surprisingly, and I do mean surprisingly, both had very odd lopsided smiles on their faces.)
Harry: Git.
Ron: Nobility drunk.
Harry: Oh that's' a good one. Do me favour mate don't say that one in front of Ginny.
Ron: Aye aye captain.
Harry: Although you're one to talk about innocence.
Ron: Harry.
Harry: What? Can't take as much as you give?
Ron: Bear in mind mate that I am bigger than you and quite obviously just LET you throttle me because it is after all your interview.
Harry: Pfft!
Ron: I'm sorry what was that? I don't speak 'puberty' anymore.
Harry: You heard me PFFT. And PFFT to your last comment too.
Ron: As you can see the horrifying war experience has done wonders for his maturity.
(Harry merely cocked an eyebrow in response).
Fran: You know to the average observer you two act more like brothers than brothers-in-law.
(First they both smiled and slowly nodded then suddenly Harry got a disgusted look on his face. He looked at Ron. Ron realised what Harry was thinking and both unitedly declared "NO").
Fran: Alright alright. I said to the mere observer. You know the one who's been living under a rock for the last twenty-five years.
Ron: You mean the one that doesn't know how famous I am?
Harry: Or the one that doesn't know about my honorary Witch Weekly Hero Award?
(Ron and Harry both grinned).
Fran: Nice to see time hasn't affected your egos.
Harry: Yeah well Ginny checks it in a rather brutal way on that last one.
Fran: I'm sorry?
Ron: (laughs) He's not about to explain that one Fran. Let's just say...
Harry: (accompanied with an evil glare that I think he may have picked up from Tom Riddle himself)... There's a battle of the statues as we call it.
Fran: Oh I see?!
Ron: Just ask Ginny when you get around to her. She'll adore you for bringing it up.
Harry: And then when you speak to Hermione you can mention 'Wingardium Leviosa' or is it 'Levios-aa' Ronald?
Fran: (At the time I thought they were going to be at it again.) Everyone's got their memories, boys, but you four seem to have tomes of them. Incidentally, I hope you don't mind me saying but to the second common observer you two are both ridiculously whipped.
(This time, Ron and Harry made a move to protest but ended up looking down and slowly nodding).
Harry: My sons are never going to let me live this down.
Ron: What you worried about the boys for? It's the girls that worry me once they find out this information's being publicised.
Harry: Ah yes the terrible twosome. Next time, when we both have girls, we give them a bigger age gap, say twenty years or so. That way, they won't end up being so ruddy close.
Ron: Next time, we pit them against each other from the start.
Harry: Are you out of your mind? The only thing worse than Ginny and Hermione angry at us is Lily and Rose angry at us... especially if you go around saying things like that!
Ron: You're exaggerating.
Harry: You know damn well I'm not. Remember the Headmaster fiasco of '99?
Ron: Oi vey.
Fran: I'm sorry the Headmaster fiasco?
Harry: Well... my son Albus was going through a phase where he didn't really like his names. Thought they were too weird.
Ron: And my Rosie came up with an idea to gather all these interesting bits of information about Dumbledore and Snape and you know cut out old photos that they'd found and make a frame for Albus and you know ...all kinds of things.
Harry: Lily decided to give Albus...my son... Dumbledore's favourite sweets like Sherbet Lemons.
Ron: And Rose sold pumpkin juice for a month trying to raise money for a potions kit.
Harry: Which Hermione ended up paying for anyway.
Ron: Oh right that's why I merited a scar on my lower back when the plan went to pieces.
Harry: Anyways. The day before they planned on giving it to Albus, he went to sleep at a friend's house. So the girls set up everything in the living room so it could be the first thing he saw when he got back in the morning. So far so good. However, same night Seamus Finnegan was finally getting married and he threw this massive bachelor party, inviting every bloke he's ever met.
Ron: Seamus is Irish by the way, that plays a significant part in our defence.
Harry: And incidentally this is a completely different bachelor party we're talking about.
Ron: Right drinking's the only thing we did at this one. Well that me and Harry did anyway. Lucky sods.
Harry: Are you deliberately trying to get us on the couch?
Ron: We're admitting our faults aren't we?
Harry: Never mind. And well like Ron said, there was a lot of drinking.
Fran: Completely Seamus' fault.
Ron: See we've got one woman on our side.
Harry: Yes but neither of us are married to this one.
Ron: Right sorry Fran. It's no use. Nice try at a save though. Maybe we should recruit her. How do you feel about house calls on a daily basis?
Fran: Something tells me you don't have to worry about any of my readers' sympathies Ron, male or female. But continue with the story.
Ron: Anyway Boy Who Lived over here has never really been able to hold his liqueur.
Harry: You were the one singing about how much you love Hermione Granger Weasley and her long name at the top of your ruddy voice all through Diagon Alley.
Ron: I had something caught in my throat. I was trying to get it out. Anyways when I finally got Harry home...
Harry: We forgot that the kids had left their project out in the living room.
Ron: Right and... well I maintain that you put your left foot in front of my right foot.
Harry: He's been saying this for fourteen years. For the last time Ron, it doesn't really matter where I put my foot ...although I think I should have used it to kick your...
Ron: When suddenly ...BOOM!
Fran: Boom?
Harry: Boom.
Fran: What exactly does Boom mean boys?
Ron: It means in a matter of mere seconds what was the toil and trouble of two innocent young children became mere ashes under the combined weight of two fully-grown men.
Harry: Well to be fair, you're a little over-sized.
Ron: The point is... Boom. (To which Harry added a vigorous nod.)
Fran: (To be honest I couldn't hide my grin at this point.) So what happened then?
Harry: Well Fran.. Erm... You've met my wife right.
Fran: Yes charming woman.
Harry: Mm hm...Oh yes wonderful, spectacular, the light of my life, the snitch to my seeker and all that. You are aware of her talent for the Bat Bogey Hex and funnily enough the talent for teaching it as well?
Fran: I'm familiar yes. She used it on an ex-boyfriend of mine once. Right after he became an ex in fact.
Harry: Good so we're definitely talking about the same Ginny.
Ron: What darling Harry is trying to say by schmoozing his wife to decrease the ridicule he's about to face is that we both got Bat Bogey hexed into oblivion by two kids... Girls nonetheless.
Harry: You know you seriously need a refresher course of 'Putting your foot in it 101'.
Fran: You're telling me the greats Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, undefeated by Voldemort himself, were at the mercy of their toddler daughters.
Harry: That was only the half of it. Then there was the silent treatment, the death threats from the wives...
Ron: You got off with a death threat? I got jinxed.
Harry: She did something far worse after.
Ron: Ouch. (To which he patted Harry sympathetically on the back in a way that only men truly seem to be able to.)
Harry: The evil glares from said brothers of toddler daughters.
Ron: The demands that we find a way to think up of an even bigger and better substitute.
Harry: How do heck do you think up of a better thing than THAT?
Ron: And the worst...
Harry: The disappointment on all the kids' faces.
Ron: I tell you we felt rotten for a week.
Fran: (One cannot help but smile sympathetically when two grown men act this way, regardless of who they are.) Until you thought up of something.
Harry: (looks over to Ron) Yeah until Pea Brain and Big Foot...
Ron: As we had lovingly been nicknamed by our wives...
Harry: ...thought up of something.
Fran: Well go on, you're not going to leave me in suspense are you?
Harry: I don't know. She seems awfully interested in our personal lives Ronnie.
Ron: (Leans back languorously on his chair). I agree Harry. Far too nosy for her own good. I guess maybe we'll just have to leave her wanting more.
Fran: Ron, Harry. Need I remind you that in my hands I hold the future of your stable and happy marriages. So tell me what was the great idea?
(While I could feel both men staring at me, an unexpected voice was heard coming from one of the portraits behind Harry's desk.)
Professor Snape: What these two Neanderthals are unsuccessfully trying to be coy about is the fact that by a sheer miracle, Potter and Weasley had a stroke of intelligence and brought the poor boy to Hogwarts, well it was rather akin to a Weasley convention, to the Headmaster's office, to speak to both mine and Professor Dumbledore's portrait for the day... with compensation of course. (He pointedly looked at Harry and Ron with a small smirk, to which the two seemed to cower slightly in their seats. However, just as quickly as he had appeared, Professor Snape was off while I sat gaping at the portrait.)
Fran: That wasn't? It couldn't have been!
Harry: (Grinning.) Such love from the man who gave up his life for me, wouldn't you agree?
Ron: (Slapped his hands on his legs and got up quickly). Well Fran this is entirely my fault. I've ruined your interview. I do apologise.
Fran: No no Ron, I should thank you. I couldn't have asked for more information if I had dragged it out of Harry with Veritaserum. I wanted to know what Harry is like at his most relaxed. This did the job and much more!
Ron: Well whenever you're near the shop, pop by and we'll arrange for my interview.
Harry: How about you leave that up to me Ronnie dear? Fran what are your thoughts on Viktor Krum?
HPHP
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