Welcome to 'Clueless'. It took me forever and a day to come up with a name for this fanfic! I sorta just took the idea and ran with it without thinking about a title or a summary, or anything really, aha. But yeah! This fanfic will include the pairings style, stendy, cryle, bebe/stan, kendy and a few others that might appear along the way!
Summary – Pinpointing when the rumors started was, believe it or not, relatively easy. It was convincing everyone otherwise that was the difficult part.
Chapter 01: The Rumor
I guess rumors are more exciting than the truth –Venus Williams
Pinpointing when the rumors started was, believe it or not, relatively easy.
It was convincing everyone otherwise that was the difficult part.
Freshman year – who didn't see that one coming? After all, freshman year at high school was usually when all hell broke loose for most people. Nevertheless, freshman year was where this particular bothersome acquisition of false spreading commodities began. Or, in more simple terms, freshman year was when all the ridiculous, inconclusive rumors began to circulate.
Wendy Testaburger and Stan Marsh decided now would be a great time to give the whole dating scene another shot. I mean, why not? High school was a new chapter in both of their lives. It only made sense that since they were turning a new leaf that they should give each other a second chance. Third chance. Twentieth chance. No one really knew just how many times Wendy had given Stan a 'second chance', but by the way she made it sound, this was his final second chance. Again.
Because this time it was going to be serious.
And you know what? Everything was fine. Things panned out smoothly, and their relationship seemed to be heading in a clear, positive direction.
This lasted for about two weeks.
Fast-forward two weeks later. Stan had completely forgotten about taking Wendy out for their two week anniversary. Better yet, he completely forgot that this particular Friday was the two week mark in his and Wendy's new relationship. Instead he decided to blow off the last lesson at school to go over to Kyle's house early and get in a good few hours of gaming with his best friend – an innocent enough motive. Friends before girlfriends, right?
Wrong.
At least, wrong in Wendy's eyes anyway.
So you can only imagine the surprise when Wendy turned up on Kyle's doorstep with an angry Bebe and Lola in toe.
Through the open doorway, Wendy yelled profusely at Stan while every now and then, Bebe and Lola would take the occasional turn of ending Wendy's sentence with a 'yeah' or a 'that's right', and sometimes even a creative 'yeah that's right!' as a form of emotional support for their best friend. Stan, in attempt to diffuse the situation, nervously asked to not have this argument on Kyle's doorstep, because it was unfair on Kyle. This proved to be the complete wrong thing to say, and Wendy's face filled up with red hot anger before she began spluttering profanities at Stan.
The conversation ended with something along the lines of 'if all you care about is Kyle, then maybe you should date him instead', and then she left, leaving both Stan and Kyle dumbfounded and baffled by the obscene occurrence that had just taken place. Then, of course, the realization dawned on Stan that Wendy had just broken up with him again, and Kyle spent the best part of that weekend trying to cheer his best friend up.
They didn't get back together.
Freshman year came and went, and before everyone knew it, it was sophomore year. They'd made it out of the first year of high school alive.
Kyle had started to date Red Tucker, Craig Tucker's cousin. They both shied away from making a public announcement – and by that, they were on about Facebook – until they had been dating for at least a month. This was to ensure Craig didn't positively freak out, and so when the dating rumors started – they would be prepared. The initial hype, once their relationship was made public, came and went. Like a firework to begin with, it was explosive and the talk of the school, then no more than a week later, the excitement fizzled out.
Remember when we talked about rumors circulating? Yeah, here is where it becomes an issue.
Debate class, Stan and Red were opposing one another as a part of an in-class debate. Something students were encouraged to get involved with. Red was arguing that pop music and culture had some positive influences on society, whereas Stan adamantly argued against her.
Who did they turn to in order to get a deciding opinion?
Kyle.
Kyle automatically sided with Stan, which in hindsight, maybe that decision was overly biased. This left Red humiliated that her own boyfriend wouldn't even begin to back up her debate, and she quietened down until the end of class. Once class was over, she sullenly approached Kyle and said 'I didn't want to believe what the others were saying, but I guess the rumors are true' and slapped him firmly across the cheek. Kyle turned up to his next class with a sore cheek and without a girlfriend, completely clueless to what he did wrong.
Junior year was when the rumors began tipping over the edge. If Kyle greeted Stan with a hug that lasted longer than a split second, by the end of the day everyone in the school had heard about it, with some variation.
Everyone but Stan and Kyle.
The two were none the wiser about what was being said behind their backs, and continued with their close, intimate friendship without a second thought. Every so often, they would pick up on the snide whispers some people would make when they saw the two alone together, but neither of them saw any reason to worry, or get suspicious. After all, they had nothing to get worried about.
Then the rumors began to become twisted and false. Remember when Kyle and Stan hugged each other this morning? Yeah, rumors had mutated since then, so by the time they circulated the entire school – it wasn't just a hug anymore. It was a tight embrace where they gazed longingly at one another before pulling apart. Some people would even swear they saw them kiss when no one was watching. Which, of course, no one could have been watching, because none of those things ever happened.
It was Bebe who cracked first and told Kyle. Nearing exam period, Kyle had begun tutoring Bebe in a couple of subjects she was struggling with for a few hours after school. Bebe, admittedly, enjoyed these afterschool tutoring sessions because she would occasionally get a sneak peak at Stan and Kyle's instant messaging conversations. However, when her search proved fruitless, she confronted Kyle directly and asked if the rumors about him and Stan were true. Shocked, Kyle had asked what sort of rumors, and Bebe simply asked if they were dating. She tuned out of Kyle's angry, senseless rant and wallowed in her disappointment instead once she found out they weren't true.
The sheer thought of he and Stan being in an…intimate relationship was enough to make the hairs on the back of Kyle's arms stand up. Who in their right mind would think that they were in any way romantically compatible? It was absurd. In Kyle's eyes, anyway.
Now, the present day. It was currently senior year, and the rumors were thriving more than ever. Stan and Kyle had to awkwardly be careful to not do anything too conspicuous that might provoke more rumors to circulate. But how, exactly, were they supposed to measure what was appropriate and what wasn't? The whole set up was bizarre. There had even been a few occasions this year where people Stan and Kyle didn't even know would come up to them and congratulate them on being so brave and setting the example for future gay or lesbian couples at Denver High School – and every time Stan and Kyle would have to tell these people the same thing: they weren't dating.
But by this point? No one believed them. No matter how much they tried to convince people otherwise.
"What if we just say we broke up with each other?" Stan asked, although he was unsure of his idea, but there was a hint of smugness in his voice. Secretly, he was quite proud of this idea.
Kyle immediately scoffed and rolled his eyes. "And deal with break-up rumors? Yeah, no, thanks for the offer Stan, but I'll pass."
It was the usual set up they had. They were sat around the side of the large school building. Stan and Kyle were sat next to one another on one of the steps, while Kenny sat on the gravel at the foot at the steps. Cartman was, unsurprisingly, absent from school, otherwise he would've made a futile attempt to wedge himself in-between Stan and Kyle. His usual reasoning was because he didn't want them to look like a pair of fags, because then people would start calling him a fag.
"Do you have any better ideas, dude? Because I haven't heard you suggest anything." Offense was evident in Stan's voice as he spoke. Kyle didn't even need to look at Stan to know that his face read hurt and affronted. His best friend never dealt well with confrontation, at any point in his life, and when he was confronted he'd immediately become defensive and anxious. This sort of attitude was almost annoying enough for Kyle to take back what he said. Almost.
"Grit our teeth and see the rest of our senior year through without letting stupid, false rumors get o us." Kyle sighed while shaking his head. Afterwards, he pressed the side of his body up against Stan's and used him as a resting post for the weight of his body. Once he was comfortable, he slumped his head into the crook of Stan's shoulder and nuzzled the top of his curly locks against Stan's snow-covered scarf. Kyle shuddered at the gush of cold against his hair, and Stan tugged him closer for warmth. "Besides, why should we stoop down to that sort of level?"
"Yea, an' if yer gay-wads keep on there actin' like how's yer are, yer jus' gonna go prompt them there more rumors." Kenny pointedly said, gesturing at his two best friends with gloved hands. Although Kyle couldn't really see the grin behind Kenny burying his face into his hooded jacket, the twinkle in Kenny's eye was enough to confirm Kenny was grinning.
Kyle shot Kenny a glare. "I'm exhausted, okay? It's been a long day. So…what? I can't rest my head on Stan's shoulder without someone spreading a rumour about how I jacked him off while I was at it?"
If Stan had been drinking the 7up he finished not too long ago, the contents would've been anywhere but in his mouth. "D-dude! Kyle, chill out."
However Kenny found this situation to be highly amusing and entertaining, and promptly snorted at Kyle's lame response. He kicked the side of Kyle's laced up brown winter boots with his own worn out sneakers. " Yer never know Kyle. Someone might'n there say that yer gone and fixin' t'give Stan a quick blowie here."
"I—okay. Let's just stop and think about this for a moment…" Kyle started. He lifted his head up from Stan's shoulders and adjusted himself accordingly. He shifted his shoulders, and straightened his back into a better position.
Stan quickly interjected Kyle's sentence, glancing nervously at his best friend. "I, don't want to think about you giving me a blowjob dude."
Frustrated at both the situation they were in, and at Stan, Kyle let out an elongated groan. "That's not what I meant Stan. If you let me finish, what I was going to say was – even if we were dating, okay? Where would I find the time to give you a blowjob during school?"
"I'unno Kyle…" Kenny drawled out the sentence in a particularly annoying sing-song voice while clicking his tongue. "Yer not hear them rumors? I hear tell that one of 'em was with Stan all torn-up durin' school an' yer both went to th'nurses officer an—"
"Enough." Kyle held up his hand, his jaw tensed. "Stop, please. Don't want to know."
"Aw, but Kyle, yer oughta just hear me out." Kenny pouted, but the playful glimmer in his eyes still remained. Kyle could tell his blonde friend was attempting to hold back a smirk, but the corner of Kenny's lips were twitching subtly, giving the illusion away.
"I'm not going to waste my free period listening to someone's wild fantasies about what Stan and I get up to when we're alone together." Kyle hissed in response, words similar to venom. He lurched his shoulder blades forward as a defence mechanism, but the lower half of his body remained unmoving.
Stan also shifted uncomfortably from beside Kyle. Granted, now that they were in the thick of the conversation, he had started to regret bringing it up. Kyle was not the sort of person to sugar coat a situation, and to hear the current circumstance of their predicament spelt out the way Kyle did it…it honestly gave Stan the creeps. After all, Kyle was right. Who, in their right mind, would come up with this sort of stuff? It was easy to ignore, at first, but now…
"Maybe we should, uh, make a list. Of all the rumors people are spreading around, to keep track." Stan hadn't realized he offered this suggestion until he finished speaking. By that point, it was too late.
"S'actually ain't that bad an idea yer got there Stan." Kenny waved his arms around in frantic approval before settling them down again, slipping Stan a thumbs up out of Kyle's eyeshot. For that, Stan felt reassured – and exchanged a smile with his blonde friend.
A firm grip rested upon Stan's shoulder and squeezed it tightly. Kyle jerked his best friend backwards, so he could make eye contact with him, and looked at him with a wash of disbelief. "You actually want to hear all this nonsense?"
Stan shrugged, and in the process, shrugged Kyle's hand off of his shoulder. "I guess I'm a little bit curious, about what people are saying, about me, about us. I don't want to keep myself in the dark."
"And how are we supposed to find out what people are saying about us? The only reason we know people actually say this stuff in the first place is because Bebe wanted to know if it was true!" Kyle wailed exuberantly. He threw both of his gloved hands up into the air in slight animation before a relentless sigh passed his thin lips. He shook his head, pursing his upper and bottom lips together.
"Just, uh, go up and ask them?" Stan innocently suggested, yet there was a lingering concern in his voice from the anticipation of being shut down by Kyle almost immediately for his suggestion.
"Yes, because that would go down well. Here, let me just ring up Clyde and ask, oh, hey Clyde. Yeah, you and Craig spreading any rumors lately about Stan shoving a log up my fucking ass?" Kyle snapped viciously, folding his arms in front of his chest as he glowered at both Stan and Kenny.
Before anyone could speak, a couple of freshman girls stopped a few feet away from the trio and keenly looked over at them. They made it more than obvious, despite their best attempts, that they overheard Kyle exclaiming about Stan shoving a log up his ass. How much more they had heard was anyone's guess. From the way they exchanged glances and giggled shyly among themselves, it was obvious what assumptions and suggestions they were going to take away from eavesdropping, and quickly hurried off away from the scene.
Kyle heaved out a sigh. "Great."
"Don't refer to my dick as a log." Stan stated rather than asked.
"You're missing the point here, dude." Kyle groaned in frustration, thrusting his head into the small gap between his knees.
"Am I?" This time, it was Stan's turned to be annoyed. Kyle turned his head and peeped out at the side to glance up at Stan with one eye, seeing the visible infuriation on his best friends face. "I thought the point was to try and stop the current rumors from circulating and prevent new ones from being made. How are we supposed to do that when you're practically telling the whole school that I shoved a log up your ass!?"
Kyle seldom admitted it, but Stan had made a fair point, and that irked him. Yes, he was the one wrong – for the moment – but he wasn't readily going to admit it. If he did, Stan would continue to act smugly for the rest of the day, and every time Kyle would try and dispute Stan's point for the following week, he'd bring up how Kyle admitted he was right on one occasion. No, he decided. He wasn't going to say anything. He chewed at the inside of his cheeks in order to prevent himself from saying anything else.
"Yer'no, I here think Stan's list thingy is still pretty darn good, yer hadn't oughta shoot it down, Kyle." Typical. Kenny was backing Stan's ideas, again.
Was there something Kyle was missing?
These ideas Stan was coming up with, and what Kenny was backing up, were far from spectacular epiphanies, or a moment of genius either of them could brag about. Or was that what Kyle was missing here? Were his two best friends making perfect, rational sense and the idea, was in fact, a genuinely decent and to be considered? Or, were his two best friends still just a pair of disdainful idiots that, when put together, came up with completely illogical and, arguably, dangerously stupid ideas? Kyle could never tell; but by logical deduction, he could only assume it was the latter of both options.
"Yeah!" Stan didn't miss a beat. As soon as the words had left Kenny's mouth, his whole body practically vibrated with excitement and eagerness to convince Kyle to think otherwise. "Yeah, I think it can work. We can find out who's saying stuff, and ask them what's being said. If we know what people are saying, then we can prove them wrong."
"Prove who wrong?" Wendy quickly paced her steps until she was stood next to Kenny, then settled herself down to sit on her bag. "A hello would've been nice, I guess."
"Hey—" Kyle blurted out quickly before Stan or Kenny had a chance to.
Admittedly, Kyle felt slightly bad, and awkward, that he hadn't noticed Wendy approaching them. Especially considering she didn't share her free period with any of her other close friends, so felt obliged to hang out with the three of them, instead. It was better than spending it alone, she had justified, despite the awkward tension that sometimes came about between her and Stan.
"Hey babe." Kenny grinned, scooting himself closer to Wendy and placing a chaste kiss on her cheek. Wendy's face flushed, but if you dared to point it out, she would've insisted it was because of the cold weather, and not because of Kenny's sign of affection.
That was the reason why things were so awkward between Wendy and Stan. After all, Wendy had been the primary focus of Stan's elementary and middle school life, and now? She was dating Kenny McCormick, one of his best friends. Neither Stan or Kyle understood why or how it occurred, and even Kenny on multiple occasions insisted that she could do better than scrubbed up white trash with a hick accent that was hard to ditch.
Seven months on, and the two of them were still going strong. It wasn't perfect, no relationship was, and they'd come to breaking point on a number of occasions, but…they were still together. No number of months could take away the bewilderment of how Wendy Testaburger and Kenny McCormick worked together, but they did. And for the most part, everyone was happy for them. Excluding the one occasion where Stan punched Kenny in the face and broke his nose while he was drunk at one of Clyde's parties, claiming that Kenny was an asshole for 'stealing Wendy from him' then broke down into tears.
He didn't remember it the following morning.
"Stan wanted to make a list of all the rumors going around about us both." Kyle explained, slumping his shoulders.
Wendy immediately averted her harsh gaze on Stan, brown eyes interlocking with Stan's own blue ones. "And I suppose you want to tear down the entire local forest in order to have enough paper to write down all the rumors, too?"
"Oh come on." Stan exclaimed. He frowned, similar to that of an upset puppy of sorts. "There can't be that many rumors. What do you think I'm doing, writing a letter on each bit of paper? How ridiculous do you think I am Wends."
"Maybe I exaggerated slightly." Wendy offhandedly said before pressing on. "But— ugh. You're so transparent Stan. You probably only want this list made for selfish reasons. And do you know what will happen when you find out?"
"What." Stan sneered, unimpressed.
Wendy's eyes narrowed onto Stan's. "You'll hear one rumour and then drink yourself into a paralytic state because of these rumors. Then one of us will have to listen to your nonsensical prattle down the phone or in person because of your ridiculous ideas."
"…I don't prattle…" Stan sunk back against the step and attempted to hide himself behind Kyle, arms folded across his chest. It was a pathetic comeback, but it was the best he could do with a bruised ego.
"You're impossible." Wendy seethed while she rolled her eyes. Kenny rested his hand on her shoulder to offer reassurance, which she shrugged off. "Don't."
"Jeez, alright." Kenny chuckled, and he held his hands up defensively before resting them in his lap once more.
Silence fell over the four of them. Kenny and Wendy were quietly talking among themselves about something only their ears could make out. Stan had taken his phone out of his coat pocket to scroll aimlessly through his Twitter feed in an attempt to find something interesting to tweet about. Subconsciously, his free hand had managed to find its way to Kyle's own hand, and loosely clung onto his palm with three of his fingers and his thumb. Without a second thought, Kyle promptly, but gently, squeezed Stan's hand and let it rest there.
"…Okay." Kyle broke the silence, taking a deep breath. "What if we just found out why people think Stan and I are dating, and make a list of that instead?"
Kyle wouldn't call it giving in to Stan's idea. Instead, it was more along the lines of adapting it so it worked better…ish.
Kyle reasoned it through the method of science. Scientists collected data, performed analysis on the data, and came up with theories on how to solve the problem at hand. It was a completely logical method of doing things, and if they compiled a list of reasons why people thought they were dating compared to who seems to think that…then they could gain something from the list. Though Kyle stood by his argument that they shouldn't find out the specifics of the rumors. That would only get messy.
Wendy spoke up next, obviously bewildered by Kyle's sudden change of heart. "Don't tell me you're actually agreeing with this nonsense Kyle."
"I'm not. Listen. We could make lists— different lists. People who think we're dating and why they think we are— I don't know. You and Bebe are the experts at this stuff." Kyle mused. He attempted to gesture over at Wendy with the hand Stan was currently holding, and yanked Stan's arm in the process. "Oh— shit. Sorry dude."
Stan pulled his hand away, his cheeks turning the slightest shade of pink. "It's fine dude. Fucking hurt though."
"You're not dragging me into this. Or Bebe." Wendy's voice was deadpan, and blunt. "Especially when you're giving everyone a reason to think you're dating."
"Look, we always hold hands. That doesn't mean we're dating." Stan retorted oversensitively, and Kyle eagerly nodded his head in agreement. "But, uh, if you don't help us Wends, we won't make a list that…pleases and sparkles?"
Kyle shot Stan a weird look. "Pleases and…sparkles?"
Stan grimaced. "It's a girl thing. You…don't wanna know."
"I'm not the senior list maker. That's Bebe. I can't help you unless she agrees." Wendy sighed, clearly not a fan of this idea.
"So, we just ask Bebe then, right?" Stan chirped, looking anxiously from Wendy to Kyle. "Right?"
"Actually, I don't want to get Bebe involved." There was a bitterness to Kyle's voice as he spoke. "The last time she made a list involving me, she lied about it and almost shot one of us on the school roof."
"It was a one-time thing Kyle. Bebe is a very good list maker." Wendy pointedly said.
Kyle shrugged. "That doesn't make me feel any better."
"Yer should jus' go on an' help them Wendy." Kenny snaked his arm around Wendy's waist, the faintest of grins present on his lips as he pulled her a couple inches closer to him. "Do it fer me."
"I'll do it because I want to." She retorted crudely, adjusting her posture so she was more comfortable now her body was pressed against Kenny's. "But…fine. I'll see what I can do."
"Yes!" Stan automatically yelled. Once he realized his sudden exclamation, his cheeks turned the shade of Wendy's pink beret. "I mean, uh— thanks Wendy. We appreciate it."
"Don't." She bluntly stated.
"Maybe this here list will make yer realize yer gone hankerin' over each other." Kenny sniggered, his usual grin turning into a playful, but belittling smirk.
Kyle sighed somewhat overdramatically while slamming his gloved hand against the mental banister of the staircase. He firmly gripped it, wrapping his fingers tightly around the holding, and reeled his upper body towards Kenny. "I'm not 'hankering' over Stan. This list is being made so we can prove the rumors wrong. Not end up in bed together, in love, and having just fucked. Neither of us are gay to start—"
Wendy couldn't hold back a scoff. "Excuse me. But Stan…"
"I'm not! Okay!? It was one time, during middle school. It didn't mean anything."
Awkward silence hung in the air for a couple of moments, before Kyle decided to break it.
"I'm…not sure if I want to know." He said uncomfortably before pressing on. "But as far as I know, neither of us are gay. Sleeping in the same bed, holding hands, and— I don't know? Hugging? Best friends do that. There are no ulterior motives like people think there are."
"Wrong, fags go an' there do that." Kenny smirked at Kyle, waiting for his explosive response.
"Kenny you're not helping!" Kyle roared, a loud huff escaping from his nose. Before any of them had the chance to say something clever, or something in defence, the warning bell sounded, signalling five minutes before the next lesson started.
Begrudgingly, not another word was said on the topic, and the four teenagers prepared to head back to class.
That's the end of the first chapter! I won't be putting author notes at the beginning of the chapter from now on – unless absolutely necessary. So my comments will be found at the end of the chapter.
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