I don't fit in at home. In my family, almost everyone is doctors.
"Mother! Mother…?" Fuuka ran into the house. "Today, in the art class at school, the teacher complimented me!"
"Fuuka," Mother said. "Math tutoring starts next week. Don't forget that."
That's it. There was no praise and she was used to it. What about her? It was not about her. It was about her grades. Her parents were not doctors. They expected a lot from her, and so she tried to meet their standard.
Only I am not interested in being one.
"Mother, I got top five on the Math test!" Fuuka said. She worked hard on it and she was proud.
"What about the other subject?"
Fuuka paused. Those subjects were the same. It was okay, but okay was not enough.
"It's to be expected you got a good score on Math, since I spend quite a lot of money for that Math tutoring. The prep class is next month. Don't skip."
Her mother wanted her to get good grades. Fuuka could understand that, but...
"Why are you not reading books? What are you doing?"
"I'm… um… cooking…" Fuuka wanted to try new things. Sometimes they didn't approve.
"What a waste of food. You're wasting time. Go back to your room."
And Fuuka accepted it, that her parents had wants, and that her own wants were unwanted.
I want to find something only I can do.
She also expected a lot about herself. She wanted to do many things, though everyone around her forced screws and wires out of her hand, and they shoved medicines and books into her head.
"That…! That is…"
Her mother was holding an experiment of her. Fuuka tried to make a small robot. "Oh, is this for your school project or something?"
Fuuka quickly shook her head. It was a hobby. She watched her father worked and technologies were fascinating, magical. It was not related to her grades.
"Then it's worthless, these scraps of metal. Don't play around with things like these. Do you want to end up like your father?"
"Sorry," Fuuka said, but she wasn't sorry. What's so wrong? Why was she at fault for doing something she loves? Because it wasted her time. Because that was not what they wanted. Fuuka had self taught technologies and answered people in the forum. At least she could help other people that way, people who could do what she couldn't.
I want people to be happy.
Home started to be stressful. She tried to be more outgoing at school.
"Could you explain this picture?"
Dread overwhelmed her as her mother held up a phone. It was showing a picture of her with her friend, and it made her mother mad. If she was not studying, her mother got mad. "I… I went cosplaying… at the music festival."
"I told you to study! Your Science grade drops, right? You could do better than this, Fuuka"
"I'm sorry." And again, Fuuka wondered. She wondered what was expected out of her. Where was the boundary? What's her limit?
"State the seventh rules of this house."
"Do not come home later than 6 PM…"
"And, what time is it?"
"Six twenty-five."
"You know what to say."
"I am sorry. It won't happen again." Fuuka hated how her apology slipped out of her mouth so easily. She wasn't wrong. She had never been… But they were unhappy. They weren't satisfied. They never will.
I want my parents to be proud…
"Why are you so picky? Stop crying! Can't you be just like everyone else?"
Fuuka cried and cried. She didn't get it. Why was it happening? Is she the wrong one after all?
"You use computer too much."
I'm sorry.
"Don't buy these useless cooking magazines."
It is my fault.
"Throw these wires away."
Sure.
"Going to the strip mall is a waste of time. Just stay in your room and read books."
Okay.
I want people to understand me.
Yes.
I am sorry.
It is my fault.
It won't happen again.
Sorry.
Is it too much to ask?
I am Fuuka Yamagishi. I go to Gekkoukan High School.
What's your favorite color? You like computer, don't you? What subject do you like?
I forgot that long ago.
What restaurant do you like the most? Who's your best friend?
My opinions are not important.
Who are you?
I am Fuuka Yamagishi.
… What am I doing…?
I want to make people happy. I want to make this world a better place.
She couldn't do it with her family still towering over her, and so she left her house and stayed in a dorm. It felt like betraying her family.
Fuuka enjoyed writing fanfic. She explored the relationship between characters and gave them complex personal problems. Humans were complex themselves. She believed she was good at reading people, and everyone has their own reasons.
"At least, all these technologies give me something to feel good about." Fuuka managed to make her own headphones and she was proud of that.
But she never forgets. She remembered what they said, what they felt, their thought, their expectation. She tried to make people happy and it made her tired. People betrayed her. No one cared, so she tried to be alone for that. She didn't want to be the center of attention. So, she waited. Someday, she might find someone good. Someone who understands.
I want to know there are people who need me.
And she felt bad. Fuuka wondered if she was selfish. If she was a burden.
Still, she kept living with a tiny hope.
A/N: Poor Fuuka. Taken from Strength is for Koromaru chapter 38, Not Just a Rice Ball Loli, and I gave it more details.