"I want to die."

I lost count of how many times I thought about it. Every single day. As of young, I didn't have much of a presence in class. Prior to becoming friends with Cait's group, I didn't have any to call my own and barely spoke to anyone. I considered Caitlyn and myself as 'fakes', as both of us distanced ourselves from others, were often irritated by someone's behaviors and had trust issues.

This stemmed from my abusive household, as I believed that if I numbed my emotions, my mother couldn't inflict any more pain onto me. I often dreamed of escaping my cruel life and living on in a world far away from society where I could be free. There was one time in primary school, where we had to write down our dreams for the future. This is what I wrote:

"When I get bigger, big enough to go somewhere by myself, I want to go to a land that's far away. I want to go to a faraway world. I want to go to an island that has no people. I want to go to an island that has no pain or sadness. On that island, I can climb a tree when I want to climb, swim in the sea when I want to swim, and sleep when I want to sleep. When I think about the town without me, I feel a sense of relief. I want to go far, far away."

When I was ten years old, my mother committed suicide because of me. Because I had the same eyes as my father who repeatedly beat her down, and became psychically unstable. When father wasn't home, she let out her anger on me, because I reminded her of him. How many times did I go to school with ugly bruises on my body? I can't tell. After her death, I was sent to an orphanage.

Nothing really changed until I got adopted by Maria and Nicolas White. They gave me everything I didn't have, trying to give me a better childhood. They became the first people that mattered to me. I found myself undeserving such good parents because I was broken from the start, beyond repair. But I didn't want to let their efforts go to waste.

I gave them the daughter they truly deserved on the outside while in the inside, I was slowly dying, drowning in my own darkness, fading away. I always put up a happy front around my friends and family, I hid my true feelings often and was incredibly depressed over myself.

The only thing that prevented me from killing myself anytime soon was my addiction for anime, depressing music, and most importantly my love for 'Dragon Age'. A dark fantasy role-playing video game series created by BioWare.

I was obsessed with it. It helped me escape from reality. I spent hours alone in my room playing through the games over and over again. I started to hate myself. Cassandra Pentaghast was my favorite character. Every time, I ended up romancing her in the game. I wanted to be like her: a strong, vigilant woman with unshakeable willpower and faith. But, it only showed me how weak I was in comparison to her, crushing my hopes in an instant.

When I turned eighteen, things got rough. I seemed to get crushed under the world's pressure. The reality was like a nightmare until I couldn't take it anymore. I was ready to commit suicide.

It was the 10th of September, my birthday when I decided to die. I left a note for my parents on my desk, so they could find little solace from my death or even peace. I poured all my emotions into the letter, in hopes it would reach them. They didn't deserve someone like me. I was on the roof of an abandoned building, with my phone and the old letter from my childhood. I was dressed in my favorite clothes, ate my favorite food, drank my favorite drink, so I could leave this world for good. It was a beautiful night. The stars were enlightening the clear night sky. I looked up as if looking for someone. Then I started speaking everything off my heart.

"I am so sorry... mother and father. You were always so kind to me, so loving, all for me. I thank you for everything you've done for me. I-... Oh, God... I should have opened up more to you. But-... I was afraid to tell you of my feelings, afraid... I was always so afraid. I believed my feelings are only a burden to others. That was the beginning of my depression." Emotions clogging my voice, tears freely streaming down my cheeks like a waterfall.

"I am a waste of life. If I would trade my life for some ill kids who are dying young in the hospital. I would to it, without hesitation. Because they deserved to live, unlike me." My gaze was still fixed on the sky when a shooting star appeared.

"I am a dreamer. Someone who doesn't fit in this world. I am better off dead. If there is a God in this world... I have only one wish." I stopped for a moment, carefully reconsidering my next choice of words. I knew that it was selfish of me to ask anything from God and that I already threw away the greatest gift He gave us.

"I want to go to a land that's far away. I want to go to a faraway world. I want to go to Thedas that has humans, qunari, dwarves, and elves. I want to go to a Thedas that was created by my mind. On that Thedas, I can do everything I want. I am omnipotent yet not a god. I want to be there and watch from the sidelines as everything ages, but not me. And when the time arrives, I will welcome death as an old friend. When I think about this world without me, I feel a sense of relief. I want to go far, far away."

Were my last words before I jumped off the edge of the building. Falling into my death. As soon as I hit the ground, there was nothing just darkness, my consciousness fading away until a voice woke me up.

"Oh you poor soul, which had never seen the true day of light." said the unknown person in a soft voice.

"Your wish shall be fulfilled, my child. But, to one condition."

"Use the power given to you to do only good. Save those who are getting swallowed by the darkness, repair those who are broken, heal those who are hurt. Never once are you allowed to take someone's life even if they deserve it. Show the world that there is light even in the impenetrable darkness if one only remembers to kindle it."

"I am not sure If I can. I am weak and broken, how can I save someone when I couldn't even save myself?" I protested, my mind unsure.

"Yes you can, my child. It's because of that experience, that you are capable to understand one's pain, you look at people with sympathy, not rejection or disgust." Surprised by the person's comforting words, nobody has ever said something like that to me.

"But... how?" Still doubting, I still didn't get it.

"Just be you." the soft voice replied right away. The whole time, I was hiding my true self, how can I bring it forth now? Do I even know my true self anymore? There was a silence between us before the soft voice appeared once more.

"This is where we part, my child. Remember the words you have been told, and if you happen to forget it... Don't worry, just look at your back. Now, open your eyes, my child..." I did as told, and once I opened my eyes, panic flooded my mind.

"And fly." The last words were like a faint whisper.

I was high in the sky, surrounded by fluffy clouds. Trying not to get a heart attack.

Greetings, my dear readers! It's you're dear author speaking! I know it's short, but I somehow had this sudden surge of new content, and I wanted to post it if you might like it. Anime fans might have noticed that some words are familiar. It's true and I won't deny that this story was inspired by animes like Orange, Erased, etc. So mostly anime with a sad story. Nevertheless, thank you for your support and feel free to review!

PS: I fear I might not be able to post new content for my first ongoing story 'Dark Hero' as well as this, so please be patient with me. Life hasn't been easy on me, and school is calling so sorry for some delay. Thank you for your understanding! Love' ya all *