teh bibble
Beyonce upon a soup kitchen, there was such a clatter. The clatterest clatter of them all that was so clatter, Jesus had to sleep on the couch, it was just too clattery.
"Abel," said Jesus, "Whyset hast thou created such a clatter? Thoust clatter hast created a mighty clusterfuck."
"Yes, Jesus," declared Abel, "Nothing surpasses your ears." Abel was a sassy motherfucker, and a terrible, horrible, no good, rotten roommate.
That stinky Abel thought he had gained the upper hand over his lord and savior, but little did he know that he was about to get his metaphorical little assbutt shanked. Jesus whips out his flip phone, (that is sooooo out of date, thought Abel) and dials the dreaded number 666.
"Yes, good morrow, Uncle Satan," Jesus spoke. Abel seriously began regretting that bowl cut; Satan will be so disappointed in his choices of hair cuts.
"Uncle Lucy, sir, we got ourselves a little bitch right here. Sinner keep tryin ta front~" He whines to the dark lord of the underworld.
"!Jeeeeeeeezuz, my little bitch baby nephew," Satan wheezed, " Why must you call me on my celly at this hour?! Tis 3 pm in the noon it tis. I never rise before 5! Hell, I never rise at all, fuck dat shit!"
"Uncle!" Exclaimed Jesus in his very best Prince Zuko voice, "I need the wordz. I need da worddzzzzzzZZZz!"
"Well FACk," Abel mind farted mentally. His shit would be wrecked like a wrecking ball!
"Jesus my boy," Satan replied, "Stop being a bitch ass poser and a ratchet ass hoe."
"Bu-bu-bu-buTTtt SATANUNCLESIR! Abel got himself a fuckin bowl-cut and fatherlord wont do anaythaaaaaaang. It's juuuuuust sooooo terrifying. I just want to die and not get resurrected in 3 days." The holiest of holy tears streamed down the son of God in the holiest way they could.
"Fouck yOU SCHIENCE!1!1!" The sun of the lorde screamed as he dove his righteous hand into the vanishing cabinet and triumphantly withdrew it with a pair of fucking scissors. He promptly severed his own toe and drew a dick on the floor with his own blood, then threw the rest of the flesh at Abel.
"FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SACRED!EEEHHHH! FUUUUUCK EVOLUTION!1! FUCK YO BOWL-CUT ABEL, THAT SHIT AIN'T KOSHER." On that last word a hoard of choir boys swarmed out of Jesus H. Christ'ssssss mouth. Singing the holy hymn of God, the boys continued to shaaaave Abel's bowl-cut. Moonsickness. Abel's high pitched scream woke his brother Cain from his slumber. Jesus was half (lol Marco) way down with the shave when he saw Cain take a hair dryer and smack Abel's left nipple, killing him on contact. Jesus was horrified because he hadn't finished his precious work.
Caaaaaaain went back to bed. Satan began to masterbate to cat videos on youtube. Up in heaven, God regretted his whole life.
And that's the story of how Cain killed Abel. Amen motherfuckerbitchbless.
The End